Colourful Noises

[miss_marshy]

 
City noises echo so loudly, 
bouncing off every tall withered building at night.
Where lights glitter so bright, 
along with stars that glow above me.

Pathways filled with faded prints of people trodding, running, standing alone, together.
Ashes scattered along the ground, gravel streets.
Graceful music played by hungry hearts, tattered clothing in

Comments

[michaelgriffith]

You have some real poetic skills Rhiannon... but they need a little taming, pruning.... Let me give me a version of how you might do this. Here is your stanza and my version:

YOUR VERSION

Pathways filled with faded prints of people trodding, running, standing alone, together.
Ashes scattered along the ground, gravel streets.
Graceful music played by hungry hearts, tattered clothing in empty parks.

MY VERSION

Pathways filled with faded prints
People in groups or all alone
standing treading, running,
Ashes scattered, gravel streets.
Graceful music from hungry hearts,
tattered clothes in empty parks.