(no subject)
Here we go...
*sigh...
Glen...has lied too me for half a year...he has had a girlfriend that cheats on him lies too him...puts him down in front of his *friends*...that he told me he didnt have...he told me he loved me...that i was * the one for him*...told me i made him happy...he made me happy..now he makes me bleed and it isnt stoping...so im goin too say. why? it isnt coz im fat it isnt coz im ugly but i feel that way...he says im too negative about myself...he says i dont see whats inside myself...that im a gorgeous person and now. he has said that he is leaving my life and he wants nothing too do with me at all pretty much....whys this? coz he has a gf?...i dnt know last night he was tellin me he trusts me with his heart that he doesnt feel much for his gf coz he actually loves me...i dnt know what too feel or think...im upset with him that he lied but deep down in my own heart i forgive him for all he put me through...all the nights i cried myself too sleep...the days i spent worried and stressed about how he was that day...all that doesnt matter nemore coz this is the end he said. the end!...he tried too kill himself...in a coma for 2 days he was...and here i was tired waiting for a fonecall saying he would be fine...he was fine...now im not now i wish it was me in that coma...now im the one with scars and bloody arms...and a tummy full of guilt and i did nothing so why do i feel this way?...love... i care too much about everyone else and not about myself enough...im a caring wonderful person that never hurts anyone...and im always the one in the end feeling a million times worse then they did...all these tiny things add up dont they...yes they do...amye scared me tonight saying i was gonna be alone...maybe she is right...ive never had a relationship and wheneva i try it gets fucked over by another gurl...im addicted too feel happy feeling that floating feeling of being wanted and loved and cared about...jacob left me for another gurl...daniel just left...now this...i have a pattern cranking.
Im done talking with him...im done with everything...some people that read this may be worried but please dont be...coz ill be fine...in time ill be fine...i think truley my heart is bruised...i dunno i just want too die to badly...i want the pain too stop...i dont know how too stop myself from doing these things...i honestly thought id found the right person too make me happy...who loves me and wants too be with me more then anything in this world...i was soo wrong...im scared to be near my fone...i know ill call him or msg him...and i shouldnt be the one chasing him i did nothing wrong...and im the one feeling like shit...my arm is killing me its bleeding so much and something in my head is telling me too stop it but i cant...i dont want it too...my eyes are burning from crying...i dont want too see people i dnt know if ill go too skool tomorrow...maybe i will maybe ill leave early...i dont know what else to write im gonna head off...and sit here and stare at the screen...
I just want everyone too know how much i love them and i know i dont show it often but i do i really do...but see all this^^^^ is what makes me scared too death of people...im babbling...