Thrill -- Miss_Sanguine

[miss_sanguine]

Author: Miss_Sanguine
Title: Thrill
Character(s): Ursa
Rating: T
Warning(s): Animal death involved.
Disclaimer: Bryke and Nick own Avatar.
Author's Notes: Little something for LJ Avatar_500's prompt "Light". Certain words were used subliminally to address Ursa's coming predatory actions, like "crouch". Symbolism in Azula appearing at the end. Came up

Comments

[likeacliche]

THIS ONE IS SAD D:

But the start of this one did grab my attention so GOOD JOB <3 And the ending was fantastic. I don't ...really have anything to complain about in this one. o_o Although!

"By the look of the crimson smears in the grass, the baby had been attacked only a few hours ago when the sun had still been hidden behind the mountains."

How exactly is the blood supposed to tell that? You don't tell and so it feels confusing. Were they still wet? You also could have added something like maybe the blood on the grass revealed that it had been dragged along small distance or something. Or maybe that's too much? Hm...

HAH I knew I'd find something if I looked long enough. This is so weird though cause I really don't normally think like this. I just enjoy the story for the good story that it is and ignore the little mistakes. BUT IF YOU WANT CRITIQUE THEN I'M GONNA PICK IT TO THE BONE.

The End (:

[miss_sanguine]

Where have you been all my life?

Isn't critiquing fun?

OKAY. As discussed on Skype, changing it to "The glossy crimson smears in the grass told her the baby had been attacked only a few hours ago when the sun had still been hidden behind the mountains." OR SOMETHING OF THE LIKE.

And because I don't want to forget the hilarity:

Ursa bends over and sniffs the bloody grass. -SNIFF SNIFF- Hm... STILL FRESH.

[likeacliche]

Oh, I've been around, you know. It's just not until last night that you discovered how I am a load of sheer genius.

And LOLOLOLOLOLOL Also do you realize that you typed that it the horrid present tense? XDD

[miss_sanguine]

No. It's just that it wasn't until that night that you decided to actually give me what I was looking for. EVERY TIME I GAVE YOU A BIT OF MY WORK I WANTED A CRITIQUE LIKE THIS. xD

Yes, I typed that in present tense. Present tense makes silly, non-real situations even funnier. : B

[dr_abraxas]

ooo, now that is dark and twisted! the seeds of Azula were planted by Ursa (and Ozai) of course.

[miss_sanguine]

Muahaha. I guess the inner workings of my mind are dark and twisted because I trend to do better with dark stuff than I do happy stuff. xD

Thanks for the comment. :3