I've had an epiphany
So, I've been seriously stressing out about my future. Where I'll work next year, and in two years, and in ten years...
I went to a spa today, because my friend had a gift certificate and wanted me to go with her. I agreed to go before I lost my job, so my friend split the cost of my ticket with me, but it was still kinda pricey. So, what was Crystal thinking when she was getting a back massage with wonderfully smelling lotions? She was thinking, "I really shouldn't be spending this kind of money." And, you know... It's one thing to be wise with how you spend your money, but it's another thing to not be able to just CHILL OUT.
And listen to me; I sound like a spoiled brat. (Waaaa! I couldn't enjoy my day at the spaaa! Lifesuxerz11!) But, seriously, I've never done something like that before. And really... REALLY, I needed to relax.
The truth is, I've been praying for the last week for some kind of direction. I don't know, maybe I was expecting God to send me an itinerary.
- Crystal's Life -
2006 : Work at X company
2007-2009 : Work at Y school district
-- August, 2007 : Meet future husband, named -----
-- February, 2008 : Move into own apartment in Z City
2010 : Travel back to Thailand... Live there for 5 years
etc...
But, no. I guess it doesn't work that way. I did, however, come to the following conclusion. It might not mean much to you if you don't believe in God (but I love you, anyway) and even if you do believe in God, you might say, "Really, Crystal? You're only just figuring this out?"
I will be what God has purposed me to be, and I will do what God has purposed me to do.
Right now, in this moment, I'm where I was meant to be. In the same way that I believe I went to a jr college for two years, instead of going to my school of choice, so that I would have the opportunity to meet the best friends I've ever had, I believe I was meant to lose my job. Why? Maybe so I'd start praying seriously again. Maybe so I'd start trusting God more. I think it will be clear to me in a year or two. On Monday, if I get a job, then that's where I should be. If not, then there's something else for me. I don't have to have everything all figured out, and everything doesn't have to work out perfectly in my mind.
I don't know how else to say it, but I feel more peaceful than I have in a very long time. I wasn't trying to make it happen, but I think my faith just got stronger.