Bitter irony, while procrastinating, I happened upon this.
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Pretty nervous and ashamed about even posting this, but badly needed to vent, and I really can't ignore or rationalize it anymore, and really, it's no secret by now anyway.
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from http://www.mepcoeng.ac.in/scienceforum/psycology/psyhelp/chap4/chap4r.htm
The Tense-Afraid Type
The tense-afraid type of procrastinator is described by Fiore (1989) as feeling overwhelmed by pressures, unrealistic about time, uncertain about goals, dissatisfied with accomplishments, indecisive, blaming of others or circumstances for his/her failures, lacking in confidence and, sometimes, perfectionistic. Thus, the underlying fears are of failing, lacking ability, being imperfect, and falling short of overly demanding goals. This type thinks his/her worth is determined by what he/she does, which reflects his/her level of ability. He/she is afraid of being judged and found wanting. Thus, this kind of procrastinator will get over-stressed and over-worked until he/she escapes the pressure temporarily by trying to relax but any enjoyment gives rise to guilt and more apprehension.... It also has a debilitating effect on their personal life and relationships. Since they are uncertain about their goals they often feel awkward when with people who are confident and self-aware; in turn they often fall into depression. They tend to withdraw from social life and they often avoid contact, even with close friends.
[One] version of the anxiety-based procrastinator is afraid of failing. (1) Of course, if we are self-critical and feel inferior, we will avoid doing many things, especially competitive activities. Not trying is a form of failure but not as painful as actually trying and failing. (2) If you have set very high or impossible goals--like a perfectionist, you are likely to feel overwhelmed. Perhaps that is why, strange as it seems, perfectionistic procrastinators often have low confidence in their ability. By procrastinating, such a person avoids, for the moment, the dreaded expected failure (and guarantees doing poorly in the long run). (3) If you dread finding out just how able you are (and having others find out too!), it might seem wiser to put off putting yourself to the test than to run the risk of trying one's best and only being average. This is especially crucial if you believe a person is more worthwhile and lovable if he/she is real smart or talented. Procrastination, in this special case, may enable us to believe we are superior in ability (while another part of us fears being inferior), regardless of our performance. So, as you can see, procrastination may strengthen a person's feelings of inferiority or superiority.
Procrastination is the fear of success... Because success is heavy, it carries a responsibility with it, it is much easier to procrastinate and live on the "someday I'll..." philosophy. -Denis Waitley
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Earlier it also mentions that chronic procrastination can be a sign of something physiologically or psychologically more serious, which worries and shames me to no end. But procrastination is forever the norm, never the exception, for me. As long as I've ever been in school, I've been torturing myself with this fucked up half-life of no end of stress, sleeplessness, guilt, and embarrassment. And it's gotten to the point where I'm doubting my chances for success in grad school and beyond as a result, so. I need some big help.
.
.
Pretty nervous and ashamed about even posting this, but badly needed to vent, and I really can't ignore or rationalize it anymore, and really, it's no secret by now anyway.
----------------------------------------------------
from http://www.mepcoeng.ac.in/scienceforum/psycology/psyhelp/chap4/chap4r.htm
The Tense-Afraid Type
The tense-afraid type of procrastinator is described by Fiore (1989) as feeling overwhelmed by pressures, unrealistic about time, uncertain about goals, dissatisfied with accomplishments, indecisive, blaming of others or circumstances for his/her failures, lacking in confidence and, sometimes, perfectionistic. Thus, the underlying fears are of failing, lacking ability, being imperfect, and falling short of overly demanding goals. This type thinks his/her worth is determined by what he/she does, which reflects his/her level of ability. He/she is afraid of being judged and found wanting. Thus, this kind of procrastinator will get over-stressed and over-worked until he/she escapes the pressure temporarily by trying to relax but any enjoyment gives rise to guilt and more apprehension.... It also has a debilitating effect on their personal life and relationships. Since they are uncertain about their goals they often feel awkward when with people who are confident and self-aware; in turn they often fall into depression. They tend to withdraw from social life and they often avoid contact, even with close friends.
[One] version of the anxiety-based procrastinator is afraid of failing. (1) Of course, if we are self-critical and feel inferior, we will avoid doing many things, especially competitive activities. Not trying is a form of failure but not as painful as actually trying and failing. (2) If you have set very high or impossible goals--like a perfectionist, you are likely to feel overwhelmed. Perhaps that is why, strange as it seems, perfectionistic procrastinators often have low confidence in their ability. By procrastinating, such a person avoids, for the moment, the dreaded expected failure (and guarantees doing poorly in the long run). (3) If you dread finding out just how able you are (and having others find out too!), it might seem wiser to put off putting yourself to the test than to run the risk of trying one's best and only being average. This is especially crucial if you believe a person is more worthwhile and lovable if he/she is real smart or talented. Procrastination, in this special case, may enable us to believe we are superior in ability (while another part of us fears being inferior), regardless of our performance. So, as you can see, procrastination may strengthen a person's feelings of inferiority or superiority.
Procrastination is the fear of success... Because success is heavy, it carries a responsibility with it, it is much easier to procrastinate and live on the "someday I'll..." philosophy. -Denis Waitley
----------------------------------------------------
Earlier it also mentions that chronic procrastination can be a sign of something physiologically or psychologically more serious, which worries and shames me to no end. But procrastination is forever the norm, never the exception, for me. As long as I've ever been in school, I've been torturing myself with this fucked up half-life of no end of stress, sleeplessness, guilt, and embarrassment. And it's gotten to the point where I'm doubting my chances for success in grad school and beyond as a result, so. I need some big help.