the clapping song

[missfrost]

Brief Friday afternoon question. After hearing yesterday about the break up of a 15+ year long relationship, I had a large outburst of cynicism, and a debate at work concluded that the only lifelong relationships most of us have known are those of older people - grandparents mainly. But it was pointed out that that 'was a different generation

Comments

[returntosender]

Big question! I do think relationships require a lot more work than people realise. I think a lot of people are just lazy. I hope I don't get too lazy after seven and a half years...

[ursarctous]

Hmm. Hmmmmmmmmmmmm.

I think it's a good thing that these days people have more options and don't have to worry so much about being shunned by society for daring to leave an unhappy or unhealthy relationship. Maybe there are some people who use this as an excuse to give up on things that they ought to simply work a little harder at, but it's still much, much better this way.

[icecoldinalex]

I'm a cynic, I believe anyone could and should walk at any time - i hope they don't, but minds change.

I don't really have a lot of faith in folks, which is weird given that my parents are still together.

But our generation is better off, I think. Selfishness is just a puritan construct to stop people being happy!

Selfishness is just a puritan construct to stop people being happy!

[barrysarll]

I more or less agree with this. There are extremes of selfishness which are problematic, but considering one's own happiness as a priority, rather than the sole and supreme priority, is no bad thing.

[dreamingofme]

I don't know the answer, but it is an interesting question and one I was thinking about the other day. At my nan's funeral they spoke about how my grandparents met at 17 and were 'soulmates' - not a term i necessarily agree with, but it was obvious they weren't only together out of convenience or habit. I guess it's often more to do with how easily you can change your circumstances/wants/needs these days though, you can probably outgrow each other more easily. Which is quite sad, I think.

[gfrancie]

Good question.
I have some family friends that are now just sixty but they have essentially been together since they were 14/15 years old. They briefly broke up when the wife went off to college but then they got back together and then took off for the west coast on his motorcycle. Eventually they got married after being together about ten years or so. Because the wife's sister pointed out that their taxes would be cheaper. I have observed their relationship for twenty-some years and they both have interests that the other one isn't into but they both admire/respect eachother for those interests and they seem genuinely interested to hear what the other person has to say. They like to be with one another.
My own theory is that people have this idea that one's partner has to provide satisfaction for every emotional outlet. Which just isnt reasonable.

[gfrancie]

Upon reflection I realized that the long/happy marriages among my relations were the same. The couple didn't have EVERYTHING in common, they had outside interests and lives but then they had wonderful partners at home who would champion what they had done. They were eachother's best friends.

[shewho]

the longest relationships within my 'family' (apart from my dad's parents - together from 18 until death did them part) are 60 year old (ish) gay couples who've been together over 30 years. without children holding them together.

i don't know what that proves.

[barrysarll]

Do you have to work at family? My mum and her sisters, for instance, all seem much happier for having severed ties to their dickhead brother. They kept trying, and he kept taking advantage, and if they'd just ditched him earlier then everyone would have been much better off. Well, except for him, and fuck him.