Glee Fic: Count Up All Your Mistakes
Title: Count Up All Your Mistakes
Characters/Pairings: Kurt, Mike, Blaine, Burt; Kurt/Blaine
Rating: PG-13
Spoilers/Warnings: through 3x06; mentions of homophobia, language
Word Count: ~6,000
Disclaimer: Title is from "Young Blood" by The Naked and Famous.
Summary: (based on this prompt from the angst meme) But in all, Mike seems to have a good, if not great friendship with everyone in glee club. Even with Artie, Tina's ex-boyfriend; they get along really well. So why does Kurt feel like Mike isn't really his friend?
A/N: Thank you to xsaturated for bringing the prompt to my attention and listening to me organize this fic. Also thank you to the people who commented on the original thread and were so supportive and kind.
Count Up All Your Mistakes
One of the first life lessons Burt ever taught Kurt was that ya can't please everyone. Burt muttered that while he was buffing the trunk of a Land Rover - not a common car brand they see at Hummel Tires and Lube - with an unnecessary amount of force. Kurt was eight, sitting on a high stool as his legs swung back and forth as he watched his dad work, a new routine as a result of his mom's death.
But Kurt is pretty sure he already knew that by then; his peers already making fun of him everyday, no matter what he did or didn't do.
It didn't matter if he forced his voice down an octave or dressed like every other blue-collar guy around him, it was - and still is - so obvious that he doesn't fit.
So his bargained designer clothes, perfectly coiffed hair, and earning good grades centered his world - friends weren't necessary, he could wait until New York for that.
That is, until he joined glee club and he found himself surrounded by these psychotic, obnoxious, strangely loving people whom he manages to call friends by the end of the year.
He never thought he'd be able to reach a point of calling Finn Hudson a proper, good brother, and rely on Puck to defend him against football and hockey players the size of small giants; it blows his mind. It makes him consider that if people get to know him, they'll get over his sexual preference and see him.
"And you can't crash tonight, Hummel," Puck says, glaring at Kurt as they stand with Finn, Mike, and Artie at Kurt's locker (how did they all congregate here again?).
Kurt raises an eyebrow as he opens his locker. "Like I'd want to. Besides, you boys were hardly decent competition."
"Who'd of thought that Kurt Hummel would be a kick ass playa?" Artie adds, his expression a mix between admiration and bitterness.
Kurt narrows his eyes, his mind whirring with reasons (the one reason) why that would be so unexpected. Even after two years of being together through all sorts of ridiculous drama, his friends still have these moments of heteronormative ignorance that drive Kurt crazy. He purses his lips at Artie in response.
"It's not 'cause your gay, dude, it's because you'd rather bake those awesome cookies or draw a Gaga outfit than shoot zombies," Finn quickly adds, a nervous smile on his face that always makes Kurt want to pat him on the back in a comforting manner.
"That is true," Kurt admits with a little chuckle.
"Good, because I don't think I can handle another beat down like that," Artie sighs with relief, a good-natured smile on his face. The other boys nod and murmur in agreement.
"Hey guys, mind if I squeeze through?"
Kurt whips his head to find Blaine slipping in between Puck and Finn in order to get to his locker. Blaine shoots Kurt a loving smile before spinning his combination.
"Hey, Blainers, how do you feel about joining us for a little gaming tonight?" Puck drawls, a smirk on his face.
Kurt rolls his eyes, pulling out the books he needs for the last two periods of the day. The only reason why Puck is asking is because the boys have discovered that Blaine is notoriously awful at most video games. The only ones that Blaine claims to have any talent in are Mario Kart and Wii Bowling, but Kurt hasn't seem him play either, so he's skeptical.
"Sorry, but the Warblers have the honor of kicking my ass tonight," Blaine responds with a knowing look in Puck's direction. The other guys laugh a little.
"Is it at Thad's house again?" Mike inquires, speaking for the first time.
"Oh, no it's not, but my car is finally done with its service, so I don't need your chauffeuring anymore, but thank you!"
Kurt looks between Blaine and Mike, somewhat confused. But before he can really ponder it, the bell rings for passing time.
"I gotta run - need to cram for Schue's Spanish test. Yo necessito uno - fuck, what's pencil in Spanish?" Puck says, butchering the accent horrifically as he walks away with Finn, who answers with, "How should I know, man, I can't even introduce myself in Spanish."
"Bye, guys," Artie says with a wave. Mike nods at Blaine and Kurt as he takes the back of Artie's chair and rolls him away.
Finally alone, Kurt turns to Blaine, who has a happy smile on his face as he empties the contents of his satchel at a slow pace. Oh right, he has a free this period, Kurt suddenly remembers.
"So…Mike gave you a ride to Thad's that day after your rehearsal?" Kurt asks, keeping his tone light.
"Yeah, it was really nice of him - he had to go to this shoe store around Thad's neck of the woods anyway."
"Huh."
"Oh, crap, I have to run - I forgot that I'm using this free period to do a math section of a practice SAT. I'll see you later, love you," Blaine blurts, his eyes apologetic as he briefly touches Kurt's arm before shutting his locker and rushing down the hallway.
Kurt furrows his brow as he closes his own locker, losing himself in his thoughts as he ponders this interesting development.
---
Kurt likes Mike - he never got involved with bullying others and he actually shared a few classes with Kurt, so he's intelligent, unlike most of the jocks. And when they were paired up for a chemistry experiment once, Mike never made any slurs or treated Kurt any differently than an acquaintance.
In fact…Mike has always treated Kurt like an acquaintance, even after two years.
Which is sort of weird, especially since Kurt considers himself to be really good friends with Tina. That's probably why I never really thought about it, Kurt considers a little over a week later as he's sitting in the choir room before Mr. Schue arrives, because I've heard so much about him through her.
But in all, Mike seems to have a good, if not great friendship with everyone in the glee club. Even with Artie, Tina's ex-boyfriend; they get along really well. So why does Kurt feel like Mike isn't really his friend?
Sure, Kurt knows what Mike did with Artie and Sam with Karofsky last year - that was amazing - but they never talk to each other in glee club, even when they happen to be sitting next to each other.
Later, Kurt's eyes are practically bugging out of his head during this "Hot for Teacher" number. This is Blaine's first time performing back up like this for anyone, which is nice, but the way he's joking around with Mike, sword-fighting with the mic stand, is really making Kurt realize that Mike must have a problem with him.
And judging from his past, there's only one reason why anyone would.
Kurt considers the events that happened in the boys' locker room last year and rationalizes that Mike's a team player - his defending of Kurt in the locker room was probably a move in order to better the glee club as a whole. But this explains why Mike hasn't attempted a real friendship with him: he's sissyphobic.
Kurt's face falls into a grimace as he politely claps when Puck finishes his number that's no doubt about Ms. Corcoran, watching as Mike says something to Blaine, making him laugh.
In fact, Kurt is so busy following Mike's movements as he gives the guitarist a high-five and says something to Quinn on the way back to his seat that he misses Blaine sitting down next to him.
"So, what did you think?" Blaine asks, still sounding a little out of breath. "I know Van Halen isn't really your kind of thing, but Mike asked if he wanted to dance with me. Hopefully I didn't look too horrible next to him."
Kurt smiles and nudges Blaine's shoulder. "If I didn't know any better, Mr. Anderson, I would say that you were propositioning me."
Blaine wiggles his eyebrows a few times before laughing in a bashful way, making Kurt wish that glee club didn't just start and they were going over to his house soon. He settles for taking one of Blaine's hands from his lap and laces it with his own.
"You're probably the only guy who can keep up with Mike. It was impressive, and I say this without bias."
"I think that's impossible," Blaine responds, but he's beaming in pride anyway.
"So…did you practice a lot with Mike?" Kurt inquires as Rachel walks to the front to sing another ballad about her undying love for Finn. He doesn't bother to hold back a roll of his eyes.
Blaine gives him look that almost makes Kurt feel guilty, but Rachel is trying to ruin his life at the moment, so the feeling disappears as quickly as it comes.
"Just this past week. I think we were both rather dazed and confused without West Side Story rehearsals," Blaine answers Kurt's question with a shrug of his shoulders.
"So…do you think you can safely say you're friends?"
"Yeah…yeah, I suppose we are," Blaine responds with such a big smile that Kurt can't possibly bring himself to talk about his theories about Mike, at least not right now.
Eventually, yes, Kurt reasons with himself because he hates keeping things from Blaine, it never feels right.
---
"Something eating at ya, Kurt?"
Kurt looks up and pauses at his picking off lint from his pants. Burt has rolled out from under a Ford pick-up, his clear eyes boring into Kurt's.
"Yes," Kurt finds himself saying, his mind rushing for ways to word his situation properly. "If…let's just say I think someone in glee club may have a…problem with my sexuality - not like, bullying me or anything," he quickly adds when he sees Burt's eyes narrow into a murderous glare and his mouth set into a scowl, "but…doesn't seem to like me because I embrace…somewhat feminine things."
"So you're saying this guy is sissyphobic or somethin'?"
Kurt bites his bottom lip for a moment before nodding once. "I know he's not a terrible person - he's really nice and Blaine likes him a lot -"
"Blaine knows about this?"
"No, no," Kurt responds, "you know him, he tries to see the best in people. He hasn't noticed."
Burt takes his time sitting up and getting to his feet to properly face Kurt. "He's not physically or emotionally bullying you, right?" he insists.
"No, it's more like…he keeps a distance between us. I don't think I've ever said more than hi, how are you to him. Also, he doesn't like my shimmy."
Burt smiles a little. "You do those a lot."
Kurt scoffs and rolls his eyes. "So what should I do? Confront him about it? Call him out?"
Burt sighs, whipping out a towel from his back pocket and cleaning his eyes on it. "What's this kid's name?"
"Mike."
Burt's eyebrows shoot up. "Mike Chang? That Asian kid who dances like he doesn't have any joints?"
"That's the one."
"Huh."
"What?"
Burt shrugs, pocketing the towel. "I met his mom at the play. Really nice woman. I find it hard to imagine that this Mike doesn't like you 'cause you're gay."
"Before glee club he was a jock, Dad. I'm sure some of their stupidity seeped into his brain."
Burt stares at Kurt for a few seconds, his expression unreadable, making Kurt a little uncomfortable. Then Burt sighs. "Well, if you want to talk to him, see what's up -politely - if you think that's best…then you should do it."
Kurt nods, hopping to his feet. "Okay, thanks Dad."
Burt reaches over to grip Kurt's shoulder, but Kurt takes a step back and says, "It's Vivienne Westwood."
Burt throws up his hands in mock surrender.
---
Kurt spends about ten minutes trying to type out a text to Mike. He shouldn't be demanding - that will scare Mike away, but he shouldn't too casual either because then Mike can possibly blow him off.
Eventually, he just settles on: Hey, Mike - are you free sometime this weekend to meet at the Lima Bean? I'd appreciate it. - Kurt
Less than twenty minutes later, right when football practice should be over, Kurt gets a response:
Sure, no problem - how does 2 on Saturday work?
Okay, so Kurt has four days to find a way to inform Blaine that his new friend is about to come clean on his sissyphobia. He winces as he sends back that's perfect - see you then.
---
Kurt absolutely despises the thought of having to potentially hurt Blaine, but on Friday afternoon, Kurt takes Blaine out for coffee at the Lima Bean, even buying him one of those fattening sugar cookies with the frosting and sprinkles on them.
"Well what did I do to deserve these?" Blaine asks with a grin on his face his hand twitching by Kurt's.
Kurt knows Blaine wants to wrap an arm around his waist, maybe pull him in for a lingering kiss on the cheek, but given their location, Kurt sneaks a quick hand squeeze before leading them to a table in the far corner where they won't be disturbed.
"What's going on?" Blaine inquires with a more serious expression on his face as they sit across from each other.
Kurt drums his fingers on his non-fat mocha and straightens out his back, a habit that he and Blaine actually share when they want to seem more confident than they actually are. "I'm going to be having coffee with Mike tomorrow afternoon."
Blaine smiles, totally clueless. "That's nice."
"Well…it's mostly so I can confront him about something."
Blaine tilts his head to the side in confusion. "About what?"
Kurt takes a deep breath, reaching out his hand to the middle of the table for Blaine to take. Once he does, Kurt answers, "I think that Mike is homophobic."
Blaine's eyes widen for a second before he exhales with an incredulous laugh, his smile not reaching his eyes. "He's far from homophobic, Kurt. What makes you think that?"
"Well, not homophobic, but I don't think he likes me because he's…because I can't pass."
Blaine furrows his eyebrows together as he considers Kurt's words. He figures out what Kurt's trying to say in a few seconds. "You think he's sissyphobic?"
Kurt shrugs, trying to give off an air that he knows what he's talking about, but seeing Blaine's face fall is making him second-guess.
"I just find that so hard to believe - he's one of the nicest guys I've ever met. And he rarely - if at all - judges anyone!" Blaine stutters, his eyes shining with disbelief and disappointment.
Kurt squeezes Blaine's hand. "I'm going to talk to him about it and just…we'll see."
"What has he done to you?" Blaine half-demands, anger seeping into his tone.
"Nothing, he hasn't been bullying me or anything. He's just…more distant with me than anyone else. It seems like he's good friend with everyone else but me. And you know how Mike is - he's like you: naturally being on good terms with everyone."
"Not everyone," Blaine corrects him softly, making Kurt feel incredibly guilty because oh right, Finn. "And I do try. But thank you."
Kurt removes his free hand from his cup so he can hold Blaine's hand with both of his. "I really hope I'm wrong, but…I just wanted to let you know. I only started figuring things out this week, I'm sorry I didn't tell you sooner -"
Blaine exhales through his nose, a pained smile on his face. "I understand. Let me know how it goes."
"I will." Kurt exhales, attempting to smile. "On a lighter topic - I like that color green on you."
Blaine glances down at his cardigan before giving Kurt a coy smile. "Yeah, it's not bad. Forgot who picked it out for me, though."
"Well he has good taste."
"He most certainly does."
---
On Saturday afternoon, Kurt walks into the Lima Bean at exactly two o'clock. After a quick scan of the café to make sure Mike isn't already here, he gets in line to order a drink. By the time he's ordering his usual non-fat mocha, Mike taps Kurt on the shoulder.
"Hey, sorry about that - a huge branch fell on Dudley Road during the storm last night and police blocked it off. Had to go the long way," Mike greets Kurt with an apologetic expression.
Kurt hands the cashier a five-dollar bill and does his best to smile properly. "It's fine. It was a bad storm, wasn't it?"
"I'm surprised a tree didn't fall on my house, to be honest. I'm just going to hop in line to get something, if you want find a table?" Mike says when the barista hands Kurt his drink.
"Sure."
Kurt walks towards the corner where Blaine and he sat yesterday, pleased to find it unoccupied. Once he sits down, he pulls out his cell phone to look busy, finding a text sent from Blaine:
Call me afterwards - I love you <3
Kurt smiles a little and sends a quick response back (I will xoxo) and pockets his phone when he sees Mike heading over to him.
"What did you get?" Kurt asks out of curiosity, seeing the string of a tea bag curled around the cup.
"Green tea fused with earl grey. I'm kind of sensitive to coffee."
Kurt smiles. "Blaine gets that way when he has anything with espresso. You can't get him to sit still for more than two minutes."
"Yeah, he told me that time you guys went to an Italian restaurant and got cappuccinos. He said he had to go on a three-mile run to burn off the energy."
It's really weird hearing a date story like that from Mike because Kurt sometimes tells stories to the girls; he assumed Blaine would maybe talk to Wes, David, or Thad about their relationship, but not anyone else in New Directions.
But that's absurd because Blaine is bound to become closer friends with McKinley kids by enrolling - so why is Kurt still surprised?
Kurt takes a deep breath, steeling himself for the inevitable. "I asked you here because I wanted to discuss something with you."
Mike's smile fades a bit as he takes the lid off his cup, tendrils of smoke rising from the tea. "I figured. What can I help you with?"
Okay, this is it. Courage, Kurt finds himself thinking because even though it's a little hokey, it really means everything to Kurt, in the end.
"I wanted to talk about why you don't seem…to like me very much."
Mike raises his eyebrows in surprise, which encourages Kurt further.
"It's just…you don't seem very interested in becoming something beyond acquaintances and I've - I wanted to ask you if it was because you were uncomfortable with me in any way?"
"I'm not 'uncomfortable' with you," Mike responds immediately, looking confused.
Kurt raises an eyebrow. "You're not uncomfortable with my penchant for clothes of the feminine variety or my high voice or…anything of the sort?"
"No," Mike stresses, his eyes wide and earnest. "I don't care how you dress or talk or…anything like that. In my point of view, you should be free to do, dress, whatever, however you want. I'm the last person to ever judge a person based on those sorts of things."
Kurt blinks in surprise. There really isn't a point in Mike lying to Kurt, so…if Mike is telling the truth…then -
"Oh," Kurt says, not knowing what else to say. "I thought -"
"You thought I was effeminophobic."
Kurt winces and nods, surprised Mike even knows the proper term.
…And now this is officially awkward.
They both take a long time drinking from their cups, avoiding each other's eyes. Now what is Kurt supposed to do? Sure, Mike may not be sissyphobic like Kurt first suspected, but that still doesn't explain why Mike isn't nearly as close to Kurt as he is to everyone else in glee club.
Well, he has nothing left to lose - might as well ask Mike directly.
"I feel like there's still a reason why you seem to have a better relationship with everyone but me," Kurt says, feeling his cheeks grow warm and he really wishes he weren't so obvious with his blushing.
Mike takes a long drink of his tea, his face expressionless, which Kurt would find impressive if he weren't so unnerved. Just when Kurt is about to lose it, Mike stares directly into Kurt's eyes.
"I don't like the way you lump all the jocks under this notion that we're all stupid and prejudice."
Kurt blinks in surprise. "What?"
"I know that a handful of the football players are nasty people - I never liked them and only talk to them when it's necessary. But there are others on the team who aren't like that, who don't slushie people in the hallway, or bully people at all. But you look down on all of them - of us - when they haven't done anything to you."
Rage rushes through Kurt's system and he takes a deep breath to prevent himself from snapping. Is Mike serious right now? "I don't remember these jocks taking a stand, or doing anything to change the system when they have the power in their tacky letterman jackets," Kurt points out.
"You know it was a lot harder before glee club," Mike says, his voice still calm, "when it was just Matt, me, and a handful of other guys who didn't partake in the bullying and wanted to do something about it."
Kurt can't hold back the delicate snort of disbelief.
Mike narrows his eyes at Kurt for the first time and frankly, this is familiar territory to Kurt - dealing with glares - and he lets himself relax in his seat.
"Before freshman year, the rising eighth graders who wanted to try out of the football team had to do a camp that was run by rising juniors and seniors," Mike starts explaining, looking down at the cup between his hands. "It was a way of scoping out talent. Stupid, since we were never going to be a good team without a good coach, but anyway," he takes a breath. "One guy was helping out and he had already graduated that spring - going to USC for football. Luke. He's still on the team there, broke a record last season. He pulled me aside to work on my throwing and we got to talk about high school and what it was like. I made some comment about how the team didn't seem very…kind. They were making fun of a lot of people - I didn't know some of them yet, obviously, but it rubbed me the wrong way."
Kurt nods, following along even though he doesn't see where Mike is trying to go with this.
"Then he told me a story about what happened last year involving another guy who was on the team," Mike says, his tone serious and quiet, making Kurt inexplicably hold his breath. "There was a kid a lot like Jacob Ben Israel: a creepy, weird dork, but he didn't have any friends. And this kid on the football team kept telling the other team members to leave him alone. Used to stand up to everyone in the hallways. He did it with everyone who was bullied, but with this kid in particular since he was bullied the worst." Mike swallows. "Eventually the team got sick of it and during a game, when his teammates were supposed to watch his back on the field, they didn't. He got hit…badly - paralyzed below the upper chest." Mike stares directly into Kurt's face. "It was a warning, Kurt. Actions have consequences."
"That's Sean," Kurt whispers, his eyes widening so much that they begin to hurt. "Finn's friend - he visits him. He -"
"I'm so sorry," Mike says, interrupting Kurt, "I'm sorry I wasn't able to do more. But it's not like you were treating them with much kindness and respect either."
"Excuse me?"
"You've never let a chance go by to insult a guy with a letterman jacket, or glare at him like you're so above everything. You assume that everyone who plays a sport is a Neanderthal. For your information, I have never received a grade below an A until last quarter." He raises an eyebrow at Kurt. "Still think we're all Neanderthals?"
Kurt feels like this conversation is just going to keep going around in circles - haven't they already covered this point already? "Well I know you're not - it doesn't explain -"
"Contrary to what you think, there is a minimum GPA requirement in order to stay on the team and with Coach Beiste leading us now, the bar is being raised in terms of academics. A lot of kids on the team have first or second honors. Don't let a few bad people color your judgment."
"Fine," Kurt says shortly, just wanting Mike to shut up about Kurt's (totally justified) treatment of some jocks. "Not all jocks are Neanderthals. What does it have to do with your not liking me?"
Mike purses his lips, like he's trying not to laugh, although his eyes are flashing with a bit of contempt. "It always has to be about you."
Kurt's jaw drops. "What? Okay," Kurt tries to laugh even though he's unable to believe what is coming out of Mike's mouth right now, "enlighten me. Please."
Mike shrugs. "Okay. Back in September when auditions were happening for West Side Story. You really didn't let Blaine feel comfortable with the idea of auditioning for Tony, did you?"
"How -"
"You weren't the only ones in the room, Kurt. That room carries voices."
Kurt blushes, scrambling to defend himself. "I didn't tell him that he couldn't audition! I would never do such a thing!"
"You might as well have with your tone. Blaine's kind of a sensitive person about that."
"Oh, so now you know my boyfriend better than I do?" Kurt inquires lightly, his fingernails digging into the palms of his hands so hard that he may just break the skin. And no, it's not because he's feeling a distinct nugget of guilt settling in the bottom of his stomach.
"It's easy to recognize that in someone when you're the same," Mike admits quietly. "Did you think I didn't notice how you were acting before you texted me about meeting?"
The nugget of guilt immediately transforms into a boulder, even though he shouldn't be feeling remorseful - he's confronting a person to understand why he doesn't like him. Doesn't he have a right to do so? It was a natural, easy mistake to assume that Mike had a problem with his sexuality when ninety-percent of Lima already does, right?
"Sometimes I don't even think you realize how manipulative you can be."
The comment snaps Kurt out of his thinking. He wants to counter it, saying he's grown up, he doesn't trick girls into looking like clowns in order to impress guys or help guys out in order to get close to them, but it's hard to do so when he thinks about West Side Story and about nudging Blaine to transfer -
"So that's it?" Kurt asks, his voice softer than he wishes it were. "I'm manipulative, I'm prejudiced, and I think too highly of myself? Those traits rub you the wrong way?"
Mike frowns. "I don't hate you, Kurt. You're not a bad person - I know you care about your dad, Finn, Blaine and glee club, but…sometimes I think you expect the world to give you what you want without having to work for it because of the way you've been treated."
Kurt feels his face forming into an ugly expression. "If you don't think I'm working hard on the campaign -"
"You are," Mike quickly says. "And I'm voting for you - I like what you're standing up for and I support you one-hundred-percent. But when you were told to do booty camp - you scoffed. Like you're the best judge of your dancing capabilities which, no offense, you aren’t. My strength - what I work towards the most - is dancing. Just like your strength resides in singing."
Kurt looks down at his drink, his tongue stuck to the roof of his mouth as he's stripped bare of his these nasty sides to him that he's not ignorant about - of course he's not - but to have someone essentially list them out for you is not the greatest feeling in the world, to be put lightly.
He's somewhat tempted to start critiquing Mike's singing since he's so good at it (Mike's voice barely has any range, it's not strong enough, needs work overall), but that's not going to get him anywhere since it's not like Mike will ever aim to having a substantial solo at any competition.
There's no point in being snappy towards Mike, who was put in an awkward position of having to defend himself and be honest at the same time.
"Well, uh…" Kurt clears his throat as delicately as he can. "Thank you for…clearing this up for me."
Mike looks so sad and guilty that it makes Kurt feel like a total and complete asshole.
Kurt thinks Mike is going to apologize or say something, but he just nods which Kurt's grateful for. "I'm going to…go," Kurt states awkwardly, getting to his feet.
Mike stands also. "Okay, yeah. I'll see you at glee club?"
Kurt tries his best to smile. "Yeah. See you then."
Maybe they should shake hands or something, but Kurt just nods and walks past him.
---
From Kurt Hummel:
Hey, Blaine, can I come over to your house in a bit?
From Blaine Anderson:
Yeah, of course - how was your talk with Mike?
From Kurt Hummel:
I'll tell you about it later - I need to process.
Kurt puts his phone into the cup holder, ignoring the buzz of another text and drives around until he can get his thoughts in order.
---
Kurt doesn't go far - he just drives around Lima twice, almost crying a few times, but he ultimately walks up to Blaine's house with dry eyes.
He only has to wait two seconds before Blaine throws open the front door, pulling Kurt into a brief but tight hug. Kurt squeezes Blaine and closes his eyes until Blaine pulls away and says, "Come in - do you want anything? Water, juice -"
"I'm fine," Kurt interrupts him, shutting the front door behind him as they walk up the stairs to Blaine's room.
Blaine always closes his bedroom door even when the house is empty, which is more often than not, and today is no exception as he leans against it, his weight pushing it shut. "What happened?" he asks softly, eyes staring straight into Kurt's.
Kurt takes a seat on the edge of Blaine's bed, folding his hands together. "Well, you were right about Mike not being homophobic - and he's not sissyphobic. He actually used the correct term - effeminophobic."
He can see Blaine's shoulders drop in relief. He's tempted to ask Blaine that if Mike actually were…would he stop being friends with Mike? Despite being one of the most mild-mannered, kindest people otherwise? Despite being Blaine's only real friend at McKinley?
"Well that's good," Blaine says neutrally.
Kurt nods. "Yeah."
After a few beats of silence, Blaine walks over to Kurt, sitting down next to him, waiting patiently for him to speak.
Kurt rests his head on Blaine's shoulder, even though it strains his neck a little to do so. "I pushed him to tell me what problem he had with me because I just had to know."
Blaine wraps an arm around Kurt, his hand lightly resting on Kurt's waist.
"He doesn't like me."
Kurt hates how his voice cracks at the end and how that phrase just makes him sound like a stupid little boy, but the sting of it is beginning to sink in; if the friendliest guy he knows (besides Blaine) doesn't like him, then how the hell does anyone else?
"I'm sure he wasn't quite so…direct," Blaine answers in a low voice.
Kurt lifts his head off Blaine's shoulder to stare at Blaine properly. "You're not surprised," he states.
Blaine looks down at the floor, his mouth pursed in thought, worrying Kurt for stupid reasons (did people confide in Blaine about how much they hated Kurt? Does he have to add paranoia to his list of traits that aren't necessarily golden?).
"I love you - you're one of the most important people in my life," Blaine states, his gaze even and calm when he finally looks back at Kurt.
Kurt nods; he never doubted it for a second. "But you can see how Mike may not care for me," he finishes for him.
Blaine's face crumples as he brings his free hand to cup Kurt's face, fingers slightly digging into his hairline, making sure he's listening. "I love everything about you - even the things that people may not like about you and the things that you're ashamed of. And even though sometimes you get on my nerves, I sometimes get on yours; we're not perfect and I would never ask you to be."
Kurt's vision becomes blurry with tears and he doesn't think he'll be able to keep them at bay for very long. He leans in and rests his forehead against Blaine's. "I'm just so used to everyone hating me for being gay and wearing the clothes that I wear and it's just -" He exhales with a small smile. "It's almost nice, in a messed up way to not be liked because of me even though it hurts more, you know? Does that…make sense at all?"
Blaine kisses Kurt softly, no doubt tasting the tears that Kurt couldn't hold back anymore. "I understand." He pulls away just so he can wipe the tears off Kurt's face.
Of course he would - Blaine gets it better than anyone.
And maybe later Kurt will go into detail about what he and Mike talked about, Blaine either agreeing or disagreeing because they value honesty above most things. Then Blaine will probably offer to do something - talk to Mike, pull away from him - because he sacrifices too much sometimes and Kurt will have to put things back into perspective. It's an awkward, strange, unfortunate situation, but Kurt will manage because if there's one thing he pride's himself on is his resilience.
---
Kurt sort of dreads going to school on Monday and bumping into Mike, but he's pretty sure they don't see each other until glee club on Mondays anyway since they don't have the same lunch, so there's no point on being nervous.
But Kurt couldn't have possibly expected Mike to be standing by Kurt's locker, tapping his feet nervously against the floor. Kurt forces himself to exhale and stand up straight as he strides over to his locker.
Mike rolls his head against the lockers to see Kurt coming towards him and pushes himself off them, a tentative smile on his face. "Hi," he says.
"Hi."
Silence.
"I just…" Mike starts, pursing his lips in a way that reminds Kurt of Blaine, which is adorable and interesting at the same time, how friends can pick up certain quirks from each other. "I don't want things to be painfully awkward, but - it's totally your call. I just wanted to know how you want to go about…this."
Kurt could probably storm away without another word and Mike would respect his decision, but instead he holds out his hand. "I think we're going to be fine."
Mike smiles and shakes Kurt's hand. "Awesome."
Kurt smiles in return, knowing that even though things are far from perfect (he doesn't want to think about how this will affect Blaine and how this entire situation is extremely delicate to begin with), he thinks he can allow himself to be a little optimistic.
Characters/Pairings: Kurt, Mike, Blaine, Burt; Kurt/Blaine
Rating: PG-13
Spoilers/Warnings: through 3x06; mentions of homophobia, language
Word Count: ~6,000
Disclaimer: Title is from "Young Blood" by The Naked and Famous.
Summary: (based on this prompt from the angst meme) But in all, Mike seems to have a good, if not great friendship with everyone in glee club. Even with Artie, Tina's ex-boyfriend; they get along really well. So why does Kurt feel like Mike isn't really his friend?
A/N: Thank you to xsaturated for bringing the prompt to my attention and listening to me organize this fic. Also thank you to the people who commented on the original thread and were so supportive and kind.
Count Up All Your Mistakes
One of the first life lessons Burt ever taught Kurt was that ya can't please everyone. Burt muttered that while he was buffing the trunk of a Land Rover - not a common car brand they see at Hummel Tires and Lube - with an unnecessary amount of force. Kurt was eight, sitting on a high stool as his legs swung back and forth as he watched his dad work, a new routine as a result of his mom's death.
But Kurt is pretty sure he already knew that by then; his peers already making fun of him everyday, no matter what he did or didn't do.
It didn't matter if he forced his voice down an octave or dressed like every other blue-collar guy around him, it was - and still is - so obvious that he doesn't fit.
So his bargained designer clothes, perfectly coiffed hair, and earning good grades centered his world - friends weren't necessary, he could wait until New York for that.
That is, until he joined glee club and he found himself surrounded by these psychotic, obnoxious, strangely loving people whom he manages to call friends by the end of the year.
He never thought he'd be able to reach a point of calling Finn Hudson a proper, good brother, and rely on Puck to defend him against football and hockey players the size of small giants; it blows his mind. It makes him consider that if people get to know him, they'll get over his sexual preference and see him.
"And you can't crash tonight, Hummel," Puck says, glaring at Kurt as they stand with Finn, Mike, and Artie at Kurt's locker (how did they all congregate here again?).
Kurt raises an eyebrow as he opens his locker. "Like I'd want to. Besides, you boys were hardly decent competition."
"Who'd of thought that Kurt Hummel would be a kick ass playa?" Artie adds, his expression a mix between admiration and bitterness.
Kurt narrows his eyes, his mind whirring with reasons (the one reason) why that would be so unexpected. Even after two years of being together through all sorts of ridiculous drama, his friends still have these moments of heteronormative ignorance that drive Kurt crazy. He purses his lips at Artie in response.
"It's not 'cause your gay, dude, it's because you'd rather bake those awesome cookies or draw a Gaga outfit than shoot zombies," Finn quickly adds, a nervous smile on his face that always makes Kurt want to pat him on the back in a comforting manner.
"That is true," Kurt admits with a little chuckle.
"Good, because I don't think I can handle another beat down like that," Artie sighs with relief, a good-natured smile on his face. The other boys nod and murmur in agreement.
"Hey guys, mind if I squeeze through?"
Kurt whips his head to find Blaine slipping in between Puck and Finn in order to get to his locker. Blaine shoots Kurt a loving smile before spinning his combination.
"Hey, Blainers, how do you feel about joining us for a little gaming tonight?" Puck drawls, a smirk on his face.
Kurt rolls his eyes, pulling out the books he needs for the last two periods of the day. The only reason why Puck is asking is because the boys have discovered that Blaine is notoriously awful at most video games. The only ones that Blaine claims to have any talent in are Mario Kart and Wii Bowling, but Kurt hasn't seem him play either, so he's skeptical.
"Sorry, but the Warblers have the honor of kicking my ass tonight," Blaine responds with a knowing look in Puck's direction. The other guys laugh a little.
"Is it at Thad's house again?" Mike inquires, speaking for the first time.
"Oh, no it's not, but my car is finally done with its service, so I don't need your chauffeuring anymore, but thank you!"
Kurt looks between Blaine and Mike, somewhat confused. But before he can really ponder it, the bell rings for passing time.
"I gotta run - need to cram for Schue's Spanish test. Yo necessito uno - fuck, what's pencil in Spanish?" Puck says, butchering the accent horrifically as he walks away with Finn, who answers with, "How should I know, man, I can't even introduce myself in Spanish."
"Bye, guys," Artie says with a wave. Mike nods at Blaine and Kurt as he takes the back of Artie's chair and rolls him away.
Finally alone, Kurt turns to Blaine, who has a happy smile on his face as he empties the contents of his satchel at a slow pace. Oh right, he has a free this period, Kurt suddenly remembers.
"So…Mike gave you a ride to Thad's that day after your rehearsal?" Kurt asks, keeping his tone light.
"Yeah, it was really nice of him - he had to go to this shoe store around Thad's neck of the woods anyway."
"Huh."
"Oh, crap, I have to run - I forgot that I'm using this free period to do a math section of a practice SAT. I'll see you later, love you," Blaine blurts, his eyes apologetic as he briefly touches Kurt's arm before shutting his locker and rushing down the hallway.
Kurt furrows his brow as he closes his own locker, losing himself in his thoughts as he ponders this interesting development.
---
Kurt likes Mike - he never got involved with bullying others and he actually shared a few classes with Kurt, so he's intelligent, unlike most of the jocks. And when they were paired up for a chemistry experiment once, Mike never made any slurs or treated Kurt any differently than an acquaintance.
In fact…Mike has always treated Kurt like an acquaintance, even after two years.
Which is sort of weird, especially since Kurt considers himself to be really good friends with Tina. That's probably why I never really thought about it, Kurt considers a little over a week later as he's sitting in the choir room before Mr. Schue arrives, because I've heard so much about him through her.
But in all, Mike seems to have a good, if not great friendship with everyone in the glee club. Even with Artie, Tina's ex-boyfriend; they get along really well. So why does Kurt feel like Mike isn't really his friend?
Sure, Kurt knows what Mike did with Artie and Sam with Karofsky last year - that was amazing - but they never talk to each other in glee club, even when they happen to be sitting next to each other.
Later, Kurt's eyes are practically bugging out of his head during this "Hot for Teacher" number. This is Blaine's first time performing back up like this for anyone, which is nice, but the way he's joking around with Mike, sword-fighting with the mic stand, is really making Kurt realize that Mike must have a problem with him.
And judging from his past, there's only one reason why anyone would.
Kurt considers the events that happened in the boys' locker room last year and rationalizes that Mike's a team player - his defending of Kurt in the locker room was probably a move in order to better the glee club as a whole. But this explains why Mike hasn't attempted a real friendship with him: he's sissyphobic.
Kurt's face falls into a grimace as he politely claps when Puck finishes his number that's no doubt about Ms. Corcoran, watching as Mike says something to Blaine, making him laugh.
In fact, Kurt is so busy following Mike's movements as he gives the guitarist a high-five and says something to Quinn on the way back to his seat that he misses Blaine sitting down next to him.
"So, what did you think?" Blaine asks, still sounding a little out of breath. "I know Van Halen isn't really your kind of thing, but Mike asked if he wanted to dance with me. Hopefully I didn't look too horrible next to him."
Kurt smiles and nudges Blaine's shoulder. "If I didn't know any better, Mr. Anderson, I would say that you were propositioning me."
Blaine wiggles his eyebrows a few times before laughing in a bashful way, making Kurt wish that glee club didn't just start and they were going over to his house soon. He settles for taking one of Blaine's hands from his lap and laces it with his own.
"You're probably the only guy who can keep up with Mike. It was impressive, and I say this without bias."
"I think that's impossible," Blaine responds, but he's beaming in pride anyway.
"So…did you practice a lot with Mike?" Kurt inquires as Rachel walks to the front to sing another ballad about her undying love for Finn. He doesn't bother to hold back a roll of his eyes.
Blaine gives him look that almost makes Kurt feel guilty, but Rachel is trying to ruin his life at the moment, so the feeling disappears as quickly as it comes.
"Just this past week. I think we were both rather dazed and confused without West Side Story rehearsals," Blaine answers Kurt's question with a shrug of his shoulders.
"So…do you think you can safely say you're friends?"
"Yeah…yeah, I suppose we are," Blaine responds with such a big smile that Kurt can't possibly bring himself to talk about his theories about Mike, at least not right now.
Eventually, yes, Kurt reasons with himself because he hates keeping things from Blaine, it never feels right.
---
"Something eating at ya, Kurt?"
Kurt looks up and pauses at his picking off lint from his pants. Burt has rolled out from under a Ford pick-up, his clear eyes boring into Kurt's.
"Yes," Kurt finds himself saying, his mind rushing for ways to word his situation properly. "If…let's just say I think someone in glee club may have a…problem with my sexuality - not like, bullying me or anything," he quickly adds when he sees Burt's eyes narrow into a murderous glare and his mouth set into a scowl, "but…doesn't seem to like me because I embrace…somewhat feminine things."
"So you're saying this guy is sissyphobic or somethin'?"
Kurt bites his bottom lip for a moment before nodding once. "I know he's not a terrible person - he's really nice and Blaine likes him a lot -"
"Blaine knows about this?"
"No, no," Kurt responds, "you know him, he tries to see the best in people. He hasn't noticed."
Burt takes his time sitting up and getting to his feet to properly face Kurt. "He's not physically or emotionally bullying you, right?" he insists.
"No, it's more like…he keeps a distance between us. I don't think I've ever said more than hi, how are you to him. Also, he doesn't like my shimmy."
Burt smiles a little. "You do those a lot."
Kurt scoffs and rolls his eyes. "So what should I do? Confront him about it? Call him out?"
Burt sighs, whipping out a towel from his back pocket and cleaning his eyes on it. "What's this kid's name?"
"Mike."
Burt's eyebrows shoot up. "Mike Chang? That Asian kid who dances like he doesn't have any joints?"
"That's the one."
"Huh."
"What?"
Burt shrugs, pocketing the towel. "I met his mom at the play. Really nice woman. I find it hard to imagine that this Mike doesn't like you 'cause you're gay."
"Before glee club he was a jock, Dad. I'm sure some of their stupidity seeped into his brain."
Burt stares at Kurt for a few seconds, his expression unreadable, making Kurt a little uncomfortable. Then Burt sighs. "Well, if you want to talk to him, see what's up -politely - if you think that's best…then you should do it."
Kurt nods, hopping to his feet. "Okay, thanks Dad."
Burt reaches over to grip Kurt's shoulder, but Kurt takes a step back and says, "It's Vivienne Westwood."
Burt throws up his hands in mock surrender.
---
Kurt spends about ten minutes trying to type out a text to Mike. He shouldn't be demanding - that will scare Mike away, but he shouldn't too casual either because then Mike can possibly blow him off.
Eventually, he just settles on: Hey, Mike - are you free sometime this weekend to meet at the Lima Bean? I'd appreciate it. - Kurt
Less than twenty minutes later, right when football practice should be over, Kurt gets a response:
Sure, no problem - how does 2 on Saturday work?
Okay, so Kurt has four days to find a way to inform Blaine that his new friend is about to come clean on his sissyphobia. He winces as he sends back that's perfect - see you then.
---
Kurt absolutely despises the thought of having to potentially hurt Blaine, but on Friday afternoon, Kurt takes Blaine out for coffee at the Lima Bean, even buying him one of those fattening sugar cookies with the frosting and sprinkles on them.
"Well what did I do to deserve these?" Blaine asks with a grin on his face his hand twitching by Kurt's.
Kurt knows Blaine wants to wrap an arm around his waist, maybe pull him in for a lingering kiss on the cheek, but given their location, Kurt sneaks a quick hand squeeze before leading them to a table in the far corner where they won't be disturbed.
"What's going on?" Blaine inquires with a more serious expression on his face as they sit across from each other.
Kurt drums his fingers on his non-fat mocha and straightens out his back, a habit that he and Blaine actually share when they want to seem more confident than they actually are. "I'm going to be having coffee with Mike tomorrow afternoon."
Blaine smiles, totally clueless. "That's nice."
"Well…it's mostly so I can confront him about something."
Blaine tilts his head to the side in confusion. "About what?"
Kurt takes a deep breath, reaching out his hand to the middle of the table for Blaine to take. Once he does, Kurt answers, "I think that Mike is homophobic."
Blaine's eyes widen for a second before he exhales with an incredulous laugh, his smile not reaching his eyes. "He's far from homophobic, Kurt. What makes you think that?"
"Well, not homophobic, but I don't think he likes me because he's…because I can't pass."
Blaine furrows his eyebrows together as he considers Kurt's words. He figures out what Kurt's trying to say in a few seconds. "You think he's sissyphobic?"
Kurt shrugs, trying to give off an air that he knows what he's talking about, but seeing Blaine's face fall is making him second-guess.
"I just find that so hard to believe - he's one of the nicest guys I've ever met. And he rarely - if at all - judges anyone!" Blaine stutters, his eyes shining with disbelief and disappointment.
Kurt squeezes Blaine's hand. "I'm going to talk to him about it and just…we'll see."
"What has he done to you?" Blaine half-demands, anger seeping into his tone.
"Nothing, he hasn't been bullying me or anything. He's just…more distant with me than anyone else. It seems like he's good friend with everyone else but me. And you know how Mike is - he's like you: naturally being on good terms with everyone."
"Not everyone," Blaine corrects him softly, making Kurt feel incredibly guilty because oh right, Finn. "And I do try. But thank you."
Kurt removes his free hand from his cup so he can hold Blaine's hand with both of his. "I really hope I'm wrong, but…I just wanted to let you know. I only started figuring things out this week, I'm sorry I didn't tell you sooner -"
Blaine exhales through his nose, a pained smile on his face. "I understand. Let me know how it goes."
"I will." Kurt exhales, attempting to smile. "On a lighter topic - I like that color green on you."
Blaine glances down at his cardigan before giving Kurt a coy smile. "Yeah, it's not bad. Forgot who picked it out for me, though."
"Well he has good taste."
"He most certainly does."
---
On Saturday afternoon, Kurt walks into the Lima Bean at exactly two o'clock. After a quick scan of the café to make sure Mike isn't already here, he gets in line to order a drink. By the time he's ordering his usual non-fat mocha, Mike taps Kurt on the shoulder.
"Hey, sorry about that - a huge branch fell on Dudley Road during the storm last night and police blocked it off. Had to go the long way," Mike greets Kurt with an apologetic expression.
Kurt hands the cashier a five-dollar bill and does his best to smile properly. "It's fine. It was a bad storm, wasn't it?"
"I'm surprised a tree didn't fall on my house, to be honest. I'm just going to hop in line to get something, if you want find a table?" Mike says when the barista hands Kurt his drink.
"Sure."
Kurt walks towards the corner where Blaine and he sat yesterday, pleased to find it unoccupied. Once he sits down, he pulls out his cell phone to look busy, finding a text sent from Blaine:
Call me afterwards - I love you <3
Kurt smiles a little and sends a quick response back (I will xoxo) and pockets his phone when he sees Mike heading over to him.
"What did you get?" Kurt asks out of curiosity, seeing the string of a tea bag curled around the cup.
"Green tea fused with earl grey. I'm kind of sensitive to coffee."
Kurt smiles. "Blaine gets that way when he has anything with espresso. You can't get him to sit still for more than two minutes."
"Yeah, he told me that time you guys went to an Italian restaurant and got cappuccinos. He said he had to go on a three-mile run to burn off the energy."
It's really weird hearing a date story like that from Mike because Kurt sometimes tells stories to the girls; he assumed Blaine would maybe talk to Wes, David, or Thad about their relationship, but not anyone else in New Directions.
But that's absurd because Blaine is bound to become closer friends with McKinley kids by enrolling - so why is Kurt still surprised?
Kurt takes a deep breath, steeling himself for the inevitable. "I asked you here because I wanted to discuss something with you."
Mike's smile fades a bit as he takes the lid off his cup, tendrils of smoke rising from the tea. "I figured. What can I help you with?"
Okay, this is it. Courage, Kurt finds himself thinking because even though it's a little hokey, it really means everything to Kurt, in the end.
"I wanted to talk about why you don't seem…to like me very much."
Mike raises his eyebrows in surprise, which encourages Kurt further.
"It's just…you don't seem very interested in becoming something beyond acquaintances and I've - I wanted to ask you if it was because you were uncomfortable with me in any way?"
"I'm not 'uncomfortable' with you," Mike responds immediately, looking confused.
Kurt raises an eyebrow. "You're not uncomfortable with my penchant for clothes of the feminine variety or my high voice or…anything of the sort?"
"No," Mike stresses, his eyes wide and earnest. "I don't care how you dress or talk or…anything like that. In my point of view, you should be free to do, dress, whatever, however you want. I'm the last person to ever judge a person based on those sorts of things."
Kurt blinks in surprise. There really isn't a point in Mike lying to Kurt, so…if Mike is telling the truth…then -
"Oh," Kurt says, not knowing what else to say. "I thought -"
"You thought I was effeminophobic."
Kurt winces and nods, surprised Mike even knows the proper term.
…And now this is officially awkward.
They both take a long time drinking from their cups, avoiding each other's eyes. Now what is Kurt supposed to do? Sure, Mike may not be sissyphobic like Kurt first suspected, but that still doesn't explain why Mike isn't nearly as close to Kurt as he is to everyone else in glee club.
Well, he has nothing left to lose - might as well ask Mike directly.
"I feel like there's still a reason why you seem to have a better relationship with everyone but me," Kurt says, feeling his cheeks grow warm and he really wishes he weren't so obvious with his blushing.
Mike takes a long drink of his tea, his face expressionless, which Kurt would find impressive if he weren't so unnerved. Just when Kurt is about to lose it, Mike stares directly into Kurt's eyes.
"I don't like the way you lump all the jocks under this notion that we're all stupid and prejudice."
Kurt blinks in surprise. "What?"
"I know that a handful of the football players are nasty people - I never liked them and only talk to them when it's necessary. But there are others on the team who aren't like that, who don't slushie people in the hallway, or bully people at all. But you look down on all of them - of us - when they haven't done anything to you."
Rage rushes through Kurt's system and he takes a deep breath to prevent himself from snapping. Is Mike serious right now? "I don't remember these jocks taking a stand, or doing anything to change the system when they have the power in their tacky letterman jackets," Kurt points out.
"You know it was a lot harder before glee club," Mike says, his voice still calm, "when it was just Matt, me, and a handful of other guys who didn't partake in the bullying and wanted to do something about it."
Kurt can't hold back the delicate snort of disbelief.
Mike narrows his eyes at Kurt for the first time and frankly, this is familiar territory to Kurt - dealing with glares - and he lets himself relax in his seat.
"Before freshman year, the rising eighth graders who wanted to try out of the football team had to do a camp that was run by rising juniors and seniors," Mike starts explaining, looking down at the cup between his hands. "It was a way of scoping out talent. Stupid, since we were never going to be a good team without a good coach, but anyway," he takes a breath. "One guy was helping out and he had already graduated that spring - going to USC for football. Luke. He's still on the team there, broke a record last season. He pulled me aside to work on my throwing and we got to talk about high school and what it was like. I made some comment about how the team didn't seem very…kind. They were making fun of a lot of people - I didn't know some of them yet, obviously, but it rubbed me the wrong way."
Kurt nods, following along even though he doesn't see where Mike is trying to go with this.
"Then he told me a story about what happened last year involving another guy who was on the team," Mike says, his tone serious and quiet, making Kurt inexplicably hold his breath. "There was a kid a lot like Jacob Ben Israel: a creepy, weird dork, but he didn't have any friends. And this kid on the football team kept telling the other team members to leave him alone. Used to stand up to everyone in the hallways. He did it with everyone who was bullied, but with this kid in particular since he was bullied the worst." Mike swallows. "Eventually the team got sick of it and during a game, when his teammates were supposed to watch his back on the field, they didn't. He got hit…badly - paralyzed below the upper chest." Mike stares directly into Kurt's face. "It was a warning, Kurt. Actions have consequences."
"That's Sean," Kurt whispers, his eyes widening so much that they begin to hurt. "Finn's friend - he visits him. He -"
"I'm so sorry," Mike says, interrupting Kurt, "I'm sorry I wasn't able to do more. But it's not like you were treating them with much kindness and respect either."
"Excuse me?"
"You've never let a chance go by to insult a guy with a letterman jacket, or glare at him like you're so above everything. You assume that everyone who plays a sport is a Neanderthal. For your information, I have never received a grade below an A until last quarter." He raises an eyebrow at Kurt. "Still think we're all Neanderthals?"
Kurt feels like this conversation is just going to keep going around in circles - haven't they already covered this point already? "Well I know you're not - it doesn't explain -"
"Contrary to what you think, there is a minimum GPA requirement in order to stay on the team and with Coach Beiste leading us now, the bar is being raised in terms of academics. A lot of kids on the team have first or second honors. Don't let a few bad people color your judgment."
"Fine," Kurt says shortly, just wanting Mike to shut up about Kurt's (totally justified) treatment of some jocks. "Not all jocks are Neanderthals. What does it have to do with your not liking me?"
Mike purses his lips, like he's trying not to laugh, although his eyes are flashing with a bit of contempt. "It always has to be about you."
Kurt's jaw drops. "What? Okay," Kurt tries to laugh even though he's unable to believe what is coming out of Mike's mouth right now, "enlighten me. Please."
Mike shrugs. "Okay. Back in September when auditions were happening for West Side Story. You really didn't let Blaine feel comfortable with the idea of auditioning for Tony, did you?"
"How -"
"You weren't the only ones in the room, Kurt. That room carries voices."
Kurt blushes, scrambling to defend himself. "I didn't tell him that he couldn't audition! I would never do such a thing!"
"You might as well have with your tone. Blaine's kind of a sensitive person about that."
"Oh, so now you know my boyfriend better than I do?" Kurt inquires lightly, his fingernails digging into the palms of his hands so hard that he may just break the skin. And no, it's not because he's feeling a distinct nugget of guilt settling in the bottom of his stomach.
"It's easy to recognize that in someone when you're the same," Mike admits quietly. "Did you think I didn't notice how you were acting before you texted me about meeting?"
The nugget of guilt immediately transforms into a boulder, even though he shouldn't be feeling remorseful - he's confronting a person to understand why he doesn't like him. Doesn't he have a right to do so? It was a natural, easy mistake to assume that Mike had a problem with his sexuality when ninety-percent of Lima already does, right?
"Sometimes I don't even think you realize how manipulative you can be."
The comment snaps Kurt out of his thinking. He wants to counter it, saying he's grown up, he doesn't trick girls into looking like clowns in order to impress guys or help guys out in order to get close to them, but it's hard to do so when he thinks about West Side Story and about nudging Blaine to transfer -
"So that's it?" Kurt asks, his voice softer than he wishes it were. "I'm manipulative, I'm prejudiced, and I think too highly of myself? Those traits rub you the wrong way?"
Mike frowns. "I don't hate you, Kurt. You're not a bad person - I know you care about your dad, Finn, Blaine and glee club, but…sometimes I think you expect the world to give you what you want without having to work for it because of the way you've been treated."
Kurt feels his face forming into an ugly expression. "If you don't think I'm working hard on the campaign -"
"You are," Mike quickly says. "And I'm voting for you - I like what you're standing up for and I support you one-hundred-percent. But when you were told to do booty camp - you scoffed. Like you're the best judge of your dancing capabilities which, no offense, you aren’t. My strength - what I work towards the most - is dancing. Just like your strength resides in singing."
Kurt looks down at his drink, his tongue stuck to the roof of his mouth as he's stripped bare of his these nasty sides to him that he's not ignorant about - of course he's not - but to have someone essentially list them out for you is not the greatest feeling in the world, to be put lightly.
He's somewhat tempted to start critiquing Mike's singing since he's so good at it (Mike's voice barely has any range, it's not strong enough, needs work overall), but that's not going to get him anywhere since it's not like Mike will ever aim to having a substantial solo at any competition.
There's no point in being snappy towards Mike, who was put in an awkward position of having to defend himself and be honest at the same time.
"Well, uh…" Kurt clears his throat as delicately as he can. "Thank you for…clearing this up for me."
Mike looks so sad and guilty that it makes Kurt feel like a total and complete asshole.
Kurt thinks Mike is going to apologize or say something, but he just nods which Kurt's grateful for. "I'm going to…go," Kurt states awkwardly, getting to his feet.
Mike stands also. "Okay, yeah. I'll see you at glee club?"
Kurt tries his best to smile. "Yeah. See you then."
Maybe they should shake hands or something, but Kurt just nods and walks past him.
---
From Kurt Hummel:
Hey, Blaine, can I come over to your house in a bit?
From Blaine Anderson:
Yeah, of course - how was your talk with Mike?
From Kurt Hummel:
I'll tell you about it later - I need to process.
Kurt puts his phone into the cup holder, ignoring the buzz of another text and drives around until he can get his thoughts in order.
---
Kurt doesn't go far - he just drives around Lima twice, almost crying a few times, but he ultimately walks up to Blaine's house with dry eyes.
He only has to wait two seconds before Blaine throws open the front door, pulling Kurt into a brief but tight hug. Kurt squeezes Blaine and closes his eyes until Blaine pulls away and says, "Come in - do you want anything? Water, juice -"
"I'm fine," Kurt interrupts him, shutting the front door behind him as they walk up the stairs to Blaine's room.
Blaine always closes his bedroom door even when the house is empty, which is more often than not, and today is no exception as he leans against it, his weight pushing it shut. "What happened?" he asks softly, eyes staring straight into Kurt's.
Kurt takes a seat on the edge of Blaine's bed, folding his hands together. "Well, you were right about Mike not being homophobic - and he's not sissyphobic. He actually used the correct term - effeminophobic."
He can see Blaine's shoulders drop in relief. He's tempted to ask Blaine that if Mike actually were…would he stop being friends with Mike? Despite being one of the most mild-mannered, kindest people otherwise? Despite being Blaine's only real friend at McKinley?
"Well that's good," Blaine says neutrally.
Kurt nods. "Yeah."
After a few beats of silence, Blaine walks over to Kurt, sitting down next to him, waiting patiently for him to speak.
Kurt rests his head on Blaine's shoulder, even though it strains his neck a little to do so. "I pushed him to tell me what problem he had with me because I just had to know."
Blaine wraps an arm around Kurt, his hand lightly resting on Kurt's waist.
"He doesn't like me."
Kurt hates how his voice cracks at the end and how that phrase just makes him sound like a stupid little boy, but the sting of it is beginning to sink in; if the friendliest guy he knows (besides Blaine) doesn't like him, then how the hell does anyone else?
"I'm sure he wasn't quite so…direct," Blaine answers in a low voice.
Kurt lifts his head off Blaine's shoulder to stare at Blaine properly. "You're not surprised," he states.
Blaine looks down at the floor, his mouth pursed in thought, worrying Kurt for stupid reasons (did people confide in Blaine about how much they hated Kurt? Does he have to add paranoia to his list of traits that aren't necessarily golden?).
"I love you - you're one of the most important people in my life," Blaine states, his gaze even and calm when he finally looks back at Kurt.
Kurt nods; he never doubted it for a second. "But you can see how Mike may not care for me," he finishes for him.
Blaine's face crumples as he brings his free hand to cup Kurt's face, fingers slightly digging into his hairline, making sure he's listening. "I love everything about you - even the things that people may not like about you and the things that you're ashamed of. And even though sometimes you get on my nerves, I sometimes get on yours; we're not perfect and I would never ask you to be."
Kurt's vision becomes blurry with tears and he doesn't think he'll be able to keep them at bay for very long. He leans in and rests his forehead against Blaine's. "I'm just so used to everyone hating me for being gay and wearing the clothes that I wear and it's just -" He exhales with a small smile. "It's almost nice, in a messed up way to not be liked because of me even though it hurts more, you know? Does that…make sense at all?"
Blaine kisses Kurt softly, no doubt tasting the tears that Kurt couldn't hold back anymore. "I understand." He pulls away just so he can wipe the tears off Kurt's face.
Of course he would - Blaine gets it better than anyone.
And maybe later Kurt will go into detail about what he and Mike talked about, Blaine either agreeing or disagreeing because they value honesty above most things. Then Blaine will probably offer to do something - talk to Mike, pull away from him - because he sacrifices too much sometimes and Kurt will have to put things back into perspective. It's an awkward, strange, unfortunate situation, but Kurt will manage because if there's one thing he pride's himself on is his resilience.
---
Kurt sort of dreads going to school on Monday and bumping into Mike, but he's pretty sure they don't see each other until glee club on Mondays anyway since they don't have the same lunch, so there's no point on being nervous.
But Kurt couldn't have possibly expected Mike to be standing by Kurt's locker, tapping his feet nervously against the floor. Kurt forces himself to exhale and stand up straight as he strides over to his locker.
Mike rolls his head against the lockers to see Kurt coming towards him and pushes himself off them, a tentative smile on his face. "Hi," he says.
"Hi."
Silence.
"I just…" Mike starts, pursing his lips in a way that reminds Kurt of Blaine, which is adorable and interesting at the same time, how friends can pick up certain quirks from each other. "I don't want things to be painfully awkward, but - it's totally your call. I just wanted to know how you want to go about…this."
Kurt could probably storm away without another word and Mike would respect his decision, but instead he holds out his hand. "I think we're going to be fine."
Mike smiles and shakes Kurt's hand. "Awesome."
Kurt smiles in return, knowing that even though things are far from perfect (he doesn't want to think about how this will affect Blaine and how this entire situation is extremely delicate to begin with), he thinks he can allow himself to be a little optimistic.