Just another rant type thing
Just something I wanted to write down. This isn't really for anyone here. I just needed to get it out of my system. But this really applies to my family.
THE SHOPPING LIST OF ILLNESS
For those who have always doubted me in my life and said I was just looking for attention, let me show you what I'm dealing with on a daily basis. (feel free to look any of these up in medical journals or web pages )
Some of them are common and a lot have them. But when I say I'm sick, I'm sick. Oh yeah these are all doctor confirmed.
Migraines.
High Blood pressure : On two medications for this
High cholesterol : On two medications for this
Thyroid : On two medications for this.
Depression: On four medications for this
Bi-polar: On two medications for this
Panic/anxiety: On four medications for this.
G.E.R.D.: On one medication for this.
D.D.D. (have had four surgeries on my spine for this. Pain medication no longer does any good)
Arthritis: Neck, spine, hands, wrists, hips, knees. I'm nearly in a wheelchair because walking and standing is next to impossible. (I have to use the motor-carts when I go grocery shopping)
Spinal stenosis
Bone spurs on my spine that press on the spinal cord
Vertigo: Use of cane
General menopause symptoms: On one medication for this
Dangerously low vitamin D level : On two medications for this
Low B-12 levels: On one medication for this
Because of the problems with my back I am unable to stand or walk for more than five minutes at a time. Just the other day I had an episode where I nearly passed out: lost the ability to move or talk, dizzy, cold sweats, scattered thoughts, nauseous, faint. I had to crawl back to the living room. I felt like a limp noodle all night. And even the next day could not remember my address and several other things.
No tolerance for heat or cold. Heat I pass out, and cold I can't stop shaking.
C.K.D. (chronic kidney disease stage 3, Two stages before they start dialysis and transplant)
When I had my full hysterectomy they found pre-cancer cells, large fibroids and my uterus was attached to the rectal wall. (*had to have extra surgery for that *) Which was why I probably had such horrible periods.
P.T.S.D.: Three medications for that
Social anxiety: Two medications for that.
O.S.A. (obstructive sleep apnea) Stopped breathing 17 times in one hour. Must use C-PAP.
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So you can see I'm dealing with a lot and yes some are common. But to try to tell me I'm faking, or I should just 'shut-up and deal with it' . Or 'knock off the complaining' Guess what..............
BITE ME. You've treated me like trash my whole life. I was never good enough for your family; always the outsider.
Family get together where a nightmare for me. I always just brought a book to read because no one wanted to play or interact with me. Why did I sit at the table and pick at the food? I was lonely. You were all off having fun with sports or running around. Lets not forget that I rarely got included in things. I always had to find something to do all by myself. When I came for visits on Sunday's I had to practically beg. Or beg that one of you would come visit me. I was never part of the family.
Now I see (thanks to facebook) that you all still travel together, or just get together for the fun. I know I would not have been included in any of this. Did anyone ever think I wanted to go to the Philly flower show? Or go horseback riding? Anything. No because I wasn't thought of at all.
Then there's the pictures. Just look at all the pictures; new and old that have been posted. I've looked through the albums. There only two. So yes I added a snarky comment to it. Only to get told to knock it off. Knock what off? Pointing out how I've been forgotten or ignored. Oh my bad. Does that tarnish your sparkly christian image?
I'm glad I left. I knew all along *even as a tiny child* that I was never wanted around. And no I'm not making that up. THAT is exactly how you all made me feel. Unwanted. Unnecessary. A vermin. Trash. Something you wipe off the bottom of your shoe. Someone you had to put up with.
Another way I knew I wasn't wanted in the whole family??? I was told to my face, long ago... that you all had a meeting about what would happen to me if Gram and Pop died, [obviously this is when I was younger and still living with them as a young teen] I was told that they had NO IDEA what to do with me if the grandparents died.
NOT ONE OF YOU SO CALLED CHRISTIANS OFFERED TO TAKE ME IN IF THAT HAPPENED. NOT ONE. No one had room for me.
I hope you all get the nice warm reward you richly deserve in the afterlife. It's gonna be a hot one.
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Aren't you glad you're not part of my family. I'm evil when pissed off.