All Unwritten Prompt #23: Layer of Dust
Neji had always been so clean.
Quite often, I had wondered how he managed to keep his life so orderly. In my own personal experience, life was just a mess. Plans, places, names, faces, and relationships changed. Despite my best attempts, most of my plans fell through, I forget the names of my old Academy friends, and I can't keep in touch with anyone outside of my own genin cell for more than three months. Life was a hectic and dangerous thing and with our chosen occupations, every mission they went on merely stressed that point.
Yet Neji, oh no, Neji was perfect. I would bet my first set of shuriken that he never had scheduling problems, he never forgets any face he had come across no matter what, and he definitely knows how to avoid social faux pas, unlike myself. Even Ino, as golden and perfect as she was, had her off days. She had her bad hair days, break outs, and embarrassing moments. Neji never had any of those. He rarely ever had even one strand of hair out of place. It was something to be envied.
However, my time spent envying his perfection was cut short. He left us after we were all promoted to jounin. We were seventeen, and we didn't see each other until three years later. By the time we were twenty, he had moved out of the Hyuuga Compound. He and the Hyuuga did not part peaceably and as such, he was left without resources and a home in such short notice. Lee and I were sharing a nice apartment in the center of the village by that time. We were all jounins and could afford the cost of such a prime piece of real estate. Although we had parted ways three years ago, he had come to us - albeit reluctantly, for a temporary home. Lee was always so generous, he accepted him without question. I merely went along with it. We had been friends once, but I wasn't an optimist like Lee. Time changed people and we haven't talked in three years. Nevertheless, Hyuuga Neji became our third roommate.
The first few weeks had been awkward. I had grown accustomed to the rambunctiousness of having Lee in my life. I had long since forgotten the stable quiet that was Neji until he moved in with us. He was still the same, yet different as well. He was cool, collected, arrogant, and controlled as always. But I could tell that he was uncomfortable with this situation - with us. He didn't like being the one depending on others.
Eventually, he found his place in our lives once more. A part of me had resented him for intruding. But with time, my resentment and his discomfort faded away. We were all mature jounins and were fully capable of handling our bonds. After a month or so, it was like we had never truly separated. We were Team Gai again, in spirit. Team Gai had been erased from the team rosters for quite some time by then. Lee was probably hoping that it would become official once more, but any chances of us actually reforming our group officially were ruined when Neji announced that he had been accepted into ANBU. Lee was loud, as expected, and I...I was accepting, as usual. It really was like nothing changed.
As soon as we were comfortable once more, I finally realized that Neji wasn't going to leave any time soon. This temporary home for him had become permanent after the third month and he began to pay part of the rent, go out for groceries, and clean. He was very particular about the cleaning. It drove me a little insane when he first started lecturing us about using coasters for our drinks and leaving our shoes by the door. Lee and I exchanged glances - weary and indulgent - and let it pass. It was just like old times. Even then, Neji liked things done properly. Pretty soon, he had us trained. The dishes were always done, the floors were swept every other day, then mopped once a week, foods and drinks were to be consumed at the table not on the couches, laundry was done every Wednesday, garbage disposal on Fridays, and above all else, no blood stains. Was I the only one who found it irritating?
Sure, Neji was a great guy at the time. He was there to spar with us even though he was busy with ANBU missions. He was still on a trial period so most of his missions were short term ones. He went out with us to eat. He talked, actually talked. I felt myself melting...again. How stupid. I suppose Lee found that if Neji finally opened up enough, it was okay to put up with his fixation on cleanliness. But I never got to ask Lee about what he thought since he moved out a year after Neji moved in. He had finally gotten Sakura to give him the time of day and after a few months, they had moved in together.
And that left me and Neji.
The first day after Lee had left was stunning in and of itself. I had never really realized how much space Lee's sheer personality took up until he was gone. Everything was quieter - cooking, eating, cleaning, reading, even talking. Fortunately, I was used to being quiet. If it was anyone but Neji, I would have felt extreme discomfort. All those years of training together did not go to waste, we were quite comfortable with one another's space. The rent went up for both of us now that we had to split it in half instead of in thirds, but that was the only thing that changed. We still saw Lee on a regular basis. I was so happy. We were all grown up and still together.
But then it changed. Ino and Sakura put thoughts in my mind. It was dangerous to over-analyze things - especially if the topic at hand was my own life. They thought it was strange. How could I be sharing an apartment with Hyuuga Neji and not be in a relationship with him. What struck me as strange was that I agreed with them, secretly. When we were genin, I had always assumed that we would work our way up. First I was his classmate, then teammate, then friend, training partner, confidante, girlfriend, lover, fiancee, and wife. It was like an unspoken agreement between us, that I was the one. Or was I imagining it at the time? We had gotten to confidante before he left us. But he returned, Ino and Sakura reminded me, oh so helpfully, when I voiced my thoughts aloud. Did I want to take the plunge?
We weren't children anymore and what we did will have consequences? Barring Neji's rather irking obsession with cleanliness and orderliness, he was quite the catch. I knew it, he knew it, hell, Konoha knew it. But did he have any interest in pursuing me romantically? I never got to pursue that chain of thought for long before I was faced with my fears. He asked me out the very next night. He looked at me expectantly, much like the way he did when we were younger. I was always his go-to girl back then, always obliging and helpful. When he wanted to train at dawn, I crawled out of my bed to train at dawn. As such, he wanted to date me, and I accepted. I knew I liked him again, and given time, I would love him again, but I was getting into something that was way over my head. Not that I knew it at that time.
There wasn't much change in our relationship afterward. We went out on dates when our schedules allowed it, we were never affectionate in public. I had expected as much and I didn't mind. As soon as news of our relationship got out, we were pushed into the limelight - something neither of us particularly enjoyed or appreciated. We were ninjas, we liked to be inconspicuous. But apparently, our relationship was everyone's business. Especially the Hyuuga clan.
Ah, Neji's estranged relatives...they were something else entirely. Neji and the Hyuuga had a strained relationship that didn't heal over even though he had left the compounds for almost two years. In fact, his leaving probably made the rift between them wider. Throughout the past year and a half, they had kept rather quiet, or so Neji had let us believe. But as soon as our relationship was out in the open...
I blame myself for their interference actually. I was the one who had calmly went to him one night and asked him about his family. He was reluctant in telling me of course, but I knew how to play my cards with him. The fact that he was much more indulgent with me than with Lee also helped. I barely remember how that conversation went - it felt like ages ago, but by the end of the night, I had persuaded him to give them a chance. They were family and I would love to meet them. He gave me a look and I didn't know what it meant then, but now I know. TenTen, you're going to eat those words, was what it said.
The meeting with the Hyuuga family went well, but that was only because Ino and Neji had taken time out of their schedules to train me on all things proper. Even those kunoichi classes that we were all forced to take back at the Academy proved to be insufficient training. By the end of the week, my head was loaded with rules and protocol. It drove me nuts, but I managed to not make a fool of myself in front of his family. I thought it was a one time thing, but oh no, I was wrong. Every two weeks, we were required to attend a dinner at the Hyuugas. Even if Neji was away on a mission, I was required to go. It scared the crap out of me and angered me. I wasn't their puppet and I wasn't part of their family yet. But I went.
Dinners, I could deal with. When they began recommending salons, stylists, and baby names, I was overwhelmed. Who were they to demand so much of me? When I voiced this to Ino, she merely said that was the cost of getting involved with the Hyuugas. I had no idea. I didn't dare voice my doubts and anger to Neji. He was the one who didn't want to get them involved. It was me who suggested meeting his family. He'd merely blame me - or even worse, cut off his ties with the Hyuuga once more. I suffered silently.
Neji, as usual, noticed. He's a genius after all and I was the one in contact with him every single day. Of course he'd notice something was different. When I refuse to talk about it, he shut off. I just didn't feel like dealing with the Hyuuga and just seeing him so cold, so distant reminded me of them. Pretty soon, we weren't talking. You'd think it would be hard to avoid someone you live with, but when you're ninja, you can do anything. We still kept a routine of course. We still went to the Hyuugas bimonthly, I still dropped by to have tea with Hinata and Hanabi, we still train together, the dishes are done each day, floors are swept every other day, and mopped once a week. Garbage disposals are on Friday, laundry on Wednesday, groceries on Saturday alternating turns each week. Everything was clear.
I was so weak. Being with him was draining me and although I wanted to talk about it and patch things up, things seemed to be going so well for him. He was actually willingly talking about his family. He seemed content. I didn't want to ruin it for him. I kept putting it off and putting it off until one day, he's gone. I wasn't surprised.
The confrontation happens six months after we got together. I had just arrived from a mission, as did he. He stayed up waiting for me which wasn't out of the ordinary. What was new was that he was clothed. We're too different, he tells me. We're better off as friends, partners, teammates - not lovers. I understand, Neji. I had said, always the one that accepted him and his reasons. He spent the night at Lee's. The day after, he packed, and he left. I didn't hear from him since. The days after his departure were a blur to me. I went about doing the same things.
I used the coasters, the dishes are done each day, floors are swept every other day, and mopped once a week. Garbage disposals are on Friday, laundry on Wednesday, groceries on Saturday. I went on missions. Repeat. For weeks, nothing changed. The rent was harder to pay, that was the only difference. I could still afford it and even if I didn't, I would have found a way. I love this apartment.
And then Lee stopped by. He was happy, he was getting engaged. After a few hours he left, and I thought to myself - what am I doing to myself? I look around me and I see Neji - the coasters, the labels, the cleaning schedules.
God damn it, TenTen. He's gone. He was a mistake, a great mistake, but a mistake. Get over it. Two months after we broke up, I finally cried. It was good to let go.
And now, I'm better. I'm learning now. It was hard at first, but I found a way around Neji's meticulous programming. First, I neglected to do the laundry. It was Wednesday afternoon and I sat there, staring at my full hamper. I have to admit, I felt guilty. Three times, I had gotten up, carried the basket to the door and then remembered myself. I heard Neji's lecturing in my mind, so realistic - so believable. Wednesday ended and I went a week with the same uniform: I had never felt better. After my first victory, I was elated. And then the smell of unwashed clothes got to me and I washed them. But this time, on Thursday. Because I wanted it to be Thursday.
My next feat, was to throw out the coasters. It was unplanned but it happened. It was midnight and I just got home from a mission. I had begun writing my mission report and I wanted a drink. I poured myself a glass of wine - not really my type of drink, but it had been sitting around for ages - and immediately I reached for a coaster. I froze as soon as I registered what I was doing. I left my drink, I grabbed all the coasters, I threw it in my trash bin, and just in case I reach for them again, I used a small katon - hotter than I had wanted, but it got the job done. Satisfied and relieved at the same time, I grabbed my drink and returned to my report.
Lee had no idea how hard it was for me, but when I invited him out to tea three days ago, and I smiled, I think he got the idea.
That night, I felt great. I decided I needed a challenge. I decided that I'll skip cleaning - just for the week. On Monday, I trained until I was exhausted. It was cowardly, but it was so I could get out of my apartment. Like a reflex, as soon as I was bored, I'd reach for a duster. On Tuesday, I spent my entire day wandering to and from the library and the smithy. On Wednesday, my will broke out and I did reach for the duster. In sheer desperation, I stabbed myself and went to the hospital. Sakura didn't ask questions and she didn't mind me spending my day at her office, reading medical scrolls. On Thursday, I was assigned a month long mission - with Neji and Lee.
The mission proved one thing to me. Although we still functioned great as a team, we'll never be able to be friends. He was polite, I was polite, but that was that. We returned to Konoha and we went our separate ways at the gate, even Lee didn't try to wheedle us into a late night dinner.
I know I'm not even close to getting over Neji - I have too many demons to face, but I'm getting close. I'm exhausted, but proud. I close my apartment door behind me and I sit on my couch - I didn't bother taking off my shoes. I lean against the coffee table and I felt my grip slip.
I look down at my finger tips and smile. Fluffy and grey, it meant something to me.
It was just a layer of dust, but it was a start.
Quite often, I had wondered how he managed to keep his life so orderly. In my own personal experience, life was just a mess. Plans, places, names, faces, and relationships changed. Despite my best attempts, most of my plans fell through, I forget the names of my old Academy friends, and I can't keep in touch with anyone outside of my own genin cell for more than three months. Life was a hectic and dangerous thing and with our chosen occupations, every mission they went on merely stressed that point.
Yet Neji, oh no, Neji was perfect. I would bet my first set of shuriken that he never had scheduling problems, he never forgets any face he had come across no matter what, and he definitely knows how to avoid social faux pas, unlike myself. Even Ino, as golden and perfect as she was, had her off days. She had her bad hair days, break outs, and embarrassing moments. Neji never had any of those. He rarely ever had even one strand of hair out of place. It was something to be envied.
However, my time spent envying his perfection was cut short. He left us after we were all promoted to jounin. We were seventeen, and we didn't see each other until three years later. By the time we were twenty, he had moved out of the Hyuuga Compound. He and the Hyuuga did not part peaceably and as such, he was left without resources and a home in such short notice. Lee and I were sharing a nice apartment in the center of the village by that time. We were all jounins and could afford the cost of such a prime piece of real estate. Although we had parted ways three years ago, he had come to us - albeit reluctantly, for a temporary home. Lee was always so generous, he accepted him without question. I merely went along with it. We had been friends once, but I wasn't an optimist like Lee. Time changed people and we haven't talked in three years. Nevertheless, Hyuuga Neji became our third roommate.
The first few weeks had been awkward. I had grown accustomed to the rambunctiousness of having Lee in my life. I had long since forgotten the stable quiet that was Neji until he moved in with us. He was still the same, yet different as well. He was cool, collected, arrogant, and controlled as always. But I could tell that he was uncomfortable with this situation - with us. He didn't like being the one depending on others.
Eventually, he found his place in our lives once more. A part of me had resented him for intruding. But with time, my resentment and his discomfort faded away. We were all mature jounins and were fully capable of handling our bonds. After a month or so, it was like we had never truly separated. We were Team Gai again, in spirit. Team Gai had been erased from the team rosters for quite some time by then. Lee was probably hoping that it would become official once more, but any chances of us actually reforming our group officially were ruined when Neji announced that he had been accepted into ANBU. Lee was loud, as expected, and I...I was accepting, as usual. It really was like nothing changed.
As soon as we were comfortable once more, I finally realized that Neji wasn't going to leave any time soon. This temporary home for him had become permanent after the third month and he began to pay part of the rent, go out for groceries, and clean. He was very particular about the cleaning. It drove me a little insane when he first started lecturing us about using coasters for our drinks and leaving our shoes by the door. Lee and I exchanged glances - weary and indulgent - and let it pass. It was just like old times. Even then, Neji liked things done properly. Pretty soon, he had us trained. The dishes were always done, the floors were swept every other day, then mopped once a week, foods and drinks were to be consumed at the table not on the couches, laundry was done every Wednesday, garbage disposal on Fridays, and above all else, no blood stains. Was I the only one who found it irritating?
Sure, Neji was a great guy at the time. He was there to spar with us even though he was busy with ANBU missions. He was still on a trial period so most of his missions were short term ones. He went out with us to eat. He talked, actually talked. I felt myself melting...again. How stupid. I suppose Lee found that if Neji finally opened up enough, it was okay to put up with his fixation on cleanliness. But I never got to ask Lee about what he thought since he moved out a year after Neji moved in. He had finally gotten Sakura to give him the time of day and after a few months, they had moved in together.
And that left me and Neji.
The first day after Lee had left was stunning in and of itself. I had never really realized how much space Lee's sheer personality took up until he was gone. Everything was quieter - cooking, eating, cleaning, reading, even talking. Fortunately, I was used to being quiet. If it was anyone but Neji, I would have felt extreme discomfort. All those years of training together did not go to waste, we were quite comfortable with one another's space. The rent went up for both of us now that we had to split it in half instead of in thirds, but that was the only thing that changed. We still saw Lee on a regular basis. I was so happy. We were all grown up and still together.
But then it changed. Ino and Sakura put thoughts in my mind. It was dangerous to over-analyze things - especially if the topic at hand was my own life. They thought it was strange. How could I be sharing an apartment with Hyuuga Neji and not be in a relationship with him. What struck me as strange was that I agreed with them, secretly. When we were genin, I had always assumed that we would work our way up. First I was his classmate, then teammate, then friend, training partner, confidante, girlfriend, lover, fiancee, and wife. It was like an unspoken agreement between us, that I was the one. Or was I imagining it at the time? We had gotten to confidante before he left us. But he returned, Ino and Sakura reminded me, oh so helpfully, when I voiced my thoughts aloud. Did I want to take the plunge?
We weren't children anymore and what we did will have consequences? Barring Neji's rather irking obsession with cleanliness and orderliness, he was quite the catch. I knew it, he knew it, hell, Konoha knew it. But did he have any interest in pursuing me romantically? I never got to pursue that chain of thought for long before I was faced with my fears. He asked me out the very next night. He looked at me expectantly, much like the way he did when we were younger. I was always his go-to girl back then, always obliging and helpful. When he wanted to train at dawn, I crawled out of my bed to train at dawn. As such, he wanted to date me, and I accepted. I knew I liked him again, and given time, I would love him again, but I was getting into something that was way over my head. Not that I knew it at that time.
There wasn't much change in our relationship afterward. We went out on dates when our schedules allowed it, we were never affectionate in public. I had expected as much and I didn't mind. As soon as news of our relationship got out, we were pushed into the limelight - something neither of us particularly enjoyed or appreciated. We were ninjas, we liked to be inconspicuous. But apparently, our relationship was everyone's business. Especially the Hyuuga clan.
Ah, Neji's estranged relatives...they were something else entirely. Neji and the Hyuuga had a strained relationship that didn't heal over even though he had left the compounds for almost two years. In fact, his leaving probably made the rift between them wider. Throughout the past year and a half, they had kept rather quiet, or so Neji had let us believe. But as soon as our relationship was out in the open...
I blame myself for their interference actually. I was the one who had calmly went to him one night and asked him about his family. He was reluctant in telling me of course, but I knew how to play my cards with him. The fact that he was much more indulgent with me than with Lee also helped. I barely remember how that conversation went - it felt like ages ago, but by the end of the night, I had persuaded him to give them a chance. They were family and I would love to meet them. He gave me a look and I didn't know what it meant then, but now I know. TenTen, you're going to eat those words, was what it said.
The meeting with the Hyuuga family went well, but that was only because Ino and Neji had taken time out of their schedules to train me on all things proper. Even those kunoichi classes that we were all forced to take back at the Academy proved to be insufficient training. By the end of the week, my head was loaded with rules and protocol. It drove me nuts, but I managed to not make a fool of myself in front of his family. I thought it was a one time thing, but oh no, I was wrong. Every two weeks, we were required to attend a dinner at the Hyuugas. Even if Neji was away on a mission, I was required to go. It scared the crap out of me and angered me. I wasn't their puppet and I wasn't part of their family yet. But I went.
Dinners, I could deal with. When they began recommending salons, stylists, and baby names, I was overwhelmed. Who were they to demand so much of me? When I voiced this to Ino, she merely said that was the cost of getting involved with the Hyuugas. I had no idea. I didn't dare voice my doubts and anger to Neji. He was the one who didn't want to get them involved. It was me who suggested meeting his family. He'd merely blame me - or even worse, cut off his ties with the Hyuuga once more. I suffered silently.
Neji, as usual, noticed. He's a genius after all and I was the one in contact with him every single day. Of course he'd notice something was different. When I refuse to talk about it, he shut off. I just didn't feel like dealing with the Hyuuga and just seeing him so cold, so distant reminded me of them. Pretty soon, we weren't talking. You'd think it would be hard to avoid someone you live with, but when you're ninja, you can do anything. We still kept a routine of course. We still went to the Hyuugas bimonthly, I still dropped by to have tea with Hinata and Hanabi, we still train together, the dishes are done each day, floors are swept every other day, and mopped once a week. Garbage disposals are on Friday, laundry on Wednesday, groceries on Saturday alternating turns each week. Everything was clear.
I was so weak. Being with him was draining me and although I wanted to talk about it and patch things up, things seemed to be going so well for him. He was actually willingly talking about his family. He seemed content. I didn't want to ruin it for him. I kept putting it off and putting it off until one day, he's gone. I wasn't surprised.
The confrontation happens six months after we got together. I had just arrived from a mission, as did he. He stayed up waiting for me which wasn't out of the ordinary. What was new was that he was clothed. We're too different, he tells me. We're better off as friends, partners, teammates - not lovers. I understand, Neji. I had said, always the one that accepted him and his reasons. He spent the night at Lee's. The day after, he packed, and he left. I didn't hear from him since. The days after his departure were a blur to me. I went about doing the same things.
I used the coasters, the dishes are done each day, floors are swept every other day, and mopped once a week. Garbage disposals are on Friday, laundry on Wednesday, groceries on Saturday. I went on missions. Repeat. For weeks, nothing changed. The rent was harder to pay, that was the only difference. I could still afford it and even if I didn't, I would have found a way. I love this apartment.
And then Lee stopped by. He was happy, he was getting engaged. After a few hours he left, and I thought to myself - what am I doing to myself? I look around me and I see Neji - the coasters, the labels, the cleaning schedules.
God damn it, TenTen. He's gone. He was a mistake, a great mistake, but a mistake. Get over it. Two months after we broke up, I finally cried. It was good to let go.
And now, I'm better. I'm learning now. It was hard at first, but I found a way around Neji's meticulous programming. First, I neglected to do the laundry. It was Wednesday afternoon and I sat there, staring at my full hamper. I have to admit, I felt guilty. Three times, I had gotten up, carried the basket to the door and then remembered myself. I heard Neji's lecturing in my mind, so realistic - so believable. Wednesday ended and I went a week with the same uniform: I had never felt better. After my first victory, I was elated. And then the smell of unwashed clothes got to me and I washed them. But this time, on Thursday. Because I wanted it to be Thursday.
My next feat, was to throw out the coasters. It was unplanned but it happened. It was midnight and I just got home from a mission. I had begun writing my mission report and I wanted a drink. I poured myself a glass of wine - not really my type of drink, but it had been sitting around for ages - and immediately I reached for a coaster. I froze as soon as I registered what I was doing. I left my drink, I grabbed all the coasters, I threw it in my trash bin, and just in case I reach for them again, I used a small katon - hotter than I had wanted, but it got the job done. Satisfied and relieved at the same time, I grabbed my drink and returned to my report.
Lee had no idea how hard it was for me, but when I invited him out to tea three days ago, and I smiled, I think he got the idea.
That night, I felt great. I decided I needed a challenge. I decided that I'll skip cleaning - just for the week. On Monday, I trained until I was exhausted. It was cowardly, but it was so I could get out of my apartment. Like a reflex, as soon as I was bored, I'd reach for a duster. On Tuesday, I spent my entire day wandering to and from the library and the smithy. On Wednesday, my will broke out and I did reach for the duster. In sheer desperation, I stabbed myself and went to the hospital. Sakura didn't ask questions and she didn't mind me spending my day at her office, reading medical scrolls. On Thursday, I was assigned a month long mission - with Neji and Lee.
The mission proved one thing to me. Although we still functioned great as a team, we'll never be able to be friends. He was polite, I was polite, but that was that. We returned to Konoha and we went our separate ways at the gate, even Lee didn't try to wheedle us into a late night dinner.
I know I'm not even close to getting over Neji - I have too many demons to face, but I'm getting close. I'm exhausted, but proud. I close my apartment door behind me and I sit on my couch - I didn't bother taking off my shoes. I lean against the coffee table and I felt my grip slip.
I look down at my finger tips and smile. Fluffy and grey, it meant something to me.
It was just a layer of dust, but it was a start.