i felt similar about the tattoo i got for jesse and chantal. i think for a lot of people it's part of the grieving process. it offers some semblance of permanence.
I think that it is wonderful that he has such an amazing woman who loves him even still. You do whatever you can to make things right within yourself. Healing takes time and there will always be a scar, but it is all in how you view it that will keep you going. Take care of yourself though, because if you two are soul mates, he probably wouldn't be too happy with you not taking proper care of yourself. You are amazing and I am sure that Jefferson was and is still wherever he may be.
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