kiss me
summary: Funnily enough, Louis ends up kissing all of his four band members at least once.
a/n: I'm just transfering all my tumblr stuff to over here (to see more, go here.)
.i.
Out of all of the boys, Louis always thinks of Liam as the most heterosexual. When he actually has time to think about issues like sexuality in his whirlwind of a life, it’s always Liam who he is assumes is the straightest out of the lot. (Though, in hindsight, that’s not saying much. One Direction are most certainly not the manliest of blokes.)
Louis proudly claims the title of the most camp (even putting aside the bands knowledge of his bisexuality, Louis is the most feminine in his actions and bold in his flirting) and Harry follows shortly after. They’re the most blatant out of the band - and most of the time their flirting is with each other. Sometimes, Louis’ not sure if his flirting is pretend or not because when Harry smiles at him and his eyes are sparkling he feels something flutter in his stomach that is not platonic at all.
Then comes Niall, who seems to hold a certain fondness for Liam. If Louis didn’t know any better, and sometimes despite knowing better, he’d think that the Irish boy had a crush on the most sensible member of their group. Though he’s entertained the thought of confronting Niall about his not so platonic fondness for Liam, Louis doesn’t really want to have such a painfully awkward conversation.
Zayn, who is arguably the most macho, narrowly loses to Liam as the most straight because of sometimes Louis thinks that Zayn wouldn’t say no to kissing a bloke, especially when he nonchalantly comments, almost without thinking, about how fit Ashton Kutcher is.
Louis’ always thought of Liam as straight. As in, girlfriends, boobs, vagina’s. Which is why he’s so confused when Liam snogs him.
For the first time in a long time, it’s just the two of them. Usually Louis’ hanging out with Harry, but Harry’s gone out to dinner with a friend from his hometown that’s dropped in for the weekend. Pathetically enough, within an hour of his best mate leaving, Louis feels lonely. Maybe it’s not so unexpected really; he’s been practically living in the bands pockets since day one and it’s gotten weird to have alone time. After an hour and a half of sitting around the uncomfortably silent flat, Louis had given Liam a call who had come round to have dinner with him.
It’s a bit weird at first - the two boys are used to having the rest of the lads there - but Liam and Louis settle into conversation easily enough. They eat dinner and watch some TV and by ten they’re lying on the floor next to each other in the lounge room in complete silence just…thinking.
Liam’s the one who finally makes a stab at conversation.
“How’d you know you were bisexual, Lou?”
Louis chokes in surprise before laughing loudly, mainly because that is the last thing he’s ever expected Liam to say to him. It’s not like his sexuality is a taboo subject, it’s not - Harry and him have talked about it in depth and the other boys sometimes joke about it too. In fact, Harry had even taking Louis to a gay bar once, giggling hysterically as Louis’ cheeks flooded a bright red. The reason Louis chokes is because of the way Liam asks it - unsure and scared - and Louis’ can only think of one reason why Liam is so tentative about asking a simple question.
“Are you doubting your sexuality, Liam?” He asks bluntly and Liam sits up so quickly that Louis has to hide a snigger.
Looking away from Louis, his cheeks a brilliant shade of red in his embarrassment, Liam murmurs, “No…I dunno…Sorta?”
Louis tries to mask his astonishment, and sits up also, reaching out and warily placing a comforting hand on Liam’s knee. When the younger takes in a deep shuddering breath, Louis’ eyes go wide. “Dude, it’s okay, you can talk to me about this stuff.”
“I know, Louis,” Liam says, and his lips twitch a bit at the sides. For a moment they remain in comfortable silence before Liam whispers, “Louis…Have you ever…fancied a friend?”
For some odd reason that he doesn’t really want to think about, a picture of Harry jumps up in his head, and Louis turns a deep crimson to match Liam. Slowly, almost unsurely, he answers, “No…”
Liam’s eyes flicker over to him and he gives a small disbelieving snort. “Convincing,” he mutters, almost bitterly.
“Seriously, Liam, are you ok-”
He never does get to finish his sentence; Liam’s lips are pushed up against his, firm and warm. It’s an odd experience - not necessarily unpleasant, but not nice. It’s not like there’s anything wrong with the kiss, it’s just…the person. And Louis loves Liam, but as a brother. Almost instinctively, Louis begins to move his lips against Liam’s.
Louis marvels at how surreal the situation seems, how downright strange it is to have Liam - sensible, practical Liam - gripping his shoulders, his lips firmly pressed against Louis’.
Letting the kiss continue for only a few more seconds, Louis pulls away, his eyes wide and voice deceptively calm when he speaks again. “So…That was interesting.” He’s not lying, it was. A big part of Louis is still freaking out over the fact that Liam Payne kissed him, but an even bigger part is suddenly intensely curious as to why.
Almost like he’s heard Louis’ thoughts, Liam says, “I’ve had a crush on you for a few months and -”
Okay, what? Cause Louis’ isn’t stupidly modest enough to say that he’s ugly, but he’s never, not in a million years expected Liam to fancy him. In fact, if any of the band were to have a crush on him, he would have thought it to be Harry…
An odd fluttering in his chest arises at the thought of Harry being the one here, kissing him, admitting that he likes him. It’s a far more arousing thought than when Liam is the one doing these things and Louis quickly wipes the scenario from his mind, trying to fight down his blush.
Lifting his eyebrows, Louis contemplates for a moment pinching himself to see whether this is a dream or not. When Liam catches his expression he smile sheepishly. “I know, it’s stupid,” he shrugs.
“Well, not that stupid, I am pretty hot,” Louis jokes, trying to lighten the mood. It works: Liam laughs loudly, shaking his head in exasperation.
“I just thought…that…I don’t know why I had a crush on you -” Liam begins but Louis cuts him off sharply.
“Had?”
The other boy nods curtly. “Had,” he affirms. “I’ve been thinking about kissing you for ages and that was…well…it felt…”
“Wrong?” Louis supplies, and he doesn’t take offence when Liam nods, mainly because it felt wrong to him too.
“It was like kissing a brother,” Liam admits softly.
The two sit in silence for a long time after, mulling over their own thoughts. Louis’ content to wait for Liam to speak again - the pensive look on his friends face speaks clearly of unresolved issues - and he needs to sort out his own too. Kissing Liam, in itself, is harmless and Louis’ can see there’s not going to be any awkwardness between them. Louis’ never really been an awkward person and besides, it seems silly to think that they might potentially ruin an awesome friendship and the dynamics of the band over an experimental snog. The other boys would -
Oh God. Niall. A sinking feeling of guilt settles in Louis’ stomach and he mentally groans. Niall can’t find out about this, because Louis’ not yet sure about whether the Irish boy actually does have a crush on Liam or not. (And well, part of him is pretty sure that he does.)
“We can’t tell anyone,” Louis says suddenly, turning to Liam. He has to reaffirm this, Liam can’t just accidentally slip it out. It could ruin everything and Louis’ not ready for his friendships with the other boys to end when they’ve only just begun. “Seriously, Liam, we can’t -”
Liam’s eyes are wide and he nods quickly, making Louis sigh with relief. “I don’t know why you’re worried, Louis, I’m sure Harry wouldn’t care if you explained it -”
“What?” His voice is a little sharper than intended but, seriously, why the hell is Liam bringing Harry into this? “What’s this got to do with Harry?”
“Well…” Liam is hesitant and cautious, his eyes flickering over Louis’ face as if looking for warning signals. “I mean…you like him, right?”
“Me? Like Harry? No! We’re best mates Liam!” The denial is a bit too quick and a bit too heated and sounds false to his own ears. But…why, though? He doesn’t fancy Harry…Harry’s, well…he’s Harry. And it’s just…
Stupid Liam and his stupid thoughtless questions.
Looking guiltily at the floor, Liam murmurs, “I thought you might have realized by now.”
“There’s nothing to realize!” Louis cuts back, his arms crossed above his chest. “Look, can we just…”
“Forget this whole thing ever happened?” Liam finishes with a grin.
Louis nods, smiling a bit himself, and sticks out a hand. When Liam reaches out to grab it he can’t help but joke, “You were a bloody good snog, by the way.”
Liam laughs and ignores the handshake, pulling Louis’ in for a hug instead.
.ii.
Niall, who is usually the happiest out of the band, is glaring out the window, his arms crossed petulantly across his chest. Waves of anger and frustration seem to be rolling over him and Louis’ feeling uncomfortably warm and sticky between the Irish boy and Liam who have yet to talk all day.
Harry meets Louis’ eye across from him in the car, offering a small, sympathetic smile. The tension in the car is almost touchable and Louis’ stuck smack bam in the middle. It’s uncomfortable and the car journey seems to be taking twice as long as it usually does. All Louis wants to do is go home, rest on the couch and maybe watch a movie with Harry - not be a buffer between his two clearly fighting band mates.
“Good interview, huh?”
Niall doesn’t bothering responding, only shifting fractionally, and Liam’s eyes flicker quickly from the blonde boy back to Harry so quickly that if Louis hadn’t spent the last year constantly surrounded by Liam he would have missed it.
“Yeah,” Liam replied to Harry’s weak question. “Nice lady.”
Zayn, who has remained mute the whole car trip, which isn’t necessarily an unusual thing. It’s the glower that he sends Liam, and Niall, whenever they move or speak that makes Louis sure that Zayn is involved in whatever fight is going on.
“She was wasn’t she?” Harry says. Louis is momentarily distracted by the tension in the small vehicle by Harry biting at his lower lip, his tongue flicking out to wet it. “She was a bit boring though. It gets a bit annoy-“
“Oh, shut up Harry!” Zayn snaps suddenly and Harry’s unfinished sentence cuts off abruptly, leading into a stunned silence.
“Fuck off!” Louis cries indignantly and Zayn crosses his arms, immediately in defensive mode. “Leave Harry out of this…”
“He was just talking about crap, no one cared about what Harry was saying,” Niall huffs, rolling his eyes. Louis’ not sure who Zayn’s more annoyed at now - Harry, Niall or himself.
“I care!”
Zayn gives a laugh that holds no humour. “Of course you care. It’s Harry.”
Before Louis can ask exactly what that means, Harry reaches over and places a hand on his knee in a comforting gesture that drains the anger out of him almost instantly. “Just drop it, Lou,” Harry smiles.
When Harry’s eyes look so pretty and green, Louis can’t really say no.
“Okay,” he mumbles reluctantly, not looking at Zayn and Niall. He’s too angry to even spare his band mates a glance. “Fine, I’ll drop it.”
The rest of the car trip is awkward and completely silent and when they finally reach their apartments, Liam almost falls out of the car in his haste to get out. Louis follows shortly after completely ignoring Zayn and Niall. He doesn’t hang around for a chat and goes straight up to Harry and his apartment, throwing himself on the couch and waiting for Harry to appear.
The curly haired boy does, ten minutes later with two teas in hand.
“Hey Boo bear,” he smirks, placing a mug into Louis’ hands. Mumbling his thanks, Louis takes a small sip. Harry’s teas are always perfect - not too strong, not too weak - and they’re the only thing that can make Louis’ feel better after a bad day. The two boys drink in silence; Harry’s eyes do not once leave his flatmate.
“I’m angry,” Louis admits finally.
“I know.”
For a couple of minutes Louis’ sits in silence and stews on his anger. He’s not just angry because Zayn snapped at Harry, though that plays apart. He’s annoyed because whatever the fuck has happened between Niall, Zayn and Liam has affected the whole band. Harry was lying when he said that it was a good interview - the interview was horrible. Tense, forced, with little to no banter between the boys, the poor interviewer was fumbling as she tried to work with the usually happy and lively boys. Louis remembers his sheer and utter embarrassment as the interview closed. It would be an absolute miracle if the fans didn’t notice the distant attitude.
Finally, Louis manages to calm down and he takes a deep breath. “If I go speak with Zayn will you speak with Niall and Liam?”
Harry pouts jokingly. “Slacker. You get one and I get two!”
“Hey, I get Zayn,” Louis grins. “He’s more likely to throw things. And now you’ve got a double chance of being killed which means I don’t have to do it myself!”
Harry rolls his eyes, flicking Louis’ nose. “You love me really.”
Louis blinks and nods slowly because he does.
When Harry leaves, all Louis can think about is you love me really and he thinks and thinks and thinks too much that when he arrives at Zayn’s flat he’s already too anxious and riled up.
Zayn doesn’t come and open the door, but Louis wasn’t expecting that he would, so he lets himself in with the spare key under the mat, which really is a horrible hiding place.
“Zayn!” Louis yells as he walks into the living room, making sure to be obnoxiously loud and irritating. He wants to make Zayn annoyed, he wants a fight because he wants to stop thinking.“Zayney, where are you, you fucking prick?”
“What do you want?” Zayn’s tone is angry and Louis’ takes sick satisfaction out of the angry scowl already prominent on his band mate’s face.
Louis spins around, smile sarcastically bright. “Oh, Zayn, light of my life! There are you!” And for some reason, Louis is suddenly furious. He hates Zayn, he hates Liam, he hates Niall and he fucking hates himself. But most of all he hates Harry because this isn’t Harry’s fault at all.
You love me really.
Isn’t that the truth, though? Because, when he thinks about it now, Louis realizes that he was already half in love with the boy when Harry Styles was just some sixteen year old with a cheeky smile and dirty laugh and now he’s in far too deep to even stop himself.
Surprise flickers across Zayn’s face for a split second, because Louis usually tries to begin these confrontations nicely, even though they never end nicely. “Fuck off and go home, Louis,” he mutters, unable to think of a better retort.
“No!” Louis yells, suddenly. “Not until you tell me why you, Niall and Liam are fighting.”
For once, Louis doesn’t care about his fighting band members. He just wants to yell, he wants to blame someone and he wants to stop thinking about Harry, because for the last year and a half all he has ever done is think about Harry.
Zayn looks pissed off, his hands clenched by his sides. “It’s none of your business.”
“Yeah?” Louis snaps. “It is now. Come on, Zayn. Why are you fighting? Did you insult Liam’s sisters?” Zayn opens his mouth, shocked, to defend himself, but Louis doesn’t even let him utter a word. “Did you tell Niall he was a bad singer? Did you -“
“I kissed Liam!” Zayn suddenly yells, his words so loud that Louis can almost feel them physically hitting him in the chest. The air whooshes out of his lungs and he is left staring stupidly at one of his best friends. Zayn’s lips tremble and his brown eyes glint with anger and embarrassment and hurt. “I kissed Liam and Niall saw!”
Louis’ face feels oddly numb and the words he wants to say, words that he should have said, are lost to, “Why did you kiss him.”
Zayn looks at him as if he’s stupid and it occurs to Louis that maybe he is a little bit. “Why do you think, Louis?”
“You can’t…It’s not…Zayn, you know that you can’t have a relationship in the band -“ The words taste so bitter on Louis’ tongue, and he struggles to swallow the lump in his throat. He feels so idiotic all of a sudden, standing in Zayn’s apartment and lecturing him.
Zayn snorts bitterly. “Coming from you,” he mutters.
“What do you mean?” Louis’ voice is so weak, desperately clinging on to the last shreds of denial, that when Zayn replies he doesn’t even sound angry.
“Harry.”
It’s only a word - a name. It shouldn’t mean so much to Louis.
Except it does.
Louis watches silently as Zayn crosses the room, coming to a halt only a few inches in front of the older boy. For a moment they stare at each other, and between them there is a bond of heartbreak - because they both know very well that Liam loves Niall, and Niall loves Liam, and that Harry…well, Harry’s just painfully oblivious.
Louis’ not sure he leans forward first but the next second their lips are touching. It’s soft and warm, a comforting kiss, and if he weren’t so completely head over heels in love with Harry, Louis would have enjoyed it. But he can’t - because always on the fringes of his mind is bright green eyes and curly hair.
Zayn pulls away and presses kisses down Louis’ neck and he’s not sure, but he thinks he’s whispering Liam against his skin.
“Zayn,” Louis murmurs, and his voice is so weak and desperate that he’s shocked at himself. When Zayn looks up at him, Louis blinks back tears that sting the back of his eyes. “I love him so much.”
Zayn nods, simply. “I know,” he says, and they’re kissing again, and one of them is crying, or their both crying, Louis’ not sure. He doesn’t stop the kiss though, even though he should, even though he needs too.
A long time later, when they’re both exhausted and drained, Louis leaves the apartment. When he gets back to the apartment Harry’s waiting for him, grim faced and serious.
“Yeah,” Louis says. He licks his lips and tastes Zayn. “I know.”
.iii.
Its Harry’s idea to play spin the bottle truth or dare to break the tension between the group. Their interviews have been awkward and lacking their usual banter and their fans are starting to notice. Louis’ not stupid - this rift between Niall, Zayn and Liam could rip apart the band. Maybe that’s why he gives in to Harry’s little plan so easily.
To begin with it’s a bit awkward. Zayn is sitting next to Louis in the circle that they’ve created on the floor in Harry and Louis’ apartment and when their knees brush, Zayn’s ears go red.
Liam spins the bottle first and it lands on Harry, and the curly haired boy chooses dare. “Stick your fist in your mouth,” Liam suggests, and they all laugh a bit because Liam’s always been horrible at thinking up dares.
Harry doesn’t manage to fit his fist in his mouth and when he gives up he sighs forlornly and declares, “We need alcohol.”
It takes all of half an hour before they’re all drunk.
Harry giggles, his cheeks pink from the alcohol he’s consumed and spins the bottle. Even in his drunken state, Louis can’t help but think he looks unfairly adorable as the bottle stops to point at Louis. The boys cheer and Zayn punches him lightly in the arm because the awkwardness was lost at the third drink, and they’re all acting like the last week hasn’t happened and Niall and Zayn aren’t both in love with the same guy.
“Dare,” Louis declares proudly because he’s not really up for a truth, and he’s feeling a bit more courageous than he would sober.
Harry taps at his chin, and his eyes are somewhat unfocused as he examines each of the other band members thoughtfully. “Okay, Louis, I dare you to…kiss Niall!’
Louis sobers, sitting straighter. Harry can’t be that thoughtless, that cruel. “Harry,” he says softly, a subtle warning, but Harry’s too out of it, or too oblivious to get it.
“C’mon, Louis, it’s just a kiss,” Harry teases, and Louis wants to hit him. Zayn has stiffened beside him and Liam’s not meeting anyone’s eye, his gaze trained steadily on the carpet. Niall meets Louis’ gaze and holds it.
“Sure,” Niall says flippantly. Louis thinks he’s trying to prove something, because Liam flinches like he’s burned.
Niall crawls over, on all fours, with Harry laughing hysterically in the background, and places a hand tentatively on Louis’ knee. The older boy jumps like he’s burned and over his Irish friends shoulder he can see Zayn and Liam pointedly looking away.
The kiss is short, and awkward and when it’s finished, the room is completely silent. Harry’s eyes are dark with something and Louis can only splutter out a lousy, “I’m tired,” before he retreats to his room, away from the stifling tension of the band.
For the first time since X Factor he wonders if this is even worth it.
Through his door he hears Harry’s muffled voice and a small, resigned smile tugs at his lips.
Maybe it’s all worth it, just for Harry.
.iv.
It takes two months for Harry to work out that Louis’ really, really in love with him. Niall, Zayn and Liam had somewhat resolved their issues - though sometimes Niall and Zayn look at Liam for a bit longer than usual, and the recent Danielle issue is something that is not, under any circumstances bought up.
Louis wonders what gives him away, in the end. Harry’s been so oblivious to everything for years…or maybe he’s just been waiting for the right time. Either way, Louis doesn’t care.
Harry’s not really one for subtly so one day they’re sitting on the couch, snuggled together and watching TV and suddenly he’s asking, “Are you in love with me, Lou?”
Louis fingers trace patterns on Harry’s arms and he doesn’t breathe for a whole minute, until Harry turns his face and brushes his nose against Louis’ jaw. Their bodies are pressed together, and Louis’ pretty sure that Harry can feel his heart beating erratically against his chest.
There’s no point in lying to Harry though. “Yes,” Louis admits, and it’s almost a relief.
Harry hums softly, and his curls tickle Louis’ cheeks, Harry’s lips pressed softly against Louis’ neck. They stay frozen, and Louis wonders if it’s possible to live in one moment forever.
“I love you too,” Harry says and it sounds like a fact. “I love you more than anyone else.”
“I love you too,” Louis repeats dumbly, because it’s the only thing he can say and Harry laughs, and Louis can feel his shoulders shaking.
“I love you,” Harry murmurs like a prayer against Louis’ skin. “I love you, I love you, I love you…”
It’s like he’s said it a million times before. “I love you,” Louis agrees and they’re just saying it back and forth, I love you, I love you, and Harry’s long fingers entwine with Louis’ and Louis only just notices that the younger boy is shaking slightly.
It’s the easiest and natural thing in the world to catch Harry’s chin with a finger and tilt the younger boys face to his. Harry’s smile is so ridiculously wide and goofy that Louis’ breath catches in his throat and he doesn’t even have time to think before Harry presses their lips together.
It’s different to kissing Liam, Niall or Zayn. Maybe it’s because it’s Harry, or maybe it’s for some other stupid reason that Louis can’t be bothered to think about because he’s actually, finally kissing Harry and nothing has ever felt more right.
a/n: I'm just transfering all my tumblr stuff to over here (to see more, go here.)
.i.
Out of all of the boys, Louis always thinks of Liam as the most heterosexual. When he actually has time to think about issues like sexuality in his whirlwind of a life, it’s always Liam who he is assumes is the straightest out of the lot. (Though, in hindsight, that’s not saying much. One Direction are most certainly not the manliest of blokes.)
Louis proudly claims the title of the most camp (even putting aside the bands knowledge of his bisexuality, Louis is the most feminine in his actions and bold in his flirting) and Harry follows shortly after. They’re the most blatant out of the band - and most of the time their flirting is with each other. Sometimes, Louis’ not sure if his flirting is pretend or not because when Harry smiles at him and his eyes are sparkling he feels something flutter in his stomach that is not platonic at all.
Then comes Niall, who seems to hold a certain fondness for Liam. If Louis didn’t know any better, and sometimes despite knowing better, he’d think that the Irish boy had a crush on the most sensible member of their group. Though he’s entertained the thought of confronting Niall about his not so platonic fondness for Liam, Louis doesn’t really want to have such a painfully awkward conversation.
Zayn, who is arguably the most macho, narrowly loses to Liam as the most straight because of sometimes Louis thinks that Zayn wouldn’t say no to kissing a bloke, especially when he nonchalantly comments, almost without thinking, about how fit Ashton Kutcher is.
Louis’ always thought of Liam as straight. As in, girlfriends, boobs, vagina’s. Which is why he’s so confused when Liam snogs him.
For the first time in a long time, it’s just the two of them. Usually Louis’ hanging out with Harry, but Harry’s gone out to dinner with a friend from his hometown that’s dropped in for the weekend. Pathetically enough, within an hour of his best mate leaving, Louis feels lonely. Maybe it’s not so unexpected really; he’s been practically living in the bands pockets since day one and it’s gotten weird to have alone time. After an hour and a half of sitting around the uncomfortably silent flat, Louis had given Liam a call who had come round to have dinner with him.
It’s a bit weird at first - the two boys are used to having the rest of the lads there - but Liam and Louis settle into conversation easily enough. They eat dinner and watch some TV and by ten they’re lying on the floor next to each other in the lounge room in complete silence just…thinking.
Liam’s the one who finally makes a stab at conversation.
“How’d you know you were bisexual, Lou?”
Louis chokes in surprise before laughing loudly, mainly because that is the last thing he’s ever expected Liam to say to him. It’s not like his sexuality is a taboo subject, it’s not - Harry and him have talked about it in depth and the other boys sometimes joke about it too. In fact, Harry had even taking Louis to a gay bar once, giggling hysterically as Louis’ cheeks flooded a bright red. The reason Louis chokes is because of the way Liam asks it - unsure and scared - and Louis’ can only think of one reason why Liam is so tentative about asking a simple question.
“Are you doubting your sexuality, Liam?” He asks bluntly and Liam sits up so quickly that Louis has to hide a snigger.
Looking away from Louis, his cheeks a brilliant shade of red in his embarrassment, Liam murmurs, “No…I dunno…Sorta?”
Louis tries to mask his astonishment, and sits up also, reaching out and warily placing a comforting hand on Liam’s knee. When the younger takes in a deep shuddering breath, Louis’ eyes go wide. “Dude, it’s okay, you can talk to me about this stuff.”
“I know, Louis,” Liam says, and his lips twitch a bit at the sides. For a moment they remain in comfortable silence before Liam whispers, “Louis…Have you ever…fancied a friend?”
For some odd reason that he doesn’t really want to think about, a picture of Harry jumps up in his head, and Louis turns a deep crimson to match Liam. Slowly, almost unsurely, he answers, “No…”
Liam’s eyes flicker over to him and he gives a small disbelieving snort. “Convincing,” he mutters, almost bitterly.
“Seriously, Liam, are you ok-”
He never does get to finish his sentence; Liam’s lips are pushed up against his, firm and warm. It’s an odd experience - not necessarily unpleasant, but not nice. It’s not like there’s anything wrong with the kiss, it’s just…the person. And Louis loves Liam, but as a brother. Almost instinctively, Louis begins to move his lips against Liam’s.
Louis marvels at how surreal the situation seems, how downright strange it is to have Liam - sensible, practical Liam - gripping his shoulders, his lips firmly pressed against Louis’.
Letting the kiss continue for only a few more seconds, Louis pulls away, his eyes wide and voice deceptively calm when he speaks again. “So…That was interesting.” He’s not lying, it was. A big part of Louis is still freaking out over the fact that Liam Payne kissed him, but an even bigger part is suddenly intensely curious as to why.
Almost like he’s heard Louis’ thoughts, Liam says, “I’ve had a crush on you for a few months and -”
Okay, what? Cause Louis’ isn’t stupidly modest enough to say that he’s ugly, but he’s never, not in a million years expected Liam to fancy him. In fact, if any of the band were to have a crush on him, he would have thought it to be Harry…
An odd fluttering in his chest arises at the thought of Harry being the one here, kissing him, admitting that he likes him. It’s a far more arousing thought than when Liam is the one doing these things and Louis quickly wipes the scenario from his mind, trying to fight down his blush.
Lifting his eyebrows, Louis contemplates for a moment pinching himself to see whether this is a dream or not. When Liam catches his expression he smile sheepishly. “I know, it’s stupid,” he shrugs.
“Well, not that stupid, I am pretty hot,” Louis jokes, trying to lighten the mood. It works: Liam laughs loudly, shaking his head in exasperation.
“I just thought…that…I don’t know why I had a crush on you -” Liam begins but Louis cuts him off sharply.
“Had?”
The other boy nods curtly. “Had,” he affirms. “I’ve been thinking about kissing you for ages and that was…well…it felt…”
“Wrong?” Louis supplies, and he doesn’t take offence when Liam nods, mainly because it felt wrong to him too.
“It was like kissing a brother,” Liam admits softly.
The two sit in silence for a long time after, mulling over their own thoughts. Louis’ content to wait for Liam to speak again - the pensive look on his friends face speaks clearly of unresolved issues - and he needs to sort out his own too. Kissing Liam, in itself, is harmless and Louis’ can see there’s not going to be any awkwardness between them. Louis’ never really been an awkward person and besides, it seems silly to think that they might potentially ruin an awesome friendship and the dynamics of the band over an experimental snog. The other boys would -
Oh God. Niall. A sinking feeling of guilt settles in Louis’ stomach and he mentally groans. Niall can’t find out about this, because Louis’ not yet sure about whether the Irish boy actually does have a crush on Liam or not. (And well, part of him is pretty sure that he does.)
“We can’t tell anyone,” Louis says suddenly, turning to Liam. He has to reaffirm this, Liam can’t just accidentally slip it out. It could ruin everything and Louis’ not ready for his friendships with the other boys to end when they’ve only just begun. “Seriously, Liam, we can’t -”
Liam’s eyes are wide and he nods quickly, making Louis sigh with relief. “I don’t know why you’re worried, Louis, I’m sure Harry wouldn’t care if you explained it -”
“What?” His voice is a little sharper than intended but, seriously, why the hell is Liam bringing Harry into this? “What’s this got to do with Harry?”
“Well…” Liam is hesitant and cautious, his eyes flickering over Louis’ face as if looking for warning signals. “I mean…you like him, right?”
“Me? Like Harry? No! We’re best mates Liam!” The denial is a bit too quick and a bit too heated and sounds false to his own ears. But…why, though? He doesn’t fancy Harry…Harry’s, well…he’s Harry. And it’s just…
Stupid Liam and his stupid thoughtless questions.
Looking guiltily at the floor, Liam murmurs, “I thought you might have realized by now.”
“There’s nothing to realize!” Louis cuts back, his arms crossed above his chest. “Look, can we just…”
“Forget this whole thing ever happened?” Liam finishes with a grin.
Louis nods, smiling a bit himself, and sticks out a hand. When Liam reaches out to grab it he can’t help but joke, “You were a bloody good snog, by the way.”
Liam laughs and ignores the handshake, pulling Louis’ in for a hug instead.
.ii.
Niall, who is usually the happiest out of the band, is glaring out the window, his arms crossed petulantly across his chest. Waves of anger and frustration seem to be rolling over him and Louis’ feeling uncomfortably warm and sticky between the Irish boy and Liam who have yet to talk all day.
Harry meets Louis’ eye across from him in the car, offering a small, sympathetic smile. The tension in the car is almost touchable and Louis’ stuck smack bam in the middle. It’s uncomfortable and the car journey seems to be taking twice as long as it usually does. All Louis wants to do is go home, rest on the couch and maybe watch a movie with Harry - not be a buffer between his two clearly fighting band mates.
“Good interview, huh?”
Niall doesn’t bothering responding, only shifting fractionally, and Liam’s eyes flicker quickly from the blonde boy back to Harry so quickly that if Louis hadn’t spent the last year constantly surrounded by Liam he would have missed it.
“Yeah,” Liam replied to Harry’s weak question. “Nice lady.”
Zayn, who has remained mute the whole car trip, which isn’t necessarily an unusual thing. It’s the glower that he sends Liam, and Niall, whenever they move or speak that makes Louis sure that Zayn is involved in whatever fight is going on.
“She was wasn’t she?” Harry says. Louis is momentarily distracted by the tension in the small vehicle by Harry biting at his lower lip, his tongue flicking out to wet it. “She was a bit boring though. It gets a bit annoy-“
“Oh, shut up Harry!” Zayn snaps suddenly and Harry’s unfinished sentence cuts off abruptly, leading into a stunned silence.
“Fuck off!” Louis cries indignantly and Zayn crosses his arms, immediately in defensive mode. “Leave Harry out of this…”
“He was just talking about crap, no one cared about what Harry was saying,” Niall huffs, rolling his eyes. Louis’ not sure who Zayn’s more annoyed at now - Harry, Niall or himself.
“I care!”
Zayn gives a laugh that holds no humour. “Of course you care. It’s Harry.”
Before Louis can ask exactly what that means, Harry reaches over and places a hand on his knee in a comforting gesture that drains the anger out of him almost instantly. “Just drop it, Lou,” Harry smiles.
When Harry’s eyes look so pretty and green, Louis can’t really say no.
“Okay,” he mumbles reluctantly, not looking at Zayn and Niall. He’s too angry to even spare his band mates a glance. “Fine, I’ll drop it.”
The rest of the car trip is awkward and completely silent and when they finally reach their apartments, Liam almost falls out of the car in his haste to get out. Louis follows shortly after completely ignoring Zayn and Niall. He doesn’t hang around for a chat and goes straight up to Harry and his apartment, throwing himself on the couch and waiting for Harry to appear.
The curly haired boy does, ten minutes later with two teas in hand.
“Hey Boo bear,” he smirks, placing a mug into Louis’ hands. Mumbling his thanks, Louis takes a small sip. Harry’s teas are always perfect - not too strong, not too weak - and they’re the only thing that can make Louis’ feel better after a bad day. The two boys drink in silence; Harry’s eyes do not once leave his flatmate.
“I’m angry,” Louis admits finally.
“I know.”
For a couple of minutes Louis’ sits in silence and stews on his anger. He’s not just angry because Zayn snapped at Harry, though that plays apart. He’s annoyed because whatever the fuck has happened between Niall, Zayn and Liam has affected the whole band. Harry was lying when he said that it was a good interview - the interview was horrible. Tense, forced, with little to no banter between the boys, the poor interviewer was fumbling as she tried to work with the usually happy and lively boys. Louis remembers his sheer and utter embarrassment as the interview closed. It would be an absolute miracle if the fans didn’t notice the distant attitude.
Finally, Louis manages to calm down and he takes a deep breath. “If I go speak with Zayn will you speak with Niall and Liam?”
Harry pouts jokingly. “Slacker. You get one and I get two!”
“Hey, I get Zayn,” Louis grins. “He’s more likely to throw things. And now you’ve got a double chance of being killed which means I don’t have to do it myself!”
Harry rolls his eyes, flicking Louis’ nose. “You love me really.”
Louis blinks and nods slowly because he does.
When Harry leaves, all Louis can think about is you love me really and he thinks and thinks and thinks too much that when he arrives at Zayn’s flat he’s already too anxious and riled up.
Zayn doesn’t come and open the door, but Louis wasn’t expecting that he would, so he lets himself in with the spare key under the mat, which really is a horrible hiding place.
“Zayn!” Louis yells as he walks into the living room, making sure to be obnoxiously loud and irritating. He wants to make Zayn annoyed, he wants a fight because he wants to stop thinking.“Zayney, where are you, you fucking prick?”
“What do you want?” Zayn’s tone is angry and Louis’ takes sick satisfaction out of the angry scowl already prominent on his band mate’s face.
Louis spins around, smile sarcastically bright. “Oh, Zayn, light of my life! There are you!” And for some reason, Louis is suddenly furious. He hates Zayn, he hates Liam, he hates Niall and he fucking hates himself. But most of all he hates Harry because this isn’t Harry’s fault at all.
You love me really.
Isn’t that the truth, though? Because, when he thinks about it now, Louis realizes that he was already half in love with the boy when Harry Styles was just some sixteen year old with a cheeky smile and dirty laugh and now he’s in far too deep to even stop himself.
Surprise flickers across Zayn’s face for a split second, because Louis usually tries to begin these confrontations nicely, even though they never end nicely. “Fuck off and go home, Louis,” he mutters, unable to think of a better retort.
“No!” Louis yells, suddenly. “Not until you tell me why you, Niall and Liam are fighting.”
For once, Louis doesn’t care about his fighting band members. He just wants to yell, he wants to blame someone and he wants to stop thinking about Harry, because for the last year and a half all he has ever done is think about Harry.
Zayn looks pissed off, his hands clenched by his sides. “It’s none of your business.”
“Yeah?” Louis snaps. “It is now. Come on, Zayn. Why are you fighting? Did you insult Liam’s sisters?” Zayn opens his mouth, shocked, to defend himself, but Louis doesn’t even let him utter a word. “Did you tell Niall he was a bad singer? Did you -“
“I kissed Liam!” Zayn suddenly yells, his words so loud that Louis can almost feel them physically hitting him in the chest. The air whooshes out of his lungs and he is left staring stupidly at one of his best friends. Zayn’s lips tremble and his brown eyes glint with anger and embarrassment and hurt. “I kissed Liam and Niall saw!”
Louis’ face feels oddly numb and the words he wants to say, words that he should have said, are lost to, “Why did you kiss him.”
Zayn looks at him as if he’s stupid and it occurs to Louis that maybe he is a little bit. “Why do you think, Louis?”
“You can’t…It’s not…Zayn, you know that you can’t have a relationship in the band -“ The words taste so bitter on Louis’ tongue, and he struggles to swallow the lump in his throat. He feels so idiotic all of a sudden, standing in Zayn’s apartment and lecturing him.
Zayn snorts bitterly. “Coming from you,” he mutters.
“What do you mean?” Louis’ voice is so weak, desperately clinging on to the last shreds of denial, that when Zayn replies he doesn’t even sound angry.
“Harry.”
It’s only a word - a name. It shouldn’t mean so much to Louis.
Except it does.
Louis watches silently as Zayn crosses the room, coming to a halt only a few inches in front of the older boy. For a moment they stare at each other, and between them there is a bond of heartbreak - because they both know very well that Liam loves Niall, and Niall loves Liam, and that Harry…well, Harry’s just painfully oblivious.
Louis’ not sure he leans forward first but the next second their lips are touching. It’s soft and warm, a comforting kiss, and if he weren’t so completely head over heels in love with Harry, Louis would have enjoyed it. But he can’t - because always on the fringes of his mind is bright green eyes and curly hair.
Zayn pulls away and presses kisses down Louis’ neck and he’s not sure, but he thinks he’s whispering Liam against his skin.
“Zayn,” Louis murmurs, and his voice is so weak and desperate that he’s shocked at himself. When Zayn looks up at him, Louis blinks back tears that sting the back of his eyes. “I love him so much.”
Zayn nods, simply. “I know,” he says, and they’re kissing again, and one of them is crying, or their both crying, Louis’ not sure. He doesn’t stop the kiss though, even though he should, even though he needs too.
A long time later, when they’re both exhausted and drained, Louis leaves the apartment. When he gets back to the apartment Harry’s waiting for him, grim faced and serious.
“Yeah,” Louis says. He licks his lips and tastes Zayn. “I know.”
.iii.
Its Harry’s idea to play spin the bottle truth or dare to break the tension between the group. Their interviews have been awkward and lacking their usual banter and their fans are starting to notice. Louis’ not stupid - this rift between Niall, Zayn and Liam could rip apart the band. Maybe that’s why he gives in to Harry’s little plan so easily.
To begin with it’s a bit awkward. Zayn is sitting next to Louis in the circle that they’ve created on the floor in Harry and Louis’ apartment and when their knees brush, Zayn’s ears go red.
Liam spins the bottle first and it lands on Harry, and the curly haired boy chooses dare. “Stick your fist in your mouth,” Liam suggests, and they all laugh a bit because Liam’s always been horrible at thinking up dares.
Harry doesn’t manage to fit his fist in his mouth and when he gives up he sighs forlornly and declares, “We need alcohol.”
It takes all of half an hour before they’re all drunk.
Harry giggles, his cheeks pink from the alcohol he’s consumed and spins the bottle. Even in his drunken state, Louis can’t help but think he looks unfairly adorable as the bottle stops to point at Louis. The boys cheer and Zayn punches him lightly in the arm because the awkwardness was lost at the third drink, and they’re all acting like the last week hasn’t happened and Niall and Zayn aren’t both in love with the same guy.
“Dare,” Louis declares proudly because he’s not really up for a truth, and he’s feeling a bit more courageous than he would sober.
Harry taps at his chin, and his eyes are somewhat unfocused as he examines each of the other band members thoughtfully. “Okay, Louis, I dare you to…kiss Niall!’
Louis sobers, sitting straighter. Harry can’t be that thoughtless, that cruel. “Harry,” he says softly, a subtle warning, but Harry’s too out of it, or too oblivious to get it.
“C’mon, Louis, it’s just a kiss,” Harry teases, and Louis wants to hit him. Zayn has stiffened beside him and Liam’s not meeting anyone’s eye, his gaze trained steadily on the carpet. Niall meets Louis’ gaze and holds it.
“Sure,” Niall says flippantly. Louis thinks he’s trying to prove something, because Liam flinches like he’s burned.
Niall crawls over, on all fours, with Harry laughing hysterically in the background, and places a hand tentatively on Louis’ knee. The older boy jumps like he’s burned and over his Irish friends shoulder he can see Zayn and Liam pointedly looking away.
The kiss is short, and awkward and when it’s finished, the room is completely silent. Harry’s eyes are dark with something and Louis can only splutter out a lousy, “I’m tired,” before he retreats to his room, away from the stifling tension of the band.
For the first time since X Factor he wonders if this is even worth it.
Through his door he hears Harry’s muffled voice and a small, resigned smile tugs at his lips.
Maybe it’s all worth it, just for Harry.
.iv.
It takes two months for Harry to work out that Louis’ really, really in love with him. Niall, Zayn and Liam had somewhat resolved their issues - though sometimes Niall and Zayn look at Liam for a bit longer than usual, and the recent Danielle issue is something that is not, under any circumstances bought up.
Louis wonders what gives him away, in the end. Harry’s been so oblivious to everything for years…or maybe he’s just been waiting for the right time. Either way, Louis doesn’t care.
Harry’s not really one for subtly so one day they’re sitting on the couch, snuggled together and watching TV and suddenly he’s asking, “Are you in love with me, Lou?”
Louis fingers trace patterns on Harry’s arms and he doesn’t breathe for a whole minute, until Harry turns his face and brushes his nose against Louis’ jaw. Their bodies are pressed together, and Louis’ pretty sure that Harry can feel his heart beating erratically against his chest.
There’s no point in lying to Harry though. “Yes,” Louis admits, and it’s almost a relief.
Harry hums softly, and his curls tickle Louis’ cheeks, Harry’s lips pressed softly against Louis’ neck. They stay frozen, and Louis wonders if it’s possible to live in one moment forever.
“I love you too,” Harry says and it sounds like a fact. “I love you more than anyone else.”
“I love you too,” Louis repeats dumbly, because it’s the only thing he can say and Harry laughs, and Louis can feel his shoulders shaking.
“I love you,” Harry murmurs like a prayer against Louis’ skin. “I love you, I love you, I love you…”
It’s like he’s said it a million times before. “I love you,” Louis agrees and they’re just saying it back and forth, I love you, I love you, and Harry’s long fingers entwine with Louis’ and Louis only just notices that the younger boy is shaking slightly.
It’s the easiest and natural thing in the world to catch Harry’s chin with a finger and tilt the younger boys face to his. Harry’s smile is so ridiculously wide and goofy that Louis’ breath catches in his throat and he doesn’t even have time to think before Harry presses their lips together.
It’s different to kissing Liam, Niall or Zayn. Maybe it’s because it’s Harry, or maybe it’s for some other stupid reason that Louis can’t be bothered to think about because he’s actually, finally kissing Harry and nothing has ever felt more right.