Tom Zarek Becomes Vice President - An Explanatory Picspam
Another picspam, woo hoo! Or I hope woo hoo. Perhaps boo hoo. Anyway, this is a one-off that I did while working on some bigger ones (cough cough miniseries dylan 4 doc cottle salute cough cough). I figured I'd keep up the political theme since it seems appropriate given this week. :)
And don't let the title of this one fool you. This one features Jealous!Bill, Pwned!Tom, Pwning!Laura, and Flashbacks galore. Good times to be had.
Previously on BSG: Bill hated Tom. Tom hated Bill. Both of them had crushes on Laura. Laura kind of pwned both of them. The Ship Wars ensued. Bill totally won and has been frakking Laura ever since. Tom teamed up with Baltar and beat Laura in the Worst Election Ever. Everyone moved to New Caprica, except Bill. Tom and Laura bonded over detention cells, prison jumpsuits, and toaster firing squads. Tom became the temporary prez and let Galactica's crew stage a really frakked up tribunal. And now, for the behind the scenes scoop on how Zarek became (and remained) the VP
First up: Fun Times on New Caprica! Or, How Laura and Tom Totally Bonded
Laura: All right people, what have I missed?
Saul: Frak lady, you were only in detention for a few hours. It's not like we had time to blow anything up while you were away
Laura: Well you certainly had time to blow up the Cylon Roller Rink this morning and land me in detention again. Give me some warning next time, I didn't even have time for a shower before they showed up!
Saul: Lady, seeing cylons having fun makes me want to blow something up. It was beyond my control. Besides, the cylons would arrest you for sneezing at this point.
Laura: Yeah, that's true. And I got arrested for coughing not sneezing last week. Anyway, why haven't you blown something else up? It's been hours! This is shoddy gentlemen.
Sam: We're tired! I blew up some crap yesterday, I need a break. Besides, shouldn't we be strategic about this and not just blow stuff up willy nilly?
Saul: Who the frak says willy nilly? haha. And also NO. We should blow shit up all the time.
Laura: Yeah, Sam, our strategy is blowing stuff constantly. And trying to short circuit toasters. And making Cylons cry. Wait, that's just me
*Most of the cylons were afraid to directly deal with Laura at this point. For instance, she could make all the Leoben models cry by glaring at them*
Saul: Look I'm gonna take a nap and then we can go vandalize Colonial 1 or something.
Laura: That's more like it.
Later at New Caprica Elementary
Laura: *being adorable with school children*
Police: Laura Roslin you are under arrest
Laura: WTF! I just got released this morning! This is the 4th time this week!
Police: Yeah sorry. Do you want to grab a snack or something before we go?
Laura: Ugh, no. What the frak ever. Just make sure to walk me past Chief's tent. No reason. *The reason was so that chief would know to go blow up the Cylon Movie Theater in retaliation*
So the cylons loaded everyone into a luxurious truck. Classy.
Laura: Well, this is new
Old Lady: Now listen up young whippersnapper, I don't share my cookie recipe with just anyone. But you're the Pythia so I suppose you can know
Laura: Uh, super. Hey, D'Anna, can I go back to my private cell now?
D'Anna: NO! You are going on the road trip with everyone else!
Tom: Hey, hey! Long time no see!
Laura: Seriously, can I go to my cell? Please?
Tom: How are ya?
Laura: Uh, being arrested again. Yourself?
Tom: Oh I've been in jail since the occupation started.
Laura: Oh really? Go figure! What cell were you in?
Tom: 25
Laura: Get out of town, I usually stay in 21
Tom: Hey, no kidding! That's crazy. Does that little family of mice pop up in yours?
Laura: haha, yeah.
Tom: Er, I'd also like to apologize for working with Baltar. You were clearly the better president
Laura: Understatement to end all understatements. But I accept your apology. I'm magnanimous that way. And since you seem to have converted to Roslinism I might have a job for you in the future
Later, in a secluded location... *anvil of doom alert!*
Laura: Well, they let us all out in an abandoned quarry. This isn't suspicious at all.
Tom: Nope. Hey, did you try to steal the election back in the day?
Laura: Yep.
Tom: heh. You should've gone through with it.
Laura: Word. My seekrit husband is uber moral though, so yeah. I'll try not to hold it against him when I see him again.
Toasters: Clank clank clank
Tom: Uh, that's not good.
Laura: I'll say. Frakking cylons can kiss their frakking strip mall goodbye after this.
After rolling down a hill
Tom: So, was it good for you?
Laura: Shut up. Frakker
Chief: Whoa, hey, should I come back later?
Laura: zomgs, frak off.
Chief: haha, I'm just kidding. Really, don't airlock me. Anyways, good news ma'am: the admiral is one his way back! He IMed me just now: "Is Laura ok, check yes or no" So I checked yes and he said "Good cause otherwise I would have had to nuke the entire planet and then we would have run out of nuclear bombs. My daring rescue plan will proceed as planned. Have Saul give Laura a hug for me since he's the only one I trust not to enjoy it too much. Peace out, Adama"
Laura: Aww. That's sweet. I'm not hugging Saul though.
Tom: I'll give you a hug!
Laura: haha, no. You can be my veep though when we get back.
Tom: Won't I be president when we get back?
Laura: .....
Tom: Uh, no clearly not, no. You are totally our president. But why make me the VP?
Laura: You get brownie points for serving time in Cylon Jail. And other stuff. *namely that Laura felt she could totally pwn Tom without any problem. She was correct in this assumption*
After Bill rescued his seekrit wife and everyone else for the hell of it, Tom became the temporary Prez while Baltar enjoyed the hospitality of Chez Cylon Baseship. Tom then tried to pwn Laura for old times sake.
Tom: So, as you can see, I totally condoned this super seekrit tribunal all for you Laura. I did it all for you!
Bill: Seriously? How does condoning murder help my bb out? That’s a load of crap
Laura: Yeah, I’m failing to follow your logic here Tom. I mean, this was seriously illegal
Tom: I did it so you wouldn’t have to do anything illegal! And not that you have a problem airlocking people. But ya know, after being hardcore on New Caprica, I thought you could use a break.
Laura: Just because I am a bit le tired doesn’t mean my hardcoreness and airlocking skillz diminish fool. And I haven’t had a problem doing illegal things so far, so why stop now? Laws are more like guidelines really.
Bill: Uh, bb I know you were really gung ho with the resistance but it’s over now. No more randomly blowing stuff up or offing people when you feel like it
Laura: Way to rain on my parade bb.
Tom: Well I certainly know where you coming from Laura since I was on New Caprica with you and not on a cozy battlestar. Cough cough. Remember that time you tackled me and we fell down that hill? We totally bonded
Bill: WTF?? THIS DOES NOT PLEASE ME. I RETROACTIVELY OBJECT TO YOUR PHYSICAL PROXIMITY TO MY SEEKRIT WIFE
Laura: *oh gods, don’t laugh don’t laugh this is so frakking ridiculous* Yeah those were uh, super times Tom. I always like to recall nearly getting killed by a toaster firing squad. Thanks
Tom: Don’t mention it. But since we’re cool now, I did you this solid. You don’t have to worry about pesky and somewhat illegal seekrit tribunals. Or trials for that matter since they just airlocked a lot of people for you. We did it all for you!
Laura: haha! Are you aware of how absurd this sounds? Everyone, including you, knows how hardcore I am and how I am perfectly capable of getting shit done. You’re totally up to something right now Tom, so spill
Tom: Who me? Nope, nothing at all, nope. Just doing something nice for my BFF Laura
Bill: I OBJECT TO THIS STATEMENT AS WELL. MY SEEKRIT WIFE DOESN’T NEED A BFF, KTHNX.
Laura: Oh Bill, seriously, like anyone is actually a threat to you. Please.
Bill: I am mildly placated now
Laura: Anywho, Tom, I think that perhaps you let this tribunal go ahead and then told me about it so that you could guilt trip me in the future and hold this whole episode over my head as blackmail material.
Tom: Uh...
Laura: So, we’ll just forget that you mentioned this ok? Or I might be forced to “remember” some of the crap you’ve pulled in the past. You know, the stuff we agreed to put aside during our little tea party.
Bill: WHAT TEA PARTY?
Flashback! Tea Party Time!
Tom: So let me get this straight: I agree not to mention the election stealing thing. Though at this point I think people will be more angry that you didn’t go through with it than the fact that you attempted it in the first place
Laura: Agreed. Damn Bill’s moral compass.
Uber Flashback!
Bill: So... that was some surprise victory
Laura: Yep. Surprising
Bill: Uh huh.
Laura: Right.
*Awkward pause*
Bill: You stole the election!
Laura: *gasp* That is shocking! Shocking! Are you impugning my honor?
Bill: Apparently you don't have any since you stole the election!
Laura: Well how do you know it wasn't my minions?
Bill: Oh please, you're all knowing bb. The minions don't act without your say so.
Laura: Dammit.
Laura: And what if I did alter a few ballots? Did you really want to work with Baltar?
Bill: Frak no. But stealing is wrong. And I have an unfailing moral compass, so I should know
Laura: bb, I'll be honest with you. I really did it so we could continue our super seekrit relationship. I mean, we have all these excuses to meet now and if I wasn't the president I'd totally never see you.
Bill: Well that's sweet bb, but don't you realize we could have a super hot non-seekrit relationship if you weren't the president? You could be Mrs. Adama!
Laura: Roslin-Adama. And that was my initial thought. I had Tory draw up plans for how I could possibly throw the election. Unfortunately, Baltar was so horrible that it was going to be pretty much impossible to lose to him. I would of pretty much needed to actually toss a baby out an airlock in order to lose. Now though, the people are going to realize how epically dumb he is in the near future and I'll have to be president again. Stupid frakking fleet.
Bill: Well, you could be president Roslin-Adama and the people could get over it. I mean most of the fleet are obsessed with us anyway. It's frakking weird.
Laura: Well our amazingness is compelling. But if the fleet were confronted with actual proof of our relationship, they would probably implode from the hotness. Our combined awesome is both a blessing and a curse. Besides, the super seekrit aspect of our relationship is smoking hot
Bill: Yeah, that's true. I still say we let Baltar be prez for awhile. It'll give you a vacay, we can frak more often, and you'll be insanely popular after Baltar screws up monumentally. And you know, the morality issue and all. Stealing is bad.
Laura: Yeah ok bb. Wanna put this desk to good use for the last time?
Bill: Score. Though why limit ourselves to the desk? I say we sex up the whole ship as a welcome present to Baltar
Laura: I like the way you think
*Insert A/R seckings scene here. And now back to Tom. Sorry, I know it's a let down. ;)*
Tom: And you’ll agree to not hold all those times I tried to assassinate you and undermine you and generally be an ass against me for the sake of a stable government?
Laura: Yep
Tom: That seems somewhat lopsided
Laura: It is. I like to do more work upfront and reap the benefits later
Tom: We'll see about that
Laura: heh. We will. *Laura liked to make sure that she had more on her opponent than he/she ever had on her. That way she could win every argument. This, in conjunction with her pwning skillz, made Laura pretty much unbeatable. This strategy even worked wonders with Bill since she only had to say “jail cell” or “New Caprica” and he would like, take out the trash and stuff.*
Tom: I just go totally pwned didn’t I? I mean, you made sure you had enough blackmail material on me so that I would never be able to hold anything over your head. Wow. You totally screwed me over!
Bill: DO NOT MENTION THE WORD SCREWED EITHER TO MY SEEKRIT WIFE OR IN A SENTENCE INVOLVING MY SEEKRIT WIFE
Laura: That's for sure. And it's cool Bill, I did it all for the sake of pwnage.
Bill: grumble grumble
Tom: So as VP I will basically not be able to do anything without your say so?
Laura: You're catching on!
And that's how Tom became and remained the Vice President. Thanks for reading!
And don't let the title of this one fool you. This one features Jealous!Bill, Pwned!Tom, Pwning!Laura, and Flashbacks galore. Good times to be had.
Previously on BSG: Bill hated Tom. Tom hated Bill. Both of them had crushes on Laura. Laura kind of pwned both of them. The Ship Wars ensued. Bill totally won and has been frakking Laura ever since. Tom teamed up with Baltar and beat Laura in the Worst Election Ever. Everyone moved to New Caprica, except Bill. Tom and Laura bonded over detention cells, prison jumpsuits, and toaster firing squads. Tom became the temporary prez and let Galactica's crew stage a really frakked up tribunal. And now, for the behind the scenes scoop on how Zarek became (and remained) the VP
First up: Fun Times on New Caprica! Or, How Laura and Tom Totally Bonded
Laura: All right people, what have I missed?
Saul: Frak lady, you were only in detention for a few hours. It's not like we had time to blow anything up while you were away
Laura: Well you certainly had time to blow up the Cylon Roller Rink this morning and land me in detention again. Give me some warning next time, I didn't even have time for a shower before they showed up!
Saul: Lady, seeing cylons having fun makes me want to blow something up. It was beyond my control. Besides, the cylons would arrest you for sneezing at this point.
Laura: Yeah, that's true. And I got arrested for coughing not sneezing last week. Anyway, why haven't you blown something else up? It's been hours! This is shoddy gentlemen.
Sam: We're tired! I blew up some crap yesterday, I need a break. Besides, shouldn't we be strategic about this and not just blow stuff up willy nilly?
Saul: Who the frak says willy nilly? haha. And also NO. We should blow shit up all the time.
Laura: Yeah, Sam, our strategy is blowing stuff constantly. And trying to short circuit toasters. And making Cylons cry. Wait, that's just me
*Most of the cylons were afraid to directly deal with Laura at this point. For instance, she could make all the Leoben models cry by glaring at them*
Saul: Look I'm gonna take a nap and then we can go vandalize Colonial 1 or something.
Laura: That's more like it.
Later at New Caprica Elementary
Laura: *being adorable with school children*
Police: Laura Roslin you are under arrest
Laura: WTF! I just got released this morning! This is the 4th time this week!
Police: Yeah sorry. Do you want to grab a snack or something before we go?
Laura: Ugh, no. What the frak ever. Just make sure to walk me past Chief's tent. No reason. *The reason was so that chief would know to go blow up the Cylon Movie Theater in retaliation*
So the cylons loaded everyone into a luxurious truck. Classy.
Laura: Well, this is new
Old Lady: Now listen up young whippersnapper, I don't share my cookie recipe with just anyone. But you're the Pythia so I suppose you can know
Laura: Uh, super. Hey, D'Anna, can I go back to my private cell now?
D'Anna: NO! You are going on the road trip with everyone else!
Tom: Hey, hey! Long time no see!
Laura: Seriously, can I go to my cell? Please?
Tom: How are ya?
Laura: Uh, being arrested again. Yourself?
Tom: Oh I've been in jail since the occupation started.
Laura: Oh really? Go figure! What cell were you in?
Tom: 25
Laura: Get out of town, I usually stay in 21
Tom: Hey, no kidding! That's crazy. Does that little family of mice pop up in yours?
Laura: haha, yeah.
Tom: Er, I'd also like to apologize for working with Baltar. You were clearly the better president
Laura: Understatement to end all understatements. But I accept your apology. I'm magnanimous that way. And since you seem to have converted to Roslinism I might have a job for you in the future
Later, in a secluded location... *anvil of doom alert!*
Laura: Well, they let us all out in an abandoned quarry. This isn't suspicious at all.
Tom: Nope. Hey, did you try to steal the election back in the day?
Laura: Yep.
Tom: heh. You should've gone through with it.
Laura: Word. My seekrit husband is uber moral though, so yeah. I'll try not to hold it against him when I see him again.
Toasters: Clank clank clank
Tom: Uh, that's not good.
Laura: I'll say. Frakking cylons can kiss their frakking strip mall goodbye after this.
After rolling down a hill
Tom: So, was it good for you?
Laura: Shut up. Frakker
Chief: Whoa, hey, should I come back later?
Laura: zomgs, frak off.
Chief: haha, I'm just kidding. Really, don't airlock me. Anyways, good news ma'am: the admiral is one his way back! He IMed me just now: "Is Laura ok, check yes or no" So I checked yes and he said "Good cause otherwise I would have had to nuke the entire planet and then we would have run out of nuclear bombs. My daring rescue plan will proceed as planned. Have Saul give Laura a hug for me since he's the only one I trust not to enjoy it too much. Peace out, Adama"
Laura: Aww. That's sweet. I'm not hugging Saul though.
Tom: I'll give you a hug!
Laura: haha, no. You can be my veep though when we get back.
Tom: Won't I be president when we get back?
Laura: .....
Tom: Uh, no clearly not, no. You are totally our president. But why make me the VP?
Laura: You get brownie points for serving time in Cylon Jail. And other stuff. *namely that Laura felt she could totally pwn Tom without any problem. She was correct in this assumption*
After Bill rescued his seekrit wife and everyone else for the hell of it, Tom became the temporary Prez while Baltar enjoyed the hospitality of Chez Cylon Baseship. Tom then tried to pwn Laura for old times sake.
Tom: So, as you can see, I totally condoned this super seekrit tribunal all for you Laura. I did it all for you!
Bill: Seriously? How does condoning murder help my bb out? That’s a load of crap
Laura: Yeah, I’m failing to follow your logic here Tom. I mean, this was seriously illegal
Tom: I did it so you wouldn’t have to do anything illegal! And not that you have a problem airlocking people. But ya know, after being hardcore on New Caprica, I thought you could use a break.
Laura: Just because I am a bit le tired doesn’t mean my hardcoreness and airlocking skillz diminish fool. And I haven’t had a problem doing illegal things so far, so why stop now? Laws are more like guidelines really.
Bill: Uh, bb I know you were really gung ho with the resistance but it’s over now. No more randomly blowing stuff up or offing people when you feel like it
Laura: Way to rain on my parade bb.
Tom: Well I certainly know where you coming from Laura since I was on New Caprica with you and not on a cozy battlestar. Cough cough. Remember that time you tackled me and we fell down that hill? We totally bonded
Bill: WTF?? THIS DOES NOT PLEASE ME. I RETROACTIVELY OBJECT TO YOUR PHYSICAL PROXIMITY TO MY SEEKRIT WIFE
Laura: *oh gods, don’t laugh don’t laugh this is so frakking ridiculous* Yeah those were uh, super times Tom. I always like to recall nearly getting killed by a toaster firing squad. Thanks
Tom: Don’t mention it. But since we’re cool now, I did you this solid. You don’t have to worry about pesky and somewhat illegal seekrit tribunals. Or trials for that matter since they just airlocked a lot of people for you. We did it all for you!
Laura: haha! Are you aware of how absurd this sounds? Everyone, including you, knows how hardcore I am and how I am perfectly capable of getting shit done. You’re totally up to something right now Tom, so spill
Tom: Who me? Nope, nothing at all, nope. Just doing something nice for my BFF Laura
Bill: I OBJECT TO THIS STATEMENT AS WELL. MY SEEKRIT WIFE DOESN’T NEED A BFF, KTHNX.
Laura: Oh Bill, seriously, like anyone is actually a threat to you. Please.
Bill: I am mildly placated now
Laura: Anywho, Tom, I think that perhaps you let this tribunal go ahead and then told me about it so that you could guilt trip me in the future and hold this whole episode over my head as blackmail material.
Tom: Uh...
Laura: So, we’ll just forget that you mentioned this ok? Or I might be forced to “remember” some of the crap you’ve pulled in the past. You know, the stuff we agreed to put aside during our little tea party.
Bill: WHAT TEA PARTY?
Flashback! Tea Party Time!
Tom: So let me get this straight: I agree not to mention the election stealing thing. Though at this point I think people will be more angry that you didn’t go through with it than the fact that you attempted it in the first place
Laura: Agreed. Damn Bill’s moral compass.
Uber Flashback!
Bill: So... that was some surprise victory
Laura: Yep. Surprising
Bill: Uh huh.
Laura: Right.
*Awkward pause*
Bill: You stole the election!
Laura: *gasp* That is shocking! Shocking! Are you impugning my honor?
Bill: Apparently you don't have any since you stole the election!
Laura: Well how do you know it wasn't my minions?
Bill: Oh please, you're all knowing bb. The minions don't act without your say so.
Laura: Dammit.
Laura: And what if I did alter a few ballots? Did you really want to work with Baltar?
Bill: Frak no. But stealing is wrong. And I have an unfailing moral compass, so I should know
Laura: bb, I'll be honest with you. I really did it so we could continue our super seekrit relationship. I mean, we have all these excuses to meet now and if I wasn't the president I'd totally never see you.
Bill: Well that's sweet bb, but don't you realize we could have a super hot non-seekrit relationship if you weren't the president? You could be Mrs. Adama!
Laura: Roslin-Adama. And that was my initial thought. I had Tory draw up plans for how I could possibly throw the election. Unfortunately, Baltar was so horrible that it was going to be pretty much impossible to lose to him. I would of pretty much needed to actually toss a baby out an airlock in order to lose. Now though, the people are going to realize how epically dumb he is in the near future and I'll have to be president again. Stupid frakking fleet.
Bill: Well, you could be president Roslin-Adama and the people could get over it. I mean most of the fleet are obsessed with us anyway. It's frakking weird.
Laura: Well our amazingness is compelling. But if the fleet were confronted with actual proof of our relationship, they would probably implode from the hotness. Our combined awesome is both a blessing and a curse. Besides, the super seekrit aspect of our relationship is smoking hot
Bill: Yeah, that's true. I still say we let Baltar be prez for awhile. It'll give you a vacay, we can frak more often, and you'll be insanely popular after Baltar screws up monumentally. And you know, the morality issue and all. Stealing is bad.
Laura: Yeah ok bb. Wanna put this desk to good use for the last time?
Bill: Score. Though why limit ourselves to the desk? I say we sex up the whole ship as a welcome present to Baltar
Laura: I like the way you think
*Insert A/R seckings scene here. And now back to Tom. Sorry, I know it's a let down. ;)*
Tom: And you’ll agree to not hold all those times I tried to assassinate you and undermine you and generally be an ass against me for the sake of a stable government?
Laura: Yep
Tom: That seems somewhat lopsided
Laura: It is. I like to do more work upfront and reap the benefits later
Tom: We'll see about that
Laura: heh. We will. *Laura liked to make sure that she had more on her opponent than he/she ever had on her. That way she could win every argument. This, in conjunction with her pwning skillz, made Laura pretty much unbeatable. This strategy even worked wonders with Bill since she only had to say “jail cell” or “New Caprica” and he would like, take out the trash and stuff.*
Tom: I just go totally pwned didn’t I? I mean, you made sure you had enough blackmail material on me so that I would never be able to hold anything over your head. Wow. You totally screwed me over!
Bill: DO NOT MENTION THE WORD SCREWED EITHER TO MY SEEKRIT WIFE OR IN A SENTENCE INVOLVING MY SEEKRIT WIFE
Laura: That's for sure. And it's cool Bill, I did it all for the sake of pwnage.
Bill: grumble grumble
Tom: So as VP I will basically not be able to do anything without your say so?
Laura: You're catching on!
And that's how Tom became and remained the Vice President. Thanks for reading!