What the Frak Happened on BSG - Season 2
Here is a What the frak happened re-cap of BSG season 2, as narrated by Billy. Hope you enjoy and seasons 3-4 will be up either late tonight or very early tomorrow.
Just one day to go guys!
Billy: So it's time for season 2 guys! We rejoin everyone right after the Commander got shot a bunch of times. Not fun times, let me tell you.
Anyway, Madam President (who was totally still the Prez, coup or not) was not having a good time in jail. She was going through withdrawal from her painkillers and the stupid guard kept giving her licorice to eat and praying for/to/at her with his beads. It was weird. And Leemo was in the cell next door some of the time, which couldn’t have been fun for her. The Commander didn’t lock me up at least, so I could still wander around and try to get her some meds from Doc Cottle.
Then the fleet plunged into chaos since Colonel Tigh was running things. It was pretty brutal guys.
Meanwhile, Starbuck made it to Caprica and met up with her old friend Helo and his new Cylon girlfriend Not!Boomer. Which was freaky. Then Starbuck got captured by Cylons who wanted her ova or something and that was really freaky.
The Cylons need to quit obsessing over babies. It’s strange.
And she also met Samuel T. Anders who wooed her with his impressive arms, his ability to shoot a gun, and his Pyramid skills. Then she left him on Caprica, which was a bummer.
Then she left Sam on Caprica, which was a bummer
This was also the birth of Team Arms whose members were Helo and Anders. Criteria to join this team include Extreme Hotness, Being Tall, Having Hot Arms, and Being Hardcore.
Lee was cool during all this, I guess, since he sided with our space mom, and he helped us fight off Cylons when they invaded the ship. Which was good cause I didn’t know how to use a gun.
Sometime after this, Cally shot Boomer and Boomer "died" (she re-downloaded on back in Cylon land). But Athena came to live on Galactica after this, so it was basically a trade!
So then we sprung my space mom from the brig and she ran off to Kobol. And I didn’t go cause I’d always been taught that Mutiny Is Bad. So I missed out on hanging out in meat lockers with Tom Zarek and watching my space mom try to work a tape recorder, and watching Madam Prez smack down the Quorum for being idiots, and running around Kobol in the rain, and meeting Helo, and getting the Arrow from Starbuck. I did miss Elosha dying, which is good cause that was really sad.
Lame decision on my part, I know. I blame Lee’s arms, they scared me away at the last minute.
Stupid Leeland with his stupid muscles and his non-paisley shirts.
While we were gone the Commander’s press conferences weren’t much better than the Colonels. People were really starting to miss Madam Prez, hallucinations and all. They made press conferences interesting at least.
Poor, Commander, he can't even work a microphone without help from his more technologically advanced friend. *anvil irony*
The Commander was also thinking that he had been massively lame and thanks to a pep talk from Dee, back when she was cool, he was inspired to track down my space mom and head off to Kobol. And he invited me to go with! It was pretty awesome.
The Commander was excited too, he just kept it on the down low.
So the Commander made up with my space mom and all was right with the world.
Then my entire space family and I found the Tomb of Athena and saw this nice planetarium show that was also a map to Earth - that was some good bang for your buck (or arrow) I say.
Awesome.
The Commander got everyone to slow clap our President and she was back in power. Much celebration ensued.
Here is everyone slow clapping, as ordered. Lee is overly excited, Kara is bemused, and Tom is falling asleep, cause he stayed up all night on Kobol plotting our President's assassination. The tool.
Chief even dedicated a Spy Plane in her honor, which was cool.
Oh, Space Mommy. Such a comedienne.
After this Admiral Cain showed up and the Commander effectively got demoted. And Cain was kind of a bitch to my President, but my awesome President out-bitched Cain and it was all good. She also planned Cain’s assassination since Cain was nuts but a Cylon prisoner onboard the Pegasus shot Cain first and saved us all the trouble.
Farewell, Admiral Cain, we hardly knew ye.
THEN my space mommy promoted the Commander to Admiral and they kind of made-out in front of me, but that’s ok.
Unfortunately my space mommy was about to die shortly after this, but Baltar of all people came up with a way to save her that involved Hera’s magical hybrid baby blood and possibly a unicorn. So my space mommy lived!
Not dying, hooray!
She and the now Admiral went back to doing the whole running the fleet thing.
Leeland also thought he was a CSI agent/undercover cop at this time. Weirdo.
Then I got dumped by Dee and then I died. Which was a serious bummer, and I’d rather not talk about it. It made my space mommy cry.
My replacement was named Tory and she was all right, I guess. Whatever.
She helped the Prez arrange a super secret adoption of Athena and Helo’s magical hybrid baby, which was so secret that even the parent’s didn’t know about it!
Then we had an election, which was a clusterfrak. Any universe where Baltar actually beats Laura Roslin in an election might just deserve to be nuked all to hell. Just saying. Not like I’m the final cylon or anything.
My space mommy pwned Baltar in the debates but then some fool discovered the crap-hole known as New Caprica and the pansies in the fleet wanted to settle there. And my space mommy was like “Uh, the Cylons can still find us here fools,” but Baltar insisted that some magical atmospheric thingy could hide the planet. I’ve often wondered what University actually awarded him his degree.
Laura: WTF? The fleet can't be stupid enough to think that they Cylons will never find us on this craphole planet.
Tory: They totes are ma'am.
Laura: Gods, you're right. I am in charge of morons. Or I WAS. Frakking idiots.
Tory: Shall I rig the election then? It'll be tastefully done! The Roslin Administration is classy, after all.
Laura: *sigh* Yeah, go ahead.
Tory tried to help my space mom rig the election, and Tigh and Dee were in on it. Gaeta and the Admiral ruined it though, ironically because both of them had crushes on the presidential contenders in question.
If you can’t figure out who was crushing on whom, you should be airlocked. So my space mom decided to be moral, which is overrated, and conceded to Tooly McToolerson. Right after this a Cylon nuked Cloud 9 and Baltar had supplied the nuke for the occasion. He was off to a great start.
Here's how my President felt about conceding to Baltar.
And then everyone moved to New Caprica including the Cylons and it was a party. But we'll get to that next time. BSG really loves to end their seasons happily, huh?
Just one day to go guys!
Billy: So it's time for season 2 guys! We rejoin everyone right after the Commander got shot a bunch of times. Not fun times, let me tell you.
Anyway, Madam President (who was totally still the Prez, coup or not) was not having a good time in jail. She was going through withdrawal from her painkillers and the stupid guard kept giving her licorice to eat and praying for/to/at her with his beads. It was weird. And Leemo was in the cell next door some of the time, which couldn’t have been fun for her. The Commander didn’t lock me up at least, so I could still wander around and try to get her some meds from Doc Cottle.
Then the fleet plunged into chaos since Colonel Tigh was running things. It was pretty brutal guys.
Meanwhile, Starbuck made it to Caprica and met up with her old friend Helo and his new Cylon girlfriend Not!Boomer. Which was freaky. Then Starbuck got captured by Cylons who wanted her ova or something and that was really freaky.
The Cylons need to quit obsessing over babies. It’s strange.
And she also met Samuel T. Anders who wooed her with his impressive arms, his ability to shoot a gun, and his Pyramid skills. Then she left him on Caprica, which was a bummer.
Then she left Sam on Caprica, which was a bummer
This was also the birth of Team Arms whose members were Helo and Anders. Criteria to join this team include Extreme Hotness, Being Tall, Having Hot Arms, and Being Hardcore.
Lee was cool during all this, I guess, since he sided with our space mom, and he helped us fight off Cylons when they invaded the ship. Which was good cause I didn’t know how to use a gun.
Sometime after this, Cally shot Boomer and Boomer "died" (she re-downloaded on back in Cylon land). But Athena came to live on Galactica after this, so it was basically a trade!
So then we sprung my space mom from the brig and she ran off to Kobol. And I didn’t go cause I’d always been taught that Mutiny Is Bad. So I missed out on hanging out in meat lockers with Tom Zarek and watching my space mom try to work a tape recorder, and watching Madam Prez smack down the Quorum for being idiots, and running around Kobol in the rain, and meeting Helo, and getting the Arrow from Starbuck. I did miss Elosha dying, which is good cause that was really sad.
Lame decision on my part, I know. I blame Lee’s arms, they scared me away at the last minute.
Stupid Leeland with his stupid muscles and his non-paisley shirts.
While we were gone the Commander’s press conferences weren’t much better than the Colonels. People were really starting to miss Madam Prez, hallucinations and all. They made press conferences interesting at least.
Poor, Commander, he can't even work a microphone without help from his more technologically advanced friend. *anvil irony*
The Commander was also thinking that he had been massively lame and thanks to a pep talk from Dee, back when she was cool, he was inspired to track down my space mom and head off to Kobol. And he invited me to go with! It was pretty awesome.
The Commander was excited too, he just kept it on the down low.
So the Commander made up with my space mom and all was right with the world.
Then my entire space family and I found the Tomb of Athena and saw this nice planetarium show that was also a map to Earth - that was some good bang for your buck (or arrow) I say.
Awesome.
The Commander got everyone to slow clap our President and she was back in power. Much celebration ensued.
Here is everyone slow clapping, as ordered. Lee is overly excited, Kara is bemused, and Tom is falling asleep, cause he stayed up all night on Kobol plotting our President's assassination. The tool.
Chief even dedicated a Spy Plane in her honor, which was cool.
Oh, Space Mommy. Such a comedienne.
After this Admiral Cain showed up and the Commander effectively got demoted. And Cain was kind of a bitch to my President, but my awesome President out-bitched Cain and it was all good. She also planned Cain’s assassination since Cain was nuts but a Cylon prisoner onboard the Pegasus shot Cain first and saved us all the trouble.
Farewell, Admiral Cain, we hardly knew ye.
THEN my space mommy promoted the Commander to Admiral and they kind of made-out in front of me, but that’s ok.
Unfortunately my space mommy was about to die shortly after this, but Baltar of all people came up with a way to save her that involved Hera’s magical hybrid baby blood and possibly a unicorn. So my space mommy lived!
Not dying, hooray!
She and the now Admiral went back to doing the whole running the fleet thing.
Leeland also thought he was a CSI agent/undercover cop at this time. Weirdo.
Then I got dumped by Dee and then I died. Which was a serious bummer, and I’d rather not talk about it. It made my space mommy cry.
My replacement was named Tory and she was all right, I guess. Whatever.
She helped the Prez arrange a super secret adoption of Athena and Helo’s magical hybrid baby, which was so secret that even the parent’s didn’t know about it!
Then we had an election, which was a clusterfrak. Any universe where Baltar actually beats Laura Roslin in an election might just deserve to be nuked all to hell. Just saying. Not like I’m the final cylon or anything.
My space mommy pwned Baltar in the debates but then some fool discovered the crap-hole known as New Caprica and the pansies in the fleet wanted to settle there. And my space mommy was like “Uh, the Cylons can still find us here fools,” but Baltar insisted that some magical atmospheric thingy could hide the planet. I’ve often wondered what University actually awarded him his degree.
Laura: WTF? The fleet can't be stupid enough to think that they Cylons will never find us on this craphole planet.
Tory: They totes are ma'am.
Laura: Gods, you're right. I am in charge of morons. Or I WAS. Frakking idiots.
Tory: Shall I rig the election then? It'll be tastefully done! The Roslin Administration is classy, after all.
Laura: *sigh* Yeah, go ahead.
Tory tried to help my space mom rig the election, and Tigh and Dee were in on it. Gaeta and the Admiral ruined it though, ironically because both of them had crushes on the presidential contenders in question.
If you can’t figure out who was crushing on whom, you should be airlocked. So my space mom decided to be moral, which is overrated, and conceded to Tooly McToolerson. Right after this a Cylon nuked Cloud 9 and Baltar had supplied the nuke for the occasion. He was off to a great start.
Here's how my President felt about conceding to Baltar.
And then everyone moved to New Caprica including the Cylons and it was a party. But we'll get to that next time. BSG really loves to end their seasons happily, huh?