Part II
Part I
Part II
Part III
They have him on life support.
They keep him in an artificial coma after the surgery, until the swelling in his brain has gone down. The doctors are optimistic that he will make a full recovery, but Tony knows very well that without the super solder serum, Steve would have been dead. Broken into a hundred pieces, smashed into pulp.
He can't seem to leave Steve's bedside, has this completely irrational, but very strong feeling that if he leaves for just the shortest time Steve will be gone when he returns.
After a couple of hours of Tony sitting there, just looking at Steve, not even playing with his pocket computer, the others starts to give him strange looks. By the end of the day, when the nurses try to make him leave, someone calls in Pepper, but Tony can't even focus on her voice, can't take his eyes off Steve in that bed. I should have been faster, Tony thinks, over and over, the thought running around in his head like a small, desperate animal in a wheel in its cage, I should have been paying more attention. It should have been me.
The thing is, Steve could just had hung up his shield after he'd been defrosted, he didn't have to get involved in these conflicts again, he- he cold finally have had a normal life, taking art classes, working with troubled youths, teaching teenage girls self-defence, settled down with a nice girl, become a father...
He doesn't deserve this.
In the end Pepper just sighs and leaves, has someone bring him a more comfortable chair, a blanket and some food that Tony doesn't touch.
He doesn't sleep that first night.
*
Tony must have dozed off, because surely he is dreaming, one of those dreams where you dream that you wake up and does normal things, only to wake up again, still lying in your bed.
Because Steve is croaking out his name in a weak, confused voice, blinking at him like he's not sure that Tony is really here.
Tony makes a strangled noise and sits up in his chair, his body stiff from sitting in the same position for far too long. Steve seems to have trouble focussing on him, frowning just a little, his eyes scanning over him, taking in his dirty clothing, his greasy hair, his stubbles and pale, gaunt face (Tony knows very well how he looks. At his last, rushed trip to the bathroom he had avoided looking in the mirror at all).
“Oh Tony,” Steve says, in a soft, sad voice Tony hasn't heard before. “What have you done to yourself this time?”
“What I have- You've been in a coma for three days!” Tony says, moving so he can peer into Steve's face. His pupils look normal enough and he seem to becoming more and more lucid by the minute. “You almost died.” Tony's voice cracks at his last words, his throat closing up, a pressure building behind his eyes.
“You were scared for me?” Steve says in a hesitant voice.
“Yes.” Tony whispers and seemingly on his own violation his hand is reaching out, settling on Steve's cheek. Steve covers it with his own, larger hand, moves it to his mouth, kisses his knuckles, the back of his hand, his palm.
Tony makes a choked noise and stumbles forward.
The kiss is inevitable after that.
*
It doesn't take long before doctors and nurses are spilling into the room, all of them talking a mile a minute and being obviously relieved (which makes Tony painfully doubtful about their earlier positive prognosis for Steve's recovery) and this time Tony lets himself be ushered out without protest.
He gives Steve one last uncertain look over his shoulder as he exits the door. Steve is answering one of the doctors question, but he meets Tony's gaze across the room, his eyes unreadable.
Tony finds a shower somewhere in the hospital and bullies the staff into letting him use it. Or maybe they just take on look at him and decides he would be a biohazard otherwise.
Then he calls Pepper.
Who seems to think that he's the one who's suffered brain damage (Steve will be all right, Steve will be all right, he will, the doctors said so).
“Run that by me again, Tony. You want to do what?”
“Peps, I'm not joking. Steve is awake now, he is going to be all right and I've been sitting here for three days and now I need to get out of here and do something that will take my mind off one of my team-mates almost dying. So give me something useful to do and do it quick, because this is a one-time offer.”
She is silent for a minute, probably pinching herself.
“Well, you can start with coming to the office, I'm sure we can find something for you. I'll send a car with some clothes for you.”
“Just don't make me attend more meetings, please.” Tony says in his best pleading voice, “I'll make photocopies, I'll fetch coffee - anything but that.”
“Don't worry, Tony. I'll be gentle.” Pepper says with a smile in her voice and hangs up. It's a long time since she's talked to him like that, but instead of lamenting that, it removes just a bit of the knot in his stomach.
*
He stays in the Stark Tower for the next two days, not answering Fury's calls (not that there are many, the man is very much transparent in his glee of having Tony out of his metaphorical hair for a while) and surprisingly succeeds in ignoring everything SHIELD-related.
He yells at people in the legal department (or really, 'scolds them very loudly', because yelling at your employees is unprofessional and that's Tony's version and he'll stick to it when Pepper inevitable yells at him about it), he dives into their new line of green cars that Pepper has just announced to the board and comes up with half-a-dozen new designs and just as many ways to improve the engines and the effectivity of the energy consumption, he even holds three 'welcome to Stark Industries'-meetings for their newest additions to the more practical departments, because those are the fun meetings, there's a tour and he gets to demonstrate the labs for them. Nothing like giving the bright young things of tomorrow something to tell their grandchildren about and afterwards he gives Pepper the lists, of who should be watched because they seemed competent and ambitious and of who should be watched because Tony fears for the company's safety if they aren't. Not because they are stupid, on the contrary - Stark Industries tends to attract a certain kind of genius, the kind with big dreams, an ironclad belief that they can be accomplished and no regard for safety whatsoever.
Funnily enough, the amounts of applicants of this type have sky rocked since Tony came public as Iron Man. He sees this as a good thing, Pepper, not so much.
Tony is sitting in his office (Pepper's office, really, but she's out doing important CEO things and he's graciously been allowed to hold the fort, so it's so his office) and yelling (scolding very loudly) at the same people from Legal as before and he is so engrossed in pointing out their incompetence for them, that he at first doesn't notice the secretary opening the large doors (Natasha's replacement, who's SHIELD too, of course and like Natasha, is totally unimpressed by Tony. Tony pays her back by not learning her name. He knows it's petty, but a man's got to take his victories where he can), saying to whoever she is letting in (no appointment and besides, Tony had asked her not to be disturbed, typical SHIELD) 'Go on in, he's yours for the next thirty minutes. And congratulations on you fast recovery, Captain Rogers. We were all so worried when we heard you were in the hospital.”
Tony has this deer-in-the-headlight feeling as Steve thanks her and turns around to look at Tony. He's looking good, healthy and he's smiling to Tony, a small genuine smile that morphs into something just a bit predatory as soon as the secretary closes the door behind him and Tony knows he is starring, phone forgotten in his hand.
Steve walks towards him, no, positively saunters, hands in his pockets, that smile just getting more possessive and there it is again, their silence, heavy and full of intent, but for some reason, instead of filling Tony's head with lust as usual (and god, they have 'usual' now. When the fuck did that happen?), this time it just increases that deer-in-the-headlight thing Tony has going on.
Steve must be able to see this, because when he reaches Tony he leans on the desk and just ...studies him. Tony opens his mouth, he doesn't know what he's going to say, but this is suddenly weird and Tony has never been good at uncomfortable silences, at least not when he's the uncomfortable one.
But Steve reaches forward and puts a finger on his lips and it's a sign of how well they know each other, because Tony reads his face loud and clear; happy, mixed with a good deal of 'I'm going to take care of you now.'
And apparently he is, because then Steve straightens up, just to sinks to his knees in front of Tony.
*
Steve doesn't even bother to hide behind the desk as he makes quick work of Tony's pants, so shameless, anyone could walk in and see him getting Tony's dick out and licking it like a lollipop, oh god, which, combined with the fact that Tony is in one of his best business suits and that he still has Legal on speaker phone (turning that off now) - it all makes this so much more real, this is not some hidden away encounter, this is literally out in the open.
And nooo, it's not because Tony might have a small office kink. Not at all.
By now Tony has figured out that Steve apparently only has two settings; drawn-out bliss and bruising, teeth shattering fast and hard and oh, that day in the workshop, a thousand years ago, Tony's chest slamming against the mirror again and again, the arc reactor's loud clanks as it hits the glass only covered by the noise of the robot arms getting Rhodey out of his suit and by Clint getting too close to the Clint Basher and activating it and the ensuing battle and Tony had bruises on his hips afterwards and fingermarks on his thighs from where Steve had clutched him as he blew him, as he's about to blow him now -
- except that this is Slow & Careful Steve with that reverent look on his face, who is leaning back, stopping, no, and lifting him out of his chair, no no, Tony wants to stay in the boss chair, places him on his desk, pants around his ankles, the surface cold against his ass and Pepper is going to kill him if she finds out about this and Steve is nibbling at his thigh, starting at his knee, sucking bruises into his skin and then kissing them, his mouth moving closer and closer to his dick and okay, maybe the desk is a good idea, so much easier access for Steve and that lust is slamming into Tony full on now, returning with a vengeance - and Steve puts his hand gently around Tony's dick and goes back to the licking, pokes out his tongue obscenely and swirls around the head, teasing Tony, drawing moans and gasps out of him and then Steve finally takes him fully into his mouth, slowly, so slowly, working Tony steadily, one hand around the shaft of his dick, the other resting on Tony's thigh for balance and Tony stuff his hand in his mouth, biting his knuckles hard to keep in the sounds, they're in his office, but Steve just removes it, catches his wrist, doesn't let it go, squeezes lightly, his grip iron and unyielding and Tony can't hold it in any more, his whimpers are replaced by words, all those words he hadn't said before, words that have been bottled up inside him and now spills out of him like a volcano erupting and just keeps on coming, he knows he couldn't shut his mouth if his life depended on it-
“Steve, you're so good at this, don't stop, please don't ever stop, you don't what you are doing to me, it's so good, I was going to show you everything- god! I wanted - I wanted to see the your face when, fuck Steve, when I, oh, oh, when I did things to you that nobody, aah, that nobody had ever done to you before, I wanted to learn you, oh Steve, that's so good, you don't don't need teaching, you're perfect -oooh, do that again, faster, faster, please, your mouth, your hands, they are magic, I love them, you take so good care of me, you and your crazy sex drive, aaaah, who would have thought that, that Capitan America, oh god, I'm coming, please don't stop, Steve-”
And he does and does and does and afterwards Steve rests his head against Tony's leg and pants loudly, beads of sweat on his flushed face, his lips obscenely red and swollen.
“Let me.” Tony says, his voice hoarse and breathless, “Let me-”
But Steve just stands up, brings Tony's clothes in order, smiling slightly, an obvious bulge in his jeans. Then he leans in and Tony can't help but opening his mouth, closing his eyes in anticipation - but Steve just kisses his cheek tenderly, his forehead, the tip of his noise and then he stands back, smirking and clearly enjoying the way Ton watches him, his eyes half-closed, mouth hanging open in disbelief.
“See you tonight, Tony,” Steve says, his smile widening.
And then he leaves.
Tony doesn't get anything done the rest of the day.
*
He finds some wet-wipes in one of Pepper's drawers and carefully cleans the desk. Then he sinks down in the chair and stares at the ceiling.
Which is how Pepper finds him two hours later.
“Tony, what happened to being a responsible adult and doing something useful with you time for once and helping me run my company? Legal is furious, they- Tony, are you all right?”
Tony keeps staring at the ceiling.
“I'm fucking Steve.”
He didn't mean to say that. Oops.
“You what - Tony, are you drunk?”
“Or Steve is fucking me? We are fucking each other? What do you call that, Peps? I find myself lacking the right vocabulary here, help me out.”
“And I find myself missing the good old days when the most you get yourself into was- God Tony, Captain America? I wish you were drunk. I wish I was drunk.”
Pepper finally gets close enough to look at him. It's not a nice look. She sighs and moves to perch on the edge of the desk.
“I wouldn't sit there if I was there, Peps, I did try to clean it, but-”
“Tony! God! That's my desk!” Pepper says and jumps away as if said desk was on fire.
“I know! I'm really sorry!” Tony pauses, thinking that over. “No, actually, I'm not. Not at all.”
Pepper starts to massage her temples.
“Hey, what can I say, Steve is really... Bossy. Who'd thought? I certainly didn't. But, hey, I'm not complaining. At all.”
“Tony. Tony. Why are you telling me this? Is there a sex tape? What am I saying, of course there is a sex tape. Tony, who has it? You shouldn't have pissed off Legal, we are going to need them on this and we need to break the story first, get our own spin on it before the tabloids- Oh, damn it, I'd just gotten the Board nice and complaisant, they're not going to like the stock drop-”
“Pepper, stop. There isn't any sex tape.” He frowns, rethinks that, comes up blank, sees Pepper's face and he can't help but making a sound that's certainly not a giggle and he finally rights the chair to look at her properly. “No, really. No one knows, except me and Steve and now, you.”
“Then why are you telling me this! I-”
“Peps, I need advice. Or at least someone to ramble at.”
She changes track astoundingly fast, as always, and crosses her arms, raises an eyebrow at him, so Pepper and he gets a sharp sting of regret, not at how things had played out between them, but that, despite their best intentions of remaining friends, they've drifted apart - between the Avengers and Stark Industries, they simply don't have enough time.
“Okay, yes, I know it's kind of tacky, asking for this sort advice from your- from your...”
Pepper tilts her head at him, raises her other eyebrow.
“Your... what?”
“...Your ex-secretary turned into your CEO turned into your girlfriend, who you love very much, but who you realized -and this was mutual, by the way- that you would kill each other because of- of tempers and mutual stubbornness and the inability to let go of the way you were used to treat each other, that the roles you'd been playing for each others for years was too integrated to-”
“You can stop now, Tony, it's all right.” Pepper says, her voice kind. “Well, no, but you can stop looking at me as if I'm about to plant a Jimmy Choo in your crotch.”
“...You aren't?”
“Not today, at least. And let's get out of here, if we're going to talk about this, we need privacy and food. And alcohol. Lots and lots of alcohol.”
*
It's a good deal later when poor Happy finally pours them into Avengers Tower. Clint, Natasha and Steve are playing cards in the kitchen (it's just the cosiest room in the tower, the natural hub and it has a big, sturdy table that that can take most of what a certain boisterous thunder god can dish at it) and looks up in disbelief as they enters. Not so much at Tony, it's not the first time they have seen him like this. But Pepper, on the other hand...
For her sake, Tony really hopes she doesn't have any morning meetings.
“-I've got all my life to live, I've got all my love to give. And I'll survive!” They wail out and none of them might be nature's best singers and booze has not made them better, but what they lack in skill, they make up for in enthusiasm, lots of it and Clint is pulling out his cellphone and pointing it at them, grinning broadly. “ I will survive! Hey, hey!” Then there's the solo part, but when Pepper and Tony tries to do a dance to do it justice, they some end up in a laughing, tangled mess on the floor (note to self: one shouldn't try to dip people when one is less than sober), Tony ending up on top with a very nice view.
“I'm going to leave them in your care now,” Happy is saying from the door. “Please look after them, miss Romanoff.” then Tony stops paying attention, because, yes, very nice view.
“Hello Pepper.” He says with a smile.
“Hello Tony,” She says in a slurred voice and smiles back at him.
“Hello Peppers'-”
“Sorry Tony, you don't get to say hello to those any more.” Pepper says, but she's still smiling.
“But I miss breasts! Breasts are nice. Your breasts are very nice. But other things are nice too, if you get my drift and I think you do.”
Pepper snorts in annoyance; they've talked about that, a lot and while they've reached a form of truce, he still hasn't completely convinced her not to have him psyche evaluated.
“Come on, Peps, I've done stupider things than-” He says in a last ditch attempt.
“Yes, you have and that's why your amour now has an alcolock.”
At the table, Steve makes a choked sound.
Tony slides off Pepper in order not to squish her, her remembers her not liking that, getting comfortable on her shoulder instead. For the last many hours Pepper and him have been telling each other, well, emotional things, stuff they've been avoiding talking about for ever and ever, because is just not something either of them do.
And now Tony can't seem to stop.
“If anybody was ever going to be my baby mama, it was going to be you.” he tells her sincerely and maybe, just maybe, a little sadly.
“Clint, turn that camera off now.” Tony hears Natasha hiss somewhere in the background.
Then there's a warm hand settling on his shoulder.
“Tony, I'm going to help you up now.” Steve says. “Think your stomach can handle that?”
Apparently it can, because then Tony is vertical again and Steve is right there and warm and Tony can't help but cuddle into his side. Just the teensiest, tiny bit.
“I was going to do... that thing... that you wanted to do. But... Yeah, I just don't think it's happening right now. Sorry.” he says into Steve's chest and Steve just smiles and pats him on the head. Tony leans into it and makes a contended noise.
On the floor Pepper is staring at the ceiling in concentration. “I don't feel so good,” she says in a small voice and Tony would go and help her up, but, yeah, maybe not the brightest idea right now, for the sake of both of them.
Instead it's Natasha who picks her up, damn that woman is strong.
“I'm going to get her to bed now,” she says “Stark, we'll discuss this in the morning.”
“You smell really nice, Natasha.” Pepper says, leaning against her. “Your breasts are nice too.”
Which actually make Natasha's cheeks colour and Tony almost wishes she hadn't confiscated Clint's phone. Judging by Clint's face, he feels the same way.
“Pepper is a good girl, she's going to cure cancer,” Tony says from where he's still leaning into Steve's chest, in a strange desire to defend her. From what, he isn't really sure. “If I'm good and keep out of the tabloids she'll start that research thing that I wanted her to start... Bald kids sucks.”
He realises that he might not make that much sense right now, but still Steve looks down at him with a soft look and says, “That's very good of you, Tony. If anyone can succeed in that, it's going to be you.”
And then he pets Tony's hair some more lets Tony cuddle further into him and Tony would cure all diseases in the world just to keep Steve petting his hair and looking at him like that.
*
SHIELD has stored the remains of the robot that almost killed Steve in one of it's hangars and Tony has finally gotten access to it. Not that he couldn't just have given himself access, but he plans to take selected pieces of it back to the workshop and analyse them there and that's just easier if he just plays nice and cooperates for once.
The fragments are laid out in a careful grid-pattern, like a dead body after autopsy. It fills up the entire hangar and it takes Tony half an hour to walk around it, another two hours before he feels he at least has a general survey of the different parts.
This is going to take some time.
SHIELD are already in the process of scanning all the components and analyse the materials and Tony sets up shop in a corner of the of the hangar and starts working. There is a group of SHIELD scientist and engineers also working on this project and Tony immediately shanghais them into doing grunt-work. Which isn't going to win him any brownie-points, but Tony could care less. This thing almost killed Steve; they need to find the fucker who made it asap and other peoples hurt pride are not going to get in the way.
It's around eight hours later when Tony looks up and realises he's the only left in the hangar and that he has a crick in the neck from sitting hunched looking into a microscope for the last hour (despite it's size, the robot's containing a surprising amount of micro-technology; it's way too advanced for Tony's liking) and that he's no closer to getting even a hint about who the makers are (there is no way this thing was created by one person. At least Tony ferociously hopes so).
He stretches and makes JARVIS send his work to the servers in his workshop and then he packs up the parts he's working up in a steel container that locks onto the back of the revised mark V he arrived in and then he heads home.
*
Tony's been in the workshop for a hour and a half and has his desk cluttered with killer robot parts when Steve's hands settles on his shoulders, startling him.
“I brought you dinner,” Steve says. “Or early breakfast.” He has a tray with him, Tony notices, sandwiches and orange juice and of course, an apple and some carrot sticks. So Steve.
“Thanks, but no thanks. I'm kind of in the middle of something.”
“You still need to eat, Tony. I'll bet my shield you haven't eaten anything since breakfast.” Steve says and leans against the grill of the Stark 11 convertible, his arms crossed.
Tony looks away guiltily. He'd woken up sometime before midday and actually hadn't felt that bad. He has a hazy memory of joining Steve and Clint for a couple of more rounds (he doesn't remember which game they'd played, he's not sure he even knew in the first place and yet he'd still been the winner. Go brain!), while being coaxed by Steve to drink lots of water and eating whatever stuff Steve kept giving him, just to keep the alcohol company before he helped Tony off to bed.
He might have tried to start something, but Steve had stood firm and had just stroked his cheek, a motion ending with his fingers running through Tony's hair and the last thing Tony remembers is Steve's voice instructing JARVIS to keep an eye on him.
But he still hadn't felt good enough to take the chance with breakfast and well, then there had been work.
Steve snorts, but he's also smiling a little, like Tony's arguably self-destructive behaviour is somehow endearing to him. “How stupid of me, of course you didn't even eat breakfast. Well, all the more reason for you to eat now.”
“As I said, I really don't have time-” Steve is stretching, his shirt gliding up a little and displaying a sliver of Steve's tanned stomach muscles and Tony momentarily forgets what he was saying.
“I'm sure I can make it worth your while.” Steve says as he reclines even further back on the hood of the car, leaning on his elbows, his eyes half-closed as he gives Tony a slow once-over.
Tony has never eaten so fast in his life.
*
“Not the desk, not the desk, don't you dare to throw that stuff on the floor-” Tony is wrapped around Steve, strong hands supporting his ass and he's being kissed furiously. Steve turns away from said desk and instead deposit Tony on the hood of Stark 11.
“Oh, I so like the way you think-” Tony says between kisses (warm, wet overwhelming kisses, filled with tongue and lots of small bites, god, Steve is a wonderful kisser, whoever has learned him that, Tony is going to find them and thank them or maybe just kill them dead) and then Steve is opening his jeans, pulling them off, accompanied with Tony's socks, shoes and underwear and the metal of the car is cold against his ass and his mind flashes back to that time in the office and that, combined with Steve sinking to his knees and hooking Tony's legs around his neck, effectively shuts him up.
Steve's tongue in his ass shouldn't be a surprise after that, especially not after the way he's taken to sex like a fish in water, but Tony still makes an amazed sound when Steve makes the first tentative warm licks, just to be replaced by loud moans as Steve grows more bold and the licks turns into soft probing that sends sends those hot sparks of lust and bliss running through him, soon to be replaced by Tony keening and groaning and squirming and writhing, unable to keep still as Steve finally adds a well-lubed finger, two fingers and keeps licking around them.
And those fingers and that tongue just keeps going and going, reducing Tony to that incoherent mess Steve seems to love, almost sobbing with pleasure and Tony's last thought for a good while is lie back and relax, enjoy the ride, 'cos your driver this evening is Slow and Careful Steve and this is going to take a while.
Not that he minds. Oh, no.
Then, as Tony becomes desperate enough to try to move in counterpoint to Steve's movements (made almost impossible by Steve's hand on his stomach, keeping him down), trying to fuck himself on his fingers and starts to reach for his dick, he is so close, Steve gets up (not showing the least sign of having stiff knees, the fucker), swats Tony's hand away from his poor, aching dick, no, just a few pulls and Tony would be done for, and grabs him around the waist and lifts him into the back-seat of the convertible.
"Don't touch yourself, Tony, " Steve says, as he opens his belt, "Be a good boy and wait for me."
Oh god.
Tony sits dazed and watches as Steve fishes the tube of lube out of his back pocket, holding it between his teeth as strips down, quickly and efficient and stands there in all his naked glory, his face flushed and dick jutting out from his body, precum glistening at the tip, running down the head. Steve coats his dick in lube, gives it a few unnecessary pulls, moaning and locking eyes with Tony, his gaze heated and desperate.
Then he joins Tony in the back-seat and grips him around the hips and arranges him to sit in his lap, Tony's legs wrapped around him, or rather, just holds him just above his lap, his dick poking at Tony's ass.
Oh god.
*
“Touch yourself Tony, jerk yourself off, I want to see you doing that for me, I've thought so much about it, just like that, keep going-”
Steve had taking his sweet time easing gently inside Tony, but that's long over and gone and now he's just going at it, using just enough of his strength to take completely control over Tony, he's is still gripping Tony's hips tightly and he's slamming him rapidly up and down on his dick, using him, hitting his prostate again and again, almost violently and Tony loves it. He loves how Steve's suddenly is displaying a talent for dirty talk, his untamed sex-drive, his seemingly endless appetite, for new things, for Tony, the way he just takes, like he's entitled to it...
But then, he knows that Tony will let him, he knows exactly how much Tony wants it.
Steve throws his head back and shouts, increases the pace even more, which Tony honestly hadn't thought possible, making thought impossible and after the long, slow, careful prelude he'd put Tony though on the hood of the car, Tony is surprising himself by having lasted this long and now Steve is kissing him again (made difficult by their movements, but not impossible and Steve has always been a very resourceful individual), something he's been doing a lot since they moved this inside the car, grounding Tony with his licking, with little nips that grows quickly into biting, at his jaw, his throat, his shoulder, like right now, Steve practically mauling the side of Tony's throat and then he draws his head back, opens his eyes, they've been closed in bliss for a good while now, just to look Tony in the eye as he tightens his hands on his hips so hard it almost hurts too much and comes like a train wreck, taking Tony with him.
But despite the force and intensity of his orgasm Tony can't just close his eyes and ride it out.
Because Steve had said his name as he came, a broken, desperate sound and now he's just sitting there, eyes closed, head thrown back, resting on the Audi's leather seat (Tony will probably have to get the car reupholstered if he ever wants to take it out in public again, but he's in half a mind about just leaving it like this; what's wrong with having a car just for fucking in?), exposing his sweat-covered throat and panting loudly, but his hands have fallen away from Tony's hips, he's not touching him besides where they're still joined cock-to-ass and there's a certain stillness to him, as if he's steeling himself against a punch he knows will hit him any minute now, a punch he's not even going to try to evade.
And Tony won't say he's not tempted to just take the easy way out, to make some cutting remark or just ignoring it and get out of the car as fast as possible, but then he would have to keep his distance from Steve for some time, he certainly would have to stop fucking him and Tony had sort of planned to show up in Steve's bedroom this evening (expect that this evening is long gone, disappeared in the internal parts of that damned robot. But hey, it's the thought that counts, right?)...
Besides, Tony really hates when Steve looks like this; when he's trying to make himself smaller, when he thinks he's made some social blunder and the fault is entirely his and the consequences will be devastating and unforgivable and hurt like hell and Tony's normal reaction is to find the person responsible for putting that look on Steve's face and hurt them.
So he leans forward (making Steve's still hard dick inside him move and sen little sparks of aftershock through him, oh), places one hand on the back of Steve's neck, the other around his waist and kisses him as deeply and slowly and sweetly as he knows how to, breaking away to whisper Steve, Steve, Steve. The blindingly happy smile Steve gives him afterwards repels all doubt about this being the right decision and makes warmth pool in Tony's stomach, makes him smile back, resting his forehead against Steve's to hide it.
He thinks Steve knows anyway.
*
Steve carries Tony upstairs from the workshop afterwards (despite Tony having been on top, sort of, and not having have to do most of the work, his legs are like Jell-O and so what if he's growing to like being carried around by Steve?), holding him against his naked chest (who needs clothes? Steve and Tony certainly doesn't, not right now and if some of the others are up at this time of the night and runs into them, they'll be in for a bit of a surprise), cradling him, carefully not putting the hand supporting him straight on his ass and Tony must have dozed off in Steve's arms, because the next thing he knows, Steve is laying him down on his own bed and pulling the comforter over him and Tony's hand shoots out like a viper and grasps Steve's wrist and tugs, he's too far away to verbalize what he wants, but Steve seems to get it, he smiles and says, “I'll be back in a moment, Tony, just going to brush my teeth.” but Tony falls asleep before that, because the next thing he knows, the sky is turning pink and Steve is lying next to him, twitching in his sleep and making small, pitiful sounds.
Uh oh.
Tony wants to do something about that, but he knows better than just reach out and shake Steve - he himself almost clocked Pepper when she'd tried to wake him up from a bad dream (not his proudest moment, but he's pretty sure he'd been more mortified than Pepper. She'd been very matter-of-fact about the whole ordeal and it's just yet another reason why he loves her) and if Steve just has remotely the same reactions, this could end pretty bad.
So what he ends up doing is grabbing the water glass from his bedside table and flicking drops of water at Steve's face, which maybe isn't the most mature or empathic reaction, but it gets the job done. Steve comes awake with a jerk, breathing in deeply and just lying there staring up at the ceiling with unseeing eyes.
“Hey Steve. Sorry about the water, but I didn't want to risk death by super soldier PTSD.” And that miiight now have been the smartest thing to do, because Steve sits up and sends him his best steel glare, the one he usually saves for villains about to blow up orphanages. Okay, maybe not that bad, but still a long way from the warm looks he has Tony given lately, a sharp reminder of the first days on the team, before he and Steve both got their sticks out of their asses and become, well, bros.
And then Tony goes and makes it worse, because that's his special gift, just ask Pepper, and says, “You can talk about it if you want to, nothing shameful about having a bit of a cry in the middle of the night.” which just makes Steve draw up his legs protectively, arms wrapped around himself and turning away, but Tony did get a glimpse of his face and hell, it looks like Steve is about to start crying.
“Okay, you know what, this isn't working,” Tony says and Steve turns around so fast that he must've given himself whiplash, his eyes big and shocked.
“I mean, I just hate it when you sulk” Tony says. Like he was going to throw Steve out his bed just because of this, honestly, what is the man thinking?
“-and I know I kind of put my foot in my mouth there, but hey, it's me, what else had you expected-” and he knows he's rambling, so he forcibly shuts his mouth and takes a deep, calming breath.
“-and I'm going to make it all better now, so could you please lie down on your stomach for me?” he says as grabs the lube from his bedside table (the tube is almost empty, good thing he has a spare, but better just get a super-sized bottle next time).
"I'm kind of not in the mood right now, Tony.” Steve says, but at least he sitting normally now, not huddling in on himself any more.
Tony just rolls his eyes, “I had guessed that, please just do as I say, Steve, I'm just returning the favour.” He screws the cap off and smears lube generously on his palms and rubs them together as Steve lies down, clearly doubtful, but when Tony empties the rest of the tube on his back and sits on his ass and starts massaging him, he makes this surprised sigh, a sound Tony hasn't heard before and that he wouldn't mind hearing again and again.
“Good?” Tony asks after ten minutes of Steve slowly relaxing under his hands and being completely silent.
“Yes, it's very god, I- nobody has ever done this to me before.” and Tony just shakes his head sadly, thinking of his own staple of massage therapists. Only Steve.
He'd kind of looked forward to end the massage with a blow job or something, but after twenty minutes of him kneading Steve's back, he's sound asleep, his breath soft and even.
So Tony just dries the worst stickiness off him (with one of his own t-shirts fished up from the floor next to the bed, because there's no way Tony is getting up again) and throws an arm over Steve and goes back to sleep
*
But Tony does get morning sex, so that's all right, gliding slowly in and of Steve, who practically has his knees up around Tony's shoulder (damn, he's agile, how did Tony get this lucky?), stroking his own cock, moaning endlessly, his eyes unseeing, face slack with pleasure and Tony can't stop kissing him, his cheeks, his jaw, his throat, his mouth and it's so good, it's perfect, Steve is perfect and Tony tells him so as he watches him come, fucking him through it and then he's gone himself and after that, they fall asleep in each other's arms, just wake to up for round two, aka Steve fucking him through the bed and he's looking happy, so happy and Tony would give anything to keep him looking like that.
It's a good morning.
When they finally leaves Tony's bedroom, it feels strangely like kissing goodbye and going off to work; Tony heads straight for the robot's hangar and Steve goes to do is crazy work-out routine. He gently reminds Tony about some SHIELD meeting, but they both knows that Tony isn't going to be there, that he'll be elbows deep in the robot's insides and that's all right.
It's all right.
*
He calls Pepper while he's in commute, swooshing over farmland and green fields (SHIELD has the robot stored in the middle of nowhere and in Tony's experience with killer robots, even if they're dismantled, that is A Very Good Thing), his suit flying like a dream, like pure freedom and he's enjoying the hell out of it; these days he's mostly flying to and from disasters and that's just not cool.
Pepper answers on the second ring, with a “This better be important, Tony, I've got a meeting in five.”
And the thing is, he haven't really thought this completely through, he just knows that he wants- he wants to do things for Steve, non-sexy things, something special, something to show him... Well, Tony's not sure what, he just knows it is important.
He gets this far when Pepper gently interrupts him with a “Tony, you know that I'm not your secretary any more, right? That you in fact has a perfectly capable secretary who's feeling very much neglected because you never use her?”
“I do? Well, that's not important, Peps because I need someone I can trust with this. It needs to be you.” And he's not manipulating her, he's not, not really.
“So what are you thoughts for this thing you want to do for Steve?” She asks and in the background he can hear her clicking away on her laptop, already working on his wishes, even if she doesn't even know what they are yet and he gets yet another pang of just missing her.
“Well. There is that green conference thing you've been pestering me about attending, that thinly veiled fund-raiser 'save-the rain forest'-thing?” Tony says in his best pitching voice, “and I was thinking that I would actually attend and that I would bring Steve.”
Pepper is silent for a long time at that.
“So, does that mean that you guys are actually dating now? Properly, officially dating? Because that would make my life so much easier, you know.”
Tony is silent.
“Well, as long as long as you know what you're doing.” Pepper says.
Tony remains silent.
“Oh god, Tony, please don't do this to me.” Pepper say and he can hear smacks her laptop closed in annoyance, loud and clear.
“Pepper, I have no idea what I'm doing,” Tony says, and now he is trying to manipulate her, shamelessly, “but I like it. I like it a lot.”
Peppers sighs exasperated, clearly washing her hands of this and Tony knows he has won.
*
Steve arrives with food as Tony and his grunts are in the middle of testing if the robots circuits are completely fried (starting nice and small with a single foot), but Tony has no qualms about shutting it all down just so he can have dinner with Steve.
Steve flew in himself, in that helicopter he'd once expressed a wish about learning to fly, a throw-away comment buried in a totally unrelated conversation, but Tony had run with it, had bugged SHIED about it until they'd let Steve take the certificate and then he'd keep on bugging until they'd let Steve have a helicopter of his very own.
And Tony had succeeded in doing all this without Steve even knowing it was him. One of Tony's better schemes, if he has to says so himself and once they finally gets that jet, Tony is going to make damn sure that Steve can fly that too. There's a basic wrongness about Captain America being trapped on the ground, especially when someone like himself has free access to all of the sky and Tony won't have it.
The two of them eats sitting on a bit of grass outside the hangar, basking in the day's last sunshine and enjoys the quiet and when they're done with the food, Steve starts talking.
He tells Tony about his nightmare that night, about how it's a reoccurring one, about ice-cold water filling up his mouth, about being unable to breath, about panicking and trying to breath water, about choking and about the feeling of his lungs filling up, about the darkness and the cold slowly consuming him, about how he's afraid of water now, about how even the sight of pools on TV fills him with dread.
Tony is silent through it all, just leans up against Steve, rests his head on his shoulder, so Steve won't have to turn his face away to maintain that last bit of privacy and afterwards he doesn't say anything. After all, what could he say and instead he just puts an arm around Steve and holds on tight.
*
Tony is giving Steve the grand tour of the wreckage, talking a mile a minute about their discoveries so far, about how everything is working, tangenting off about his latest ideas for updating his armour, which leads into a small lecture about what's that damn jet is going to be like and his voice and hand movements are starting to become more than just slightly manic, when Steve gently puts a hand on his shoulder.
“Tony,” Steve says, “Please shut up. You’re trying to avoid any silence that could turn awkward; you're upset about something. You don't have to be, it's okay if my nightmares makes your uncomfortable. Besides, you know I don't understand any of this stuff you're telling me.”
“Okay, yes, I am stalling, but it's got nothing to do with you dreams,” Tony says, breathing out, trying to rid himself of his sudden anxiety, god, it's just a couple of days in a hotel, it's not like he's proposing or anything. “There is something I wanted to talk to you about.”
“Yes?” Steve says neutrally, but Tony thinks he can see the faintest ghost of that expression from last night, that empty, frightened look when he though that Tony was about to- But that was just Steve being disoriented and upset because of that dream and anyway, best to get this over with, this is ridicules.
So Tony tell Steve about the conference, about how it's being held near Yellowstone Park, which he knows Steve's never seen, about how he'd like to eat room service dessert off Steve's stomach, asking if this an idea that holds any appeal for Steve, just to watch a a slow smile, like a sunrise, spread on Steve's face, that smile that reassures Tony that he has yet again made the right decision.
“So let me get this straight,” Steve says, voice full of mischief, “You want me to come with you on a business trip, living on your dime, for your pleasure?” and Tony is about to say, well, yes, but that's not exactly how I'd put it, when Steve continues.
“Like a rent boy you'd picked off the street, to entertain you and then be thrown aside when you're done.” he says in a low, rough voice, his eyes locked with Tony's and Tony can feel his IQ dropping like a steel mallet just connected with his mind as his head is suddenly filled with pure lust.
Off all the thing Tony hadn't thought he'd ever hear Captain freaking America say to him, telling him fantasies about being Tony's very own rent boy is waaay up on the list and how is this his life?
He's about to answer, something appropriate dirty, but that's when the robot, or at least parts of it, comes alive and goes straight for Tony, blasting its way through the rest of the debris, making a high whirring sound like an angry swarm of wasps, ready to sting you to death.
*
Later, Tony will blame the mental double whammy from 'Oh god Steve, take me now' to 'shit shit shit fucking robot coming to get me, sixty miles per hour and filled with bloody murder for the fact that he completely freezes up when said robot blasts towards him and he just stand there and that it's Steve who gets him out of the way, by kicking his legs out from under him, that it's Steve who throws himself in the way from that bloody robot which almost killed him once already and taking the bone-crushing impact meant for Tony (Tony has no doubt that he's the primary target; the robots (and for fuck's sake, it's the fucking foot, the one they ran tests on earlier, can't do anything right) had adjusted its course as it got closer, clearly aiming for Tony).
Luckily, besides the science grunts, SHIELD has also made sure that the hangar has lots and lots of security and as soon as the initial shock (that not even SHIELD-agents are free of) is over, the robot is effectively taken down, just as it's turning around, going for Tony a second time, by the fucking rocket launchers the numerous agents are carrying and from his place on the floor, elbowing his way towards Steve's prone form, Tony watches detachedly as the fucking foot is reduced to slags by flaming explosions that sends chock waves across the entire hanger and effectively bangs up the rest of the robot-pieces even more.
But Tony could care less about the fucking robot, about how valuable research materials have just been destroyed, he could care less about why the fuck this happened in the first place or why it choose to go after him, because Steve is just lying there and it's less than two weeks since Steve had major surgery done to his fucking head and even with the serum and its freaky healing powers, this is not good.
Tony reaches Steve and oh god, thank you, his eyes are already fluttering open, he's groaning and coming awake and the relief is overwhelming and brief, pushed aside by red-hot rage, rage like he hasn't felt it since the cave and even there it was quickly turned into escape plans, into the clear-headed, detached fight state he mostly enters when shit is going down.
But not this time.
He grips Steve's shoulders (his hands are trembling, god) and shakes him violently, not caring what injures he might make worse, yelling into his face, words refuelled by a delayed adrenaline reaction, but shit, Tony is not stopping up and analysing his fucking reasons right now.
“What the *fuck* do you think you are doing, what gives you the right to be stupid and suicidal, that is *my* schtick, you could have fucking died, *again*, god, *Steve*, you are such a *fucktard*, I have no idea what is going on in you moronic head, but you can't *do* things like that, why the fuck-”
And Steve just puts a finger over his lips and covers one of Tony's hands still on his shoulder with his own and Tony is going to remember this, probably for the rest of his life, Steve's face bruised and blood running from his mouth, the inexplicable sadness there, like his world is about to break and there's nothing he can do, the way his voice is thin and whispery, like he has trouble breathing, and so, so soft, filled with emotions that Tony refuses to identify, as he says to Tony, “You know why, Tony. You know why.”
And he lifts Tony hands to his mouth and kisses his knuckles, not breaking their eye contact, like that time in the hospital, just before their first kiss and all Tony can do is stare at him.
He clenches his jaw and looks away, shakes his hand free and gets up, so quickly that he becomes dizzy from not enough blood to the head, he turns around and he leaves.
Steve doesn't try to stop him. Does not call out after him.
Tony does not look back.
*
Tony flies straight to Stark Tower, barges into one of the lab slash workshop slash stress test areas, where everybody stops in their tracks and just stares at him.
He's still in his armour. He's still trembling, enough that the armour's internal stabilizers can't compensate for it and keep him still. His repulsors are smoking from overtaxing.
He takes a deep breath, takes more, closes his eyes and tries to think about nothing, about schematics, about circuitry. When his shaking has subsided he let the armour disengage and pack itself away in its suitcase form.
“Hi.” he says, looking at the diagrams on the walls, not meeting anyone's eyes. “I'm finding myself with some unexpected free time. Anything you guys need a hand with?”
The chaos is, as expected, instantaneous.
*
Steve is not hurt, not seriously. Tony hacks SHIELD's network to find out, then he fucks out of there, only changing his status on the next meetings to 'non-compulsory.'
So it's more than just a couple of days before he sets foot in Avengers' Tower and that's just because Pepper, the traitor, calls Fury and rats him out, after she notices that both the productivity and the amounts of damage caused in Lab E had sky-rocket with about three-hundred percent (there are, as mentioned, a lot of brilliant, crazy and very, very unsafe people working in Stark Industries and Tony was having so much fun playing with them, until Pepper came and dragged him out. At least he got to laugh at the lab-geeks trying not to stare at her legs) and when asking him what the fuck he's doing, and only get is 'That trip. Cancel it' and of course she puts two and two together and gets lovers' quarrel and well, she can't stay out of these things, or maybe the opposite and she has self-preservation enough to not want a sulky Tony Stark on her premises and then Fury is swearing into his phone and sending a helicopter to pick up Tony, because he doesn't trust him to make it back to shield on his own volition, and who the fuck knows, he's probably right.
So the first time he sees Steve in almost two weeks, it's at a pre-mission briefing that Tony gets frog-marched to straight from the heli-pad on the roof, still in his dirty work-clothes, oil-stains on his fingers and he had halfway expected Steve to look like a half-drowned kitten, but no, Steve is professional as usual, he even has that small smile thing going one, the one he shares with you like there's some secret that only you are sworn in on, but whenever that smile is directed at Tony it doesn't reach his eyes. And Tony tries to keep his promise to himself and ignore him completely, but that means that Tony is the one Fury sends suspicious looks, the one looking like a petulant teenager and god, that is just asking for the others to start getting curious, which is drama he does so not need right now.
It's not like Tony misses Steve. The sex was nice, more than nice, and it's Steve, so it was fun as well, with none of that undercurrent of worry whenever he fucks men, of 'is it this one who outs me to the media, is this the one it'll end badly with (exactly what 'end badly' is something he hasn't let himself consider in details, but men are as strong as him, stronger sometimes, and where with women it's him that's got to watch out for signals that could mean 'no' and respect that and do damage control, with men... yeah. Then there's the increased risk of STDs of the more nasty kind and all in all it's better not dwelt on.) He might miss having someone to have morning sex with, but he can find someone else for that easily enough if he wanted to, but yeah, while morning sex is nice and all, it does gets a little samey, a little bit too much routine.
He goes to some party. He smiles and flirts and maybe he gets a little drunk, so what, and maybe he picks up someone small and female and brunette, two of them, and makes out with them in the limo on his way back home, and it's good, it really is, but he has no intentions about actually taking them home, too much trouble and he takes care of business in the limo and then has them dropped of at a nice hotel, with instructions to the staff to let them stay free of all charges, because the girls had been very enthusiastic about kissing each other, everywhere, and then snuggling up together afterwards and if they want to continue that, by all means, they should do so.
And he doesn't have anything to prove, not at all, but instead of returning to his penthouse, he goes to Avengers' Tower, stroll though the kitchen on the way to his bedroom, his hair a disaster, and his clothes in disarray, smelling of the girls mixing perfume, of alcohol, of sex.
It's nice to be able to be smug about having had sex again.
He does not look at Steve, who's having a arm-wrestling competition with Thor, with Clint yelling encouragements and insults and lewd comments at Tony, and Steve does not look at him.
*
There are bruises on Steve's knuckles and on his cheekbones. Tony does not stare. Clint asks what he is thinking, what the fuck did you do to yourself, Rogers, but his tone is light and amused, where Tony's would have been angry and accusing.
“Just sparred with Thor. Got a little enthusiastic.” Steve says with a disarming smile and Tony has a flash to the last time he saw Steve being enthusiastic, the noises he'd made.
That evening he goes to another party.
*
There's a mission. Despite Tony's absence the science grunts, combined with Natasha's awesome spy-skills, have finally figured out where that goddamn robot came from and now they're going after the motherfucker.
It's a tech wizard. Literally. And fuck, it can not be said enough, Tony fucking hates magic.
This time, they've come prepared and have the Air Force circling above their heads as they make a sudden attack on the wizard's tower. Yes, tower. What is wrong with this freak? And Tony has been analyzing the metals used in the robot and has come up with a kind of concentrated rust-enducing gas, that only works on that alloy the first robot was made of, so they're capable of taking most of the fucker's toys down this time. Besides, that robot was the only piece of that size the guy had, so they're good
And it's not so much a guy as it's a whole bunch of guys, the wizard, some mechanics, engineers, the lot. They have a fucking robot factory underground and if this wasn't so fucking inconvenient, Tony would maybe drool a little. Or at least wanting to take his good time exploring.
The question is of course, where did these guys get their funding? Tony's best guess is Doom, but who the fuck knows.
Taking the tech-guys down is easy. They don't have battle suits, they don't have training, they don't have a death wish.
The wizard is the same, besides the last thing on that list.
And in those situations, the hardest thing is preventing the self-proclaimed bad guy from commenting suicide-by-superhero and that's never fun.
Afterwards they have to take down some of his human-sized robots that were built of different metal and weren't affected by the rust-gas, there's about a dozen of those, and that's pretty fun. There's a good hour and a half of blasting, throwing, kicking, dropping and maybe they do have a bit too much fun, any other conclusion is inevitable when one sees the god of thunder and Captain America playing soccer with a robot-head. And Tony can't help but smile at that, he's about to join in himself - and then he remembers.
“I think you can take it from here. I'm heading back to base. Armour needs looking at.”
No one questions him as he leaves.
*
Going through the decontamination chamber, the glorified locker-room with a Geiger counter, is mandatory after every mission, and normally it's something done and over with in ten minutes tops, so when Tony sees the proximity lamp turn on inside the soundproof room next door where he's getting out of the armour (it's not the only robot-arms platform in the tower, there's more and more coming up all over the place, so Tony can get in and out of his heavier armours quicker when there's an emergency and Clint says they're sprouting up like mushrooms and well, now there's a Clint basher mark IV following him around him twenty-four seven and playing laser tag with him, or rather, taser tag, so Tony so fucking wins) he really expects the locker rooms to be empty when he returns twenty minutes later.
But Steve is still here, looking just as shocked as Tony. He's halfway out of his uniform and Tony is in the black undergarment he wears under the armour, fire resistant and motion-capturing, sends the information to the armour so it moves almost simultaneously with Tony. Its all very nifty and also very... tight. There's a reason Clint calls it his 'cat suit' (fuck off Clint. Really).
He can't help but notice the way Steve looks at him.
The words are out of his mouth before he can think about it.
“Are you hurt?” and Steve looks away quickly, making a strangled sound, but he doesn't answer.
Tony moves closer, repeating his question and then he makes the mistake to touch Steve, just a finger to his neck to feel his pulse, but the damage is done.
When Steve slams him up against a wall Tony's legs are already wrapped around his waist, his nails making welts in Steve's naked back, it's entirely expected.
*
Part III
Part II
Part III
They have him on life support.
They keep him in an artificial coma after the surgery, until the swelling in his brain has gone down. The doctors are optimistic that he will make a full recovery, but Tony knows very well that without the super solder serum, Steve would have been dead. Broken into a hundred pieces, smashed into pulp.
He can't seem to leave Steve's bedside, has this completely irrational, but very strong feeling that if he leaves for just the shortest time Steve will be gone when he returns.
After a couple of hours of Tony sitting there, just looking at Steve, not even playing with his pocket computer, the others starts to give him strange looks. By the end of the day, when the nurses try to make him leave, someone calls in Pepper, but Tony can't even focus on her voice, can't take his eyes off Steve in that bed. I should have been faster, Tony thinks, over and over, the thought running around in his head like a small, desperate animal in a wheel in its cage, I should have been paying more attention. It should have been me.
The thing is, Steve could just had hung up his shield after he'd been defrosted, he didn't have to get involved in these conflicts again, he- he cold finally have had a normal life, taking art classes, working with troubled youths, teaching teenage girls self-defence, settled down with a nice girl, become a father...
He doesn't deserve this.
In the end Pepper just sighs and leaves, has someone bring him a more comfortable chair, a blanket and some food that Tony doesn't touch.
He doesn't sleep that first night.
*
Tony must have dozed off, because surely he is dreaming, one of those dreams where you dream that you wake up and does normal things, only to wake up again, still lying in your bed.
Because Steve is croaking out his name in a weak, confused voice, blinking at him like he's not sure that Tony is really here.
Tony makes a strangled noise and sits up in his chair, his body stiff from sitting in the same position for far too long. Steve seems to have trouble focussing on him, frowning just a little, his eyes scanning over him, taking in his dirty clothing, his greasy hair, his stubbles and pale, gaunt face (Tony knows very well how he looks. At his last, rushed trip to the bathroom he had avoided looking in the mirror at all).
“Oh Tony,” Steve says, in a soft, sad voice Tony hasn't heard before. “What have you done to yourself this time?”
“What I have- You've been in a coma for three days!” Tony says, moving so he can peer into Steve's face. His pupils look normal enough and he seem to becoming more and more lucid by the minute. “You almost died.” Tony's voice cracks at his last words, his throat closing up, a pressure building behind his eyes.
“You were scared for me?” Steve says in a hesitant voice.
“Yes.” Tony whispers and seemingly on his own violation his hand is reaching out, settling on Steve's cheek. Steve covers it with his own, larger hand, moves it to his mouth, kisses his knuckles, the back of his hand, his palm.
Tony makes a choked noise and stumbles forward.
The kiss is inevitable after that.
*
It doesn't take long before doctors and nurses are spilling into the room, all of them talking a mile a minute and being obviously relieved (which makes Tony painfully doubtful about their earlier positive prognosis for Steve's recovery) and this time Tony lets himself be ushered out without protest.
He gives Steve one last uncertain look over his shoulder as he exits the door. Steve is answering one of the doctors question, but he meets Tony's gaze across the room, his eyes unreadable.
Tony finds a shower somewhere in the hospital and bullies the staff into letting him use it. Or maybe they just take on look at him and decides he would be a biohazard otherwise.
Then he calls Pepper.
Who seems to think that he's the one who's suffered brain damage (Steve will be all right, Steve will be all right, he will, the doctors said so).
“Run that by me again, Tony. You want to do what?”
“Peps, I'm not joking. Steve is awake now, he is going to be all right and I've been sitting here for three days and now I need to get out of here and do something that will take my mind off one of my team-mates almost dying. So give me something useful to do and do it quick, because this is a one-time offer.”
She is silent for a minute, probably pinching herself.
“Well, you can start with coming to the office, I'm sure we can find something for you. I'll send a car with some clothes for you.”
“Just don't make me attend more meetings, please.” Tony says in his best pleading voice, “I'll make photocopies, I'll fetch coffee - anything but that.”
“Don't worry, Tony. I'll be gentle.” Pepper says with a smile in her voice and hangs up. It's a long time since she's talked to him like that, but instead of lamenting that, it removes just a bit of the knot in his stomach.
*
He stays in the Stark Tower for the next two days, not answering Fury's calls (not that there are many, the man is very much transparent in his glee of having Tony out of his metaphorical hair for a while) and surprisingly succeeds in ignoring everything SHIELD-related.
He yells at people in the legal department (or really, 'scolds them very loudly', because yelling at your employees is unprofessional and that's Tony's version and he'll stick to it when Pepper inevitable yells at him about it), he dives into their new line of green cars that Pepper has just announced to the board and comes up with half-a-dozen new designs and just as many ways to improve the engines and the effectivity of the energy consumption, he even holds three 'welcome to Stark Industries'-meetings for their newest additions to the more practical departments, because those are the fun meetings, there's a tour and he gets to demonstrate the labs for them. Nothing like giving the bright young things of tomorrow something to tell their grandchildren about and afterwards he gives Pepper the lists, of who should be watched because they seemed competent and ambitious and of who should be watched because Tony fears for the company's safety if they aren't. Not because they are stupid, on the contrary - Stark Industries tends to attract a certain kind of genius, the kind with big dreams, an ironclad belief that they can be accomplished and no regard for safety whatsoever.
Funnily enough, the amounts of applicants of this type have sky rocked since Tony came public as Iron Man. He sees this as a good thing, Pepper, not so much.
Tony is sitting in his office (Pepper's office, really, but she's out doing important CEO things and he's graciously been allowed to hold the fort, so it's so his office) and yelling (scolding very loudly) at the same people from Legal as before and he is so engrossed in pointing out their incompetence for them, that he at first doesn't notice the secretary opening the large doors (Natasha's replacement, who's SHIELD too, of course and like Natasha, is totally unimpressed by Tony. Tony pays her back by not learning her name. He knows it's petty, but a man's got to take his victories where he can), saying to whoever she is letting in (no appointment and besides, Tony had asked her not to be disturbed, typical SHIELD) 'Go on in, he's yours for the next thirty minutes. And congratulations on you fast recovery, Captain Rogers. We were all so worried when we heard you were in the hospital.”
Tony has this deer-in-the-headlight feeling as Steve thanks her and turns around to look at Tony. He's looking good, healthy and he's smiling to Tony, a small genuine smile that morphs into something just a bit predatory as soon as the secretary closes the door behind him and Tony knows he is starring, phone forgotten in his hand.
Steve walks towards him, no, positively saunters, hands in his pockets, that smile just getting more possessive and there it is again, their silence, heavy and full of intent, but for some reason, instead of filling Tony's head with lust as usual (and god, they have 'usual' now. When the fuck did that happen?), this time it just increases that deer-in-the-headlight thing Tony has going on.
Steve must be able to see this, because when he reaches Tony he leans on the desk and just ...studies him. Tony opens his mouth, he doesn't know what he's going to say, but this is suddenly weird and Tony has never been good at uncomfortable silences, at least not when he's the uncomfortable one.
But Steve reaches forward and puts a finger on his lips and it's a sign of how well they know each other, because Tony reads his face loud and clear; happy, mixed with a good deal of 'I'm going to take care of you now.'
And apparently he is, because then Steve straightens up, just to sinks to his knees in front of Tony.
*
Steve doesn't even bother to hide behind the desk as he makes quick work of Tony's pants, so shameless, anyone could walk in and see him getting Tony's dick out and licking it like a lollipop, oh god, which, combined with the fact that Tony is in one of his best business suits and that he still has Legal on speaker phone (turning that off now) - it all makes this so much more real, this is not some hidden away encounter, this is literally out in the open.
And nooo, it's not because Tony might have a small office kink. Not at all.
By now Tony has figured out that Steve apparently only has two settings; drawn-out bliss and bruising, teeth shattering fast and hard and oh, that day in the workshop, a thousand years ago, Tony's chest slamming against the mirror again and again, the arc reactor's loud clanks as it hits the glass only covered by the noise of the robot arms getting Rhodey out of his suit and by Clint getting too close to the Clint Basher and activating it and the ensuing battle and Tony had bruises on his hips afterwards and fingermarks on his thighs from where Steve had clutched him as he blew him, as he's about to blow him now -
- except that this is Slow & Careful Steve with that reverent look on his face, who is leaning back, stopping, no, and lifting him out of his chair, no no, Tony wants to stay in the boss chair, places him on his desk, pants around his ankles, the surface cold against his ass and Pepper is going to kill him if she finds out about this and Steve is nibbling at his thigh, starting at his knee, sucking bruises into his skin and then kissing them, his mouth moving closer and closer to his dick and okay, maybe the desk is a good idea, so much easier access for Steve and that lust is slamming into Tony full on now, returning with a vengeance - and Steve puts his hand gently around Tony's dick and goes back to the licking, pokes out his tongue obscenely and swirls around the head, teasing Tony, drawing moans and gasps out of him and then Steve finally takes him fully into his mouth, slowly, so slowly, working Tony steadily, one hand around the shaft of his dick, the other resting on Tony's thigh for balance and Tony stuff his hand in his mouth, biting his knuckles hard to keep in the sounds, they're in his office, but Steve just removes it, catches his wrist, doesn't let it go, squeezes lightly, his grip iron and unyielding and Tony can't hold it in any more, his whimpers are replaced by words, all those words he hadn't said before, words that have been bottled up inside him and now spills out of him like a volcano erupting and just keeps on coming, he knows he couldn't shut his mouth if his life depended on it-
“Steve, you're so good at this, don't stop, please don't ever stop, you don't what you are doing to me, it's so good, I was going to show you everything- god! I wanted - I wanted to see the your face when, fuck Steve, when I, oh, oh, when I did things to you that nobody, aah, that nobody had ever done to you before, I wanted to learn you, oh Steve, that's so good, you don't don't need teaching, you're perfect -oooh, do that again, faster, faster, please, your mouth, your hands, they are magic, I love them, you take so good care of me, you and your crazy sex drive, aaaah, who would have thought that, that Capitan America, oh god, I'm coming, please don't stop, Steve-”
And he does and does and does and afterwards Steve rests his head against Tony's leg and pants loudly, beads of sweat on his flushed face, his lips obscenely red and swollen.
“Let me.” Tony says, his voice hoarse and breathless, “Let me-”
But Steve just stands up, brings Tony's clothes in order, smiling slightly, an obvious bulge in his jeans. Then he leans in and Tony can't help but opening his mouth, closing his eyes in anticipation - but Steve just kisses his cheek tenderly, his forehead, the tip of his noise and then he stands back, smirking and clearly enjoying the way Ton watches him, his eyes half-closed, mouth hanging open in disbelief.
“See you tonight, Tony,” Steve says, his smile widening.
And then he leaves.
Tony doesn't get anything done the rest of the day.
*
He finds some wet-wipes in one of Pepper's drawers and carefully cleans the desk. Then he sinks down in the chair and stares at the ceiling.
Which is how Pepper finds him two hours later.
“Tony, what happened to being a responsible adult and doing something useful with you time for once and helping me run my company? Legal is furious, they- Tony, are you all right?”
Tony keeps staring at the ceiling.
“I'm fucking Steve.”
He didn't mean to say that. Oops.
“You what - Tony, are you drunk?”
“Or Steve is fucking me? We are fucking each other? What do you call that, Peps? I find myself lacking the right vocabulary here, help me out.”
“And I find myself missing the good old days when the most you get yourself into was- God Tony, Captain America? I wish you were drunk. I wish I was drunk.”
Pepper finally gets close enough to look at him. It's not a nice look. She sighs and moves to perch on the edge of the desk.
“I wouldn't sit there if I was there, Peps, I did try to clean it, but-”
“Tony! God! That's my desk!” Pepper says and jumps away as if said desk was on fire.
“I know! I'm really sorry!” Tony pauses, thinking that over. “No, actually, I'm not. Not at all.”
Pepper starts to massage her temples.
“Hey, what can I say, Steve is really... Bossy. Who'd thought? I certainly didn't. But, hey, I'm not complaining. At all.”
“Tony. Tony. Why are you telling me this? Is there a sex tape? What am I saying, of course there is a sex tape. Tony, who has it? You shouldn't have pissed off Legal, we are going to need them on this and we need to break the story first, get our own spin on it before the tabloids- Oh, damn it, I'd just gotten the Board nice and complaisant, they're not going to like the stock drop-”
“Pepper, stop. There isn't any sex tape.” He frowns, rethinks that, comes up blank, sees Pepper's face and he can't help but making a sound that's certainly not a giggle and he finally rights the chair to look at her properly. “No, really. No one knows, except me and Steve and now, you.”
“Then why are you telling me this! I-”
“Peps, I need advice. Or at least someone to ramble at.”
She changes track astoundingly fast, as always, and crosses her arms, raises an eyebrow at him, so Pepper and he gets a sharp sting of regret, not at how things had played out between them, but that, despite their best intentions of remaining friends, they've drifted apart - between the Avengers and Stark Industries, they simply don't have enough time.
“Okay, yes, I know it's kind of tacky, asking for this sort advice from your- from your...”
Pepper tilts her head at him, raises her other eyebrow.
“Your... what?”
“...Your ex-secretary turned into your CEO turned into your girlfriend, who you love very much, but who you realized -and this was mutual, by the way- that you would kill each other because of- of tempers and mutual stubbornness and the inability to let go of the way you were used to treat each other, that the roles you'd been playing for each others for years was too integrated to-”
“You can stop now, Tony, it's all right.” Pepper says, her voice kind. “Well, no, but you can stop looking at me as if I'm about to plant a Jimmy Choo in your crotch.”
“...You aren't?”
“Not today, at least. And let's get out of here, if we're going to talk about this, we need privacy and food. And alcohol. Lots and lots of alcohol.”
*
It's a good deal later when poor Happy finally pours them into Avengers Tower. Clint, Natasha and Steve are playing cards in the kitchen (it's just the cosiest room in the tower, the natural hub and it has a big, sturdy table that that can take most of what a certain boisterous thunder god can dish at it) and looks up in disbelief as they enters. Not so much at Tony, it's not the first time they have seen him like this. But Pepper, on the other hand...
For her sake, Tony really hopes she doesn't have any morning meetings.
“-I've got all my life to live, I've got all my love to give. And I'll survive!” They wail out and none of them might be nature's best singers and booze has not made them better, but what they lack in skill, they make up for in enthusiasm, lots of it and Clint is pulling out his cellphone and pointing it at them, grinning broadly. “ I will survive! Hey, hey!” Then there's the solo part, but when Pepper and Tony tries to do a dance to do it justice, they some end up in a laughing, tangled mess on the floor (note to self: one shouldn't try to dip people when one is less than sober), Tony ending up on top with a very nice view.
“I'm going to leave them in your care now,” Happy is saying from the door. “Please look after them, miss Romanoff.” then Tony stops paying attention, because, yes, very nice view.
“Hello Pepper.” He says with a smile.
“Hello Tony,” She says in a slurred voice and smiles back at him.
“Hello Peppers'-”
“Sorry Tony, you don't get to say hello to those any more.” Pepper says, but she's still smiling.
“But I miss breasts! Breasts are nice. Your breasts are very nice. But other things are nice too, if you get my drift and I think you do.”
Pepper snorts in annoyance; they've talked about that, a lot and while they've reached a form of truce, he still hasn't completely convinced her not to have him psyche evaluated.
“Come on, Peps, I've done stupider things than-” He says in a last ditch attempt.
“Yes, you have and that's why your amour now has an alcolock.”
At the table, Steve makes a choked sound.
Tony slides off Pepper in order not to squish her, her remembers her not liking that, getting comfortable on her shoulder instead. For the last many hours Pepper and him have been telling each other, well, emotional things, stuff they've been avoiding talking about for ever and ever, because is just not something either of them do.
And now Tony can't seem to stop.
“If anybody was ever going to be my baby mama, it was going to be you.” he tells her sincerely and maybe, just maybe, a little sadly.
“Clint, turn that camera off now.” Tony hears Natasha hiss somewhere in the background.
Then there's a warm hand settling on his shoulder.
“Tony, I'm going to help you up now.” Steve says. “Think your stomach can handle that?”
Apparently it can, because then Tony is vertical again and Steve is right there and warm and Tony can't help but cuddle into his side. Just the teensiest, tiny bit.
“I was going to do... that thing... that you wanted to do. But... Yeah, I just don't think it's happening right now. Sorry.” he says into Steve's chest and Steve just smiles and pats him on the head. Tony leans into it and makes a contended noise.
On the floor Pepper is staring at the ceiling in concentration. “I don't feel so good,” she says in a small voice and Tony would go and help her up, but, yeah, maybe not the brightest idea right now, for the sake of both of them.
Instead it's Natasha who picks her up, damn that woman is strong.
“I'm going to get her to bed now,” she says “Stark, we'll discuss this in the morning.”
“You smell really nice, Natasha.” Pepper says, leaning against her. “Your breasts are nice too.”
Which actually make Natasha's cheeks colour and Tony almost wishes she hadn't confiscated Clint's phone. Judging by Clint's face, he feels the same way.
“Pepper is a good girl, she's going to cure cancer,” Tony says from where he's still leaning into Steve's chest, in a strange desire to defend her. From what, he isn't really sure. “If I'm good and keep out of the tabloids she'll start that research thing that I wanted her to start... Bald kids sucks.”
He realises that he might not make that much sense right now, but still Steve looks down at him with a soft look and says, “That's very good of you, Tony. If anyone can succeed in that, it's going to be you.”
And then he pets Tony's hair some more lets Tony cuddle further into him and Tony would cure all diseases in the world just to keep Steve petting his hair and looking at him like that.
*
SHIELD has stored the remains of the robot that almost killed Steve in one of it's hangars and Tony has finally gotten access to it. Not that he couldn't just have given himself access, but he plans to take selected pieces of it back to the workshop and analyse them there and that's just easier if he just plays nice and cooperates for once.
The fragments are laid out in a careful grid-pattern, like a dead body after autopsy. It fills up the entire hangar and it takes Tony half an hour to walk around it, another two hours before he feels he at least has a general survey of the different parts.
This is going to take some time.
SHIELD are already in the process of scanning all the components and analyse the materials and Tony sets up shop in a corner of the of the hangar and starts working. There is a group of SHIELD scientist and engineers also working on this project and Tony immediately shanghais them into doing grunt-work. Which isn't going to win him any brownie-points, but Tony could care less. This thing almost killed Steve; they need to find the fucker who made it asap and other peoples hurt pride are not going to get in the way.
It's around eight hours later when Tony looks up and realises he's the only left in the hangar and that he has a crick in the neck from sitting hunched looking into a microscope for the last hour (despite it's size, the robot's containing a surprising amount of micro-technology; it's way too advanced for Tony's liking) and that he's no closer to getting even a hint about who the makers are (there is no way this thing was created by one person. At least Tony ferociously hopes so).
He stretches and makes JARVIS send his work to the servers in his workshop and then he packs up the parts he's working up in a steel container that locks onto the back of the revised mark V he arrived in and then he heads home.
*
Tony's been in the workshop for a hour and a half and has his desk cluttered with killer robot parts when Steve's hands settles on his shoulders, startling him.
“I brought you dinner,” Steve says. “Or early breakfast.” He has a tray with him, Tony notices, sandwiches and orange juice and of course, an apple and some carrot sticks. So Steve.
“Thanks, but no thanks. I'm kind of in the middle of something.”
“You still need to eat, Tony. I'll bet my shield you haven't eaten anything since breakfast.” Steve says and leans against the grill of the Stark 11 convertible, his arms crossed.
Tony looks away guiltily. He'd woken up sometime before midday and actually hadn't felt that bad. He has a hazy memory of joining Steve and Clint for a couple of more rounds (he doesn't remember which game they'd played, he's not sure he even knew in the first place and yet he'd still been the winner. Go brain!), while being coaxed by Steve to drink lots of water and eating whatever stuff Steve kept giving him, just to keep the alcohol company before he helped Tony off to bed.
He might have tried to start something, but Steve had stood firm and had just stroked his cheek, a motion ending with his fingers running through Tony's hair and the last thing Tony remembers is Steve's voice instructing JARVIS to keep an eye on him.
But he still hadn't felt good enough to take the chance with breakfast and well, then there had been work.
Steve snorts, but he's also smiling a little, like Tony's arguably self-destructive behaviour is somehow endearing to him. “How stupid of me, of course you didn't even eat breakfast. Well, all the more reason for you to eat now.”
“As I said, I really don't have time-” Steve is stretching, his shirt gliding up a little and displaying a sliver of Steve's tanned stomach muscles and Tony momentarily forgets what he was saying.
“I'm sure I can make it worth your while.” Steve says as he reclines even further back on the hood of the car, leaning on his elbows, his eyes half-closed as he gives Tony a slow once-over.
Tony has never eaten so fast in his life.
*
“Not the desk, not the desk, don't you dare to throw that stuff on the floor-” Tony is wrapped around Steve, strong hands supporting his ass and he's being kissed furiously. Steve turns away from said desk and instead deposit Tony on the hood of Stark 11.
“Oh, I so like the way you think-” Tony says between kisses (warm, wet overwhelming kisses, filled with tongue and lots of small bites, god, Steve is a wonderful kisser, whoever has learned him that, Tony is going to find them and thank them or maybe just kill them dead) and then Steve is opening his jeans, pulling them off, accompanied with Tony's socks, shoes and underwear and the metal of the car is cold against his ass and his mind flashes back to that time in the office and that, combined with Steve sinking to his knees and hooking Tony's legs around his neck, effectively shuts him up.
Steve's tongue in his ass shouldn't be a surprise after that, especially not after the way he's taken to sex like a fish in water, but Tony still makes an amazed sound when Steve makes the first tentative warm licks, just to be replaced by loud moans as Steve grows more bold and the licks turns into soft probing that sends sends those hot sparks of lust and bliss running through him, soon to be replaced by Tony keening and groaning and squirming and writhing, unable to keep still as Steve finally adds a well-lubed finger, two fingers and keeps licking around them.
And those fingers and that tongue just keeps going and going, reducing Tony to that incoherent mess Steve seems to love, almost sobbing with pleasure and Tony's last thought for a good while is lie back and relax, enjoy the ride, 'cos your driver this evening is Slow and Careful Steve and this is going to take a while.
Not that he minds. Oh, no.
Then, as Tony becomes desperate enough to try to move in counterpoint to Steve's movements (made almost impossible by Steve's hand on his stomach, keeping him down), trying to fuck himself on his fingers and starts to reach for his dick, he is so close, Steve gets up (not showing the least sign of having stiff knees, the fucker), swats Tony's hand away from his poor, aching dick, no, just a few pulls and Tony would be done for, and grabs him around the waist and lifts him into the back-seat of the convertible.
"Don't touch yourself, Tony, " Steve says, as he opens his belt, "Be a good boy and wait for me."
Oh god.
Tony sits dazed and watches as Steve fishes the tube of lube out of his back pocket, holding it between his teeth as strips down, quickly and efficient and stands there in all his naked glory, his face flushed and dick jutting out from his body, precum glistening at the tip, running down the head. Steve coats his dick in lube, gives it a few unnecessary pulls, moaning and locking eyes with Tony, his gaze heated and desperate.
Then he joins Tony in the back-seat and grips him around the hips and arranges him to sit in his lap, Tony's legs wrapped around him, or rather, just holds him just above his lap, his dick poking at Tony's ass.
Oh god.
*
“Touch yourself Tony, jerk yourself off, I want to see you doing that for me, I've thought so much about it, just like that, keep going-”
Steve had taking his sweet time easing gently inside Tony, but that's long over and gone and now he's just going at it, using just enough of his strength to take completely control over Tony, he's is still gripping Tony's hips tightly and he's slamming him rapidly up and down on his dick, using him, hitting his prostate again and again, almost violently and Tony loves it. He loves how Steve's suddenly is displaying a talent for dirty talk, his untamed sex-drive, his seemingly endless appetite, for new things, for Tony, the way he just takes, like he's entitled to it...
But then, he knows that Tony will let him, he knows exactly how much Tony wants it.
Steve throws his head back and shouts, increases the pace even more, which Tony honestly hadn't thought possible, making thought impossible and after the long, slow, careful prelude he'd put Tony though on the hood of the car, Tony is surprising himself by having lasted this long and now Steve is kissing him again (made difficult by their movements, but not impossible and Steve has always been a very resourceful individual), something he's been doing a lot since they moved this inside the car, grounding Tony with his licking, with little nips that grows quickly into biting, at his jaw, his throat, his shoulder, like right now, Steve practically mauling the side of Tony's throat and then he draws his head back, opens his eyes, they've been closed in bliss for a good while now, just to look Tony in the eye as he tightens his hands on his hips so hard it almost hurts too much and comes like a train wreck, taking Tony with him.
But despite the force and intensity of his orgasm Tony can't just close his eyes and ride it out.
Because Steve had said his name as he came, a broken, desperate sound and now he's just sitting there, eyes closed, head thrown back, resting on the Audi's leather seat (Tony will probably have to get the car reupholstered if he ever wants to take it out in public again, but he's in half a mind about just leaving it like this; what's wrong with having a car just for fucking in?), exposing his sweat-covered throat and panting loudly, but his hands have fallen away from Tony's hips, he's not touching him besides where they're still joined cock-to-ass and there's a certain stillness to him, as if he's steeling himself against a punch he knows will hit him any minute now, a punch he's not even going to try to evade.
And Tony won't say he's not tempted to just take the easy way out, to make some cutting remark or just ignoring it and get out of the car as fast as possible, but then he would have to keep his distance from Steve for some time, he certainly would have to stop fucking him and Tony had sort of planned to show up in Steve's bedroom this evening (expect that this evening is long gone, disappeared in the internal parts of that damned robot. But hey, it's the thought that counts, right?)...
Besides, Tony really hates when Steve looks like this; when he's trying to make himself smaller, when he thinks he's made some social blunder and the fault is entirely his and the consequences will be devastating and unforgivable and hurt like hell and Tony's normal reaction is to find the person responsible for putting that look on Steve's face and hurt them.
So he leans forward (making Steve's still hard dick inside him move and sen little sparks of aftershock through him, oh), places one hand on the back of Steve's neck, the other around his waist and kisses him as deeply and slowly and sweetly as he knows how to, breaking away to whisper Steve, Steve, Steve. The blindingly happy smile Steve gives him afterwards repels all doubt about this being the right decision and makes warmth pool in Tony's stomach, makes him smile back, resting his forehead against Steve's to hide it.
He thinks Steve knows anyway.
*
Steve carries Tony upstairs from the workshop afterwards (despite Tony having been on top, sort of, and not having have to do most of the work, his legs are like Jell-O and so what if he's growing to like being carried around by Steve?), holding him against his naked chest (who needs clothes? Steve and Tony certainly doesn't, not right now and if some of the others are up at this time of the night and runs into them, they'll be in for a bit of a surprise), cradling him, carefully not putting the hand supporting him straight on his ass and Tony must have dozed off in Steve's arms, because the next thing he knows, Steve is laying him down on his own bed and pulling the comforter over him and Tony's hand shoots out like a viper and grasps Steve's wrist and tugs, he's too far away to verbalize what he wants, but Steve seems to get it, he smiles and says, “I'll be back in a moment, Tony, just going to brush my teeth.” but Tony falls asleep before that, because the next thing he knows, the sky is turning pink and Steve is lying next to him, twitching in his sleep and making small, pitiful sounds.
Uh oh.
Tony wants to do something about that, but he knows better than just reach out and shake Steve - he himself almost clocked Pepper when she'd tried to wake him up from a bad dream (not his proudest moment, but he's pretty sure he'd been more mortified than Pepper. She'd been very matter-of-fact about the whole ordeal and it's just yet another reason why he loves her) and if Steve just has remotely the same reactions, this could end pretty bad.
So what he ends up doing is grabbing the water glass from his bedside table and flicking drops of water at Steve's face, which maybe isn't the most mature or empathic reaction, but it gets the job done. Steve comes awake with a jerk, breathing in deeply and just lying there staring up at the ceiling with unseeing eyes.
“Hey Steve. Sorry about the water, but I didn't want to risk death by super soldier PTSD.” And that miiight now have been the smartest thing to do, because Steve sits up and sends him his best steel glare, the one he usually saves for villains about to blow up orphanages. Okay, maybe not that bad, but still a long way from the warm looks he has Tony given lately, a sharp reminder of the first days on the team, before he and Steve both got their sticks out of their asses and become, well, bros.
And then Tony goes and makes it worse, because that's his special gift, just ask Pepper, and says, “You can talk about it if you want to, nothing shameful about having a bit of a cry in the middle of the night.” which just makes Steve draw up his legs protectively, arms wrapped around himself and turning away, but Tony did get a glimpse of his face and hell, it looks like Steve is about to start crying.
“Okay, you know what, this isn't working,” Tony says and Steve turns around so fast that he must've given himself whiplash, his eyes big and shocked.
“I mean, I just hate it when you sulk” Tony says. Like he was going to throw Steve out his bed just because of this, honestly, what is the man thinking?
“-and I know I kind of put my foot in my mouth there, but hey, it's me, what else had you expected-” and he knows he's rambling, so he forcibly shuts his mouth and takes a deep, calming breath.
“-and I'm going to make it all better now, so could you please lie down on your stomach for me?” he says as grabs the lube from his bedside table (the tube is almost empty, good thing he has a spare, but better just get a super-sized bottle next time).
"I'm kind of not in the mood right now, Tony.” Steve says, but at least he sitting normally now, not huddling in on himself any more.
Tony just rolls his eyes, “I had guessed that, please just do as I say, Steve, I'm just returning the favour.” He screws the cap off and smears lube generously on his palms and rubs them together as Steve lies down, clearly doubtful, but when Tony empties the rest of the tube on his back and sits on his ass and starts massaging him, he makes this surprised sigh, a sound Tony hasn't heard before and that he wouldn't mind hearing again and again.
“Good?” Tony asks after ten minutes of Steve slowly relaxing under his hands and being completely silent.
“Yes, it's very god, I- nobody has ever done this to me before.” and Tony just shakes his head sadly, thinking of his own staple of massage therapists. Only Steve.
He'd kind of looked forward to end the massage with a blow job or something, but after twenty minutes of him kneading Steve's back, he's sound asleep, his breath soft and even.
So Tony just dries the worst stickiness off him (with one of his own t-shirts fished up from the floor next to the bed, because there's no way Tony is getting up again) and throws an arm over Steve and goes back to sleep
*
But Tony does get morning sex, so that's all right, gliding slowly in and of Steve, who practically has his knees up around Tony's shoulder (damn, he's agile, how did Tony get this lucky?), stroking his own cock, moaning endlessly, his eyes unseeing, face slack with pleasure and Tony can't stop kissing him, his cheeks, his jaw, his throat, his mouth and it's so good, it's perfect, Steve is perfect and Tony tells him so as he watches him come, fucking him through it and then he's gone himself and after that, they fall asleep in each other's arms, just wake to up for round two, aka Steve fucking him through the bed and he's looking happy, so happy and Tony would give anything to keep him looking like that.
It's a good morning.
When they finally leaves Tony's bedroom, it feels strangely like kissing goodbye and going off to work; Tony heads straight for the robot's hangar and Steve goes to do is crazy work-out routine. He gently reminds Tony about some SHIELD meeting, but they both knows that Tony isn't going to be there, that he'll be elbows deep in the robot's insides and that's all right.
It's all right.
*
He calls Pepper while he's in commute, swooshing over farmland and green fields (SHIELD has the robot stored in the middle of nowhere and in Tony's experience with killer robots, even if they're dismantled, that is A Very Good Thing), his suit flying like a dream, like pure freedom and he's enjoying the hell out of it; these days he's mostly flying to and from disasters and that's just not cool.
Pepper answers on the second ring, with a “This better be important, Tony, I've got a meeting in five.”
And the thing is, he haven't really thought this completely through, he just knows that he wants- he wants to do things for Steve, non-sexy things, something special, something to show him... Well, Tony's not sure what, he just knows it is important.
He gets this far when Pepper gently interrupts him with a “Tony, you know that I'm not your secretary any more, right? That you in fact has a perfectly capable secretary who's feeling very much neglected because you never use her?”
“I do? Well, that's not important, Peps because I need someone I can trust with this. It needs to be you.” And he's not manipulating her, he's not, not really.
“So what are you thoughts for this thing you want to do for Steve?” She asks and in the background he can hear her clicking away on her laptop, already working on his wishes, even if she doesn't even know what they are yet and he gets yet another pang of just missing her.
“Well. There is that green conference thing you've been pestering me about attending, that thinly veiled fund-raiser 'save-the rain forest'-thing?” Tony says in his best pitching voice, “and I was thinking that I would actually attend and that I would bring Steve.”
Pepper is silent for a long time at that.
“So, does that mean that you guys are actually dating now? Properly, officially dating? Because that would make my life so much easier, you know.”
Tony is silent.
“Well, as long as long as you know what you're doing.” Pepper says.
Tony remains silent.
“Oh god, Tony, please don't do this to me.” Pepper say and he can hear smacks her laptop closed in annoyance, loud and clear.
“Pepper, I have no idea what I'm doing,” Tony says, and now he is trying to manipulate her, shamelessly, “but I like it. I like it a lot.”
Peppers sighs exasperated, clearly washing her hands of this and Tony knows he has won.
*
Steve arrives with food as Tony and his grunts are in the middle of testing if the robots circuits are completely fried (starting nice and small with a single foot), but Tony has no qualms about shutting it all down just so he can have dinner with Steve.
Steve flew in himself, in that helicopter he'd once expressed a wish about learning to fly, a throw-away comment buried in a totally unrelated conversation, but Tony had run with it, had bugged SHIED about it until they'd let Steve take the certificate and then he'd keep on bugging until they'd let Steve have a helicopter of his very own.
And Tony had succeeded in doing all this without Steve even knowing it was him. One of Tony's better schemes, if he has to says so himself and once they finally gets that jet, Tony is going to make damn sure that Steve can fly that too. There's a basic wrongness about Captain America being trapped on the ground, especially when someone like himself has free access to all of the sky and Tony won't have it.
The two of them eats sitting on a bit of grass outside the hangar, basking in the day's last sunshine and enjoys the quiet and when they're done with the food, Steve starts talking.
He tells Tony about his nightmare that night, about how it's a reoccurring one, about ice-cold water filling up his mouth, about being unable to breath, about panicking and trying to breath water, about choking and about the feeling of his lungs filling up, about the darkness and the cold slowly consuming him, about how he's afraid of water now, about how even the sight of pools on TV fills him with dread.
Tony is silent through it all, just leans up against Steve, rests his head on his shoulder, so Steve won't have to turn his face away to maintain that last bit of privacy and afterwards he doesn't say anything. After all, what could he say and instead he just puts an arm around Steve and holds on tight.
*
Tony is giving Steve the grand tour of the wreckage, talking a mile a minute about their discoveries so far, about how everything is working, tangenting off about his latest ideas for updating his armour, which leads into a small lecture about what's that damn jet is going to be like and his voice and hand movements are starting to become more than just slightly manic, when Steve gently puts a hand on his shoulder.
“Tony,” Steve says, “Please shut up. You’re trying to avoid any silence that could turn awkward; you're upset about something. You don't have to be, it's okay if my nightmares makes your uncomfortable. Besides, you know I don't understand any of this stuff you're telling me.”
“Okay, yes, I am stalling, but it's got nothing to do with you dreams,” Tony says, breathing out, trying to rid himself of his sudden anxiety, god, it's just a couple of days in a hotel, it's not like he's proposing or anything. “There is something I wanted to talk to you about.”
“Yes?” Steve says neutrally, but Tony thinks he can see the faintest ghost of that expression from last night, that empty, frightened look when he though that Tony was about to- But that was just Steve being disoriented and upset because of that dream and anyway, best to get this over with, this is ridicules.
So Tony tell Steve about the conference, about how it's being held near Yellowstone Park, which he knows Steve's never seen, about how he'd like to eat room service dessert off Steve's stomach, asking if this an idea that holds any appeal for Steve, just to watch a a slow smile, like a sunrise, spread on Steve's face, that smile that reassures Tony that he has yet again made the right decision.
“So let me get this straight,” Steve says, voice full of mischief, “You want me to come with you on a business trip, living on your dime, for your pleasure?” and Tony is about to say, well, yes, but that's not exactly how I'd put it, when Steve continues.
“Like a rent boy you'd picked off the street, to entertain you and then be thrown aside when you're done.” he says in a low, rough voice, his eyes locked with Tony's and Tony can feel his IQ dropping like a steel mallet just connected with his mind as his head is suddenly filled with pure lust.
Off all the thing Tony hadn't thought he'd ever hear Captain freaking America say to him, telling him fantasies about being Tony's very own rent boy is waaay up on the list and how is this his life?
He's about to answer, something appropriate dirty, but that's when the robot, or at least parts of it, comes alive and goes straight for Tony, blasting its way through the rest of the debris, making a high whirring sound like an angry swarm of wasps, ready to sting you to death.
*
Later, Tony will blame the mental double whammy from 'Oh god Steve, take me now' to 'shit shit shit fucking robot coming to get me, sixty miles per hour and filled with bloody murder for the fact that he completely freezes up when said robot blasts towards him and he just stand there and that it's Steve who gets him out of the way, by kicking his legs out from under him, that it's Steve who throws himself in the way from that bloody robot which almost killed him once already and taking the bone-crushing impact meant for Tony (Tony has no doubt that he's the primary target; the robots (and for fuck's sake, it's the fucking foot, the one they ran tests on earlier, can't do anything right) had adjusted its course as it got closer, clearly aiming for Tony).
Luckily, besides the science grunts, SHIELD has also made sure that the hangar has lots and lots of security and as soon as the initial shock (that not even SHIELD-agents are free of) is over, the robot is effectively taken down, just as it's turning around, going for Tony a second time, by the fucking rocket launchers the numerous agents are carrying and from his place on the floor, elbowing his way towards Steve's prone form, Tony watches detachedly as the fucking foot is reduced to slags by flaming explosions that sends chock waves across the entire hanger and effectively bangs up the rest of the robot-pieces even more.
But Tony could care less about the fucking robot, about how valuable research materials have just been destroyed, he could care less about why the fuck this happened in the first place or why it choose to go after him, because Steve is just lying there and it's less than two weeks since Steve had major surgery done to his fucking head and even with the serum and its freaky healing powers, this is not good.
Tony reaches Steve and oh god, thank you, his eyes are already fluttering open, he's groaning and coming awake and the relief is overwhelming and brief, pushed aside by red-hot rage, rage like he hasn't felt it since the cave and even there it was quickly turned into escape plans, into the clear-headed, detached fight state he mostly enters when shit is going down.
But not this time.
He grips Steve's shoulders (his hands are trembling, god) and shakes him violently, not caring what injures he might make worse, yelling into his face, words refuelled by a delayed adrenaline reaction, but shit, Tony is not stopping up and analysing his fucking reasons right now.
“What the *fuck* do you think you are doing, what gives you the right to be stupid and suicidal, that is *my* schtick, you could have fucking died, *again*, god, *Steve*, you are such a *fucktard*, I have no idea what is going on in you moronic head, but you can't *do* things like that, why the fuck-”
And Steve just puts a finger over his lips and covers one of Tony's hands still on his shoulder with his own and Tony is going to remember this, probably for the rest of his life, Steve's face bruised and blood running from his mouth, the inexplicable sadness there, like his world is about to break and there's nothing he can do, the way his voice is thin and whispery, like he has trouble breathing, and so, so soft, filled with emotions that Tony refuses to identify, as he says to Tony, “You know why, Tony. You know why.”
And he lifts Tony hands to his mouth and kisses his knuckles, not breaking their eye contact, like that time in the hospital, just before their first kiss and all Tony can do is stare at him.
He clenches his jaw and looks away, shakes his hand free and gets up, so quickly that he becomes dizzy from not enough blood to the head, he turns around and he leaves.
Steve doesn't try to stop him. Does not call out after him.
Tony does not look back.
*
Tony flies straight to Stark Tower, barges into one of the lab slash workshop slash stress test areas, where everybody stops in their tracks and just stares at him.
He's still in his armour. He's still trembling, enough that the armour's internal stabilizers can't compensate for it and keep him still. His repulsors are smoking from overtaxing.
He takes a deep breath, takes more, closes his eyes and tries to think about nothing, about schematics, about circuitry. When his shaking has subsided he let the armour disengage and pack itself away in its suitcase form.
“Hi.” he says, looking at the diagrams on the walls, not meeting anyone's eyes. “I'm finding myself with some unexpected free time. Anything you guys need a hand with?”
The chaos is, as expected, instantaneous.
*
Steve is not hurt, not seriously. Tony hacks SHIELD's network to find out, then he fucks out of there, only changing his status on the next meetings to 'non-compulsory.'
So it's more than just a couple of days before he sets foot in Avengers' Tower and that's just because Pepper, the traitor, calls Fury and rats him out, after she notices that both the productivity and the amounts of damage caused in Lab E had sky-rocket with about three-hundred percent (there are, as mentioned, a lot of brilliant, crazy and very, very unsafe people working in Stark Industries and Tony was having so much fun playing with them, until Pepper came and dragged him out. At least he got to laugh at the lab-geeks trying not to stare at her legs) and when asking him what the fuck he's doing, and only get is 'That trip. Cancel it' and of course she puts two and two together and gets lovers' quarrel and well, she can't stay out of these things, or maybe the opposite and she has self-preservation enough to not want a sulky Tony Stark on her premises and then Fury is swearing into his phone and sending a helicopter to pick up Tony, because he doesn't trust him to make it back to shield on his own volition, and who the fuck knows, he's probably right.
So the first time he sees Steve in almost two weeks, it's at a pre-mission briefing that Tony gets frog-marched to straight from the heli-pad on the roof, still in his dirty work-clothes, oil-stains on his fingers and he had halfway expected Steve to look like a half-drowned kitten, but no, Steve is professional as usual, he even has that small smile thing going one, the one he shares with you like there's some secret that only you are sworn in on, but whenever that smile is directed at Tony it doesn't reach his eyes. And Tony tries to keep his promise to himself and ignore him completely, but that means that Tony is the one Fury sends suspicious looks, the one looking like a petulant teenager and god, that is just asking for the others to start getting curious, which is drama he does so not need right now.
It's not like Tony misses Steve. The sex was nice, more than nice, and it's Steve, so it was fun as well, with none of that undercurrent of worry whenever he fucks men, of 'is it this one who outs me to the media, is this the one it'll end badly with (exactly what 'end badly' is something he hasn't let himself consider in details, but men are as strong as him, stronger sometimes, and where with women it's him that's got to watch out for signals that could mean 'no' and respect that and do damage control, with men... yeah. Then there's the increased risk of STDs of the more nasty kind and all in all it's better not dwelt on.) He might miss having someone to have morning sex with, but he can find someone else for that easily enough if he wanted to, but yeah, while morning sex is nice and all, it does gets a little samey, a little bit too much routine.
He goes to some party. He smiles and flirts and maybe he gets a little drunk, so what, and maybe he picks up someone small and female and brunette, two of them, and makes out with them in the limo on his way back home, and it's good, it really is, but he has no intentions about actually taking them home, too much trouble and he takes care of business in the limo and then has them dropped of at a nice hotel, with instructions to the staff to let them stay free of all charges, because the girls had been very enthusiastic about kissing each other, everywhere, and then snuggling up together afterwards and if they want to continue that, by all means, they should do so.
And he doesn't have anything to prove, not at all, but instead of returning to his penthouse, he goes to Avengers' Tower, stroll though the kitchen on the way to his bedroom, his hair a disaster, and his clothes in disarray, smelling of the girls mixing perfume, of alcohol, of sex.
It's nice to be able to be smug about having had sex again.
He does not look at Steve, who's having a arm-wrestling competition with Thor, with Clint yelling encouragements and insults and lewd comments at Tony, and Steve does not look at him.
*
There are bruises on Steve's knuckles and on his cheekbones. Tony does not stare. Clint asks what he is thinking, what the fuck did you do to yourself, Rogers, but his tone is light and amused, where Tony's would have been angry and accusing.
“Just sparred with Thor. Got a little enthusiastic.” Steve says with a disarming smile and Tony has a flash to the last time he saw Steve being enthusiastic, the noises he'd made.
That evening he goes to another party.
*
There's a mission. Despite Tony's absence the science grunts, combined with Natasha's awesome spy-skills, have finally figured out where that goddamn robot came from and now they're going after the motherfucker.
It's a tech wizard. Literally. And fuck, it can not be said enough, Tony fucking hates magic.
This time, they've come prepared and have the Air Force circling above their heads as they make a sudden attack on the wizard's tower. Yes, tower. What is wrong with this freak? And Tony has been analyzing the metals used in the robot and has come up with a kind of concentrated rust-enducing gas, that only works on that alloy the first robot was made of, so they're capable of taking most of the fucker's toys down this time. Besides, that robot was the only piece of that size the guy had, so they're good
And it's not so much a guy as it's a whole bunch of guys, the wizard, some mechanics, engineers, the lot. They have a fucking robot factory underground and if this wasn't so fucking inconvenient, Tony would maybe drool a little. Or at least wanting to take his good time exploring.
The question is of course, where did these guys get their funding? Tony's best guess is Doom, but who the fuck knows.
Taking the tech-guys down is easy. They don't have battle suits, they don't have training, they don't have a death wish.
The wizard is the same, besides the last thing on that list.
And in those situations, the hardest thing is preventing the self-proclaimed bad guy from commenting suicide-by-superhero and that's never fun.
Afterwards they have to take down some of his human-sized robots that were built of different metal and weren't affected by the rust-gas, there's about a dozen of those, and that's pretty fun. There's a good hour and a half of blasting, throwing, kicking, dropping and maybe they do have a bit too much fun, any other conclusion is inevitable when one sees the god of thunder and Captain America playing soccer with a robot-head. And Tony can't help but smile at that, he's about to join in himself - and then he remembers.
“I think you can take it from here. I'm heading back to base. Armour needs looking at.”
No one questions him as he leaves.
*
Going through the decontamination chamber, the glorified locker-room with a Geiger counter, is mandatory after every mission, and normally it's something done and over with in ten minutes tops, so when Tony sees the proximity lamp turn on inside the soundproof room next door where he's getting out of the armour (it's not the only robot-arms platform in the tower, there's more and more coming up all over the place, so Tony can get in and out of his heavier armours quicker when there's an emergency and Clint says they're sprouting up like mushrooms and well, now there's a Clint basher mark IV following him around him twenty-four seven and playing laser tag with him, or rather, taser tag, so Tony so fucking wins) he really expects the locker rooms to be empty when he returns twenty minutes later.
But Steve is still here, looking just as shocked as Tony. He's halfway out of his uniform and Tony is in the black undergarment he wears under the armour, fire resistant and motion-capturing, sends the information to the armour so it moves almost simultaneously with Tony. Its all very nifty and also very... tight. There's a reason Clint calls it his 'cat suit' (fuck off Clint. Really).
He can't help but notice the way Steve looks at him.
The words are out of his mouth before he can think about it.
“Are you hurt?” and Steve looks away quickly, making a strangled sound, but he doesn't answer.
Tony moves closer, repeating his question and then he makes the mistake to touch Steve, just a finger to his neck to feel his pulse, but the damage is done.
When Steve slams him up against a wall Tony's legs are already wrapped around his waist, his nails making welts in Steve's naked back, it's entirely expected.
*
Part III