The Rehearsal
Title: The Rehearsal
Author:
missyjack
Pairings: Jared/Jensen
Rating: NC-17
Betas: many thanks to
eboniorchid and
nu_breed.
Words: 4,888
Summary: A combination of Hollywood expectations, tequila and Chad, has left Jared anxious about sex, but Jensen finds a novel way to help him discover how good it can be.
A/N: For the prompt "first time, Vancouver" in the j2_otpathon - better late than never, eh?
Jared’s cock was in Jensen’s mouth. A simple description of a common sexual act, but to Jared it described his whole world changing.
He was still reeling from the kiss, from the utter astonishment he’d felt as Jensen had leaned across the sofa, taken Jared’s face in his hands and pressed his lips against his. Jared had opened his mouth in response, more from surprise than anything, but apparently, that was invitation enough for Jensen.
Jared wasn’t quite sure how the kiss had become a blowjob. His senses had been overloaded with the taste, the soft, slick sensation, of Jensen’s tongue in his mouth --damn, the whole concept of Jensen kissing him. Then it was like a jumpcut between scenes, because all of a sudden Jensen’s hands and lips were on his cock.
Jared wasn’t complaining - hello, blowjob - but he sort of wished they were still kissing because as Jensen licked along his shaft, Jared groaned with pleasure but at the same time felt a familiar anxiety fill his chest.
“Damn it,” thought Jared, “I’m twenty four. I can do this.” And he was pretty sure he could, given that all he was doing at that point was lying across the sofa and trying not to freak out while Jensen worked his cock-sucking magic on him.
But Jared’s mind was racing: Should he just lie there, or should he do something to Jensen, was this just a one-off thing or did it mean something more, god Jensen’s tongue felt incredible just then, what time was their call tomorrow morning, was moaning too girlie, what about condoms, what if his dick tasted strange, was there any beer left, what if Jensen wanted to do more?
Jared’s train wreck of thoughts was cut short as his higher brain functions switched to screensaver mode. A tsunami of an orgasm was breaking over him, sweeping aside reason and restraint. A deep moan rumbled up from his chest, and he bucked his hips upwards, driving the head of his cock to the back of Jensen’s throat, once, twice, before he came.
He was so overcome with his release that the world receded for a moment. Jared slumped back into the sofa cushions, an arm flung over his face. That had been the orgasm of all orgasms, he thought. It was like fireworks, like he was a star going supernova, like…
Jared was suddenly aware of a harsh sound. Jensen had slid to the floor and was gagging and coughing like a cat with a hair ball. He seemed to get his breath for a moment and managed to wheeze out, “Next time - give a guy some warning!”
Jared was mortified. What had he done? “Are you okay? Oh my god! I’m sorry. Shit.” He found a flat half-full bottle of beer on the side table. “Here. Drink this.” Jared shoved the bottle into Jensen’s hand and ran for the front door.
***
When he stopped coughing, Jensen drained the beer. He looked at the door Jared had disappeared through moments before. Way to fuck up, he thought. He’d waited months for this moment, when it finally seemed that he’d picked up some signal that Jared wanted this too, and now he’d sent him running. God, he just wanted to obliterate today with a tequila and vodka. Or maybe he’d just shoot crack into his eyeballs.
Jensen was not normally one for taking his time with relationships. Usually somewhere between “Hi” and “Would you like to have dinner?” he was already picking out china patterns. He fell into love fast and hard, and got tossed out of it at the same speed. People thought he did casual flings well, but just because they were brief, it didn’t mean each one didn’t leave a new wound ripped in his heart.
Jensen had liked Jared from the start. Okay, understatement of the century. The very first time they’d met, in Kripke’s office in LA, it was like some switch flipped on in Jensen’s brain. And his dick. And especially his heart. The world seemed just that bit brighter and shinier with Jared in it.
Of course no-one had to tell Jensen that fucking his co-star was a shit idea. These things never lasted; it could ruin not only their friendship, but screw the show as well. One of them would probably develop a coke habit in his struggle to cope with the break-up, and the other would punch out some paparazzi. They’d end up on the front page of some tabloid in between Lindsay Lohan’s latest trip to rehab and Brangelina’s new baby.
Well that’s how it would go if they weren’t both guys. Throw that in and Supernatural was finished. Jensen was well aware that no-one would buy them as brothers if it was known they were fucking.
Jensen had had the hots for a co-star before *cough* Michael Weatherly *cough* and he knew he’d be able to ride it out. He fully expected the hard slog of their work to squash any romance or lust out of his feelings.
And if that didn’t work he could just fuck it out of his system. *cough* Michael Rosenbaum *cough*
There was a long list of reasons why nothing between him and Jared would, should, or could ever happen. Thirty seven reasons in fact. Jensen had actually written the list, and he comforted himself that at number one was the reason nothing would ever happen - Jared just didn’t seem interested in him that way. So he stapled his desire and longing together, filed them under “Denial,” and got on with enjoying having a new best friend.
Now even that was probably ruined. As he rose to check that he had enough alcohol to achieve unconsciousness, Jensen noticed through the front window that Jared’s car was still parked out front.
Jensen had the sudden realization that this was one of Those Moments, one with the potential to turn into ‘Things I’ll Regret on My Death Bed’ moments. If he didn’t try and fix this now, it might not be fixable. Anyway -- what did he have to lose?
***
Jared sat in the car outside Jensen’s apartment. He was freaked out and frozen with indecision over what to do. He was also frozen because it was about ten below zero and he didn’t want to put the heater on, because right now he thought he deserved to suffer.
Part of him wanted to run. He could certainly never face Jensen again. The show would be cancelled. Jared would have to get his family to leave Texas. He liked Australia, maybe they could move there. It was a very long way away and Harley and Sadie would love the beaches. Maybe he could get a role in some local soap opera.
Then he thought about Jensen. Gagging. He hoped he was all right. A guy couldn’t die from choking on a load could he? Jared looked up towards Jensen’s place. Maybe he was lying there now, gasping for air. He should go and check on him. He could do CPR. No, he couldn’t because that would involve putting his mouth on Jensen’s again. And just the thought of that had him hard, and panicking all at the same time.
Jared leaned forward, cradling his head on his arms against the steering wheel. He was such a fuck-up, and a terrible person, he wished he could just…
BANGBANGBANG
Jared jumped as Jensen’s face appeared at the window. At least he wasn’t dead thought Jared.
Jared opened the window a crack.
“Hey.“ He tried for casual nonchalance.
“Umm. I just... you left sort of quickly. And that’s fine. But then I saw your car was still here, thought maybe you had engine trouble.” Jensen was squinting at him through the one-inch gap at the top of the window.
“Yes. No. I mean, I was…on the phone.”
“Right, right.” Jensen seemed to ignore the fact that Jared’s phone was nowhere in sight. “Sure you don’t want to come back in. I mean, for a beer or something?”
“Nah, I’m cool. Thanks for the …” Jared stopped. Just how do you thank a friend for a blowjob that nearly killed him?
“No worries. Anytime. I mean...I mean, I don't mean," Jensen stuttered. He slapped a hand on the side of the car. "See ya.”
Jensen backed away from the car, and Jared prepared to drive off, and possibly not stop until he hit Alaska. As he pulled out from the curb, Jensen ran back and banged on the window again.
Jared opened the window - half an inch this time. “Jen?”
“Mbrmm, ms mansjhd…”
“What? I can’t hear you.” Jared really did not know if he wanted to hear what Jensen had to say. He’d been so polite about the whole thing, maybe he’d changed his mind and wanted to rip Jared a new one. Well, he deserved it he thought as he wound the window down.
“I said - what just happened?” Jensen’s breath made pretty little clouds in the cold air.
Jared smiled weakly. “Nothing. Let’s just edit it out and save it for the gag reel.”
Jensen dropped his head down. When he looked up again, he appeared determined in a slightly scary way.
“No. Fuck it. Jared, we can’t pretend this never happened.”
Jared didn’t turn the engine off. He was ready for a fast getaway because the last thing he wanted to do was workshop this. Why did Jensen have to choose now to go all Dr Phil on his ass? (Oh god, he couldn’t start thinking about Jensen and his ass...).
However, he didn’t want to leave either. Thing was, Jared Padalecki was a lot better actor than many people realized. Not that his on-screen work was going unnoticed or unrewarded; it was his acting work off-screen that was under-rated. This was why, after working together for nearly a year, Jensen had no idea that his co-star was seriously in love him.
***
Jared was quiet until he was on his second beer.
“I suppose you could say I was a late starter when it came to sex. I mean I mucked around a bit at high school. But then there was the Gilmore Girls and I was worried about making a go of it, and not messing up and ending up on the front of some magazine. So other than the odd blow job from Chad, I sort of didn’t do much.”
At the mention of Chad, Jensen’s hands tightened around his bottle.
“Eventually Chad took me on as a bit of a project, I guess. He introduced me to a few guys, but every time… I mean I was usually wasted and I suppose ‘cause I’m big they were always pretty rough and yeah, the sex was generally awful. I just thought it was me.”
Jensen went to speak but Jared halted him with raised hand.
“I know - you’re going to say it wasn’t my fault. I knew that in my head somewhere, but it didn’t matter because the whole thought of sex started to make me anxious. Then it was my fault. I’d get into it with someone and freak out.”
Jared drank down the rest of his beer and slumped forward forlornly in his chair. Jensen had to resist the urge to go and hold him; he had the impression that any sudden movements from him and Jared would flee - again.
“It just became this big thing, y’know? Chad…Chad thought everything could be fixed with tequila and coke but it couldn’t. And now suddenly, I’m in my twenties and clueless and every time I’m touched, I just want to run away. How do I explain that to someone I like?”
“What about me?” asked Jensen quietly.
“How could I? I mean I’ve heard those stories the guys tell - what does Mike call them? All those tales of bad fucks - the “Sexscapades of Doom”? That might as well have been me they were talking about.”
“Have you ever heard me trash talk someone like that?” Jensen loved Tom and Mikey, but look up “bitchy queens” in Wikipedia and it had a photo of those two.
“Well, no.” Jared picked at the label on his beer bottle. “I mean, damn I have wanted you Jen, wanted to be with you so much. But you were the last person I could say it to. I mean you know that people talk about a night with you as taking part in the Ackles Olympics?”
“God, you make me sound like a whore.” Jensen smiled, but only a bit. He wasn’t proud of his reputation. Secretly pleased just a little, but not proud. Not if people thought that was all sex was to him - a sport.
“Well you’ve told me now.” Jensen got up and knelt next to Jared. “Do you still want to be with me?”
“Yes.” Jared’s voice was quiet.
“Do you trust me?” Jensen reached out and tilted Jared’s chin up so he could see his face.
Jared ran a hand through his hair, and then looked straight at Jensen and said with certainty, “Yes.”
Jensen stood up. “Then come with me.”
***
“Stand here.” Jensen picked up couple of socks from the laundry hamper and placed them in a cross on the floor at the foot of the bed. Jensen placed his hands on Jared’s arms and moved him until he stood on it.
“What’s this?” Jared looked at the socks with suspicion.
“It’s your mark. It’s where the scene starts”.
“What?” Jared’s brow furrowed.
“It’s a rehearsal Jared. You know, those things we do to make sure when the cameras are rolling we’re not worried about tripping over our feet? So we can sort out the mechanics, the technical stuff?” Jensen rubbed his hands on Jared’s arms in what he hoped was a reassuring way. He could feel Jared, if not quite trembling, at least vibrating, with tension.
“Then when we are doing it for real, we can get into the moment and just concentrate on each other.”
Jared was still staring at the socks under his feet, “We are going to rehearse…having sex?”
He shook his head and looked up at Jensen. “This is just a joke to you isn’t it?” He shrugged off Jensen’s hands and walked to the bedroom door.
Jensen strode after him, and grabbing his arm, pulled him round.
“Jared. Look at me.” Jensen took Jared’s face in his hands. “I have never been more serious in my life. And you know how serious I can be.”
Jared smiled despite himself. “Man, this is just…you are crazy you know.”
“Yeah, especially within the vicinity of you.” Jensen lent forward and pressed his lips against Jared’s, his tongue licking lightly along his bottom lip.
“Remember that scene last week? How many times did I make you go over that?”
“Dunno,” Jared said rolling his eyes. “I lost count after ten.”
“I knew I couldn’t give myself up to that sort of emotion if I was thinking about where I had to move, or how you were going to react. And then when it came to shooting…”
“God Jen, it was incredible. We both took it up a notch - even Kim said so!”
“So why not rehearse this? Step through what’s going to happen, so we can give ourselves over to it when the time comes.”
“Because it’s weird. I’m weird. I mean sex is meant to be spontaneous, not choreographed like some cheap porno.”
“Who you calling cheap?” Jensen flashed him a grin. “Look, sex is like assembling flatpack furniture - tab A into slot B. There are some variations, some different ways of putting it all together, but that’s not what makes for great sex.”
Jensen placed one hand flat on Jared’s chest and with the other placed one of Jared’s hands on his own. “What makes sex incredible is what’s in here. Knowing I am giving pleasure to the man I love, knowing he desires me.”
Jared covered the hand on his chest with his own. “You… you love me?”
“No, I’m just saying that so I can get laid. Yes, Jared Padalecki, I love you.” From the look of astonishment on Jared’s face, Jensen may have well just announced he was competing in the search for the next Pussycat Doll. Jensen tried to be matter-of-fact about it.
“Figure I might as well get that said and out of the way too. Otherwise, I won’t be able to concentrate on this rehearsal.”
“Jensen, I ...”
”Shhh.” Jensen pressed a finger to Jared’s lips. ”Not now. Don’t say it because I said it. I just wanted to tell you now, because if I say it when we’re naked, then you probably won’t think I mean it. “
Jared nodded, his chest filling with a deep breath. “Okay. So, how do we start?”
Jensen led him back to the mark on the floor. They stood facing each other over the socks.
“We’ll kiss for a bit; you should hold me close.”
Jared pulled him in. “Like this?”
“Yes, the hands on the ass are a nice touch. Definitely go with that.”
They stood silently for a moment. Jensen wrapped his arms around Jared, rested his head against Jared’s neck, and as their chests pressed together, their breathing fell into a rhythm.
“Relaxed?” asked Jensen.
“Mmm. S’nice.”
“Next we need to get undressed. I’ll get undressed first and then I want to watch you strip. I want to see your body so much.” Getting changed in shared trailers on location shoots, Jensen had caught glimpses of Jared, but he’d never let himself really look at what he thought he would never have.
Jensen felt Jared tense, and he stepped back.
“What is it?”
“Nothing. I just… Can’t we just get to the bed part? Preferably with the lights off. And your eyes closed? “Jared pleaded.
Jensen reached out and stroked the back of Jared’s neck.
“How about this? I’ll undress you. I won’t stare at you, promise. If at any point you feel uncomfortable, we’ll just stop and go back to kissing.”
Jensen kicked off his trainers, and then knelt down in front of Jared.
“Wait, I thought we were just…”
“It’s okay. Just want to take your shoes off”. Jensen reached down and lifted first one foot and then the other to remove Jared’s shoes. He pressed his hands against Jared’s socked feet for a moment, as if trying to ground him; Jensen still had the feeling he could flee at any moment.
Jensen stood up, took Jared by the hand, and led him to the bed. “Lie down”
They lay on the bed, on top of the quilt, facing each other. Jensen wriggled in closer, hooking his legs between Jared’s. They lay there silently for a moment, just looking at each other.
“Hey,” said Jared
“Hey you.”
“What now?”
“This is a joint production. What would you like to do?”
“I just want to touch you all over.” Jared ran a hand slowly but firmly over Jensen’s waist, down his hip and then up across his back, until it rested on the nape of Jensen’s neck.
As Jared’s fingers kneaded into his neck muscles, Jensen closed his eyes.
“Are you purring?”
Jensen shoved his legs against Jared’s. “No! That was a manly groan of pleasure.”
As they laughed, Jared appeared to be at ease for the first time since he’d returned to the apartment.
“Tell me what you like, Jen. Tell me how to touch you. How to please you.”
Jensen swallowed. This had been his idea, but he’d been so busy thinking about how to make this easy for Jared, he’d not even thought what it might be like for himself. Now, lying here with Jared asking him what he wanted, he felt incredibly vulnerable. And incredibly turned on.
“I like…“ He took Jared’s hand in his and placed it on the curve between of his neck just above his shoulder. “I’d love you to kiss me here.” Jared’s fingers pressed softly on the pulse in his neck.
“I want your mouth all over me, kissing me, sucking me.” He looked at Jared. “Biting me.”
Jared squeezed Jensen’s legs with his. “God, I want to taste you so much.”
Jensen reached over and unzipped Jared’s hoodie. He pushed it open and rubbed his hand across Jared’s broad chest, feeling that his breathing was slow and even. He moved his hand down until his fingers found the strip of skin between Jared’s jeans and his shirt.
“I want to taste you again. Feel you getting hard in my mouth, your hands in my hair pulling me onto you.”
Jared let out a deep shuddering breath. He looked at Jensen with wide eyes as he moved a leg up higher until it was hooked over Jensen’s hip
“Jensen. I want you to fuck me.”
“There’s plenty of time for that. We don’t have to do that first up, Jared. Let’s just…”
“No.” Jared’s voice was firm. “I want to open myself to you like that and if we don’t do it now, I’ll just get all stressed out about it. I want to get it out of the way.”
Jensen laced his fingers through Jared’s and squeezed his hand. “It’s not a compulsory activity -- not everyone likes it. There are dozens of other things we can do to you that will blow your mind.”
“Dozens? You bragging, Ackles?”
“Oh, you have no idea.” Jensen ran his fingers under the waistband of Jared’s jeans.
“Please, Jen, can we try it? I want you inside me. Really.” Jared’s face was flushed. ”I want to give that to you.”
Jensen ran the back of his hand down Jared’s cheek. How could he say no?
“Okay.” Jensen reached down, running his fingers along the denim seam that ran between Jared’s legs.
“First, you need to concentrate on how you are feeling. You’re calm now - so be aware if this changes. If you start getting tense or anxious, we’ll stop or slow down. This is not some ordeal you have to get through.”
Jared nodded as he looked at Jensen intently. “Right.”
“I’ll squeeze some lube all over my fingers, and over your ass - it might feel a bit cold. I’ll start by just rubbing my thumb over you, getting you used to me there and then I’ll press into you with my finger. You should take a few slow deep breaths.”
Jared was staring intently at Jensen, his teeth working his bottom lip.
"Why don’t you try that now?” suggested Jensen
Jared opened his mouth and took a few exaggeratedly deep breaths.
“If you’re really tense, I’ll play with your cock for a bit to take your mind off it.” Jensen moved his hand and squeezed the bulge in Jared’s jeans. Jared pushed against him.
“God, I’ll probably come like a teenager.”
Jensen smiled. “That might be good actually, you’ll be more relaxed. Remember, this isn’t a porno and we’re not following a script. We can just go with however we’re feeling.”
“I’m feeling damn horny right now.” Jared was grinning.
“Okay!” Jensen felt himself relax as he saw that the tension had left Jared’s face.
“When you're comfortable with me having a couple of fingers inside you, I should get ready. It’ll help if you can get the condom on me, because my hands will be sticky as hell and I can be such a klutz with those things.”
Jensen extricated himself from Jared and knelt back on the bed. Without a word, Jared turned onto his belly, lent on his elbows and presented his ass up towards Jensen. Jensen’s breath caught in his throat and his cock throbbed.
“Jared. No. Not like that.”
Jared looked around at him confused. “Don’t you like it this way?”
“Oh I do, believe me. But not for our first time. You won’t have as much control that way, and besides, I want to see your face.” Which was true, Jensen couldn’t wait to watch Jared’s expression as he felt a pleasure like this for the first time. But also, he would have a better idea of what was going on for Jared, and be better able to judge what he was feeling, if they were facing each other.
Jensen leaned forward and guided Jared over onto his back. He spread Jared’s long legs, and lifted them slightly so his knees were bent. He then grabbed a pillow, manoeuvring under it Jared’s hips so they were slightly raised.
“We might need another pillow. Lifting you up a bit, just means you can relax more and not be stressing about getting the right position.”
Jared raised his ass higher “I’m ready for my close up!”
Jensen smiled as he pushed Jared’s legs further apart.
“So now I’ll work your ass open with my fingers again. Then I’ll rub around your ass with the head of my cock. And lots of lube.” Jensen knelt up and leaned forward, one hand to the side of Jared, the other on his thigh.
“As I start to push into you, don’t focus on that or you’ll clench up. Try to think of pushing against me, rather than sucking me in, that way you’ll open more easily.”
“It’s okay Jen. I know it will hurt, it's fine. You don’t have to worry, I can take it. Chad said it was better to go in hard and fast, and I healed up in a couple of days.”
Something sharp stabbed through Jensen. The thought of Chad, plowing into Jared without any regard for him, filled him with a cold rage that made him want to break something. Instead he leaned down and kissed Jared, softly, gently sucking on his lips. He could kill Chad later.
“Jared, that’s not me. You’re not just some hole I’m fucking. If this isn’t good for you, if you’re not enjoying it - how can I?”
He saw Jared’s brow crease. For so long, sex for Jared had been just something for him to endure, to get through. It probably wasn’t a reflection that all the people he’d been with had been selfish bastards -- the thought that his pleasure might be integral to his partner’s enjoyment just hadn’t occurred to him.
Jared nodded. He placed his hands on Jensen’s hips. “Okay,” he smiled. “So, start fucking me.”
“Whoa, there. It’s the first bit, when I start to enter you that might hurt a bit. As my cock pushes through that muscle, you need to let me know if you want me to stop.”
Jensen looked down at Jared, laid out in front of him, exposed, even though he was fully clothed. He hoped he was deserving of the trust Jared was placing in him.
”We’ll go slowly. You don’t have to say anything,” Jensen still doubted that Jared would let him know if he was in pain, “if it’s too much, just squeeze me with your hands.”
Jared pressed his hands against Jensen’s hips.
“How will it feel for you?”
Jensen sat back a bit, his hands caressing along Jared’s thighs.
“Incredible. Once I’m inside you, feeling you tight around me…” Jensen felt his cock throb at the thought. “And seeing how it makes you feel. Once that first sensation, the tight stretching, once you’re though that, man it can be such a rush. I can’t wait to see the look on your face as you feel it.”
Jensen pressed forward; his groin against Jared’s ass. Jensen closed his eyes, imagining how Jared’s naked ass would look as it stretched around him, taking him in.
Fuck.
“You will be in control, Jared,” said Jensen, trying to concentrate as his cock was demanding more of his attention. “Use your hips find a rhythm, pull me in deeper with you hands, or hold me back. Tell me to fuck you slower or faster, and I will.”
“I can’t wait to feel you, buried deep in me.” Jared ground his hips up against Jensen and then ran his hands over Jensen’s back and pulled him down until their chests were pressed together.
“Will you pull out of me before you come?” he whispered.
"Sure,” said Jensen “Can I ask why?”
"Because I want to see the money shot. I want to see your face, and your cock, as you cover me in your come. And then.. “Jared’s his wide smile was punctuated by two dimples as he watched the flush of desire spread across Jensen’s face. “I want to suck you dry.”
“Damn you Padalecki.” Jensen pushed against him playfully. “I do think, with the right training mind you, that you have the potential to be quite filthy.”
“So - is the rehearsal over? Can we get on to the real thing?” Jared was bouncing against the mattress. ”It’s getting late and we may need to do this a few times until I get it right. We might need Kim to come over and give us some direction.”
“You idiot!” Jensen said in his best impersonation of their favorite director and they laughed until Jensen rolled from Jared onto the bed.
As their laughter subsided, Jensen stood and put out his hand, pulling Jared from the bed and leading him back to the spot marked by the socks on the floor.
“Jensen?” Jared took Jensen’s hands in his.
“Yes?”
“I love you.”
Jensen held his gaze for a moment, and then said with a grin: “Action.”
Author:
missyjack
Pairings: Jared/Jensen
Rating: NC-17
Betas: many thanks to
eboniorchid and
nu_breed.
Words: 4,888
Summary: A combination of Hollywood expectations, tequila and Chad, has left Jared anxious about sex, but Jensen finds a novel way to help him discover how good it can be.
A/N: For the prompt "first time, Vancouver" in the j2_otpathon - better late than never, eh?
Jared’s cock was in Jensen’s mouth. A simple description of a common sexual act, but to Jared it described his whole world changing.
He was still reeling from the kiss, from the utter astonishment he’d felt as Jensen had leaned across the sofa, taken Jared’s face in his hands and pressed his lips against his. Jared had opened his mouth in response, more from surprise than anything, but apparently, that was invitation enough for Jensen.
Jared wasn’t quite sure how the kiss had become a blowjob. His senses had been overloaded with the taste, the soft, slick sensation, of Jensen’s tongue in his mouth --damn, the whole concept of Jensen kissing him. Then it was like a jumpcut between scenes, because all of a sudden Jensen’s hands and lips were on his cock.
Jared wasn’t complaining - hello, blowjob - but he sort of wished they were still kissing because as Jensen licked along his shaft, Jared groaned with pleasure but at the same time felt a familiar anxiety fill his chest.
“Damn it,” thought Jared, “I’m twenty four. I can do this.” And he was pretty sure he could, given that all he was doing at that point was lying across the sofa and trying not to freak out while Jensen worked his cock-sucking magic on him.
But Jared’s mind was racing: Should he just lie there, or should he do something to Jensen, was this just a one-off thing or did it mean something more, god Jensen’s tongue felt incredible just then, what time was their call tomorrow morning, was moaning too girlie, what about condoms, what if his dick tasted strange, was there any beer left, what if Jensen wanted to do more?
Jared’s train wreck of thoughts was cut short as his higher brain functions switched to screensaver mode. A tsunami of an orgasm was breaking over him, sweeping aside reason and restraint. A deep moan rumbled up from his chest, and he bucked his hips upwards, driving the head of his cock to the back of Jensen’s throat, once, twice, before he came.
He was so overcome with his release that the world receded for a moment. Jared slumped back into the sofa cushions, an arm flung over his face. That had been the orgasm of all orgasms, he thought. It was like fireworks, like he was a star going supernova, like…
Jared was suddenly aware of a harsh sound. Jensen had slid to the floor and was gagging and coughing like a cat with a hair ball. He seemed to get his breath for a moment and managed to wheeze out, “Next time - give a guy some warning!”
Jared was mortified. What had he done? “Are you okay? Oh my god! I’m sorry. Shit.” He found a flat half-full bottle of beer on the side table. “Here. Drink this.” Jared shoved the bottle into Jensen’s hand and ran for the front door.
***
When he stopped coughing, Jensen drained the beer. He looked at the door Jared had disappeared through moments before. Way to fuck up, he thought. He’d waited months for this moment, when it finally seemed that he’d picked up some signal that Jared wanted this too, and now he’d sent him running. God, he just wanted to obliterate today with a tequila and vodka. Or maybe he’d just shoot crack into his eyeballs.
Jensen was not normally one for taking his time with relationships. Usually somewhere between “Hi” and “Would you like to have dinner?” he was already picking out china patterns. He fell into love fast and hard, and got tossed out of it at the same speed. People thought he did casual flings well, but just because they were brief, it didn’t mean each one didn’t leave a new wound ripped in his heart.
Jensen had liked Jared from the start. Okay, understatement of the century. The very first time they’d met, in Kripke’s office in LA, it was like some switch flipped on in Jensen’s brain. And his dick. And especially his heart. The world seemed just that bit brighter and shinier with Jared in it.
Of course no-one had to tell Jensen that fucking his co-star was a shit idea. These things never lasted; it could ruin not only their friendship, but screw the show as well. One of them would probably develop a coke habit in his struggle to cope with the break-up, and the other would punch out some paparazzi. They’d end up on the front page of some tabloid in between Lindsay Lohan’s latest trip to rehab and Brangelina’s new baby.
Well that’s how it would go if they weren’t both guys. Throw that in and Supernatural was finished. Jensen was well aware that no-one would buy them as brothers if it was known they were fucking.
Jensen had had the hots for a co-star before *cough* Michael Weatherly *cough* and he knew he’d be able to ride it out. He fully expected the hard slog of their work to squash any romance or lust out of his feelings.
And if that didn’t work he could just fuck it out of his system. *cough* Michael Rosenbaum *cough*
There was a long list of reasons why nothing between him and Jared would, should, or could ever happen. Thirty seven reasons in fact. Jensen had actually written the list, and he comforted himself that at number one was the reason nothing would ever happen - Jared just didn’t seem interested in him that way. So he stapled his desire and longing together, filed them under “Denial,” and got on with enjoying having a new best friend.
Now even that was probably ruined. As he rose to check that he had enough alcohol to achieve unconsciousness, Jensen noticed through the front window that Jared’s car was still parked out front.
Jensen had the sudden realization that this was one of Those Moments, one with the potential to turn into ‘Things I’ll Regret on My Death Bed’ moments. If he didn’t try and fix this now, it might not be fixable. Anyway -- what did he have to lose?
***
Jared sat in the car outside Jensen’s apartment. He was freaked out and frozen with indecision over what to do. He was also frozen because it was about ten below zero and he didn’t want to put the heater on, because right now he thought he deserved to suffer.
Part of him wanted to run. He could certainly never face Jensen again. The show would be cancelled. Jared would have to get his family to leave Texas. He liked Australia, maybe they could move there. It was a very long way away and Harley and Sadie would love the beaches. Maybe he could get a role in some local soap opera.
Then he thought about Jensen. Gagging. He hoped he was all right. A guy couldn’t die from choking on a load could he? Jared looked up towards Jensen’s place. Maybe he was lying there now, gasping for air. He should go and check on him. He could do CPR. No, he couldn’t because that would involve putting his mouth on Jensen’s again. And just the thought of that had him hard, and panicking all at the same time.
Jared leaned forward, cradling his head on his arms against the steering wheel. He was such a fuck-up, and a terrible person, he wished he could just…
BANGBANGBANG
Jared jumped as Jensen’s face appeared at the window. At least he wasn’t dead thought Jared.
Jared opened the window a crack.
“Hey.“ He tried for casual nonchalance.
“Umm. I just... you left sort of quickly. And that’s fine. But then I saw your car was still here, thought maybe you had engine trouble.” Jensen was squinting at him through the one-inch gap at the top of the window.
“Yes. No. I mean, I was…on the phone.”
“Right, right.” Jensen seemed to ignore the fact that Jared’s phone was nowhere in sight. “Sure you don’t want to come back in. I mean, for a beer or something?”
“Nah, I’m cool. Thanks for the …” Jared stopped. Just how do you thank a friend for a blowjob that nearly killed him?
“No worries. Anytime. I mean...I mean, I don't mean," Jensen stuttered. He slapped a hand on the side of the car. "See ya.”
Jensen backed away from the car, and Jared prepared to drive off, and possibly not stop until he hit Alaska. As he pulled out from the curb, Jensen ran back and banged on the window again.
Jared opened the window - half an inch this time. “Jen?”
“Mbrmm, ms mansjhd…”
“What? I can’t hear you.” Jared really did not know if he wanted to hear what Jensen had to say. He’d been so polite about the whole thing, maybe he’d changed his mind and wanted to rip Jared a new one. Well, he deserved it he thought as he wound the window down.
“I said - what just happened?” Jensen’s breath made pretty little clouds in the cold air.
Jared smiled weakly. “Nothing. Let’s just edit it out and save it for the gag reel.”
Jensen dropped his head down. When he looked up again, he appeared determined in a slightly scary way.
“No. Fuck it. Jared, we can’t pretend this never happened.”
Jared didn’t turn the engine off. He was ready for a fast getaway because the last thing he wanted to do was workshop this. Why did Jensen have to choose now to go all Dr Phil on his ass? (Oh god, he couldn’t start thinking about Jensen and his ass...).
However, he didn’t want to leave either. Thing was, Jared Padalecki was a lot better actor than many people realized. Not that his on-screen work was going unnoticed or unrewarded; it was his acting work off-screen that was under-rated. This was why, after working together for nearly a year, Jensen had no idea that his co-star was seriously in love him.
***
Jared was quiet until he was on his second beer.
“I suppose you could say I was a late starter when it came to sex. I mean I mucked around a bit at high school. But then there was the Gilmore Girls and I was worried about making a go of it, and not messing up and ending up on the front of some magazine. So other than the odd blow job from Chad, I sort of didn’t do much.”
At the mention of Chad, Jensen’s hands tightened around his bottle.
“Eventually Chad took me on as a bit of a project, I guess. He introduced me to a few guys, but every time… I mean I was usually wasted and I suppose ‘cause I’m big they were always pretty rough and yeah, the sex was generally awful. I just thought it was me.”
Jensen went to speak but Jared halted him with raised hand.
“I know - you’re going to say it wasn’t my fault. I knew that in my head somewhere, but it didn’t matter because the whole thought of sex started to make me anxious. Then it was my fault. I’d get into it with someone and freak out.”
Jared drank down the rest of his beer and slumped forward forlornly in his chair. Jensen had to resist the urge to go and hold him; he had the impression that any sudden movements from him and Jared would flee - again.
“It just became this big thing, y’know? Chad…Chad thought everything could be fixed with tequila and coke but it couldn’t. And now suddenly, I’m in my twenties and clueless and every time I’m touched, I just want to run away. How do I explain that to someone I like?”
“What about me?” asked Jensen quietly.
“How could I? I mean I’ve heard those stories the guys tell - what does Mike call them? All those tales of bad fucks - the “Sexscapades of Doom”? That might as well have been me they were talking about.”
“Have you ever heard me trash talk someone like that?” Jensen loved Tom and Mikey, but look up “bitchy queens” in Wikipedia and it had a photo of those two.
“Well, no.” Jared picked at the label on his beer bottle. “I mean, damn I have wanted you Jen, wanted to be with you so much. But you were the last person I could say it to. I mean you know that people talk about a night with you as taking part in the Ackles Olympics?”
“God, you make me sound like a whore.” Jensen smiled, but only a bit. He wasn’t proud of his reputation. Secretly pleased just a little, but not proud. Not if people thought that was all sex was to him - a sport.
“Well you’ve told me now.” Jensen got up and knelt next to Jared. “Do you still want to be with me?”
“Yes.” Jared’s voice was quiet.
“Do you trust me?” Jensen reached out and tilted Jared’s chin up so he could see his face.
Jared ran a hand through his hair, and then looked straight at Jensen and said with certainty, “Yes.”
Jensen stood up. “Then come with me.”
***
“Stand here.” Jensen picked up couple of socks from the laundry hamper and placed them in a cross on the floor at the foot of the bed. Jensen placed his hands on Jared’s arms and moved him until he stood on it.
“What’s this?” Jared looked at the socks with suspicion.
“It’s your mark. It’s where the scene starts”.
“What?” Jared’s brow furrowed.
“It’s a rehearsal Jared. You know, those things we do to make sure when the cameras are rolling we’re not worried about tripping over our feet? So we can sort out the mechanics, the technical stuff?” Jensen rubbed his hands on Jared’s arms in what he hoped was a reassuring way. He could feel Jared, if not quite trembling, at least vibrating, with tension.
“Then when we are doing it for real, we can get into the moment and just concentrate on each other.”
Jared was still staring at the socks under his feet, “We are going to rehearse…having sex?”
He shook his head and looked up at Jensen. “This is just a joke to you isn’t it?” He shrugged off Jensen’s hands and walked to the bedroom door.
Jensen strode after him, and grabbing his arm, pulled him round.
“Jared. Look at me.” Jensen took Jared’s face in his hands. “I have never been more serious in my life. And you know how serious I can be.”
Jared smiled despite himself. “Man, this is just…you are crazy you know.”
“Yeah, especially within the vicinity of you.” Jensen lent forward and pressed his lips against Jared’s, his tongue licking lightly along his bottom lip.
“Remember that scene last week? How many times did I make you go over that?”
“Dunno,” Jared said rolling his eyes. “I lost count after ten.”
“I knew I couldn’t give myself up to that sort of emotion if I was thinking about where I had to move, or how you were going to react. And then when it came to shooting…”
“God Jen, it was incredible. We both took it up a notch - even Kim said so!”
“So why not rehearse this? Step through what’s going to happen, so we can give ourselves over to it when the time comes.”
“Because it’s weird. I’m weird. I mean sex is meant to be spontaneous, not choreographed like some cheap porno.”
“Who you calling cheap?” Jensen flashed him a grin. “Look, sex is like assembling flatpack furniture - tab A into slot B. There are some variations, some different ways of putting it all together, but that’s not what makes for great sex.”
Jensen placed one hand flat on Jared’s chest and with the other placed one of Jared’s hands on his own. “What makes sex incredible is what’s in here. Knowing I am giving pleasure to the man I love, knowing he desires me.”
Jared covered the hand on his chest with his own. “You… you love me?”
“No, I’m just saying that so I can get laid. Yes, Jared Padalecki, I love you.” From the look of astonishment on Jared’s face, Jensen may have well just announced he was competing in the search for the next Pussycat Doll. Jensen tried to be matter-of-fact about it.
“Figure I might as well get that said and out of the way too. Otherwise, I won’t be able to concentrate on this rehearsal.”
“Jensen, I ...”
”Shhh.” Jensen pressed a finger to Jared’s lips. ”Not now. Don’t say it because I said it. I just wanted to tell you now, because if I say it when we’re naked, then you probably won’t think I mean it. “
Jared nodded, his chest filling with a deep breath. “Okay. So, how do we start?”
Jensen led him back to the mark on the floor. They stood facing each other over the socks.
“We’ll kiss for a bit; you should hold me close.”
Jared pulled him in. “Like this?”
“Yes, the hands on the ass are a nice touch. Definitely go with that.”
They stood silently for a moment. Jensen wrapped his arms around Jared, rested his head against Jared’s neck, and as their chests pressed together, their breathing fell into a rhythm.
“Relaxed?” asked Jensen.
“Mmm. S’nice.”
“Next we need to get undressed. I’ll get undressed first and then I want to watch you strip. I want to see your body so much.” Getting changed in shared trailers on location shoots, Jensen had caught glimpses of Jared, but he’d never let himself really look at what he thought he would never have.
Jensen felt Jared tense, and he stepped back.
“What is it?”
“Nothing. I just… Can’t we just get to the bed part? Preferably with the lights off. And your eyes closed? “Jared pleaded.
Jensen reached out and stroked the back of Jared’s neck.
“How about this? I’ll undress you. I won’t stare at you, promise. If at any point you feel uncomfortable, we’ll just stop and go back to kissing.”
Jensen kicked off his trainers, and then knelt down in front of Jared.
“Wait, I thought we were just…”
“It’s okay. Just want to take your shoes off”. Jensen reached down and lifted first one foot and then the other to remove Jared’s shoes. He pressed his hands against Jared’s socked feet for a moment, as if trying to ground him; Jensen still had the feeling he could flee at any moment.
Jensen stood up, took Jared by the hand, and led him to the bed. “Lie down”
They lay on the bed, on top of the quilt, facing each other. Jensen wriggled in closer, hooking his legs between Jared’s. They lay there silently for a moment, just looking at each other.
“Hey,” said Jared
“Hey you.”
“What now?”
“This is a joint production. What would you like to do?”
“I just want to touch you all over.” Jared ran a hand slowly but firmly over Jensen’s waist, down his hip and then up across his back, until it rested on the nape of Jensen’s neck.
As Jared’s fingers kneaded into his neck muscles, Jensen closed his eyes.
“Are you purring?”
Jensen shoved his legs against Jared’s. “No! That was a manly groan of pleasure.”
As they laughed, Jared appeared to be at ease for the first time since he’d returned to the apartment.
“Tell me what you like, Jen. Tell me how to touch you. How to please you.”
Jensen swallowed. This had been his idea, but he’d been so busy thinking about how to make this easy for Jared, he’d not even thought what it might be like for himself. Now, lying here with Jared asking him what he wanted, he felt incredibly vulnerable. And incredibly turned on.
“I like…“ He took Jared’s hand in his and placed it on the curve between of his neck just above his shoulder. “I’d love you to kiss me here.” Jared’s fingers pressed softly on the pulse in his neck.
“I want your mouth all over me, kissing me, sucking me.” He looked at Jared. “Biting me.”
Jared squeezed Jensen’s legs with his. “God, I want to taste you so much.”
Jensen reached over and unzipped Jared’s hoodie. He pushed it open and rubbed his hand across Jared’s broad chest, feeling that his breathing was slow and even. He moved his hand down until his fingers found the strip of skin between Jared’s jeans and his shirt.
“I want to taste you again. Feel you getting hard in my mouth, your hands in my hair pulling me onto you.”
Jared let out a deep shuddering breath. He looked at Jensen with wide eyes as he moved a leg up higher until it was hooked over Jensen’s hip
“Jensen. I want you to fuck me.”
“There’s plenty of time for that. We don’t have to do that first up, Jared. Let’s just…”
“No.” Jared’s voice was firm. “I want to open myself to you like that and if we don’t do it now, I’ll just get all stressed out about it. I want to get it out of the way.”
Jensen laced his fingers through Jared’s and squeezed his hand. “It’s not a compulsory activity -- not everyone likes it. There are dozens of other things we can do to you that will blow your mind.”
“Dozens? You bragging, Ackles?”
“Oh, you have no idea.” Jensen ran his fingers under the waistband of Jared’s jeans.
“Please, Jen, can we try it? I want you inside me. Really.” Jared’s face was flushed. ”I want to give that to you.”
Jensen ran the back of his hand down Jared’s cheek. How could he say no?
“Okay.” Jensen reached down, running his fingers along the denim seam that ran between Jared’s legs.
“First, you need to concentrate on how you are feeling. You’re calm now - so be aware if this changes. If you start getting tense or anxious, we’ll stop or slow down. This is not some ordeal you have to get through.”
Jared nodded as he looked at Jensen intently. “Right.”
“I’ll squeeze some lube all over my fingers, and over your ass - it might feel a bit cold. I’ll start by just rubbing my thumb over you, getting you used to me there and then I’ll press into you with my finger. You should take a few slow deep breaths.”
Jared was staring intently at Jensen, his teeth working his bottom lip.
"Why don’t you try that now?” suggested Jensen
Jared opened his mouth and took a few exaggeratedly deep breaths.
“If you’re really tense, I’ll play with your cock for a bit to take your mind off it.” Jensen moved his hand and squeezed the bulge in Jared’s jeans. Jared pushed against him.
“God, I’ll probably come like a teenager.”
Jensen smiled. “That might be good actually, you’ll be more relaxed. Remember, this isn’t a porno and we’re not following a script. We can just go with however we’re feeling.”
“I’m feeling damn horny right now.” Jared was grinning.
“Okay!” Jensen felt himself relax as he saw that the tension had left Jared’s face.
“When you're comfortable with me having a couple of fingers inside you, I should get ready. It’ll help if you can get the condom on me, because my hands will be sticky as hell and I can be such a klutz with those things.”
Jensen extricated himself from Jared and knelt back on the bed. Without a word, Jared turned onto his belly, lent on his elbows and presented his ass up towards Jensen. Jensen’s breath caught in his throat and his cock throbbed.
“Jared. No. Not like that.”
Jared looked around at him confused. “Don’t you like it this way?”
“Oh I do, believe me. But not for our first time. You won’t have as much control that way, and besides, I want to see your face.” Which was true, Jensen couldn’t wait to watch Jared’s expression as he felt a pleasure like this for the first time. But also, he would have a better idea of what was going on for Jared, and be better able to judge what he was feeling, if they were facing each other.
Jensen leaned forward and guided Jared over onto his back. He spread Jared’s long legs, and lifted them slightly so his knees were bent. He then grabbed a pillow, manoeuvring under it Jared’s hips so they were slightly raised.
“We might need another pillow. Lifting you up a bit, just means you can relax more and not be stressing about getting the right position.”
Jared raised his ass higher “I’m ready for my close up!”
Jensen smiled as he pushed Jared’s legs further apart.
“So now I’ll work your ass open with my fingers again. Then I’ll rub around your ass with the head of my cock. And lots of lube.” Jensen knelt up and leaned forward, one hand to the side of Jared, the other on his thigh.
“As I start to push into you, don’t focus on that or you’ll clench up. Try to think of pushing against me, rather than sucking me in, that way you’ll open more easily.”
“It’s okay Jen. I know it will hurt, it's fine. You don’t have to worry, I can take it. Chad said it was better to go in hard and fast, and I healed up in a couple of days.”
Something sharp stabbed through Jensen. The thought of Chad, plowing into Jared without any regard for him, filled him with a cold rage that made him want to break something. Instead he leaned down and kissed Jared, softly, gently sucking on his lips. He could kill Chad later.
“Jared, that’s not me. You’re not just some hole I’m fucking. If this isn’t good for you, if you’re not enjoying it - how can I?”
He saw Jared’s brow crease. For so long, sex for Jared had been just something for him to endure, to get through. It probably wasn’t a reflection that all the people he’d been with had been selfish bastards -- the thought that his pleasure might be integral to his partner’s enjoyment just hadn’t occurred to him.
Jared nodded. He placed his hands on Jensen’s hips. “Okay,” he smiled. “So, start fucking me.”
“Whoa, there. It’s the first bit, when I start to enter you that might hurt a bit. As my cock pushes through that muscle, you need to let me know if you want me to stop.”
Jensen looked down at Jared, laid out in front of him, exposed, even though he was fully clothed. He hoped he was deserving of the trust Jared was placing in him.
”We’ll go slowly. You don’t have to say anything,” Jensen still doubted that Jared would let him know if he was in pain, “if it’s too much, just squeeze me with your hands.”
Jared pressed his hands against Jensen’s hips.
“How will it feel for you?”
Jensen sat back a bit, his hands caressing along Jared’s thighs.
“Incredible. Once I’m inside you, feeling you tight around me…” Jensen felt his cock throb at the thought. “And seeing how it makes you feel. Once that first sensation, the tight stretching, once you’re though that, man it can be such a rush. I can’t wait to see the look on your face as you feel it.”
Jensen pressed forward; his groin against Jared’s ass. Jensen closed his eyes, imagining how Jared’s naked ass would look as it stretched around him, taking him in.
Fuck.
“You will be in control, Jared,” said Jensen, trying to concentrate as his cock was demanding more of his attention. “Use your hips find a rhythm, pull me in deeper with you hands, or hold me back. Tell me to fuck you slower or faster, and I will.”
“I can’t wait to feel you, buried deep in me.” Jared ground his hips up against Jensen and then ran his hands over Jensen’s back and pulled him down until their chests were pressed together.
“Will you pull out of me before you come?” he whispered.
"Sure,” said Jensen “Can I ask why?”
"Because I want to see the money shot. I want to see your face, and your cock, as you cover me in your come. And then.. “Jared’s his wide smile was punctuated by two dimples as he watched the flush of desire spread across Jensen’s face. “I want to suck you dry.”
“Damn you Padalecki.” Jensen pushed against him playfully. “I do think, with the right training mind you, that you have the potential to be quite filthy.”
“So - is the rehearsal over? Can we get on to the real thing?” Jared was bouncing against the mattress. ”It’s getting late and we may need to do this a few times until I get it right. We might need Kim to come over and give us some direction.”
“You idiot!” Jensen said in his best impersonation of their favorite director and they laughed until Jensen rolled from Jared onto the bed.
As their laughter subsided, Jensen stood and put out his hand, pulling Jared from the bed and leading him back to the spot marked by the socks on the floor.
“Jensen?” Jared took Jensen’s hands in his.
“Yes?”
“I love you.”
Jensen held his gaze for a moment, and then said with a grin: “Action.”