I hate the emo bitch I become when I'm with you
Title: I hate the emo bitch I become when I’m with you
Author: missyjack
Rating: PG-13
Character: Sam/Dean
Genre: Wincest lite
Words: 833
Spoilers: well sorta for S2 up to current episode.
Disclaimer: Kripke owns this show and this fandom
Summary: Sam gets jealous
A/N: A birthday fic for the incomparable
wenchpixie. HAPPY BIRTHDAY SWEETIE. See end of story for her prompt.
God he thought, give me a bellybutton ring, put my hair in pigtails and call me Samantha.
Sam felt like such a little emo bitch - he might as well be 14. But damn it he was in pain.
He felt a hollow in his chest, with a fierce wind howling through it; a low gnawing in his gut, tightness in the back of his throat. It hurt more than any vision Sam had ever had.
At first he thought he might’ve been a little bit possessed, but he bathed in some blessed salt water and exorcised himself and still felt like shit. Finally, possibly after spending a few days watching Oprah and Dr Phil, he worked out what it was, although it killed him to admit it.
He was jealous. Jealous because he wasn’t the centre of Dean’s universe anymore.
The whole last year it had been SamandDean, DeanandSam. Getting to know each other all over again had been hard and amazing and fun - especially rediscovering how they fit together as brothers, as hunters, as lovers. And they’d grown closer than they’d ever been.
Sam hadn’t felt jealous at all over that time. Sam didn’t mind when Dean spent the night at a bar chatting up chicks with his cheesy lines. Or when Dean came in at dawn and Sam could taste bourbon on his lips and pussy on his cock. He knew they meant no more to Dean than a burger and fries. Just something he had a taste for.
And Cassie was certainly no-one to be jealous of - he’d seen Dean have more chemistry with roadkill.
Then they’d met up with Dad and the demon and everything had gone to hell.
After Dad…afterwards Dean just pulled away. Put up firewalls that filtered everything out. Especially everything Sammy.
Dean wouldn’t talk, he wouldn’t listen, he wouldn’t fuck. Dean did punch him once, and Sam considered that a breakthrough.
What made it worse was watching Dean chat and laugh with complete strangers. He was doing tequila shots and treating that psycho hunter Gordon like his frat brother after knowing him for five minutes.
And acting as if Sam was nothing more than an annoying little brother. Which made Sam behave like an annoying little brother. Or possibly a pissy girlfriend.
But what was happening now was more threatening to Sam than any others had ever been.
He wished he could talk to someone, but it was months since he’d contacted anyone from college. As time went on he’d found it harder and harder to find something to say. When you ruled out sentences that started with “See there was this vengeful spirit…” or “My psychic death visions…” there wasn’t much left to chat about.
He had talked to Ellen about a few things. She was nice and pretty understanding but this was one thing he couldn’t talk to her about.
Sam flopped back on the bed and sang along with Chris Martin:
Nobody said it was easy
No one ever said it would be so hard
I'm going back to the start
It might be anaemic alternative pop, as Dean called it, but he’d take Coldplay over Creedance, or Snow Patrol over Whitesnake any day. And wouldn’t you know that one of the few things to survive their Mack-cident was the box of cassette tapes under the driver’s seat. Sam had a good mind to leave out in the sun for a day or three.
There it was - his inner emo bitch again.
Maybe he should go online and pour out his heart in a blog or journal or something.
Dear flist,
I am so jealous. My BFF Dean is like teh_awesome but he just doesn’t pay attention to me like he used to. He’s always with her and I wished she would be ripped into a million pieces but then something really horrible happened to her and I felt so bad, coz like I just want her to go away and never come back. But that would crush Dean. And he’s been through so much lately what with Dad sacrificing his life to a demon to save him, and me maybe being able to kill people with my brain.
Oh and by the way Dean isn’t just my BFF. He’s also my brother and my fuck buddy.
What should I do? Has this ever happened to you?
*loves on you all*
Sam
The difference this time was that she could give Dean things he couldn’t - even besides the obvious. These days Dean was always worried about Sam, about how he was dealing with Dad’s death, or with the visions. Sam caught Dean looking at him sometimes; his face full of concern and some fear and something dark and unreadable.
But when Dean was with her he relaxed, he smiled, hell he even sang. Something about him changed and it took Sam a while to work out what it was. When he was with her Dean was happy.
Increasingly he felt like the third wheel, like he was on the outside looking in. Sam had tried to connect with her; it wasn’t that he didn’t like her. But he knew he wasn’t fooling anyone, that his attempts with her were awkward and false.
Sam felt sick all the time - when he smelt her on Dean, when he knew his brother had been out fooling around with her, or just going for a long drive.
And the other day when Dean had said for the gazillionth time listen to her purr he thought he’d puke all over the upholstery.
Sam felt like a 14 year old emo bitch because he was jealous of a ’67 Chevy Impala.
~~~~~
A/N: wenchpixie’s prompt was Something involving Dean and the Impala... and slightly unappreciative Sam (she's a lovely car, he should love her too... such a philistine :D ) and include the immortal line "listen to her purr"