Sparkstuck: Part 1
>Begin
A young man stands in his room. He has just travelled a long way and is taking a brief moment's rest. Where he came from is not terribly important at this moment -- what is important is that today, besides being his 25th birtday, is the day this young man will finally learn his name. It is a day he has waited for for quite some time. You would not believe how difficult going through life for a quarter of a century without a name is.
What was it again?
>Enter Name: BLIMPDICK GRUMPKNICKERS
Yes, BLIMPDICK GRUMPKNICKERS! How could you have forgotten a name so beautiful, so majestic? A name that was clearly forged by the tongues of angels to strike fear into the hearts of the unworthy? A name that everyone else wishes they had simply because of how glorious it is?
Nope. Try again, dipshit.
>Try again
Your name is KLAUS WULFENBACH.
As mentioned before, today is your 25th birthday. Considering the sort of things you occupy your time with, it is somewhat surprising that you've managed to live this long.
You are the son of a BARON, meaning that you are NEXT IN LINE to take over the BARONY in which you live. This is odd, because you are the BARON'S youngest son. You used to have two BROTHERS. You don't like to talk about them.
You are also a SPARK, which is your pseudo-Germanic country's term for a MAD SCIENTIST. Your LAB is much larger than your ROOM and, in fact, you generally spend more time there. However, lately you haven't been doing much by-the-book MAD SCIENCE and have instead been building WEAPONRY. You have a particular knack for GUNS and, in fact, your strife specibus is currently allocated with GUNKIND. You aren't quite sure what that means, but it involves the ability to shoot things, so you are relatively okay with it.
When you aren't being a MAD SCIENTIST, you are an ADVENTURER. In fact, you have just returned from one of your ADVENTURES (you punched a dinosaur in the snout. It was excellent)! You really don't know what you'd do if you couldn't get out and beat up monsters once in a while. It keeps you calm, which is relatively difficult, as you are NOTORIOUSLY EASY TO ANGER. You also like to be IN CHARGE, because often, you feel that you are the only man suited for the job that needs to be done. Generally, you are RIGHT. In fact, you are RIGHT about most things, which tends to annoy your friends.
You also have a secret ROMANTIC SIDE which you generally attempt to hide through brazen displays of pure machismo and a permanently grumpy attitude. However, you shamefully collect ROMANCE NOVELS, which you disguise as SCIENTIFIC TOMES. It may seem like a lot of effort, but you will do most anything to maintain your DIGNITY.
What will you do now?
>Quickly retrieve ARMS from CHEST
You already have arms, squid brain! Both the ones attached to your shoulders and the one in the holster at your hip.
>Examine GUN
Ahh, your trusty PISTOL. Most other Mad Scientists think that it's unnatural that you don't fight with a RAY GUN. You think they're fools, the lot of them, and you plan to show them all one of these days.
But not right now. You're still tired from punching that dinosaur in the snout, after all.
>Examine ROOM
Ah, your ROOM. It's nice to be back after months of having adventures with your ADVENTURE BUDDY. There's your familiar FOUR-POSTER BED, at the foot of which is the CHEST in which you keep particularly important belongings of yours, such as BOOTY from your many adventures. Almost all of the walls are taken up by BOOKCASES, which contain your extensive collection of SCIENTIFIC TOMES (and the ROMANCE NOVELS cleverly disguised as SCIENTIFIC TOMES). On any left over shelf-space sit various SMALL CLOCKWORK MACHINES that you designed when you were bored. And of course, on the wall above your door hangs your BLUNDERBUSS. It is your pride and joy and, while it can dispatch dinosaurs easily, you did not take it on your last adventure because it is simply too special for that. You are saving it for THE RIGHT MOMENT.
>Wait until THE RIGHT MOMENT comes along
That could take a very long time! No point in dwelling on it. You'll know when it happens.
>Open CHEST and retrieve BOOTY
It couldn't hurt to open the ol' CHEST and look at your past trophies! There may even be some things in there that you could use in the CRISIS that is definitely not going to occur a scant few hours from now. But what's this? It looks as though the chest is locked!
>Check SYLLADEX for KEY
You open your SYLLADEX. You spot the KEY easily enough, mostly because it's right next to that odd MACHINE your friend gave you and to which your eye is immediately drawn. You really must inspect it properly later. But first, you need to retrieve that key!
>Retrieve KEY
Ah ah ah, not yet. Your sylladex is programmed with a LOGIC MODUS, meaning that to access the card, you must solve a LOGIC PUZZLE, the difficulty of which generally depends on how badly you need the item at the given moment. The key is not essential to you right now but you do want to open the chest, and so the puzzle will likely not be too difficult.
'A far-away land is populated only by clanks and constructs. Clanks always tell the truth, while constructs always lie. Travelling this land, you run into a pair of fellow travellers. The first traveller, A, tells you that both she and the second traveller, B, are constructs. Traveller B tells you that he and A are of different kinds. What is traveller A?'
>Think through puzzle logically
Very well. You assume, for the moment, that was A says is true, meaning that A is a clank. This contradicts her statement that both she and B are constructs -- and as a clank cannot lie, you conclude (rightly so) that she is a construct and B is a clank. As this proves B's statement, you feel somewhat validated.
The KEY is ejected from your sylladex.
>Celebrate your cerebral superiority with a jig
How silly! If you did that every time you solved one of these things, who knows what sort of time you'd wind up wasting. A vague feeling of validation is really all you need.
>Use the KEY on the CHEST
You get to opening that chest already. Ah, what wonders are contained within!
Quite a few, actually. Though you have only had time for real adventures since you graduated university a year ago, you have certainly made up for lost time. Why, here's your MAP OF SKIFANDER. Next to the MAP is the DRAGON SKULL HEADDRESS given to you by the young Queen of Skifander herself as a thank-you present! You wonder how she's doing now that her home is devoid of those nasty flesh-eating bugs thanks to you and your adventure buddy. Perhaps you should write her a letter at some point and ask.
Next to the map and headdress is a confiscated and deactivated MECHANICAL WASP PROTOTYPE you took from the same friend who gave you that strange MACHINE in your sylladex. You're sure she means well, but it's getting kind of annoying having to step in every couple of weeks to stop her from doing something stupid. Luckily your adventure buddy is good at dealing with her.
There is also a PRESERVED BABY AIRSQUID in a jar of green liquid, a three-foot-long DINOSAUR FANG, and a small pile of various and sundry COINAGE that is worth absolutely nothing in your country but looks very pretty.
So... now what?
>Capchalogue HEADDRESS
You're not sure what you're going to use this for, but you might as well have it with you. It's pretty cool looking, after all. For good measure, you also take the COINAGE.
>Check back of MAP for SECRET MESSAGE
There is no secret message on the back of the map, but there is a series of NUMBERS reading '1525'. You are not entirely sure what they could be used for. Perhaps you should capchalogue the map too, just in case.
Five of your twenty-five available cards are now full (not counting your Strife Deck, of course).
>Wait, five?
Yes. How could you forget about your trusty ADVENTURE LOG? You update it constantly so that later you can remember the awesome adventures you constantly have in great detail. It is currently in your sylladex, as you simply had to have it with you while you travelled.
>Read excerpt
What? No! You just got back from an adventure, you don't want to read about one right now. Maybe it's time to indulge your other interest.
>Head up to LAB
>Back
A young man stands in his room. He has just travelled a long way and is taking a brief moment's rest. Where he came from is not terribly important at this moment -- what is important is that today, besides being his 25th birtday, is the day this young man will finally learn his name. It is a day he has waited for for quite some time. You would not believe how difficult going through life for a quarter of a century without a name is.
What was it again?
>Enter Name: BLIMPDICK GRUMPKNICKERS
Yes, BLIMPDICK GRUMPKNICKERS! How could you have forgotten a name so beautiful, so majestic? A name that was clearly forged by the tongues of angels to strike fear into the hearts of the unworthy? A name that everyone else wishes they had simply because of how glorious it is?
Nope. Try again, dipshit.
>Try again
Your name is KLAUS WULFENBACH.
As mentioned before, today is your 25th birthday. Considering the sort of things you occupy your time with, it is somewhat surprising that you've managed to live this long.
You are the son of a BARON, meaning that you are NEXT IN LINE to take over the BARONY in which you live. This is odd, because you are the BARON'S youngest son. You used to have two BROTHERS. You don't like to talk about them.
You are also a SPARK, which is your pseudo-Germanic country's term for a MAD SCIENTIST. Your LAB is much larger than your ROOM and, in fact, you generally spend more time there. However, lately you haven't been doing much by-the-book MAD SCIENCE and have instead been building WEAPONRY. You have a particular knack for GUNS and, in fact, your strife specibus is currently allocated with GUNKIND. You aren't quite sure what that means, but it involves the ability to shoot things, so you are relatively okay with it.
When you aren't being a MAD SCIENTIST, you are an ADVENTURER. In fact, you have just returned from one of your ADVENTURES (you punched a dinosaur in the snout. It was excellent)! You really don't know what you'd do if you couldn't get out and beat up monsters once in a while. It keeps you calm, which is relatively difficult, as you are NOTORIOUSLY EASY TO ANGER. You also like to be IN CHARGE, because often, you feel that you are the only man suited for the job that needs to be done. Generally, you are RIGHT. In fact, you are RIGHT about most things, which tends to annoy your friends.
You also have a secret ROMANTIC SIDE which you generally attempt to hide through brazen displays of pure machismo and a permanently grumpy attitude. However, you shamefully collect ROMANCE NOVELS, which you disguise as SCIENTIFIC TOMES. It may seem like a lot of effort, but you will do most anything to maintain your DIGNITY.
What will you do now?
>Quickly retrieve ARMS from CHEST
You already have arms, squid brain! Both the ones attached to your shoulders and the one in the holster at your hip.
>Examine GUN
Ahh, your trusty PISTOL. Most other Mad Scientists think that it's unnatural that you don't fight with a RAY GUN. You think they're fools, the lot of them, and you plan to show them all one of these days.
But not right now. You're still tired from punching that dinosaur in the snout, after all.
>Examine ROOM
Ah, your ROOM. It's nice to be back after months of having adventures with your ADVENTURE BUDDY. There's your familiar FOUR-POSTER BED, at the foot of which is the CHEST in which you keep particularly important belongings of yours, such as BOOTY from your many adventures. Almost all of the walls are taken up by BOOKCASES, which contain your extensive collection of SCIENTIFIC TOMES (and the ROMANCE NOVELS cleverly disguised as SCIENTIFIC TOMES). On any left over shelf-space sit various SMALL CLOCKWORK MACHINES that you designed when you were bored. And of course, on the wall above your door hangs your BLUNDERBUSS. It is your pride and joy and, while it can dispatch dinosaurs easily, you did not take it on your last adventure because it is simply too special for that. You are saving it for THE RIGHT MOMENT.
>Wait until THE RIGHT MOMENT comes along
That could take a very long time! No point in dwelling on it. You'll know when it happens.
>Open CHEST and retrieve BOOTY
It couldn't hurt to open the ol' CHEST and look at your past trophies! There may even be some things in there that you could use in the CRISIS that is definitely not going to occur a scant few hours from now. But what's this? It looks as though the chest is locked!
>Check SYLLADEX for KEY
You open your SYLLADEX. You spot the KEY easily enough, mostly because it's right next to that odd MACHINE your friend gave you and to which your eye is immediately drawn. You really must inspect it properly later. But first, you need to retrieve that key!
>Retrieve KEY
Ah ah ah, not yet. Your sylladex is programmed with a LOGIC MODUS, meaning that to access the card, you must solve a LOGIC PUZZLE, the difficulty of which generally depends on how badly you need the item at the given moment. The key is not essential to you right now but you do want to open the chest, and so the puzzle will likely not be too difficult.
'A far-away land is populated only by clanks and constructs. Clanks always tell the truth, while constructs always lie. Travelling this land, you run into a pair of fellow travellers. The first traveller, A, tells you that both she and the second traveller, B, are constructs. Traveller B tells you that he and A are of different kinds. What is traveller A?'
>Think through puzzle logically
Very well. You assume, for the moment, that was A says is true, meaning that A is a clank. This contradicts her statement that both she and B are constructs -- and as a clank cannot lie, you conclude (rightly so) that she is a construct and B is a clank. As this proves B's statement, you feel somewhat validated.
The KEY is ejected from your sylladex.
>Celebrate your cerebral superiority with a jig
How silly! If you did that every time you solved one of these things, who knows what sort of time you'd wind up wasting. A vague feeling of validation is really all you need.
>Use the KEY on the CHEST
You get to opening that chest already. Ah, what wonders are contained within!
Quite a few, actually. Though you have only had time for real adventures since you graduated university a year ago, you have certainly made up for lost time. Why, here's your MAP OF SKIFANDER. Next to the MAP is the DRAGON SKULL HEADDRESS given to you by the young Queen of Skifander herself as a thank-you present! You wonder how she's doing now that her home is devoid of those nasty flesh-eating bugs thanks to you and your adventure buddy. Perhaps you should write her a letter at some point and ask.
Next to the map and headdress is a confiscated and deactivated MECHANICAL WASP PROTOTYPE you took from the same friend who gave you that strange MACHINE in your sylladex. You're sure she means well, but it's getting kind of annoying having to step in every couple of weeks to stop her from doing something stupid. Luckily your adventure buddy is good at dealing with her.
There is also a PRESERVED BABY AIRSQUID in a jar of green liquid, a three-foot-long DINOSAUR FANG, and a small pile of various and sundry COINAGE that is worth absolutely nothing in your country but looks very pretty.
So... now what?
>Capchalogue HEADDRESS
You're not sure what you're going to use this for, but you might as well have it with you. It's pretty cool looking, after all. For good measure, you also take the COINAGE.
>Check back of MAP for SECRET MESSAGE
There is no secret message on the back of the map, but there is a series of NUMBERS reading '1525'. You are not entirely sure what they could be used for. Perhaps you should capchalogue the map too, just in case.
Five of your twenty-five available cards are now full (not counting your Strife Deck, of course).
>Wait, five?
Yes. How could you forget about your trusty ADVENTURE LOG? You update it constantly so that later you can remember the awesome adventures you constantly have in great detail. It is currently in your sylladex, as you simply had to have it with you while you travelled.
>Read excerpt
What? No! You just got back from an adventure, you don't want to read about one right now. Maybe it's time to indulge your other interest.
>Head up to LAB
>Back