(no subject)
i had a dream lastnight
i was in a summer beach house
this beach house was five stories and had five star class everything
from the bed linnin to the gormet cuisine served in every meal
i was there with every girl i had ever envied
every girl i was ever jealous of
everywhere i turned, someone was there looking down on me
someone was there with such amazing beauty i could never achieve
personality far exceeding mine
i was the bottom of the foodchain
as i was walking to my room
there was a little girl her eyes already in tears
i don't recall her name
she was waiting outside my bedroom door
long black hair
dazzling green eyes
skinny figuer
blue sun dress
gorgeous face
i could see why i would envy her
she hugged me, held on to me rather, and said "remember the first day we met?"
without embracing her back, i told her i did, yes
i started to feel the tears stain my dress as she looked at me and told me "i thought you were the most amazing person in the whole world"
i told her to stop, that i had to go
she let go of me with her head bowed and started walking toward the opposite direction i was headed
getting my key to unlock my bedroom i came across an old abondoned libraby
antique furnature for reading stations
every piece of literature was ridden with dust
ancient books lined the walls
i found a bench infront of one of the bookshelves
it had sat there since the opening days of the library, begging for the company of someone taking the pleasure in an uncomfortable sit to remind themselves of their posture
i sat with my sholders back, legs crossed at the ankle, head up
just as my father had taught me
i stared at the books i knew i would never read
then my mother sat beside me
"books are your only friends"
i woke up
facing my window sill, where i line my books
my mother came in to wake me not knowing my eyes were already open and ready for the new day
with the same words she has used to wake me for as long as i can remember
"books are your only friends"
i'm starting to believe her more and more every morning
josh made up a game
you tell eachother something the other person doesn't know about ourselves
i honestly wouldn't want to play with anyone else
it's my favorite thing to do in the whole world
he is my favorite person in the whole world
i am very grateful he is in my life
i've grown dependant on him
knowing he's not going to be there for me sooner or later
i don't know how to stop
i don't want to stop
cereal is my comfort food
redroserevolvers: I miss you
redroserevolvers signed off at 4:37:09 PM.
darcy is not missing
darcy is not dead
i just wish she would have given me enough time to try to explain
how much i miss her
how much i still need her
i am still waiting for her to come back
it's ridiculous how little we've known eachother
how close we are
yet i haven't heard from her in months
ashlie suprised me today
i needed her so ridiculously bad
the thirty minutes we spent talking together without jon being there
incredible
she is my diary
only she talks back
i love her very very very much
i worry more about jon than i should
he really is a great guy
i hope they truely are happy together
they both deserve it
dear, amanda cooper sooper dooper,
i am going to miss you terribly
it was adorable how you left chocolate, barns&noble gift card, and bradly hathaway's book in your mail box as my christmas present
[just borrowing hathaway]
still great none the less
i love you so much
i'm sorry for asking for a wonka bar again
i was half asleep and being rude
it is currently 7:08 in the morning and i just got off the telephone with josh
no matter how bad the conversation started
it still ended with me still caring about him more than ever
he is an incredible best friend
i like the way things worked out
tonight was definatly the most inspiring nights of my life
i didn't think it was possible for me to cry this much
it's a mad world