new story, please critique

[mistress_spider]

When I say please critique, as long as it is productive I will not care how harsh it may seem. Constructive critisism is wonderful, as are constructive compliments. This story is not as polished as it could be, so help me out.

Plus, I like to show off my mad writing skillz.

Comments

[curtisfreak007]

Very interesting.

[askewedoptimism]

I like.