I wouldn't say that I decided to die that night. It was more like I felt the need to snuff out my pain in a very dramatic and final way. After almost eight months of being lost out here; trying to find definition of who I am on my own, and looking for validation anywhere and everywhere.....it was too much ( Read more... )

Today is my thirtieth birthday, and I am happy. Dare I say, even somewhat content. So many people in my life have come to me wishing me well.
Tonight I'll celebrate and tomorrow with be the first day of a new decade in my life. I hope to use the lessons I've learned in my twenties and continue to value that education.

Twenty years go by and your life is now what? A nightmare? A lullaby? A wild dance of which no one walks away from the same as they entered? Twenty years. I was ten then; a child of my time, even with the decade as most of my friends are now. We all turn equally as time turns. Children of the millennium, we are. I remember how everyone talked of ( Read more... )

I let him know
Then I let him go.

Sad to say
I'm better off this way.

Tired of grasping at strings
tired of reading into things
So small and meaningless
Doesn't mean I loved him less
Than he could ever give to me

It's the same sad song
I've sang all along

Why oh why
Do I try?

Goddamn this broken heart of mine.

I saw a movie tonight where this guy fought for a girl. He fought even when he didn't want to. Then he fought when he didn't have to. But that's too much to ask for in real life. Or could it be that some people aren't worth fighting for?

Me and my Goddamn antics.

I cry when I’m alone. I cry for a love lost, maybe never had. Looking back at a life that’s as empty as it is complicated, the feeling despair grips me and holds me tight like a python. Hating this loneliness, wanting to be held tight by another force, him.

My tears stain my cheeks with black scars of mascara. I’m too preoccupied to go ( Read more... )

Reading Tropic of Cancer makes me want to find the reincarnated soul of Henry Miller and sit on his face while he hums Emotional Rescue. I'm jealous of Tania, Anais.

Tread carefully. You never know what damage may lie in your wake. We're all selfish assholes. I include myself in that statement. But, we're all martyrs of our own guilt. I bore mine and you bare yours. I'm sorry. It just felt like nothing I've ever experienced before and I wanted it to be real.
Tread carefully.

It was the third time I’d ran by that church before I realized where and when I’d seen it first…..or last.

It was her wedding; a great day for her and her love of five years. I remember being so happy for her. I remember obliging the other bride’s maids when they picked out the dresses. Tight and strapless, I looked like a caterpillar. At that ( Read more... )