UghNess
So yeah, it's 1 am and I'm still awake, and for the first time ever- Bretts in bed. I feel so completly off!
For the past week I've had the worst trouble sleeping! I'll be really tired, as much if not more than Brett , and we'll get in bed, do our thing, I'll read a book or play on the PSP/DS until my eyes are falling shut, then I lay on my side and....nothing. I don't sleep! It's horrible!
The past 2 nights I've cried myself to sleep, which has been really depressing to say the least, it leaves me with bad dreams and a horrible outlook on the next day. I've mainly been crying about the loss of Kit, because I miss him every minute of every hour of every day since he's been gone... and just laying in bed, in the dark, thinking about how I don't have him - not only is it amazingly sad but just weird as well
It's this empty, sick, painful feeling think to remember that he's not around anymore, he was the only being that I'd had through EVERYTHING, through every move, friendship, breakup, birth/death, everything... and it's so strange to wake up and have him not be there anymore - even after 3 months my heart still breaks at the thought of my beautiful boy being gone... I guess thats why its hard to sleep, because I don't have him
WHats worse is that I don't feel liek I can talk about it with Brett...having him mom pass in May, and he's being so brave and strong - I feel so guilty hurting so much. It's not that SHe was a human and Kit a feline - because I don't think there is a difference in the amount of pain I feel and the amount of pain Brett does... it's just that he's not whining, or crying, he's being brave and I'm tearing apart inside! So I can't talk about with him, and he's the only one around @ night when I need to... and added onto to that he's almost always working the next morning and I don't like to keep him awake by crying
I start my new job on Monday, at least- my orientation is on Monday, I don't know if I start the very next day or what happens - should be interesting? I'm excited about being able to work again, and the thought of training in Bedford/Epping and then being able to go to a brand new store is great, too- because byt the time we start opening the new store, I'll probably be ready for a change of pace anyway lol
Anyway, I don't feel like going to bed, which makes me feel like an ass because Bretts in there alone, and I didn't even tell him where I going (like he was awake) when I got out of bed, I just got out and walked off - and if I go lay on the couch and fall asleep there, I'll look even weirder, although I'm sure he'd like having the whole bed to himself without me crying in it nightly
SO yeah- not having insurance sucks - because I need to see a doctor hardcore, ugh
sorry guys, I just needed to talk it out
For the past week I've had the worst trouble sleeping! I'll be really tired, as much if not more than Brett , and we'll get in bed, do our thing, I'll read a book or play on the PSP/DS until my eyes are falling shut, then I lay on my side and....nothing. I don't sleep! It's horrible!
The past 2 nights I've cried myself to sleep, which has been really depressing to say the least, it leaves me with bad dreams and a horrible outlook on the next day. I've mainly been crying about the loss of Kit, because I miss him every minute of every hour of every day since he's been gone... and just laying in bed, in the dark, thinking about how I don't have him - not only is it amazingly sad but just weird as well
It's this empty, sick, painful feeling think to remember that he's not around anymore, he was the only being that I'd had through EVERYTHING, through every move, friendship, breakup, birth/death, everything... and it's so strange to wake up and have him not be there anymore - even after 3 months my heart still breaks at the thought of my beautiful boy being gone... I guess thats why its hard to sleep, because I don't have him
WHats worse is that I don't feel liek I can talk about it with Brett...having him mom pass in May, and he's being so brave and strong - I feel so guilty hurting so much. It's not that SHe was a human and Kit a feline - because I don't think there is a difference in the amount of pain I feel and the amount of pain Brett does... it's just that he's not whining, or crying, he's being brave and I'm tearing apart inside! So I can't talk about with him, and he's the only one around @ night when I need to... and added onto to that he's almost always working the next morning and I don't like to keep him awake by crying
I start my new job on Monday, at least- my orientation is on Monday, I don't know if I start the very next day or what happens - should be interesting? I'm excited about being able to work again, and the thought of training in Bedford/Epping and then being able to go to a brand new store is great, too- because byt the time we start opening the new store, I'll probably be ready for a change of pace anyway lol
Anyway, I don't feel like going to bed, which makes me feel like an ass because Bretts in there alone, and I didn't even tell him where I going (like he was awake) when I got out of bed, I just got out and walked off - and if I go lay on the couch and fall asleep there, I'll look even weirder, although I'm sure he'd like having the whole bed to himself without me crying in it nightly
SO yeah- not having insurance sucks - because I need to see a doctor hardcore, ugh
sorry guys, I just needed to talk it out