Otaku Physics: Rule 34, Time Travel and Tachyons
Otaku Physics Project
Latest update on research into Otaku Physics, from the desk of the Director of Otaku Physics Studies at UoCM
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Today we address the relativistic impact and quantum implications of Rule 34.
First, we know from practical experimentation that Rule 34 holds true in all situations. There is porn of it.
Anything - or any combination of things - has porn of it. But in a semantically varied universe of countless contextual interpretations of material, but only a finite number of pornographic artists, an inconsistency emerges in the fact that any spontaneously generated pornographic subject must have pornography already created for it.
To solve this conundrum, we postulate the existance of a zero-matter particle which we dub the Horneon, generated as a physical consequence of the invocation of Rule 34 in the physical universe. I shall now outline our proposed solution to what we have dubbed the "Infinite Complexity of Spontaneous Erotic Material Appearance Conundrum", or the ICSEMAC.
An individual postulates the existance of pornographic material of a specific subject matter. As a function of this postulation, the material must either already exist, or if it does not exist it must spontaneously come into existance. It is this second scenario which we address with the concept of the Horneon.
A Horneon is a zero-matter tachyon that, when it is called into existance by the postulation mentioned above, is created travelling faster than the speed of light. The Horneon is attracted to particle swarms of Perveons, generated by the excess of sexual frustration and artistic creativity that is a necessary side-effect of the personality archetype required to create pornographic images and post them online.
The Horneon generated in our above example travels back through time precisely the length of time required for the individual it is attracted to, determined by a function of the strength of their Perveon field which is itself a function of their level of sexual frustration and dedication to the generation of pornographic images, to create the artwork.
The Perveons and Horneon interact on a subatomic level, prompting a slight imbalance in the psychochemical makeup of the individual's mind, prompting him or her to generate an image related to the pornographic concept that generated the Horneon in the first place. This artwork is then completed and uploaded the instant the proponent of the pornographic concept postulates its existance.
Through this model, we account for the unerring accuracy of Rule 34, while also making allowances for the impact of General Relativity and the Quantum Universe on the ICSEMAC. We also as a function of our model propose that, for the purposes of pornography, the speed of light is not a limiting factor - and, as such, pornography may hold the secret to faster-than-light communication, if the behavioural patterns of Horneons and Perveons are accurately projected. We have submitted a written request to the LHC for their assistance in this project but, sadly, upon reading our proposal one of the technicians became so sexually agitated that he accidentally broke the collider.
We shall, of course, keep you all updated on our progress.
We thank you for your continued support, and look forward to presenting you with some concrete evidence that supports our theory.
Will Blewitt
Director of Otaku Physics Studies
University of Catgirl Mortality
Latest update on research into Otaku Physics, from the desk of the Director of Otaku Physics Studies at UoCM
---
Today we address the relativistic impact and quantum implications of Rule 34.
First, we know from practical experimentation that Rule 34 holds true in all situations. There is porn of it.
Anything - or any combination of things - has porn of it. But in a semantically varied universe of countless contextual interpretations of material, but only a finite number of pornographic artists, an inconsistency emerges in the fact that any spontaneously generated pornographic subject must have pornography already created for it.
To solve this conundrum, we postulate the existance of a zero-matter particle which we dub the Horneon, generated as a physical consequence of the invocation of Rule 34 in the physical universe. I shall now outline our proposed solution to what we have dubbed the "Infinite Complexity of Spontaneous Erotic Material Appearance Conundrum", or the ICSEMAC.
An individual postulates the existance of pornographic material of a specific subject matter. As a function of this postulation, the material must either already exist, or if it does not exist it must spontaneously come into existance. It is this second scenario which we address with the concept of the Horneon.
A Horneon is a zero-matter tachyon that, when it is called into existance by the postulation mentioned above, is created travelling faster than the speed of light. The Horneon is attracted to particle swarms of Perveons, generated by the excess of sexual frustration and artistic creativity that is a necessary side-effect of the personality archetype required to create pornographic images and post them online.
The Horneon generated in our above example travels back through time precisely the length of time required for the individual it is attracted to, determined by a function of the strength of their Perveon field which is itself a function of their level of sexual frustration and dedication to the generation of pornographic images, to create the artwork.
The Perveons and Horneon interact on a subatomic level, prompting a slight imbalance in the psychochemical makeup of the individual's mind, prompting him or her to generate an image related to the pornographic concept that generated the Horneon in the first place. This artwork is then completed and uploaded the instant the proponent of the pornographic concept postulates its existance.
Through this model, we account for the unerring accuracy of Rule 34, while also making allowances for the impact of General Relativity and the Quantum Universe on the ICSEMAC. We also as a function of our model propose that, for the purposes of pornography, the speed of light is not a limiting factor - and, as such, pornography may hold the secret to faster-than-light communication, if the behavioural patterns of Horneons and Perveons are accurately projected. We have submitted a written request to the LHC for their assistance in this project but, sadly, upon reading our proposal one of the technicians became so sexually agitated that he accidentally broke the collider.
We shall, of course, keep you all updated on our progress.
We thank you for your continued support, and look forward to presenting you with some concrete evidence that supports our theory.
Will Blewitt
Director of Otaku Physics Studies
University of Catgirl Mortality