Long story. Lisa story. Everyone keeps asking. So here it is.
This is something that I can fully relate to. It is something that I wish no one would have to go through. GUY or GIRL. Let's start from the beginning...
Lisa and I met when I was a freshman in high school. One of the sweetest girls in existence. Her parents never pressured her to make good grades. She just did. She never had to be lectured for staying out late. She just came home. The boys that asked her out, were intimidated by her pace. She never had to approach a guy or flirt with them. And she also barely responded to any guy that came her way. She did not have to. She did not understand why they came to her in the first place. Lisa was plain.
We used to talk about what kind of guy we would like to be with later on in life. A childhood fantasy, of course. These conversations went on even after we parted ways after high school. She would call me and we talked about such nonsense as if it would happen to one of us. She hated the internet. This is directly from a written letter she sent me a few years ago:
"...the picture of the guy for me: He would be nice (of course), he would include me in all that he does(even if I cannot go to everything he does, he'd at least invite me), he would give me flowers when he didn't need to, he would respect all the things I would give him including all physical pleasures, he would come home to me and I would be his only woman in the world, and he would not be ashamed to walk hand in hand with me through a crowd so everyone could see how happy he is to have such a jewel."
My skin has created goose bumps.
Time has gone by and I have not heard from her on the phone, or by her random written letters. I am very bad at keeping up with hand written letters anyway. And she is never on the computer. Her phone number is no longer hers but some guys new cell number. A whole year goes by and I finally get a call from her. She has a lot to tell me. Lisa has found her guy and has moved to the Valley with him. So far from where I was living at that time. He and her were so happy in their world. She cooked for him whenever she could because he always wanted to cook for her too. She finally had someone she could make love to all the time. Finally she could be comfortably physical. He also brought her flowers some evenings after they were home from their jobs, just because. He wasn't rich but he promised her the world. She let me know that he mentioned spending the rest of his life with her, and he's never been happier. And Lisa was the happiest she has ever been the whole time I have known her. But there was still something missing. I could not put my finger on it.
She called me every few months to talk. Telling me that one day I would find someone who would not be afraid to walk with me through a crowd with me in hand. And she hated every guy that would come after me, giving me advice to never give up on finding what I want just in case he came along. Encouraging all of the unrealistic nonsense we used to talk about a long time ago. The unrealistic portions of our conversation had hit me like a brick. Lucky Lisa.
I still could not put my finger on it.
The phone calls stopped. So I called. No answer. Tried again a few months later. No answer.
I finally got a call from her over this past Christmas holiday. I could not wait to talk to her. She did not talk about her guy. She just said," I want to hear your voice." Lisa was not Lisa. I arranged to go and actually see her in a week. I had 3 weeks off of work. I could visit her for a few days. She had no choice but to agree. I live here in Glendale now. She is still in the Valley. I have no car, but I have a ride from a visitor. I was going to surprise her with an old friend of ours that would come and hang out once in a while and also was one of her writing buddies. Perfect!
We arrived at Lisa's and we were opening the trunk to remove bags and beer and whatnot. I stopped and ran upstairs to go and initiate the greeting before the surprise visitor could be introduced into the scene. I knocked on her door, but it was unlocked. Alright. I pushed the door open and saw her sitting on the couch hunched over a little, watching television with the remote in her hand. I ran and dived on the couch to give her a huge hug and her body was limp and did not respond. No response. None. I will not go into details about the body. Gives her no justice. But I freaked out and ran outside to the visitor and told him to go make sure. And he refused and was also freaked out. No thinking on my part at that moment. He dialed 911 on his cell phone. They asked me too many questions. I wanted to go home. They let me go home.
I put in my mind that she had a tumor, cancer, aneurism, something.
I did not go to the funeral. I got a lot of anger from people about that. I do not care. I spent enough time with her dead body and kept up with her as much as I could while she was alive, unlike the people there. Some did not even know about her finding the man of her dreams. The man of her dreams. Dreams. Nonsense.
4 months has passed and it is now April. I get a phone call from Lisa's mother. "Akemi, I must tell you what happened." I did not want to hear it. But I did want to hear it. What she had to tell me blew me away. And everything was clear now. I could not see it, because it was happening to me and I was caught up in her fantastic world, feeding off the happy tones while being blind to the truth:
Lisa was in love. The man that came home to her every night, was coming home from many other women. All her energy for years was spent on him. And he promised her to cherish her forever. He was her perfect man. They liked all the same things. He even met her parents. He never took her out. He never would walk close to her. He always acted like she was just a friend, even introducing her as such. Never held her hand outside the house they lived in. She never understood why. He always told her it was because it was no one's business what went on in their lives...
She had to call him on his cell phone in the middle of one day because she needed some info before they could go through with the rest of a loan deal for a car or something. He answered the phone and in the background she heard loud and clear, "Hurry up baby, I need to fuck you now."
Lisa's parents helped her to move out the house away from her "dream boy." He was begging her to stay and that he will change. Typical.
I was so stuck dealing with the same exact situation, that I could not figure out what was wrong with all of this. Promise the world, but can not let anyone know they were ever with me. A never ending cycle of players that I do not deserve. But she ended up with the master. Cuz it took an emergency call for her to find out after years. Poor Lisa.
She was very messed up from what had occurred. She was calling me to say good-bye. She did this to herself. It is lame. It is a harsh and selfish way to deal with things. But, when you lose the only thing in the world that you were looking for in the first place after you have had it for so long, it can drive any human mad. I do not hate her for it. If only you could hear her voice when she spoke of it. He showed up to the funeral shocked. And then got kicked out by all. I am glad I was not there.
All her encouragement was almost a kick in the head. I don't know what to do with myself, the player magnet. Same thing happened to me, but I was a bit more stronger.
It is sad to see all these guys just toy around with women as if they were holes to fuck. It happens to the best of us. The one's that are not trying to play around and be jerked around seem to be the best targets for these guys. So how do we know when we find someone to relate to and trust to be with just us? I will never know. There are women out there for players--->The player women. Why can't they just stick together? The reason why some of us girls save our holes for a long time in between relationships, is in the hopes that we are saving it for our compatible guy for a while. Someone to have good times with, share wonderful sex experience, engulf each other in our world at that time. Not to have a guy that shares juices with every hot hole that comes by. That is not the case.
but one sign of a player is they hide you. One massive sign. No public anything. I am not talking about kissing you or having sex in public. But, they will not even hold your hand. Take Lisa's dream nonsense, and also her advice. Do not give up, someone will be out there for you.
"...and he would not be ashamed to walk hand in hand with me through a crowd so everyone could see how happy he is to have such a jewel."
Lisa and I met when I was a freshman in high school. One of the sweetest girls in existence. Her parents never pressured her to make good grades. She just did. She never had to be lectured for staying out late. She just came home. The boys that asked her out, were intimidated by her pace. She never had to approach a guy or flirt with them. And she also barely responded to any guy that came her way. She did not have to. She did not understand why they came to her in the first place. Lisa was plain.
We used to talk about what kind of guy we would like to be with later on in life. A childhood fantasy, of course. These conversations went on even after we parted ways after high school. She would call me and we talked about such nonsense as if it would happen to one of us. She hated the internet. This is directly from a written letter she sent me a few years ago:
"...the picture of the guy for me: He would be nice (of course), he would include me in all that he does(even if I cannot go to everything he does, he'd at least invite me), he would give me flowers when he didn't need to, he would respect all the things I would give him including all physical pleasures, he would come home to me and I would be his only woman in the world, and he would not be ashamed to walk hand in hand with me through a crowd so everyone could see how happy he is to have such a jewel."
My skin has created goose bumps.
Time has gone by and I have not heard from her on the phone, or by her random written letters. I am very bad at keeping up with hand written letters anyway. And she is never on the computer. Her phone number is no longer hers but some guys new cell number. A whole year goes by and I finally get a call from her. She has a lot to tell me. Lisa has found her guy and has moved to the Valley with him. So far from where I was living at that time. He and her were so happy in their world. She cooked for him whenever she could because he always wanted to cook for her too. She finally had someone she could make love to all the time. Finally she could be comfortably physical. He also brought her flowers some evenings after they were home from their jobs, just because. He wasn't rich but he promised her the world. She let me know that he mentioned spending the rest of his life with her, and he's never been happier. And Lisa was the happiest she has ever been the whole time I have known her. But there was still something missing. I could not put my finger on it.
She called me every few months to talk. Telling me that one day I would find someone who would not be afraid to walk with me through a crowd with me in hand. And she hated every guy that would come after me, giving me advice to never give up on finding what I want just in case he came along. Encouraging all of the unrealistic nonsense we used to talk about a long time ago. The unrealistic portions of our conversation had hit me like a brick. Lucky Lisa.
I still could not put my finger on it.
The phone calls stopped. So I called. No answer. Tried again a few months later. No answer.
I finally got a call from her over this past Christmas holiday. I could not wait to talk to her. She did not talk about her guy. She just said," I want to hear your voice." Lisa was not Lisa. I arranged to go and actually see her in a week. I had 3 weeks off of work. I could visit her for a few days. She had no choice but to agree. I live here in Glendale now. She is still in the Valley. I have no car, but I have a ride from a visitor. I was going to surprise her with an old friend of ours that would come and hang out once in a while and also was one of her writing buddies. Perfect!
We arrived at Lisa's and we were opening the trunk to remove bags and beer and whatnot. I stopped and ran upstairs to go and initiate the greeting before the surprise visitor could be introduced into the scene. I knocked on her door, but it was unlocked. Alright. I pushed the door open and saw her sitting on the couch hunched over a little, watching television with the remote in her hand. I ran and dived on the couch to give her a huge hug and her body was limp and did not respond. No response. None. I will not go into details about the body. Gives her no justice. But I freaked out and ran outside to the visitor and told him to go make sure. And he refused and was also freaked out. No thinking on my part at that moment. He dialed 911 on his cell phone. They asked me too many questions. I wanted to go home. They let me go home.
I put in my mind that she had a tumor, cancer, aneurism, something.
I did not go to the funeral. I got a lot of anger from people about that. I do not care. I spent enough time with her dead body and kept up with her as much as I could while she was alive, unlike the people there. Some did not even know about her finding the man of her dreams. The man of her dreams. Dreams. Nonsense.
4 months has passed and it is now April. I get a phone call from Lisa's mother. "Akemi, I must tell you what happened." I did not want to hear it. But I did want to hear it. What she had to tell me blew me away. And everything was clear now. I could not see it, because it was happening to me and I was caught up in her fantastic world, feeding off the happy tones while being blind to the truth:
Lisa was in love. The man that came home to her every night, was coming home from many other women. All her energy for years was spent on him. And he promised her to cherish her forever. He was her perfect man. They liked all the same things. He even met her parents. He never took her out. He never would walk close to her. He always acted like she was just a friend, even introducing her as such. Never held her hand outside the house they lived in. She never understood why. He always told her it was because it was no one's business what went on in their lives...
She had to call him on his cell phone in the middle of one day because she needed some info before they could go through with the rest of a loan deal for a car or something. He answered the phone and in the background she heard loud and clear, "Hurry up baby, I need to fuck you now."
Lisa's parents helped her to move out the house away from her "dream boy." He was begging her to stay and that he will change. Typical.
I was so stuck dealing with the same exact situation, that I could not figure out what was wrong with all of this. Promise the world, but can not let anyone know they were ever with me. A never ending cycle of players that I do not deserve. But she ended up with the master. Cuz it took an emergency call for her to find out after years. Poor Lisa.
She was very messed up from what had occurred. She was calling me to say good-bye. She did this to herself. It is lame. It is a harsh and selfish way to deal with things. But, when you lose the only thing in the world that you were looking for in the first place after you have had it for so long, it can drive any human mad. I do not hate her for it. If only you could hear her voice when she spoke of it. He showed up to the funeral shocked. And then got kicked out by all. I am glad I was not there.
All her encouragement was almost a kick in the head. I don't know what to do with myself, the player magnet. Same thing happened to me, but I was a bit more stronger.
It is sad to see all these guys just toy around with women as if they were holes to fuck. It happens to the best of us. The one's that are not trying to play around and be jerked around seem to be the best targets for these guys. So how do we know when we find someone to relate to and trust to be with just us? I will never know. There are women out there for players--->The player women. Why can't they just stick together? The reason why some of us girls save our holes for a long time in between relationships, is in the hopes that we are saving it for our compatible guy for a while. Someone to have good times with, share wonderful sex experience, engulf each other in our world at that time. Not to have a guy that shares juices with every hot hole that comes by. That is not the case.
but one sign of a player is they hide you. One massive sign. No public anything. I am not talking about kissing you or having sex in public. But, they will not even hold your hand. Take Lisa's dream nonsense, and also her advice. Do not give up, someone will be out there for you.
"...and he would not be ashamed to walk hand in hand with me through a crowd so everyone could see how happy he is to have such a jewel."