You Can't Put Your Arms Around A Memory
Title: You Can't Put Your Arms Around A Memory
Author: keepthexfaith
Pairing: OFCxOFC
Rating: M
Disclaimer: Not real, obviously. A figment of my imagination. Cut lyrics and inspiration stolen from Madina Lake - Adalia
Warnings:
Angst
Language
General depression
You Can't Put Your Arms Around A Memory
She stared blankly at the wall, not even aware as I walked into the room. Letting out a quiet sigh, the only sound audible other than her soft breathing, I sat at the edge of the bed. Tentatively, and agonizingly slow, I reached my hand out and touched hers. Her icy skin met mine for the briefest second and my heart leapt in my throat. Then she flinched away - just like she did every time - and just like every time, I could only watch and wait. I waited as she stared, as she shook from the sheer effort of holding everything in, but when the tears finally escaped I had to stand up. I couldn't stand to just sit there and watch as she fell apart. The silence stretched out, broken only by the occasional sob bursting out of her, and it worked its way into my chest and grabbed hold of my heart, making my chest and throat ache like it was me who was crying. She didn't even turn as I stood up, and as I started to walk out of the room I glanced back to see if she had even noticed my presence. Nothing. I swallowed hard, murmured a goodbye and opened the door. The light flooded in from the hallway and she closed her eyes gently, tears still sliding down her pale face. I walked out, shutting the door quickly to allow her to retreat back into her darkness.
I loved her.
When she finally emerged hours later, her eyes flickered up from the floor briefly as she saw me standing near the stove. I could still see the faint streaks down her face where tears had spilled recently, but I bit my lip and chose to day nothing, deciding I wanted to cook one thing that wouldn't end up burnt.
"You can't cook."
I dropped the spatula in my hand when I heard her voice, completely shocked that she actually spoke. Her voice cracked painfully and I could tell that every word was forced out, but the fact that she had made the effort just made my heart surge. I turned around and walked over to her quickly, taking her hand and lacing our fingers, almost able to look past the tiny flinch. Almost. I smiled slightly but it didn't make it to my eyes. She looked up, and her brows furrowed slightly as her normally flat expression grew confused. I laughed it off quickly and just hugged her, trying to ignore the sound of my heart breaking as she tensed up in my arms. After a moment, I released her from the ordeal, only to find her staring at the stove, tears welling up again.
"Huh-- oh shit!" It took me a second to notice the smoke drifting out of the frying pan, and I walked over, dumping the charred remains of the omlette into the bin. I breathed out softly, pushing my hair back off my face, then my eyes met with hers again, ready to come out with some sort of optimistic brush-off of the incident, but she beat me to it.
"Caity..." The second time she was speaking in a day? I nodded quickly in encouragement, but then she bit down on her lip hard, her voice shaking now, "I'm sorry." She disappeared from the room just as fast as she had appeared, and I was left wondering whether maybe I had imagined her completely.
~
I tried to breathe, but all I could do was gasp desperately. Everything closed up around me and all I knew was that I had to get help. I knew she could help me, she always did, but when she walked in I just shut down. My mind went blank and I wanted to talk to her. Everything about her was so bright; she just shone life and colour, and then there was me. I know she loves me. I know she's trying to help.
But all I want is for everything to end.