I Caught Fire
Title: I Caught Fire
Author: keepthexfaith
Pairing: FrankxGerard
Rating: NC-17
Disclaimer: Not real, obviously. A figment of my imagination. Lyrics/Title/Inspiration I Caught Fire - The Used
Warnings:
Sex
Language
Violence
Character death
I Caught Fire
Seemed to stop my breath.
My head on your chest.
Waiting to cave in.
From the bottom of my.
From the first time I saw him, I wanted to know more about him. I’m not going to say anything really clichéd like I fell in love with him at first sight. But he had this amazing mystery surrounding him, and I wanted to find out about it. I decided one day, during lunch that I would go to talk to him, using the false pretences of needing a lighter. We sat there smoking in silence for a while, until I thought that it was too quiet.
“You have gorgeous eyes, you know.” I said, as a sort of introduction, holding out a hand in a joking fashion, “I’m Frank by the way.”
“Well, you have nice eyes too. And I’m Gerard.” He replied, smiling and shaking my hand slowly, not letting go until the very last minute.
He literally took my breath away,
Hear your voice again.
Could we dim the sun?
And wonder where we've been.
Maybe you and me.
Three days (and 16 cigarettes) later, he asked for my number.
“Um in case, you know, you wanna hang out after school or something?” He asked nervously.
“Oh okay, its…” I said, writing down the number on his hand.
“Thanks, what are you doing after school today?”
“Nothing, nothing and oh yeah, nothing. Why?” I asked curiously.
“Well, do you, uh, want to meet up?” He asked, not as nervous as before.
“Yeah, why not? Whereabouts do you live?” I said, smiling warmly.
“Just up the road, so I’ll give you a call after school, okay?” He said, barely able to hide the excitement in his voice.
At some point during Sport we snuck off to have more cigarettes, as if the teacher would notice, or care, anyway.
I suddenly felt really tired, and before I knew it I was asleep.
I woke with a jump, realizing I was sleeping on his legs, with the sun in my eyes. Not only were my eyes hurting from the sun, but also it was embarrassing.
But he didn’t mind. He just said, “So, I’ll call you later. Can’t wait to hear you again,” with a smile, and walked off to his next class.
So kiss me like you did.
My heart stopped beating.
Such a softer sin.
I’m melting.
I’m melting in your eyes.
I lost my place.
Could stay a while.
We met up at a local park two streets away from me, and three from him. It turned out he lived just round the corner.
We walked to the park with our mp3’s on, our hands touching occasionally.
Every time his hand touched mine, it felt like my heart skipped a beat.
I was definitely certain that I liked him, but I wasn’t sure whether he liked me back, or if he was even gay. I needed to find out the latter first, so I wore my ‘Homophobia Is Gay’ top that is, rather ironically, bright pink. I figured that I could guess his sexual orientation by his reaction to it, but he simply giggled at the joke, and asked where I wanted to go. He could still be gay or straight. Test number one hadn’t helped at all.
While we were on the swings together, I contemplated just kissing him, but that might scare him off, and that would be sad, because he was the first real friend in a long time.
I pulled him over to the slide, a new idea hitting me suddenly. I pushed him up before me, judging at how much force I would need to get the right speed.
I sat on the slide, with him practically on my lap, and I pushed off with as much force as I could get, my arms wrapped around him tightly. We didn’t get up quick enough at the end of the slide. We landed on the ground, all the air knocked out of me as I managed to land on top of him. He rolled over so that our chests were touching. I figured that if he was straight, he would get up quickly, apologizing. Instead he lay there quietly for a while, before looking at me. Ignoring any worries or doubts about his reaction, I leant down and kissed him. At first he didn’t react, shocked I guess, but after a few seconds he kissed me back, opening his mouth slightly. My tongue crept into his mouth slowly, afraid of taking things too far, too fast.
You could stay and watch me fall
And of course I'll ask for help
Just stay with me now
I heard someone mutter, “Disgusting,” in the background. But I didn’t care.
I lost myself in our kiss, no longer aware of my surroundings, until I felt something push me off him. I opened my eyes to find him being punched in the face by some older man, shouting abuse like, “I’ll teach you to be a fucking fag”. He looked about 35.
It was his dad.
I jumped on his back, pulling the man away from Gerard, screaming, “Get off him!”
He fell over backwards, landing on me and knocking the breath out of me for the second time in the space of about 10 minutes. I pushed him off me and he walked off, shaking his head.
I jumped up, running towards Gerard.
“Are you okay? I’m so sorry. It’s all my fault.” I said, tears sliding down my face at his already bruising cheek.
“It’s okay, it’s not your-”
“Yes it is,” I interrupted, “This never would have happened if I hadn’t kissed you.”
“I don’t care about that, he was bound to find out anyway. But I’m glad you kissed me. I’m guessing that means you’re gay?” He asked curiously.
“Yeah, what about you?” I sighed, relieved that he didn’t hate me for it.
“Bi myself, but I prefer guys generally.” He replied, also sounding relieved at my answer.
“Fair enough.”
“You want to go to a different park? One further away from our houses?” He asked me.
“Yeah, let’s go.” I said, pulling him up off the floor. As I went to let go, he held on to my hand. Taking this as a hint, I laced my fingers with his, and we walked off holding hands.
Even when it started to rain we carried on walking.
We didn’t need to go home. We didn’t need to find shelter. We just needed each other.
And I'm melting
In your eyes
Like my first time
That I caught fire
Just stay with me
Lay with me
Four days later, I officially asked him out. He thought for a moment, before asking me, “Do your parents know you’re gay?”
“Yeah, they are fine with it, they’re really supportive.” I answered.
“Would you want me to tell mine?” He asked uncertainly.
“Oh, no! You don’t need to tell them anything about us until you’re ready.” I said, smiling encouragingly, “ So what’s your answer then?”
“Hmm,” He said, pretending to consider it, “Oh go on then.”
We kissed, right there in the middle of school. No one noticed, we were the rejects of the school, but it made us feel more open about our relationship.
Smiling we held hands, not unlike the first time we kissed, as we walked into our science class, ignoring the stares and whispers.
Because we were truly happy.
We could take our heads off,
Stay in bed.
Just make love that's all.
Just stay with me now.
Two months later, and I could honestly say that I was in love. I didn’t know how I knew, I didn’t know whether he felt the same way, but I knew I was in love. He was staying over my house one night, my mum was away, and his mum was on a business trip. His mum had kicked out his dad a few nights after the park incident. We ordered a pizza, and while I was looking for drinks, I found my mum’s alcohol stash. I walked back into the front room, with two bottles of vodka and two shot glasses. His eyes lit up when he saw the alcohol. I put it down and went back out and getting more, another bottle of vodka and two bottles of bacardi. After a bottle each in less than 15 minutes, we were completely pissed off our faces. Yet we kept on drinking. Within half an hour we had finished the bacardi and only had one vodka bottle left. We played truth or dare with vodka shots. The rules were, you took one shot before and after you had done the dare or answered the question.
“Okay, truth or dare?” He asked me.
“Um…dare.” I said giggling nervously.
“Okay, I dare you to… I dare you to,” He said thinking, before leaning over to my ear and whispering, “I dare you to let me fuck you.”
“No.” I replied firmly.
“But you have to, it’s a dare!” He whined.
“I will not let you ‘fuck’ me I said, standing slowly and pulling him up with me, giggling at the girlish pout on his face, “But I will make love to you.” I finished, smiling slowly at him, as he smiled back.
We walked to my room, bringing the leftover vodka with us and locking the door so my mum wouldn’t walk in on us the next morning. Finishing off the vodka, I dropped the bottle on my chair and slowly kissed him.
He started trying pull my pants off hurriedly, but I stopped him.
“We have all night, we shouldn’t rush this.” I whispered.
He agreed, putting his arms around my neck and tangling his fingers in my hair as I leaned in for another kiss, our tongues slowly exploring the other’s mouth.
After a while I moved my hands from his waist to his t-shirt, pulling it up and over his head, before pulling mine off to and dropping the two tops in a pile on the floor. He gradually pushed me towards the bed, lying on top of me when we finally reached it.
We lay there kissing for a little while longer, before his hands slowly crept down to my belt. This time I didn’t stop him, unbuttoning his pants at the same time.
Slowly we kicked off our jeans, and were left just in our boxers.
If there was any going back, now was the time to do it.
“Are you sure you want to do this?” He asked uncertainly, “It’s not just the alcohol, is it?”
“No, no. I’ve wanted to for a while now, I just haven’t got up the courage to ask until now.”
“Oh okay, just as long as you’re sure.” He replied.
“Yes I’m certain.” I assured him.
“I love you.” He whispered.
Surprised, I whispered back, “I love you too.
We continued to undress, until we were both fully naked, and for a second I stopped to look at him. This was the first time that we had seen each other naked.
I thought it would have been more awkward than it was, but it was surprisingly comforting.
It was more than just sex. We were sharing our love for each other in the most intimate way possible.
He went slowly, he didn’t want to hurt me. He rolled a condom on, glancing at me to make sure I was still okay with it. I smiled back.
He slowly rubbed the lubricant on, and prepared me for what was about to happen.
What if it hurts so badly that I can’t cope? Will he keep going? Will he stop if I ask him to?
So many questions clouded my brain, that I didn’t even realize when he finished preparing me.
He looked at me, and asked me one last time, “Are you sure about this?”
I nodded slowly, still worried as he started to push into me. Oh fuck, it hurts more than I thought it would. He didn’t seem to notice the small whimper of pain at first, but he did notice the blood.
“Oh shit. I made you bleed. I’m sorry. I’m so sorry Frank. We can stop if that’s what you want.” He immediately started worrying.
“It’s okay. Just, you know, do it.”
“Are you sure?” He asked again.
“I love you.”
That was all the reassurance that he needed.
He carried on thrusting into me. Most of the time it would just hurt. No it wasn’t really pain, just a burning sensation. But it was worth it for him.
That night we fell asleep in each other’s arms, not caring about anything. Just the fact that we had each other was enough to put us asleep.
We woke up to my mum knocking on the door, shouting about how I should ask before drinking the vodka next time. Surprisingly I didn’t have a hangover, but that was more than could be said for Gerard. We got up slowly, and I shouted to mum that he stayed the night and he needed to borrow some clothes off me.
As soon as I told her his name she realized who it was and left us alone very quickly. I laughed at that, kissing him on the cheek.
“How are you feeling?” He asked nervously, “I mean, does it still hurt?”
“A little bit, it’s more uncomfortable than painful really. But I’m fine.” I said with a smile, “I love you.”
“I love you too.” He smiled.
I was so afraid of it hurting last night. I think I bled a bit, and he knew it hurt, but I told him to keep going, so he did.
I was so worried about it, but in the end it happened so naturally I didn’t think about it.
After we had both had showers and gotten changed, we went downstairs for breakfast holding hands.
My mum smiled as she finished off making toast, and put it on the table.
“You must be Gerard, it’s nice to finally meet you. Frank’s told me so much about you.” She said, hugging him and kissing his cheek, “I hope you’ll be one to stick around, he’s had his heart broken before already.”
“Mum.” I said pointedly, to remind her that she had said she wouldn’t bring that up.
But then Gerard said something that made me fall in love with him even more.
“Don’t worry. I’m here to stay, I hope.”
Just stay with me
Lay with me
In your eyes
We had been dating for close on a year when it had happened.
After I told him that I loved him, he felt it was necessary to tell his mum about me. His mum was surprisingly accepting, greeting me with the same warmth my own mum had accepted Gerard.
One evening, we were walking back from the record store, I had bought the new Misfits album as a gift to celebrate our one year anniversary, and he had bought me a Beatles vinyl record.
As we were about to cross the road, he turned around to kiss me. We were so distracted in kissing that we didn’t see his dad in the car, driving faster and faster.
We only saw it when it was too late.
The car slammed into us at 130kmph, sending us flying into the air, and landing on the ground with a sickening crunch.
The car drove off, and I felt myself slowly slip into unconsciousness.
But just before I completely blacked out, I felt a hand in my own, and Gerard whisper, “I love you.”
“I love you too.” I managed to whisper. Then all I saw was blackness.
Let's sleep till the sun burns out
I'm melting in your eyes
I woke up in a bright white room. A doctor was standing next to me, telling the nurses around me I was waking up. Suddenly I began to freak out. Why were they all crowding round me? Where was Gerard? What happened?
I sat up quickly, but the blood rushed to my head and I got too dizzy to be able to stay up.
After the dizziness wore off, I sat up slowly.
“What happened?” I asked confusedly.
“You were hit by a car. Luckily you made it through with minor injuries. Can you tell me your name please?” He asked politely.
“Uh, yeah. I’m Frank, Frank Iero.” I answered, relieved that I was okay, but worried at the same time. Why didn’t they say anything about Gerard?
“Okay thanks.” The doctor said, walking out.
“Wait.” I called after him. He turned slowly, as if anticipating what I was about to say, “What about my friend? He was hit by the car too, wasn’t he?”
The doctor sighed before replying, “Yes, your friend was found too. However there were complications with his injuries. He was thrown into the air by the force of the car. He must have landed on his back or neck because he has come out of the accident with severe head, back and neck trauma.”
“Will…will he, you know, will he-” I stuttered, until the doctor finished for me.
“Make it? I can’t say at this point. But,” He said the last part a lot softer, a lot gentler, “The results of the tests don’t look promising so far. I’m sorry. Would you like to see him?”
I nodded slowly, unable to understand what was happening. Gerard couldn’t die. He just couldn’t.
The doctor led me through to ICU and then I saw him.
Gerard, my Gerard, was lying on a hospital bed surrounded in tubes and wires. And the bastard that done this was standing right next to him. He hadn’t seen me yet, so I stepped behind the curtain, listening to what he was saying.
“If you fucking survive this, I’ll just try again, you know that right? I’ll kill you and your fucking fag boyfriend. You better hope that neither of you wake up.” He whispered menacingly.
I waited for about 10 seconds, and then walked in, trying to pretend that I hadn’t overheard the conversation.
I glared at him as I walked in, but he grabbed me by the wrist and pulled me out of the room. Once outside he slammed me up against the wall, snarling in my ear, “If you tell anyone that it was me in that car, you’re dead. And so is the fag I have to call a son.” I just nodded dumbly.
He sneered then let me go, walking away. Rubbing my throat, I went back in to see Gerard.
When I walked in, there was a strange beeping noise coming from the machine. I had seen enough hospital shows to know that this wasn’t normal. I pressed the button to call for a nurse and she immediately paged two other doctors.
“He’s going into respiratory arrest,” She informed me quickly, “It would probably be better if you went outside, you don’t want to see this.”
But I stayed there. I couldn’t hold your hand, even when I could tell that you were at your last attempt at coming back to life.
I screamed and tried to get to you, but two nurses held me back. Then I broke down, sobbing into my arms as the doctors stated his time of death: 9:24pm.
I walked out of the hospital slowly. I couldn’t believe what had happened. But then, as I turned into the alleyway, I heard footsteps behind me. Turning sharply, I found myself staring at Garry Martin. He was holding a gun.
“Gerard’s gone. Now it’s your turn.” He muttered. I didn’t bother running as he squeezed the trigger. I didn’t scream or shout when the bullet lodged itself in my chest.
All I could think about is you.
Then he raised the gun again, this time pointing directly at my heart.
There was a moment’s hesitation from him as I made eye contact.
“Just fucking shoot me and get over it. Or are you too much of a…” I spat forcefully, trailing off the end teasingly.
“Too much of a what, fag? Tell me!” He shouted.
“Too much of a,” I said smiling, whispering the last word, “Pansy.”
When he squeezed the trigger this time, he aimed for my head.
And I knew it would be the last thing I see.
I shut my eyes, picturing your face.
Let's sleep till the sun burns out
I'm melting in your eyes.