I wrote fic.
I've been wanting to do something for the longest time - here it is. And wow, lol, it's pretty bleh, but I think it has its moments? :DD
Follow And Cut
bandfic, JongKey, one-sided OnKey
PG
SHINee in fandom. Yes, another one of those.
A/N: Over two years ago I read a fantastic fic by unrequitedangst called Database Unavailable, about the JE boys in fandom. Then, much later, I read Black_Goose's fic about SJ boys in fandom, The Internet is for Porn - both amazing and better than anything I could ever imagine writing. ♥ But I REALLY wanted to write one of SHINee in fandom, so I decided to give it a shot. Recently, I got the inspiration to write, and everything just flowed.
Then holdmeifyouwant pointed out that there were two fics of SHINee in fandom (one by heechul_oppa - SHINee Fic: Unknown and the other one by blahchiharu - Fold your paper hearts and wear it on your sleeves.) so I considered just quitting. But then I realized our fics were really different, and mine even touched on Twitter, Tumblr, and Formspring, so I might as well just continue it. And so I did.
A HUGE thanks to my bb hp_groupie, for giving me suggestions and telling me she actually liked this. Oh, and massive thanks to my Sexchu holdmeifyouwant, for searching for SHINee-in-fandom fics and going back and forth with me through PM's, reading all of the bits I sent her. ilu both a lot. ♥
OKAY LONGEST A/N EVER, CRYING.
*
Fandom never held too much appeal to Minho. He didn’t see the point in taking the time to make graphics or write fanfiction, especially when that time could be spent outside playing sports or hanging out with his friends. He mostly just kept to himself on livejournal, content with his small friends list, perfectly fine being unnoticed. He knew who the most “popular” people were, and had long since decided to stay away from them, since in his opinion they were nothing but elitist jerks. The only sort-of-popular person he knew was Onew, because Onew knew everyone.
And then one day, everything changed.
Minho met Jonghyun in a music download community when Jonghyun replied to his comment with “:O is that Coolio in your icon? OMG I LOVE COOLIO SFM. I didn‘t know he played soccer now :OOO”. He spent a couple of minutes staring at his icon of Thierry Henry, wondering how anyone could possibly mistake him for Coolio.
“Ah, no, it’s actually Thierry Henry - he plays for Barcelona?” Minho responded to Jonghyun’s comment, being as polite as he could. Really now, who didn’t know about Thierry Henry?
“omg okay. lol sorry omg T_T he just looks so much like Coolio. Are you sure he’s not Coolio? :O”
“Yeah, I’m sure.”
“omgggg” Jonghyun replied, using what Minho figured was his most shocked-looking icon.
Minho had seen Jonghyun around, but had always thought he was just a dick (which he kind of was, but only to some people - Minho would figure this out later) so when he discovered an endearingly stupid side to Jonghyun, he decided to friend him for the hell of it. Not long after that he was friended by Key, who he knew to be really close friends with Jonghyun, and Taemin, who friended whoever Key did.
Looking back, Minho would definitely blame that one comment he made with that one Thierry Henry icon for his current situation. Knee-deep in fandom, random people adding him on LJ all the time, and he suspected that Key secretly hated him, but he could never just cut Key since he genuinely liked Jonghyun and didn’t want to lose his friendship.
Fandom really sucked.
*
Key and Jonghyun were the resident BNF BFFs of fandom. They wrote massively popular fics - dedicated to each other of course, were married on livejournal the moment they found out it was possible, and had met a few times in real life and had the pictures to prove it. Nobody even bothered talking to either of them when they were talking to each other over twitter or in an aim chat, because they simply ignored everyone else.
Their friendship worked because Key was a gigantic bitch and Jonghyun was too much of an idiot to care, mostly just fascinated with how effortlessly cool and funny Key was. It also worked because, while Jonghyun wasn’t as cruel as Key, he was definitely a jerk. And they were both really vain.
So they would laugh over msn about the latest fandom drama, posting anything they found to be especially brilliant in their LJ’s, convinced that everyone needed to know exactly how great they both were.
Nobody really found their conversations even the least bit interesting, most of it was just Key bitching about celebrities and Jonghyun agreeing and laughing at whatever Key said. Everyone commented anyways, saying how “perfect” and "hilarious" they both were.
*
The problem with Taemin was that some people never knew when he was being serious about something, or when he was just messing with everyone and laughing at them in front of his laptop. He seemed sweet enough, but the fact that he was the only person Key was genuinely nice to made people suspect that there was more to him than his extreme politeness led them to believe. After all, the only other person Key was somewhat-nice to was Jonghyun, and he was a dick to most people.
Taemin knew this, and he used it to his advantage. He knew people wouldn’t dare question him, since the BNF of all BNFs - Key, considered him a close friend, and he knew Key himself wouldn’t question him because he thought Taemin was the most innocent, sweet, adorable person in fandom.
The whole situation made manipulating everyone really easy.
*
Onew - whose real name was actually Jinki, but nobody called him that - was easily the nicest guy in fandom, and one of the best icon-makers. He knew everyone, from the new people to the BNF’s, and everyone knew him. Even with his massive friends list and good quality icons, he still wasn’t considered a BNF. It could have been the fact that he had a habit of leaving random love comments in anon hate memes - unanon of course, replying to his own comments with the usual “omg oops, sorry about not being anon ^_^;” or the fact that he cross-posted his icon posts everywhere, and usually messed up his HTML, or it could have been the way he practically stalked all of Key’s posts, commenting first and ending each sentence with a heart. It was off-putting for most, and annoying as hell to Key. Whatever it was, Onew had somehow solidified his place in fandom as the-dude-who-is-kinda-cool-by-association-and-makes-good-icons-but-wtf-is-his-problem, and he was okay with that.
*
Once, Key actually cut everyone on his friends list except for Jonghyun and Taemin, after someone created a Key-centric hate meme under a sock puppet account (“There’s no way Mir didn’t start that shit,” Key complained to Jonghyun the night it happened over msn. “Taemin told me that he’s still mad from that one time I made him look like an idiot in that post. I’m sorry but, who doesn’t know that Nana wasn’t an original member of After School? Really now.”) but in the end it was deemed a failed meme since Onew ruined it with a spam he called “101 things I love about Key ♥” and everyone just lost interest.
Weeks later, in a webcam chat with Minho at around one in the morning, Taemin finally confessed to being the one who started the meme, knowing that Minho wasn’t one to gossip.
When asked why, Taemin smiled widely and said, “I was just really bored that day.”
Minho could only shake his head.
*
The first fic Key wrote, before he and Jonghyun started writing fics together, was a drabble which centered around a love triangle in Jonghyun’s favorite group, 2PM. He made sure to clearly state in the authors note that he wasn’t a huge fan of 2PM, so if any characterizations were off that it really wasn’t his fault and all of the fault should be on Jonghyun for endlessly pestering him to write a 2PM fic even though he a) didn’t write fic and b) didn’t care for 2PM.
The drabble got eighty-nine comments. Lots of them were from Jonghyun, who, in an epic achievement of ultimate spamming, somehow managed to post twenty comments with quotes, even though the fic was only a hundred and fourteen words. All of the other comments were full of adoration and praise, especially Onew’s, whose comment was a blinking heart in the biggest font Key had ever seen.
Of course, Key only replied to Jonghyun, Taemin, Amber, and Krystal’s comments.
*
When Minho’s friend Eunhyuk suggested he start using Tumblr, he didn’t really see the point. He spent the first couple days not really knowing what to do, but when he finally did figure the website out he was a tiny bit hooked. He acquired a few followers in his first week, most of them like-minded soccer fans on his friends list, and decided to introduce Jonghyun to it. Before long Jonghyun linked Key, who linked Taemin, and a month later pretty much everyone in fandom had a Tumblr.
Two hundred and fifty three followers later and Minho was still posting pictures of Barcelona players, liking and reblogging the occasional celebrity photo posted by Jonghyun, who really just reblogged everything that Key posted, claiming that Key’s snarky comments under the photos were “too perfect not to reblog!”. Taemin liked reblogging all of the trick photos he could find, and Onew posted lots of nice, inspirational things that nobody really paid much attention to, along with reblogs of Key’s posts, with his own “LOL ♥” below lots of Key’s comments. He even had a “♥” tag, and nobody was shocked to see that all of the posts under “♥” were things reblogged from Key‘s Tumblr.
“I demand to know why you didn’t tell me about this website the moment you discovered it,” Key asked Minho over Twitter as he posted the latest Lady Gaga photos to his Tumblr. “Actually, I should have found it before you did. I mean, it’s ME. :/”
“Yeah, Minho, you should have told Key first. D:” Onew butt in, earning himself a quick “gtfo” from Key.
“lol, Okay~ ^^” Onew replied, and went back to making puns with the trending topics.
“Selfishness is what it is,” Key continued, letting Minho feel all of his indignant and well-deserved wrath. “You just wanted to keep Tumblr to you and your little soccer buddies. I don’t like you anymore, I think I’ll cut you.”
Two minutes went by and still no reply. Ten minutes and nothing from Minho. Key had at that point abandoned Tumblr in favor of furiously refreshing Twitter, waiting for Minho to reply. When a good while had passed and still no reply from Minho, Key decided to just start spamming his @replies.
“Minho.”
“Minho!”
“Hey, manwhore.”
“Why aren’t you replying.”
“Where are you :/”
“Ugh, I hate you so much.”
“Are you jacking off over that one soccer player’s poster you bought? omg you are aren’t you? eww.”
“Wtf really now. How dare you ignore me.”
“Who do you think you are?”
“I HATE YOU SO MUCH.”
About an hour later Minho finally replied to Key with “wth, Key, I was on the phone with my friend, you didn’t have to freak out.”
“…Freak out?” Key said, obviously still quite pissed off. “I didn’t freak out. but yeah w/e you could have said something if you were leaving.”
“Well I‘m here now. Are you really that upset about the Tumblr thing? It‘s no big deal.”
“Oh whatever idgaf about Tumblr. And yeah, I don’t want to talk to you anymore okay, leave me alone.”
“:/” Minho replied.
“I’ll talk to you, Minho~ :D” Jonghyun said, trying to break the tension a bit when he saw nobody tweeting for a few minutes.
“No you won’t.” Key told Jonghyun.
“T_T” Jonghyun replied to Key.
“Why don’t you let go of his balls for like, three seconds? :/” Minho asked Key. “God you’re like a possessive chick. Are you sure you’re not on your period or something?”
Jonghyun said “:O” to nobody in particular, Onew stopped making jokes out of trending topics and just stopped tweeting, and Taemin @replied to both Minho and Key with “lmfaoooo”
*
Onew joined the Big Bang rating community and pimped his post all over the place more than once, telling everyone to “Plz rate!!! ^_^” and everyone who knew him knew he was secretly hoping to be rated as Taeyang.
All twenty-four people who rated him said he was most like Daesung. A couple of people had even commented with things like, “Daesung, only mentally challenged.” and “A fail version of Daesung, definitely.”
When Jonghyun posted to the Big Bang rating community, he was shocked and more than a little disappointed to see that he only got four votes.
“Taeyang,” Key commented, using his favorite Taeyang icon. “You’re both short as shit.”
The rest of the votes were from Minho, Taemin, and Onew, and all of them were for Taeyang.
Jonghyun looked at his f-list of over a hundred and fifty people and frowned.
*
When Key discovered Formspring it took him about two minutes to create an account, link Jonghyun, Taemin, and Onew to it, and demand that the three of them say nothing to Minho. He was still a little bitter over the whole Tumblr thing, so he decided that Formspring was the perfect tool for his revenge.
It took Jonghyun about two minutes to fill his inbox with spam and make Key regret ever discovering Formspring.
“KEY, I ACCIDENTALLY TURNED ON BIGCAPS SOMEHOW AND I DON’T KNOW HOW TO TURN IT OFF AND NOW EVERYONE THINKS I‘M YELLING AT THEM. HELP? T-T”
“okay nvm Minho helped me lol.”
“Hay favorite person on the planettttt~”
“In terms of sexual positions, I’d be the key and you’d be the lock. Get it? Get it? ;D”
“Fingernails are stupid.”
“I wish I could make cornrows with my pubes. How wicked would that be omfg.”
“So milk comes from cows right? But where do cows come from? Besides, like, other cows.”
“I like Japanese candy.”
“why did god give me big nostrils?”
“Did you know Minho used to have an icon of Coolio? He deleted it before you added him, it was EPIC.”
“ilu~*~*~”
“Today I swallowed like fifteen watermelon seeds. Is a watermelon gonna grow inside my stomach now? T_T AM I GONNA DIE?”
After deleting all of the spam, Key told Jonghyun to limit his Formspring questions to actual questions, and to only ask stuff he thought Key would ask. Things went a lot smoother from then on.
And then, two days later, Minho saw their answers to questions on Tumblr and Twitter.
“Oh, so you guys found formspring,” he tweeted to Key, “I made an account a couple of weeks ago but got bored really fast because I didn’t know how to answer Leeteuk’s weird questions.”
“Oh, I see.” Key replied.
“I’m Charisma6380. I’ll follow you guys right now.” He said, clearly not bothered by being out of the loop.
“Okay.”
While Minho went through all of their Formsprings following everyone, Key raged to Jonghyun over msn about how Minho was “SERIOUSLY TRYING TO RUIN MY FUCKING LIFE.”
*
Onew went through a phase where he tried to start a number of “Reblog if..” posts on Tumblr. Most of them were ignored; “Reblog if you could live off fried chicken!”, “Reblog if you’ve fallen on your face today T_T”, “Reblog if you looooooooooooove disney songs~~” were among the posts that had less than five reblogs, if any. The one and only big “Reblog if..” post he made ended up with over one hundred notes, but Onew wouldn’t consider it a complete success. It was a post asking people to “Reblog with your closest online friend!” and onew put “KEY ♥”. Key immediately reblogged it with “who are you? :/”, and most of the notes ended up being people liking it and reblogging with things like “lol” and “burn”
*
When someone anonymously posted a picture of Jonghyun and Key kissing, that Key had posted in a locked entry on his LJ just days before, Minho immediately asked Taemin if he did it.
Taemin denied it, saying “I really wish I’d thought of that, though. Someone out there is even more ruthless than me. D:”
Onew swore to find out who posted the picture, claiming that the Key and Jonghyun thing didn’t bother him, even though he replied to the photo in the meme, accidentally un-anon of course, with a long string of <\3’s.
In the end it didn’t really matter who did it, since Key didn’t demand the person to come forward as he usually did, and he didn’t make any accusations either. He simply did a reverse-friends cut on lj and asked anyone who didn’t like him to cut him.
In the end, nobody defriended Key and instead the reverse-friends cut post turned into a spam post, with everyone hating on “the evil bitch anon” and telling Key that he was “sexy” and “how could anyone ever consider cutting you?”
Nobody ever suspected Key of posting the picture in the meme himself.
He couldn’t really be blamed. After all, they both looked hot in that photo, and nobody had mentioned Key at all in the previous seven pages of the meme. It was ridiculous.
*
Taemin loved Formspring.
He got questions from everyone, a very limited about of anon hate, and at least two declarations of love a week. That wasn't what he loved about it, though. What he loved most was messing with his friends under the cloak of anonymity and seeing how it affected them when they bitched about it over Twitter. He especially enjoyed when Key complained, since he knew that Key loved the attention anon hate brought him, and that he wouldn’t have it any other way.
“wtf guys, some anon on FS just called me a gay attention whore :/” Key announced on Twitter to his one hundred and forty three followers.
“Oh, wow, another anon comment you guys, right after that one.” Key said. “They told me I have no sense of fashion. SRSLY?”
“I AM THE BEST DRESSED PERSON IN FANDOM OKAY. I was voted as such. Someone needs a lesson in fashion, like, asap.”
“Kiss my perfectly shaped ass, anon.” Key continued to tweet, pointedly ignoring Onew’s 100-heart tweets.
Taemin sipped his orange soda and watched the supportive tweets roll in from the people they were both following. Of course, everyone knew Key definitely was a gay attention whore, but that didn’t stop anyone from telling Key it was 100% false and assuring him that whoever said it must be jealous.
Taemin wasn’t jealous. He just liked fucking with people.
“Haters gonna hate~” was what Sulli said. She wasn’t one to suck up to Key too much, like most other people did. Taemin liked her.
“It’s not your fault people like you so much! D:” Taemin tweeted to Key. “And I’m totally jealous of your fashion sense. Ugh. Some people need to grow up.”
After he read Key’s response, about how his “little Taeminnie is too innocent and shouldn’t be bothered with things like ~internet drama~”, Taemin quickly screencapped Key’s bitchfit at the anon.
It would get lots of comments in the hate meme.
*
Jonghyun didn’t think much of Onew until the day he was actually bored enough to go through Onew’s youtube account. At the very last page of his uploads, after tons and tons of three-second amateur claymation videos Onew made with his friend Hyoyeon, was a video of Onew singing A Whole New World to the camera. The video itself only had fourteen views, and Jonghyun knew it had nothing to do with Onew’s singing ability (which was incredible) and everything to do with the mountain of ridiculous claymation videos before it. He didn’t stop to rate the video, or even let it finish, before jumping over to twitter.
“HEY!” Jonghyun said to Onew. “Why didn’t you tell me you could sing so good?”
“Huh?” Onew replied.
Jonghyun linked Onew to his own video, which Key RT’d, and before long everyone was watching the video and complimenting Onew over twitter. Key even told Onew it “wasn’t horrible” which was a massive compliment coming from him. Jonghyun suspected that Onew immediately favorited the tweet.
“Ah, no, this is so humiliating T_T my voice is nothing special.”
“Omg stfu your voice is amazing,” Jonghyun admonished him. “We have to meet up and sing a duet, y/y?!?! DUETDUETDUETDUETDUETTTTTT!!1111”
“Oh, okay!!! ^^” Onew said to Jonghyun. “But. I asked you if you wanted to meet up a couple weeks ago and you said we shouldn’t…”
“Oh, right. idk tbh I was kinda scared of you? XD”
“What T____________T”
“Yeah, lol, the first time he came to my house he actually checked my closet to see if you were living in there.” Key said to Onew. “Well, he called you my ‘stalker-troll‘, but I totally knew who he was talking about.”
“T________________________________T” Onew tweeted to both Jonghyun and Key.
A few minutes later, Onew let everyone know, in a sentence with more sad faces than anything else, that someone gave his video one star. Taemin quickly replied to his tweet with, “Who would do such a thing? D:” and it seemed only Minho knew exactly who would do such a thing.
Everyone else just figured it was Key.
*
Once only known for his icons, html fail, and the fact that he seemed to stalk Key, Onew quickly became known for his singing as well. He took requests, and even posted a video of him and Jonghyun singing ‘Like A Man’ by Fly To The Sky. Onew had become a sort of sensation in fandom, some people even telling him to try out to be in an idol group. People seemed to forget why they considered him to be a bit of a weirdo in the first place.
And then Onew recorded himself singing Jessica Simpson’s ‘I Wanna Love You Forever’ to a drawing of a big Key he’d posted on his wall.
Key defriended Onew and didn’t add him back until a week later. It was the fourth time, and it wouldn’t be the last.
-------
okay idk. well, I had fun, lol, hope you did too. ♥
Follow And Cut
bandfic, JongKey, one-sided OnKey
PG
SHINee in fandom. Yes, another one of those.
A/N: Over two years ago I read a fantastic fic by unrequitedangst called Database Unavailable, about the JE boys in fandom. Then, much later, I read Black_Goose's fic about SJ boys in fandom, The Internet is for Porn - both amazing and better than anything I could ever imagine writing. ♥ But I REALLY wanted to write one of SHINee in fandom, so I decided to give it a shot. Recently, I got the inspiration to write, and everything just flowed.
Then holdmeifyouwant pointed out that there were two fics of SHINee in fandom (one by heechul_oppa - SHINee Fic: Unknown and the other one by blahchiharu - Fold your paper hearts and wear it on your sleeves.) so I considered just quitting. But then I realized our fics were really different, and mine even touched on Twitter, Tumblr, and Formspring, so I might as well just continue it. And so I did.
A HUGE thanks to my bb hp_groupie, for giving me suggestions and telling me she actually liked this. Oh, and massive thanks to my Sexchu holdmeifyouwant, for searching for SHINee-in-fandom fics and going back and forth with me through PM's, reading all of the bits I sent her. ilu both a lot. ♥
OKAY LONGEST A/N EVER, CRYING.
*
Fandom never held too much appeal to Minho. He didn’t see the point in taking the time to make graphics or write fanfiction, especially when that time could be spent outside playing sports or hanging out with his friends. He mostly just kept to himself on livejournal, content with his small friends list, perfectly fine being unnoticed. He knew who the most “popular” people were, and had long since decided to stay away from them, since in his opinion they were nothing but elitist jerks. The only sort-of-popular person he knew was Onew, because Onew knew everyone.
And then one day, everything changed.
Minho met Jonghyun in a music download community when Jonghyun replied to his comment with “:O is that Coolio in your icon? OMG I LOVE COOLIO SFM. I didn‘t know he played soccer now :OOO”. He spent a couple of minutes staring at his icon of Thierry Henry, wondering how anyone could possibly mistake him for Coolio.
“Ah, no, it’s actually Thierry Henry - he plays for Barcelona?” Minho responded to Jonghyun’s comment, being as polite as he could. Really now, who didn’t know about Thierry Henry?
“omg okay. lol sorry omg T_T he just looks so much like Coolio. Are you sure he’s not Coolio? :O”
“Yeah, I’m sure.”
“omgggg” Jonghyun replied, using what Minho figured was his most shocked-looking icon.
Minho had seen Jonghyun around, but had always thought he was just a dick (which he kind of was, but only to some people - Minho would figure this out later) so when he discovered an endearingly stupid side to Jonghyun, he decided to friend him for the hell of it. Not long after that he was friended by Key, who he knew to be really close friends with Jonghyun, and Taemin, who friended whoever Key did.
Looking back, Minho would definitely blame that one comment he made with that one Thierry Henry icon for his current situation. Knee-deep in fandom, random people adding him on LJ all the time, and he suspected that Key secretly hated him, but he could never just cut Key since he genuinely liked Jonghyun and didn’t want to lose his friendship.
Fandom really sucked.
*
Key and Jonghyun were the resident BNF BFFs of fandom. They wrote massively popular fics - dedicated to each other of course, were married on livejournal the moment they found out it was possible, and had met a few times in real life and had the pictures to prove it. Nobody even bothered talking to either of them when they were talking to each other over twitter or in an aim chat, because they simply ignored everyone else.
Their friendship worked because Key was a gigantic bitch and Jonghyun was too much of an idiot to care, mostly just fascinated with how effortlessly cool and funny Key was. It also worked because, while Jonghyun wasn’t as cruel as Key, he was definitely a jerk. And they were both really vain.
So they would laugh over msn about the latest fandom drama, posting anything they found to be especially brilliant in their LJ’s, convinced that everyone needed to know exactly how great they both were.
Nobody really found their conversations even the least bit interesting, most of it was just Key bitching about celebrities and Jonghyun agreeing and laughing at whatever Key said. Everyone commented anyways, saying how “perfect” and "hilarious" they both were.
*
The problem with Taemin was that some people never knew when he was being serious about something, or when he was just messing with everyone and laughing at them in front of his laptop. He seemed sweet enough, but the fact that he was the only person Key was genuinely nice to made people suspect that there was more to him than his extreme politeness led them to believe. After all, the only other person Key was somewhat-nice to was Jonghyun, and he was a dick to most people.
Taemin knew this, and he used it to his advantage. He knew people wouldn’t dare question him, since the BNF of all BNFs - Key, considered him a close friend, and he knew Key himself wouldn’t question him because he thought Taemin was the most innocent, sweet, adorable person in fandom.
The whole situation made manipulating everyone really easy.
*
Onew - whose real name was actually Jinki, but nobody called him that - was easily the nicest guy in fandom, and one of the best icon-makers. He knew everyone, from the new people to the BNF’s, and everyone knew him. Even with his massive friends list and good quality icons, he still wasn’t considered a BNF. It could have been the fact that he had a habit of leaving random love comments in anon hate memes - unanon of course, replying to his own comments with the usual “omg oops, sorry about not being anon ^_^;” or the fact that he cross-posted his icon posts everywhere, and usually messed up his HTML, or it could have been the way he practically stalked all of Key’s posts, commenting first and ending each sentence with a heart. It was off-putting for most, and annoying as hell to Key. Whatever it was, Onew had somehow solidified his place in fandom as the-dude-who-is-kinda-cool-by-association-and-makes-good-icons-but-wtf-is-his-problem, and he was okay with that.
*
Once, Key actually cut everyone on his friends list except for Jonghyun and Taemin, after someone created a Key-centric hate meme under a sock puppet account (“There’s no way Mir didn’t start that shit,” Key complained to Jonghyun the night it happened over msn. “Taemin told me that he’s still mad from that one time I made him look like an idiot in that post. I’m sorry but, who doesn’t know that Nana wasn’t an original member of After School? Really now.”) but in the end it was deemed a failed meme since Onew ruined it with a spam he called “101 things I love about Key ♥” and everyone just lost interest.
Weeks later, in a webcam chat with Minho at around one in the morning, Taemin finally confessed to being the one who started the meme, knowing that Minho wasn’t one to gossip.
When asked why, Taemin smiled widely and said, “I was just really bored that day.”
Minho could only shake his head.
*
The first fic Key wrote, before he and Jonghyun started writing fics together, was a drabble which centered around a love triangle in Jonghyun’s favorite group, 2PM. He made sure to clearly state in the authors note that he wasn’t a huge fan of 2PM, so if any characterizations were off that it really wasn’t his fault and all of the fault should be on Jonghyun for endlessly pestering him to write a 2PM fic even though he a) didn’t write fic and b) didn’t care for 2PM.
The drabble got eighty-nine comments. Lots of them were from Jonghyun, who, in an epic achievement of ultimate spamming, somehow managed to post twenty comments with quotes, even though the fic was only a hundred and fourteen words. All of the other comments were full of adoration and praise, especially Onew’s, whose comment was a blinking heart in the biggest font Key had ever seen.
Of course, Key only replied to Jonghyun, Taemin, Amber, and Krystal’s comments.
*
When Minho’s friend Eunhyuk suggested he start using Tumblr, he didn’t really see the point. He spent the first couple days not really knowing what to do, but when he finally did figure the website out he was a tiny bit hooked. He acquired a few followers in his first week, most of them like-minded soccer fans on his friends list, and decided to introduce Jonghyun to it. Before long Jonghyun linked Key, who linked Taemin, and a month later pretty much everyone in fandom had a Tumblr.
Two hundred and fifty three followers later and Minho was still posting pictures of Barcelona players, liking and reblogging the occasional celebrity photo posted by Jonghyun, who really just reblogged everything that Key posted, claiming that Key’s snarky comments under the photos were “too perfect not to reblog!”. Taemin liked reblogging all of the trick photos he could find, and Onew posted lots of nice, inspirational things that nobody really paid much attention to, along with reblogs of Key’s posts, with his own “LOL ♥” below lots of Key’s comments. He even had a “♥” tag, and nobody was shocked to see that all of the posts under “♥” were things reblogged from Key‘s Tumblr.
“I demand to know why you didn’t tell me about this website the moment you discovered it,” Key asked Minho over Twitter as he posted the latest Lady Gaga photos to his Tumblr. “Actually, I should have found it before you did. I mean, it’s ME. :/”
“Yeah, Minho, you should have told Key first. D:” Onew butt in, earning himself a quick “gtfo” from Key.
“lol, Okay~ ^^” Onew replied, and went back to making puns with the trending topics.
“Selfishness is what it is,” Key continued, letting Minho feel all of his indignant and well-deserved wrath. “You just wanted to keep Tumblr to you and your little soccer buddies. I don’t like you anymore, I think I’ll cut you.”
Two minutes went by and still no reply. Ten minutes and nothing from Minho. Key had at that point abandoned Tumblr in favor of furiously refreshing Twitter, waiting for Minho to reply. When a good while had passed and still no reply from Minho, Key decided to just start spamming his @replies.
“Minho.”
“Minho!”
“Hey, manwhore.”
“Why aren’t you replying.”
“Where are you :/”
“Ugh, I hate you so much.”
“Are you jacking off over that one soccer player’s poster you bought? omg you are aren’t you? eww.”
“Wtf really now. How dare you ignore me.”
“Who do you think you are?”
“I HATE YOU SO MUCH.”
About an hour later Minho finally replied to Key with “wth, Key, I was on the phone with my friend, you didn’t have to freak out.”
“…Freak out?” Key said, obviously still quite pissed off. “I didn’t freak out. but yeah w/e you could have said something if you were leaving.”
“Well I‘m here now. Are you really that upset about the Tumblr thing? It‘s no big deal.”
“Oh whatever idgaf about Tumblr. And yeah, I don’t want to talk to you anymore okay, leave me alone.”
“:/” Minho replied.
“I’ll talk to you, Minho~ :D” Jonghyun said, trying to break the tension a bit when he saw nobody tweeting for a few minutes.
“No you won’t.” Key told Jonghyun.
“T_T” Jonghyun replied to Key.
“Why don’t you let go of his balls for like, three seconds? :/” Minho asked Key. “God you’re like a possessive chick. Are you sure you’re not on your period or something?”
Jonghyun said “:O” to nobody in particular, Onew stopped making jokes out of trending topics and just stopped tweeting, and Taemin @replied to both Minho and Key with “lmfaoooo”
*
Onew joined the Big Bang rating community and pimped his post all over the place more than once, telling everyone to “Plz rate!!! ^_^” and everyone who knew him knew he was secretly hoping to be rated as Taeyang.
All twenty-four people who rated him said he was most like Daesung. A couple of people had even commented with things like, “Daesung, only mentally challenged.” and “A fail version of Daesung, definitely.”
When Jonghyun posted to the Big Bang rating community, he was shocked and more than a little disappointed to see that he only got four votes.
“Taeyang,” Key commented, using his favorite Taeyang icon. “You’re both short as shit.”
The rest of the votes were from Minho, Taemin, and Onew, and all of them were for Taeyang.
Jonghyun looked at his f-list of over a hundred and fifty people and frowned.
*
When Key discovered Formspring it took him about two minutes to create an account, link Jonghyun, Taemin, and Onew to it, and demand that the three of them say nothing to Minho. He was still a little bitter over the whole Tumblr thing, so he decided that Formspring was the perfect tool for his revenge.
It took Jonghyun about two minutes to fill his inbox with spam and make Key regret ever discovering Formspring.
“KEY, I ACCIDENTALLY TURNED ON BIGCAPS SOMEHOW AND I DON’T KNOW HOW TO TURN IT OFF AND NOW EVERYONE THINKS I‘M YELLING AT THEM. HELP? T-T”
“okay nvm Minho helped me lol.”
“Hay favorite person on the planettttt~”
“In terms of sexual positions, I’d be the key and you’d be the lock. Get it? Get it? ;D”
“Fingernails are stupid.”
“I wish I could make cornrows with my pubes. How wicked would that be omfg.”
“So milk comes from cows right? But where do cows come from? Besides, like, other cows.”
“I like Japanese candy.”
“why did god give me big nostrils?”
“Did you know Minho used to have an icon of Coolio? He deleted it before you added him, it was EPIC.”
“ilu~*~*~”
“Today I swallowed like fifteen watermelon seeds. Is a watermelon gonna grow inside my stomach now? T_T AM I GONNA DIE?”
After deleting all of the spam, Key told Jonghyun to limit his Formspring questions to actual questions, and to only ask stuff he thought Key would ask. Things went a lot smoother from then on.
And then, two days later, Minho saw their answers to questions on Tumblr and Twitter.
“Oh, so you guys found formspring,” he tweeted to Key, “I made an account a couple of weeks ago but got bored really fast because I didn’t know how to answer Leeteuk’s weird questions.”
“Oh, I see.” Key replied.
“I’m Charisma6380. I’ll follow you guys right now.” He said, clearly not bothered by being out of the loop.
“Okay.”
While Minho went through all of their Formsprings following everyone, Key raged to Jonghyun over msn about how Minho was “SERIOUSLY TRYING TO RUIN MY FUCKING LIFE.”
*
Onew went through a phase where he tried to start a number of “Reblog if..” posts on Tumblr. Most of them were ignored; “Reblog if you could live off fried chicken!”, “Reblog if you’ve fallen on your face today T_T”, “Reblog if you looooooooooooove disney songs~~” were among the posts that had less than five reblogs, if any. The one and only big “Reblog if..” post he made ended up with over one hundred notes, but Onew wouldn’t consider it a complete success. It was a post asking people to “Reblog with your closest online friend!” and onew put “KEY ♥”. Key immediately reblogged it with “who are you? :/”, and most of the notes ended up being people liking it and reblogging with things like “lol” and “burn”
*
When someone anonymously posted a picture of Jonghyun and Key kissing, that Key had posted in a locked entry on his LJ just days before, Minho immediately asked Taemin if he did it.
Taemin denied it, saying “I really wish I’d thought of that, though. Someone out there is even more ruthless than me. D:”
Onew swore to find out who posted the picture, claiming that the Key and Jonghyun thing didn’t bother him, even though he replied to the photo in the meme, accidentally un-anon of course, with a long string of <\3’s.
In the end it didn’t really matter who did it, since Key didn’t demand the person to come forward as he usually did, and he didn’t make any accusations either. He simply did a reverse-friends cut on lj and asked anyone who didn’t like him to cut him.
In the end, nobody defriended Key and instead the reverse-friends cut post turned into a spam post, with everyone hating on “the evil bitch anon” and telling Key that he was “sexy” and “how could anyone ever consider cutting you?”
Nobody ever suspected Key of posting the picture in the meme himself.
He couldn’t really be blamed. After all, they both looked hot in that photo, and nobody had mentioned Key at all in the previous seven pages of the meme. It was ridiculous.
*
Taemin loved Formspring.
He got questions from everyone, a very limited about of anon hate, and at least two declarations of love a week. That wasn't what he loved about it, though. What he loved most was messing with his friends under the cloak of anonymity and seeing how it affected them when they bitched about it over Twitter. He especially enjoyed when Key complained, since he knew that Key loved the attention anon hate brought him, and that he wouldn’t have it any other way.
“wtf guys, some anon on FS just called me a gay attention whore :/” Key announced on Twitter to his one hundred and forty three followers.
“Oh, wow, another anon comment you guys, right after that one.” Key said. “They told me I have no sense of fashion. SRSLY?”
“I AM THE BEST DRESSED PERSON IN FANDOM OKAY. I was voted as such. Someone needs a lesson in fashion, like, asap.”
“Kiss my perfectly shaped ass, anon.” Key continued to tweet, pointedly ignoring Onew’s 100-heart tweets.
Taemin sipped his orange soda and watched the supportive tweets roll in from the people they were both following. Of course, everyone knew Key definitely was a gay attention whore, but that didn’t stop anyone from telling Key it was 100% false and assuring him that whoever said it must be jealous.
Taemin wasn’t jealous. He just liked fucking with people.
“Haters gonna hate~” was what Sulli said. She wasn’t one to suck up to Key too much, like most other people did. Taemin liked her.
“It’s not your fault people like you so much! D:” Taemin tweeted to Key. “And I’m totally jealous of your fashion sense. Ugh. Some people need to grow up.”
After he read Key’s response, about how his “little Taeminnie is too innocent and shouldn’t be bothered with things like ~internet drama~”, Taemin quickly screencapped Key’s bitchfit at the anon.
It would get lots of comments in the hate meme.
*
Jonghyun didn’t think much of Onew until the day he was actually bored enough to go through Onew’s youtube account. At the very last page of his uploads, after tons and tons of three-second amateur claymation videos Onew made with his friend Hyoyeon, was a video of Onew singing A Whole New World to the camera. The video itself only had fourteen views, and Jonghyun knew it had nothing to do with Onew’s singing ability (which was incredible) and everything to do with the mountain of ridiculous claymation videos before it. He didn’t stop to rate the video, or even let it finish, before jumping over to twitter.
“HEY!” Jonghyun said to Onew. “Why didn’t you tell me you could sing so good?”
“Huh?” Onew replied.
Jonghyun linked Onew to his own video, which Key RT’d, and before long everyone was watching the video and complimenting Onew over twitter. Key even told Onew it “wasn’t horrible” which was a massive compliment coming from him. Jonghyun suspected that Onew immediately favorited the tweet.
“Ah, no, this is so humiliating T_T my voice is nothing special.”
“Omg stfu your voice is amazing,” Jonghyun admonished him. “We have to meet up and sing a duet, y/y?!?! DUETDUETDUETDUETDUETTTTTT!!1111”
“Oh, okay!!! ^^” Onew said to Jonghyun. “But. I asked you if you wanted to meet up a couple weeks ago and you said we shouldn’t…”
“Oh, right. idk tbh I was kinda scared of you? XD”
“What T____________T”
“Yeah, lol, the first time he came to my house he actually checked my closet to see if you were living in there.” Key said to Onew. “Well, he called you my ‘stalker-troll‘, but I totally knew who he was talking about.”
“T________________________________T” Onew tweeted to both Jonghyun and Key.
A few minutes later, Onew let everyone know, in a sentence with more sad faces than anything else, that someone gave his video one star. Taemin quickly replied to his tweet with, “Who would do such a thing? D:” and it seemed only Minho knew exactly who would do such a thing.
Everyone else just figured it was Key.
*
Once only known for his icons, html fail, and the fact that he seemed to stalk Key, Onew quickly became known for his singing as well. He took requests, and even posted a video of him and Jonghyun singing ‘Like A Man’ by Fly To The Sky. Onew had become a sort of sensation in fandom, some people even telling him to try out to be in an idol group. People seemed to forget why they considered him to be a bit of a weirdo in the first place.
And then Onew recorded himself singing Jessica Simpson’s ‘I Wanna Love You Forever’ to a drawing of a big Key he’d posted on his wall.
Key defriended Onew and didn’t add him back until a week later. It was the fourth time, and it wouldn’t be the last.
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okay idk. well, I had fun, lol, hope you did too. ♥