HAHA JOKES!
Hi there, I’m society’s view of the stereotypical college student. I am exactly the same as every single other college student in the nation. I eat pizza all day and get drunk every night. Even on Sundays. Yeah! Know why? Because I’m the stereotypical college student.
I have no goals or ambitions for the future. Sorry, but it just doesn’t matter to me. That’s why I rarely go to class, especially if it’s an early one seeing as how I rarely wake up before noon since I was up all night drinking beer and smoking the cannabis. Okay I lied, I was probably just on eBay buying rims for my sweet ’97 Dodge Stratus that I will later break many a law with. If I do decide to go to a class, I don’t pay attention because I am still in the high school mentality that not trying is fuckin’ awesome.
Beer! If there’s one thing I love, it is beer. Any amount and any brand of beer; but the more, the better obviously! I like to drink heavily and then ruin public property. I probably have at least one street sign hanging in my dorm room that I’ve stolen in a drunken stupor costing faithful tax payers tens of hundreds of dollars. I am basically a good for nothing hooligan.
I pop my collar because it’s pretty cool looking and wear a hat that says “Cocks” on it even though I don’t go to USC or even know what a gamecock is. I also enjoy wearing the infamous arm bands when not taking part in any type of physical activity, not realizing it makes me look like a dipshit.
I am so lazy that I rival the crippled for amount of routine exercise. Why do you think I eat microwavable food so much? It’s not because I prefer the taste of Philly cheese steak flavored hot pockets or strawberry milkshake pop tarts versus a home cooked meal, it is because I am the laziest person on the planet. If I didn’t need strength to get down on one knee to hit this beer bong right now, I wouldn’t even eat.
My favorite music is Dave Matthews and O.A.R., even if I don’t actually like listening to either, but I say that I do since everyone else does. Oh well, at least I can go to their shows with my boys and get mad blazed. I love using the word ‘mad’ preceding any word to show the extent to how much took place. Another example would be: my checking account is filled with some mad bank! That’s because I don’t pay for my own tuition though; I live close enough to my parents so I can usually go there when I need some cash or someone to do my laundry. LAUNDRY BAFFLES MY FUCKING MIND. I once tried to do laundry and I ended up in the hospital for two days. Yeah, dude, I don’t even know. It is probably related to my lack of general knowledge regarding simple hygiene though. An expiration date on food is a foreign concept, and similar to other foreign ideas (and culture), is ignored.
I am in a frat. My frat enjoys hazing incoming freshman by making them each murder a newborn infant before we finally gain any respect for them. Did you ever see Animal House or Old School? It’s a well known fact that those weren’t entertaining movies but true to life documentaries! It exactly portrays me as well as all of my friends during the course of our non productive lifestyles. We offer absolutely nothing to society, although we do recycle our beer cans from time to time. Man, we love beer!
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Hi there, I’m society’s view of the stereotypical college girl. I am exactly the same as every other college girl in the nation. I party all day while sleeping with random men every night, all while getting straight A’s. Yeah! Know why? Because I’m the stereotypical college girl.
You look familiar; maybe we’ve had a class together? Or maybe you’ve fucked me in a nearby bathroom after I heard some of your acoustic guitar… one of the two. What can I say? I’m a sucker for shitty played John Mayer songs and I, of course, mean that quite literally. Nothing turns me on more than a man strumming a guitar or sharing his feelings, which explains how my demographic is responsible for Jack Johnson having a career. I do have a bunch of John Mayer albums though, along with every other materialistic item ever sold.
I don’t work nor do I work out because what incentive is there for me to stay in shape when the guys I’m pursuing have standards that are lower than my GPA? Well, lower than that one semester when I wasn’t screwing the T.A. anyway. I have learned that boys will take almost anything without a Y chromosome unless of course they have consumed enough of their favorite beverage. (Beer!) But hey, a mouth is a mouth right?
When I’m not watching The Notebook, I enjoy giving insightful explanations about why I got the word ‘butterfly’ tattooed in Japanese on my lower pelvis. I believe it conveys personal strength by getting a tattoo that my parents aren’t aware of even though much of the student body is. After all, I am widely known on campus as the girl who opens wide.
I don’t have too many male friends because I don’t get along very well with ex-boyfriends, which is what every man in my life either was or will soon become. My best girlfriends, or should I say ‘my girlzz’, normally rotate in six week cycles before we get in a little fight regarding a trivial detail such as a borrowed hair dryer or me screwing her boyfriend before finally telling everyone behind her back what a two-faced bitch she is.
Did I mention that I crave more attention than your girlfriend? Who, by the way, is sooo not prettier than me. I constantly talk about how fat I am, in hopes that a boy will either give me compliments out of pure pity or subconsciously have his expectations of my body lowered. That way when he eventually sees me naked, he will be pleasantly surprised.
Another thing I like to do is make out with any girl, willing or not, at a party to try to reveal my wild side and see if I can out-slut other girls. Hopefully, it will make me come off as more of a flirty tease instead of the flirty whore that I am. I do this knowing full well I won’t even get a tank top like I would if I were on Girls Gone Wild. Unless you count a damaged reputation and herpes the same as a tank top, because then I guess it’s pretty much the same thing. But quite similar to the censor bubbles on Girls Gone Wild commercials, I leave the excited viewers disappointed as their dreams of a hot girl on girl make out session are crushed as I slobber all over some resisting woman’s forehead. Well, I better go… Laguna is almost on!