Pain, Sex and Love Chapter (5/?)
"Y-Yes.." Sho stuttered out they words like he was forcing them out. He wasn't really. More than anything did he want to say yes, over and over again, just, he wasn't good in these situations, ever.
"Really?" the other asked, hope flooding his eyes, that were now as bright as the sun. Sho stared into those beaming eyes, and repeated the word, one more time.
"Yes." without stuttering this time, and the other quickly and carefully lifted Sho in his arms, spinning him around.
"I love you. I love you. Oh, I fucking love you Sho!" the repeated phrase that was coming out of his mouth, nearly made Sho faint (or maybe it was the spinning.)
"Put me down now, Jun. You'll hurt me." Sho said quietly. Jun only laughed and obliged.
"I'm sorry. I wouldn't want to hurt my fiance now would I?" the comment made butterflies appear in Sho's stomach. He hoped Jun was feeling the same.
"No, you wouldn't." he commented, a bright smile lighting up his face, as Jun led Sho into his bedroom. Jun and Sho, at this moment they were at their happiest.
Sho carefully put the headphones on. He would know whats going on in Jun's life now, every part of it. The headphones were connected up to the computer, which were connected to a secret device he had placed on his lover. Sho wasn't creepy, he just had to make sure their relationship was real, and that Jun wasn't cheating. Of course, Jun didn't know about this, and hopefully, he would never find out. It was 1 month til the wedding.
He carefully listened in on Jun's conversation with his co-worker, Ryo Nishikido. He wasn't that weary of that guy, he knew Ryo definetely wasn't gay, anyway. Besides, someone like him couldn't take Matsumoto away from Sho.
"Hows you and your fiance doing anyway?" the question Ryo directed at Jun, made Sho jump in anticipation as he slowly awaited his lovers' answer.
"Ano.. Sho's been a little distant lately, actually."
'Have I been', Sho thought.
"And we don't really talk much after my work."
'I've never noticed', he thought.
"And the last time we had sex was the night I proposed.."
'Really? I wonder why?' he thought.
"Do you think something is wrong with you two?" Ryo proposed. Sho got very angry.
'Of course there isn't. You aren't even allowed an input in my relationship, at all.'
"I'm not sure. Guess I need to talk to him about it, huh? Then again, he was always the secretive one."
'There is no need to talk. We're fine.' Sho thought. Nothing was wrong in his eyes. And he really didn't want to have a serious conversation with Jun.
After a night of listening in on his lover's conversations, Sho started to get very tired. He knew Jun was on his way home anyway, so he decided to pack away. He cleared his desk, and secretly hid the computer files. Now, he was ready to go to sleep, and avoid Jun's lecture. Or so he thought.
As he got to his bed, dived deep under the covers, his sleepy head of hair lying on the comfortable pillow, the bedroom door swung open lightly, and a sweet, soft voice reached Sho's ears. Of course he would have this kind of luck.
"Sho-chan. I know your awake. Can we talk?" Matsumoto asked, worried that Sho would just ignore him and go to sleep anyway. But he needed this. Sho knew, he had no choice but to get up. He swiftly sat up, rubbed his eyes for effect and climbed out of bed, shoving his shorts on, and following Jun to the living room.
As they reached the comfortable place, Jun sat on a single chair, forcing Sho to sit alone on the couch. It was more uncomfortable now.
"W-What do you want to talk about?" the stuttering again, Sho hated himself for it. Now Jun knew he was worried, or extremely happy - thats what emotions struck the repeated letters. Jun sighed and leaned his elbows on his thighs.
"Us. I want to talk about us." Here we go, Sho thought. Jun stared deeply into Sho's eyes.
"Why?" Sho asked, and Jun sighed.
"Have you really not noticed?" he asked, hoping Sho knew exactly what he was talking about.
"Noticed what?" Sho couldn't help but pretend not to know. Hopefully, it would get this over with quicker.
"Come on Sho! We hardly talk, and when we do, its not for very long at all." Jun explained, his heart was aching as this all synched in.
"..I guess we don't." he replied, confirming Jun's statement.
"Your always distant nowadays. You should know I'm here for you always, everything you hold dear, I do too. Remember that, please." the heartbreaking sentence nearly brought a tear to Sho's eye.
"Yes, your right." he said. Jun wasn't finished.
"And when's the last time I got to touch you? Or even the other way around. I want this to be a physical relationship to." with the last sentence said, Jun hoped Sho would grasp it. Sho sighed.
"I know.. I'm sorry." he apologised. Jun stood up quickly and banged the table, hard. Sho jumped in surprise at his lovers' sudden violent action.
"I don't want you to fucking apologise!" he shouted, scaring Sho.
"..." Sho didn't know what he was supposed to do otherwise. Jun took a deep breath and sat beside the trembling Sho.
"I only want you." he whispered, his eyes closed as he began to lean into Sho. Sho immediately felt calmer as Jun's hands held softly onto his waist. "Only you." Jun said before his lips connected with Sho's. The kiss was sweet, and Jun couldn't remember when they had one this.. passionate and full of love. Sho forgot about everything in that moment, all he could think about was Jun's lips. Sho seperated from Jun to catch a breath.
"..I-I want you.." the seductive phrase that came out of Sho's mouth, pushed Jun. Now the thing that was on Jun's mind wasn't kissing.
"You can have me.. anywhere babe." he said as he pounced on Sho. "I love you." That night, was the night Sho was sure Jun loved him.
"You fucking bugged me?!" Jun shouted, and it broke Sho's heart. This wasn't meant to happen. Not at all.
"...um.." he couldn't answer. These situations - he just couldn't handle.
"I can't believe you! You don't trust me that fucking much?!" he shouted again.
"..Please stop shouting.." Sho whispered. No, this is not how its supposed to be.
"Stop shouting?! I'm your fiance, the one you supposedly love, yet you freaking creep on me, and stalk me?!" Jun shouted, he couldn't comprehend what Sho had been doing these past 4 weeks.
"I know.." again, not a full complete sentence could form from Sho.
"You're a freaking creep! I loved you! I really did, and i thought i could trust you, Sho!" both of their hearts were breaking as Jun said the heart-wrenching sentence. Sho frowned.
"..Loved?.." he whispered, not really wanting Jun to hear it, but he did.
"I don't know anymore. This.. this has crossed the line." he calmed down a little physically, but in his heart and mind, he didn't know if he could take much more.
"Don't.. s-say that.." Sakurai whimpered. "I didn't mean to hurt you, honestly." he confessed. Jun scoffed.
"You didn't mean to?! Are you fucking kidding me?!" The shouting began again. Sho couldn't take it anymore and a single crystal tear fell down his pale, trembling cheek.
"...What can I do?" he asked, wanting nothing more than to forget this incident ever happened.
".." Jun began to think. "Nothing. You can do absolutely nothing... I'm sorry .. Sakurai-san." he whispered, facing directly at Sho. Sho's heartbeat sped up.
"..No, no, no.." he whimpered, fearing the worst. Matsumoto's face was soon covered with a tear, and his eyes watered up, before the next and last sentence he would say, was said.
"I need to leave Sho. Don't come find me. We're over." he said, and with a swift movement, his engagement ring was laying on the sofa, as if it was mocking Sho. The door slammed and Sho broke down.
"..no, no, no... NO!" he screamed, his body shaking with tears, and his eyes reddening. "N-Not.. now.. not the n-night before o-our wedding.."
A month passed, and Jun had heard nothing of his ex-fiance. He pretended that was a good thing, but deep inside he wanted more than anything to hear Sho's sweet, careful voice. To be honest, he was scared in case something happened to Sho while he was gone - he had no one else. He only had Jun, and now he left him. But Jun kept reminding himself of what Sho had done, which in his thoughts, were even worse than cheating. He was in his new apartment, Jun had just settled in, and was now watching tv. Nothing good was on, but a certain program report caught his eye. It read 'Suicide of local in Tokyo, disturbing reasons'.
Jun stood up immediately as a photo was pasted in the screen.
"No way..." he whispered. The photo, was in fact one Jun had taken himself, and the man in the photo, was the one he was just thinking about. The report said 'It was an unknown man, but this photo was in his pocket. On the back, there was a name - Jun. If you are or know this man, please come and identify the body'. Quickly grabbing his coat, he rushed to the scene.
The police were everywhere, observers where quietly whispering about the tragic accident. Jun really didn't want to be the one to identify the body, yet he was the only one Sho had. He pushed through the observers until he reached a cop, who was trying to stop him from going anywhere near the accident.
"You cannot pass, sir." Jun groaned.
"I need to! I'm the fucking Jun you were talking about on TV! Now let me through." he shouted, and without a second thought, he was let through. Jun ran, he ignored the observers staring at him and pointing, and when he reached the scene - a body bag was the first thing he noticed. Jun couldn't stop the tears flowing from his eyes.
"N-No.." he said, as he reached down to unzip the top. Once the face was revealed, his heart stopped.
"Is this someone you know sir?" Jun paused. He didn't know how to react.
"..."
"We need to know, sir." the medic repeated. Jun looked up... And nodded. Before the medic could say anything else he said two words.
"Sakurai Sho." and he left without saying one more thing.
"Jun-chan! This place is a-mazing!" Aiba chanted. Jun chuckled as he saw Aiba run around the house like a big kid in a candy store.
"Be careful, Masaki." he said. Aiba radiated a shine, and Jun loved that about the man.
"Hai~!" the other shouted as he came back from wherever he went and joined Jun on the couch. Still observing, he noticed a pretty picture on the wall. Without notifying Jun, he went to examine.
"Kawaii~! Who's this Jun-chan?!" he asked, the beautiful man in the picture, looked simply amazing. Jun stood up and went over to Aiba. He examined the picture himself and gave out a small smile.
"This, is my ex-fiance." he said. Aiba's heartbeat stopped.
"Ex-fiance?" he asked. Jun threw his arm around Aiba's waist to reassure him.
"Yes. Sadly, he died a year ago, suicide." he said carefully, trying not to bring up any unwanted memories. Aiba's eyes saddened.
"Gomen ne, Jun-kun." he apologised.
"Yes, very sad. But let's go do something happier, eh?" Jun said, and Aiba quickly nodded.
"Really?! What are we going to do? Cook? Eat? Watch movies?!" he asked, dead excited already.
"I was thinking a little more about an activity that takes place in a bedroom.." he traced Aiba's back lightly.
Aiba smirked.
"..Making your bed!?" he shouted, gaining a hit from Jun.
"Not funny."
"I'm only joking, Jun-chan. Let's go!" he whispered into Jun's ear seductively.
The nights were lonely, and the days dull. There was absolutely nothing to do or to think about. There was no one to talk to, or even gossip about. All day and all night was the same routine. Lying on the rugged bed, thinking about nothing, watching the sun set and rise. Watching as the stars gracefully took charge of the sky until the big sun came and chased them lightly away.
It was like that, a daily routine, chasing away the rest of the years he had left, keeping out all the sorrow he had experienced and all the happy memories he wished never to think about. It was bliss for him.
He died, supposedly. He let it happen as it was the only way he could really move on. Jun had to know he died, and if he did, Sho felt much better. It was like he didn't exist anymore - no one would bother him and no one would think about him. It was bliss this way.
Yet it all changed when he saw Jun's new boyfriend.
Aiba Masaki.
"Really?" the other asked, hope flooding his eyes, that were now as bright as the sun. Sho stared into those beaming eyes, and repeated the word, one more time.
"Yes." without stuttering this time, and the other quickly and carefully lifted Sho in his arms, spinning him around.
"I love you. I love you. Oh, I fucking love you Sho!" the repeated phrase that was coming out of his mouth, nearly made Sho faint (or maybe it was the spinning.)
"Put me down now, Jun. You'll hurt me." Sho said quietly. Jun only laughed and obliged.
"I'm sorry. I wouldn't want to hurt my fiance now would I?" the comment made butterflies appear in Sho's stomach. He hoped Jun was feeling the same.
"No, you wouldn't." he commented, a bright smile lighting up his face, as Jun led Sho into his bedroom. Jun and Sho, at this moment they were at their happiest.
Sho carefully put the headphones on. He would know whats going on in Jun's life now, every part of it. The headphones were connected up to the computer, which were connected to a secret device he had placed on his lover. Sho wasn't creepy, he just had to make sure their relationship was real, and that Jun wasn't cheating. Of course, Jun didn't know about this, and hopefully, he would never find out. It was 1 month til the wedding.
He carefully listened in on Jun's conversation with his co-worker, Ryo Nishikido. He wasn't that weary of that guy, he knew Ryo definetely wasn't gay, anyway. Besides, someone like him couldn't take Matsumoto away from Sho.
"Hows you and your fiance doing anyway?" the question Ryo directed at Jun, made Sho jump in anticipation as he slowly awaited his lovers' answer.
"Ano.. Sho's been a little distant lately, actually."
'Have I been', Sho thought.
"And we don't really talk much after my work."
'I've never noticed', he thought.
"And the last time we had sex was the night I proposed.."
'Really? I wonder why?' he thought.
"Do you think something is wrong with you two?" Ryo proposed. Sho got very angry.
'Of course there isn't. You aren't even allowed an input in my relationship, at all.'
"I'm not sure. Guess I need to talk to him about it, huh? Then again, he was always the secretive one."
'There is no need to talk. We're fine.' Sho thought. Nothing was wrong in his eyes. And he really didn't want to have a serious conversation with Jun.
After a night of listening in on his lover's conversations, Sho started to get very tired. He knew Jun was on his way home anyway, so he decided to pack away. He cleared his desk, and secretly hid the computer files. Now, he was ready to go to sleep, and avoid Jun's lecture. Or so he thought.
As he got to his bed, dived deep under the covers, his sleepy head of hair lying on the comfortable pillow, the bedroom door swung open lightly, and a sweet, soft voice reached Sho's ears. Of course he would have this kind of luck.
"Sho-chan. I know your awake. Can we talk?" Matsumoto asked, worried that Sho would just ignore him and go to sleep anyway. But he needed this. Sho knew, he had no choice but to get up. He swiftly sat up, rubbed his eyes for effect and climbed out of bed, shoving his shorts on, and following Jun to the living room.
As they reached the comfortable place, Jun sat on a single chair, forcing Sho to sit alone on the couch. It was more uncomfortable now.
"W-What do you want to talk about?" the stuttering again, Sho hated himself for it. Now Jun knew he was worried, or extremely happy - thats what emotions struck the repeated letters. Jun sighed and leaned his elbows on his thighs.
"Us. I want to talk about us." Here we go, Sho thought. Jun stared deeply into Sho's eyes.
"Why?" Sho asked, and Jun sighed.
"Have you really not noticed?" he asked, hoping Sho knew exactly what he was talking about.
"Noticed what?" Sho couldn't help but pretend not to know. Hopefully, it would get this over with quicker.
"Come on Sho! We hardly talk, and when we do, its not for very long at all." Jun explained, his heart was aching as this all synched in.
"..I guess we don't." he replied, confirming Jun's statement.
"Your always distant nowadays. You should know I'm here for you always, everything you hold dear, I do too. Remember that, please." the heartbreaking sentence nearly brought a tear to Sho's eye.
"Yes, your right." he said. Jun wasn't finished.
"And when's the last time I got to touch you? Or even the other way around. I want this to be a physical relationship to." with the last sentence said, Jun hoped Sho would grasp it. Sho sighed.
"I know.. I'm sorry." he apologised. Jun stood up quickly and banged the table, hard. Sho jumped in surprise at his lovers' sudden violent action.
"I don't want you to fucking apologise!" he shouted, scaring Sho.
"..." Sho didn't know what he was supposed to do otherwise. Jun took a deep breath and sat beside the trembling Sho.
"I only want you." he whispered, his eyes closed as he began to lean into Sho. Sho immediately felt calmer as Jun's hands held softly onto his waist. "Only you." Jun said before his lips connected with Sho's. The kiss was sweet, and Jun couldn't remember when they had one this.. passionate and full of love. Sho forgot about everything in that moment, all he could think about was Jun's lips. Sho seperated from Jun to catch a breath.
"..I-I want you.." the seductive phrase that came out of Sho's mouth, pushed Jun. Now the thing that was on Jun's mind wasn't kissing.
"You can have me.. anywhere babe." he said as he pounced on Sho. "I love you." That night, was the night Sho was sure Jun loved him.
"You fucking bugged me?!" Jun shouted, and it broke Sho's heart. This wasn't meant to happen. Not at all.
"...um.." he couldn't answer. These situations - he just couldn't handle.
"I can't believe you! You don't trust me that fucking much?!" he shouted again.
"..Please stop shouting.." Sho whispered. No, this is not how its supposed to be.
"Stop shouting?! I'm your fiance, the one you supposedly love, yet you freaking creep on me, and stalk me?!" Jun shouted, he couldn't comprehend what Sho had been doing these past 4 weeks.
"I know.." again, not a full complete sentence could form from Sho.
"You're a freaking creep! I loved you! I really did, and i thought i could trust you, Sho!" both of their hearts were breaking as Jun said the heart-wrenching sentence. Sho frowned.
"..Loved?.." he whispered, not really wanting Jun to hear it, but he did.
"I don't know anymore. This.. this has crossed the line." he calmed down a little physically, but in his heart and mind, he didn't know if he could take much more.
"Don't.. s-say that.." Sakurai whimpered. "I didn't mean to hurt you, honestly." he confessed. Jun scoffed.
"You didn't mean to?! Are you fucking kidding me?!" The shouting began again. Sho couldn't take it anymore and a single crystal tear fell down his pale, trembling cheek.
"...What can I do?" he asked, wanting nothing more than to forget this incident ever happened.
".." Jun began to think. "Nothing. You can do absolutely nothing... I'm sorry .. Sakurai-san." he whispered, facing directly at Sho. Sho's heartbeat sped up.
"..No, no, no.." he whimpered, fearing the worst. Matsumoto's face was soon covered with a tear, and his eyes watered up, before the next and last sentence he would say, was said.
"I need to leave Sho. Don't come find me. We're over." he said, and with a swift movement, his engagement ring was laying on the sofa, as if it was mocking Sho. The door slammed and Sho broke down.
"..no, no, no... NO!" he screamed, his body shaking with tears, and his eyes reddening. "N-Not.. now.. not the n-night before o-our wedding.."
A month passed, and Jun had heard nothing of his ex-fiance. He pretended that was a good thing, but deep inside he wanted more than anything to hear Sho's sweet, careful voice. To be honest, he was scared in case something happened to Sho while he was gone - he had no one else. He only had Jun, and now he left him. But Jun kept reminding himself of what Sho had done, which in his thoughts, were even worse than cheating. He was in his new apartment, Jun had just settled in, and was now watching tv. Nothing good was on, but a certain program report caught his eye. It read 'Suicide of local in Tokyo, disturbing reasons'.
Jun stood up immediately as a photo was pasted in the screen.
"No way..." he whispered. The photo, was in fact one Jun had taken himself, and the man in the photo, was the one he was just thinking about. The report said 'It was an unknown man, but this photo was in his pocket. On the back, there was a name - Jun. If you are or know this man, please come and identify the body'. Quickly grabbing his coat, he rushed to the scene.
The police were everywhere, observers where quietly whispering about the tragic accident. Jun really didn't want to be the one to identify the body, yet he was the only one Sho had. He pushed through the observers until he reached a cop, who was trying to stop him from going anywhere near the accident.
"You cannot pass, sir." Jun groaned.
"I need to! I'm the fucking Jun you were talking about on TV! Now let me through." he shouted, and without a second thought, he was let through. Jun ran, he ignored the observers staring at him and pointing, and when he reached the scene - a body bag was the first thing he noticed. Jun couldn't stop the tears flowing from his eyes.
"N-No.." he said, as he reached down to unzip the top. Once the face was revealed, his heart stopped.
"Is this someone you know sir?" Jun paused. He didn't know how to react.
"..."
"We need to know, sir." the medic repeated. Jun looked up... And nodded. Before the medic could say anything else he said two words.
"Sakurai Sho." and he left without saying one more thing.
"Jun-chan! This place is a-mazing!" Aiba chanted. Jun chuckled as he saw Aiba run around the house like a big kid in a candy store.
"Be careful, Masaki." he said. Aiba radiated a shine, and Jun loved that about the man.
"Hai~!" the other shouted as he came back from wherever he went and joined Jun on the couch. Still observing, he noticed a pretty picture on the wall. Without notifying Jun, he went to examine.
"Kawaii~! Who's this Jun-chan?!" he asked, the beautiful man in the picture, looked simply amazing. Jun stood up and went over to Aiba. He examined the picture himself and gave out a small smile.
"This, is my ex-fiance." he said. Aiba's heartbeat stopped.
"Ex-fiance?" he asked. Jun threw his arm around Aiba's waist to reassure him.
"Yes. Sadly, he died a year ago, suicide." he said carefully, trying not to bring up any unwanted memories. Aiba's eyes saddened.
"Gomen ne, Jun-kun." he apologised.
"Yes, very sad. But let's go do something happier, eh?" Jun said, and Aiba quickly nodded.
"Really?! What are we going to do? Cook? Eat? Watch movies?!" he asked, dead excited already.
"I was thinking a little more about an activity that takes place in a bedroom.." he traced Aiba's back lightly.
Aiba smirked.
"..Making your bed!?" he shouted, gaining a hit from Jun.
"Not funny."
"I'm only joking, Jun-chan. Let's go!" he whispered into Jun's ear seductively.
The nights were lonely, and the days dull. There was absolutely nothing to do or to think about. There was no one to talk to, or even gossip about. All day and all night was the same routine. Lying on the rugged bed, thinking about nothing, watching the sun set and rise. Watching as the stars gracefully took charge of the sky until the big sun came and chased them lightly away.
It was like that, a daily routine, chasing away the rest of the years he had left, keeping out all the sorrow he had experienced and all the happy memories he wished never to think about. It was bliss for him.
He died, supposedly. He let it happen as it was the only way he could really move on. Jun had to know he died, and if he did, Sho felt much better. It was like he didn't exist anymore - no one would bother him and no one would think about him. It was bliss this way.
Yet it all changed when he saw Jun's new boyfriend.
Aiba Masaki.