Helpless

[miyuki244]

Title: Helpless

Comments

[petarpan]

Havent read all of it - the grammar etc seems to be good. Good job on your first :)

I would like it better if you stopped the beating before the dude goes to the bathroom. It is just too much violence for my taste and realistically by the time the man returns from pissing Lane would have no fight left in him and very little awareness. I think you will find that readers here like dubious consent better than flat out nonconsensual sex - or fics that at least allow the victim to have some physical pleasure during the rape (not realistic but easier to read)

I would be very interested in reading what transpires between Bob and Lane now.... will you be writing a fic about that?

[miyuki244]

i'm sorry for there being too much violence! but it was just something that was in my head and i had to write it...i already had a bob/lane story planned out for what happens after all of this. so i will post it soon!

[argusanima]

Don't apologize for writing what you want. Just keep in mind that if you do not get as much feedback as you would like it is probably about the degree of violence, not your writing ability.

[miyuki244]

yea i guess i can understand that...thanks for commenting!

[jack4turner]

Good job for you first! :) But I'm in desperate need of a kleenex now...it got a little hard to read in the middile as all hope seemed to vanish for Lane. But I stuck it through...

I too would be very interested in reading what transpires between Bob and Lane...

[miyuki244]

here..
i'm glad you read it through to the end...i'll be writing the continuing very soon~