Comments | mizbean: Bleach: Distracted [Ichigo/Rukia, PG]

mizbean

Bleach: Distracted [Ichigo/Rukia, PG]

Aug 29, 2009 02:08

Title: Distracted
Author: mizBean
Rating: PG
Word count: 122
Fandom: Bleach
Character/Pairing: Ichigo/Rukia
Spoilers: None.
Summary: Ichigo finally starts paying attention.
Notes: Submitted to bleach_contest. Prompt: Wonder. 300 word maximum.

Oh, hell. I think I just outed myself as a fluffy Ichigo/Rukia shipper.

( Distracted )

community: bleach_contest, character: kuchiki rukia, fic, bleach, character: kurosaki ichigo, fic: bleach, 100-999 words, pairing: ichigoxrukia

Comments 6

drusillas_rain August 29 2009, 12:57:26 UTC

awwww ^_^

(they are pretty cute!)

mizbean August 29 2009, 15:31:03 UTC

Thank you!

silawen August 30 2009, 21:57:37 UTC

This is lovely. With very few words you paint a nice relationship between the two, mixed with a setting that fits the two of them well. (Snow and Karakura Town.) Though the summary had me worried at first - I was afraid something really bad was going to happen - there's still a quiet and serene feel to it ( ... )

mizbean September 8 2009, 03:47:29 UTC

Thank you for your feedback. I took your advice and re-edited those two lines.

I apologize for my tardy reply. I've been away. I do appreciate that you took the time to leave such a thoughtful response, and I'm always looking for ways to improve my writing.

sharikqah September 1 2009, 02:59:46 UTC

Ichigo/ Rukia fics seem to be taking over this contest :D

Nice little touch of irony there in the last few paragraphs. The snow, the flakes and the general air of enchantment is another beautiful addition for the setting.

Your style (parentheses to emphasize/ isolate thoughts or actions which have significance) is starting to grow on me. I think the only problem is that it is insufficient to tell readers of a background story to what happened. (The hollow attack is a key reference foundation to the drabble, but it would've been better if it were mentioned in the first paragraph as part of the setting rather than in reflection.)

Another issue is some conflict between 1st person & 3rd person in the parentheses (are these thoughts Ichigo thinking over events, or just his supposed impression?)

Nonetheless, the fic is really well-written. I admire your ability to capture things so complicated in just under 150 words. (I probably couldn't do it.)

mizbean September 8 2009, 04:00:15 UTC

Thank you for your feedback. I see what you're saying about the 1st and 3rd person conflict, and I changed it. One of the reasons why I like writing short fics and drabbles is that I can be a little more impressionistic and "write in the moment", but I tend to neglect giving them a proper read-through before posting.

And, I do want to apologize for my tardy reply. I've been away, but I do appreciate that you took the time to leave such a thoughtful response.