you know something there is such a think as blank verse.. and totaly unrhyming poetry. though i say that that poem did suck and it needs serious help, but meh, i lost my writers touch after i finished writing 12!
A first time written poem is never a happy poem, I re-write most of my poetry and fix it up a couple times before I call it finished. Your poem is just a work in progress. I have plenty of those.
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