Comments | mjfastlane: 'I bet you say that to all the boys.'

mjfastlane

'I bet you say that to all the boys.'

Apr 27, 2011 20:01

Title is apropos of nothing; I just have Meatloaf on repeat in my head. Anyway, this is going to be a slightly messy entry, I feel, so I'll sum it all up for you in advance: real life happened, and I committed fanfic.

( RL goings-on, a.k.a the boring stuff )

constructicons, protectobots, blades, scavenger, lots of tags!, transformers, happy family bonding funtime, life, school/uni, first aid, fanfic, random au of au-ishness

Comments 7

ultharkitty April 27 2011, 12:45:51 UTC

Very nicely done. I like your choice of the present tense, and you've used it to great effect. And you've managed to create a cohesive and satisfying narrative despite there being so many characters to keep track of - which is damned impressive.

I really enjoyed this. So many lovely turns of phrase and the dialogue was very effective. Also, First Aid was perfect. ♥

mjfastlane April 27 2011, 13:26:30 UTC

Woo, in-depth analysis (something I probably don't do enough of). Thank you!

RE: tense - It's good to hear you think I've managed such a thing - sometimes I get iffy about present tense, since my default is past tense, and I have to go back all the time to make sure I haven't mucked up a tense change somewhere :/

I was worried it was going to sound a little flowery, but what the hey. Nice to know you didn't think so :) And also good to know First Aid reads right to you.

ultharkitty April 27 2011, 20:48:27 UTC

I try to give as much feedback as my brain is capable of. Which isn't much a lot of the time.

I'm very fond of fics that use tenses that aren't past and do them well. I can totally sympathise on having to go back and check - I RP in present tense and generally fic-write in past tenses, and on a day when I'm RPing as well as writing I can get really confused.

As for the language, actually I thought it was quite pared down. Sure, the sentences were complex, but not in a purple way (not that I don't love well-done purple prose, but I like it like this too), and certainly not flowery :)

(And have some kittens to make up for the extra long comment!)

mjfastlane April 28 2011, 07:36:14 UTC

I find it so hard to leave useful feedback on fics. Most of the time I just want to squee all over them :P

RE language - I've been writing essays recently, and looking back I think some of that has carried over in my sentence structure. Not in a bad way, but yes, complex sentences because I have a tendency to be somewhat verbose at times.

Yay kittens! (Ravage is the only kitty I have an icon of) Also, long comments are fun :)

(The comment has been removed)

mjfastlane April 28 2011, 07:20:04 UTC

Thank you!

Constructicons are fun - they strike me as one of the closest and more balanced gestalts, all things considered.

playswithworms May 1 2011, 01:25:50 UTC

Whew, finally got back here to read this again! Hooray First Aid :D Such a rebel, lol ^_~ Love your Constructicons, and overprotective Protectobot brothers and First Aid who does just as he pleases anyway.

I don't usually like present tense writing, but it worked well here.

(and they should be friends! Definitely. *smooshes together*)

mjfastlane May 1 2011, 06:41:28 UTC

...I have had internet failure for over four hours now, so sorry it's taken me a while to reply :/

Read this again? I am flattered :D

Yes, nobody can stop First Aid. He'll just be nice to them until they give in!

RE: present tense, I can sympathise, because I have moments with it as to whether I like it or not, so I'm glad you found it did work out okay here :)