I see so much of myself in what you are writing. Especially "I am a mean, selfish little girl. I need you to tell me that I'm pretty, and that I'm worth something, and then prove it to me on a daily basis. I need you to tell me that I'm wonderful and that you love me, and that you need me. I need YOU to validate me as a person, because I can't seem to find a mirror that I can see that in."
I wish I could verbalize things half as well as you do.
I am, as always, thinking of you and your little ones.
I'm happy that something I wrote in that post was relevant to you. Partly because I'm happy whenever I am able to strike a nerve in someone else, and make them feel like their own feelings are valid, and partly because then I'm not completely crazy. OR... if I AM crazy, than I'm not going crazy all by myself!!
I will belittle and completely immasculate you, and then hate you for being weak.
God I know this, I do.
I don't like you having to experience this. I think you've been through, seen, and dealt with, enough in life. You have earned a break.
What's going on from here? Are you moving? Is he? Are you staying in school? What's going on with the kids? I know, a lot of questions you probably don't even have answers to. I wish I was whole enough to give you strength...
you're right, I don't know. I don't have a freaking clue. I'm so lost...
I THOUGHT I had things emotionally under control. until tonight. I'm not sure if you get the same way... but RIGHT before I break down completely, and after days of being strong, and a fucking rock.... I start to get physically tired. even when I've had sleep. I start to get apathetic about most things, but touchy about the rest.
I'm there right now. I'm unsettled and sick to my stomach. I just woke up but I could go back to sleep. I'm ready to snap.... but I'm not sure I remember how...
I know, it makes no sense. Let's HOPE that Chad doesn't try to talk to me tonight. I have a feeling that the emotional floodgates will break, and I will appear weaker to him, then ever before.
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I see so much of myself in what you are writing. Especially "I am a mean, selfish little girl. I need you to tell me that I'm pretty, and that I'm worth something, and then prove it to me on a daily basis. I need you to tell me that I'm wonderful and that you love me, and that you need me. I need YOU to validate me as a person, because I can't seem to find a mirror that I can see that in."
I wish I could verbalize things half as well as you do.
I am, as always, thinking of you and your little ones.
-Gail
Reply
I'm happy that something I wrote in that post was relevant to you. Partly because I'm happy whenever I am able to strike a nerve in someone else, and make them feel like their own feelings are valid, and partly because then I'm not completely crazy. OR... if I AM crazy, than I'm not going crazy all by myself!!
I appreciate you so much, I can't even say.
Reply
God I know this, I do.
I don't like you having to experience this. I think you've been through, seen, and dealt with, enough in life. You have earned a break.
What's going on from here? Are you moving? Is he? Are you staying in school? What's going on with the kids? I know, a lot of questions you probably don't even have answers to. I wish I was whole enough to give you strength...
Reply
I THOUGHT I had things emotionally under control. until tonight. I'm not sure if you get the same way... but RIGHT before I break down completely, and after days of being strong, and a fucking rock.... I start to get physically tired. even when I've had sleep. I start to get apathetic about most things, but touchy about the rest.
I'm there right now. I'm unsettled and sick to my stomach. I just woke up but I could go back to sleep. I'm ready to snap.... but I'm not sure I remember how...
I know, it makes no sense. Let's HOPE that Chad doesn't try to talk to me tonight. I have a feeling that the emotional floodgates will break, and I will appear weaker to him, then ever before.
Reply
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