You just need to find some way to establish a dialogue. Try opening conversations on some of the following topics - Wayne Rooney, car engines, illegal immigrants, breasts, Armani. Avoid turning conversation to literature or current events. Bingo - instant rapport.
The hot topics in this office are - in no particular order - going to the pub and getting 'leathered', the shit (human) on that TV programme I can't remember the title of (what you eat or something) because I don't watch TV - which inspired a minutes silence when I happened to mention this fact - tapeworms hanging out of arses (fond of arse matter these people are) and what you did this weekend, more pubs, more shitfaced people. In fact I'd love the opportunity to talk of Rooney, breasts et al, but obviously in a wider, social-ramification, theoretical sort of way.
Well, only four and a half more weeks to go. Then that beautiful, divine sight of unemployment. I shall never speak ill of unemployment again... come hither fair maiden.
There is a certain sitcom quality to the world you describe. I'm picturing early evening ITV here. There is the straitlaced office girl, probably played by Julia Sawalha, who is struggling to fit into her new office environment. At first the cheeky laddish workforce think she's a bit of a cold fish, but this is actually only a front for her vulnerable kitten-like inner self. Over time our heroine discovers that beneath the boorish appearence of her coworkers, lies an earthy warmth and basic decency. She realises what she has been missing all these years buried in fusty old books, gets married, has loads of grubby horrible offspring, and then drags them round supermarkets, where the downtrodden workforce must endure the constant torment of their hideous gremlin-screeching and grasping sticky paws.
Ahem - yeah, my job kinda sucks too. Children *shudders* The horror! the horror!
I hope you are referring to one of my fellow administrators when you talk of the 'straitlaced office girl.' Despite the mild romanticism of the thawing of an ice queen, this girl is not me. I am evil to the core. I really am! (girning emphatic face) I think children are little shits. Especially those with gappy smiles, and golden ringlets. SHEER EVIL DEVIL INCARNATES!!!
Ok, ok, so some of the people in the office are nice. But I can't relate. When there is a group of people around I gravitate to the vacant space. I am genetically engineered to end up as a piss-stained spinster.
PS. Thesis...completion...near? PPS. PHD Shelf stacker? What is the going rate for that?
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The hot topics in this office are - in no particular order - going to the pub and getting 'leathered', the shit (human) on that TV programme I can't remember the title of (what you eat or something) because I don't watch TV - which inspired a minutes silence when I happened to mention this fact - tapeworms hanging out of arses (fond of arse matter these people are) and what you did this weekend, more pubs, more shitfaced people. In fact I'd love the opportunity to talk of Rooney, breasts et al, but obviously in a wider, social-ramification, theoretical sort of way.
Well, only four and a half more weeks to go. Then that beautiful, divine sight of unemployment. I shall never speak ill of unemployment again... come hither fair maiden.
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Ahem - yeah, my job kinda sucks too. Children *shudders* The horror! the horror!
Reply
Ok, ok, so some of the people in the office are nice. But I can't relate. When there is a group of people around I gravitate to the vacant space. I am genetically engineered to end up as a piss-stained spinster.
PS. Thesis...completion...near?
PPS. PHD Shelf stacker? What is the going rate for that?
Reply
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