[ 99 ] → I had a lot of feelings
Well, guess what? I've graduated and I've been working in an actual office for a year. It's so much fun and like, FREEDOM and MONEY but then again responsibilities and where is my life going kind of stuff. I feel so adult.
So throughout the years I haven't posted here that wasn't about my life, my friend introduced me to the inevitable: K-POP.
I have been a quiet fan, liking a few BOA and DBSK songs here and there, but not aggressively looking for updates and releases. Then when the JE phase died down a bit, I stumbled upon SS501 through their Snow Prince MV. I don't quite remember how I did, but I fell in love with Jungmin's belting and that was that.
I tried liking them the way I loved NEWS JE, but it was difficult. I tried to memorize their names and faces, but I only had a handful of songs that I liked. And I didn't really look for their concerts and appearances and TV shows, so that died down pretty quick. I did continue listening to some of their songs, but they weren't on my top list.
I was still adamantly ignoring Super Junior because of the fans in my country. (The "OMG N00BS LIEK U R KEWL LUV ME"... *flips table*)
2009, I ventured out there again, a bit to DBSK (whose acapella was still the greatest) and then tuween started fangirling SHINee. I tried to listen to them too, but nothing quite caught my attention.
Then, back in 2011, my friend (who was my friend that time because it was all jokes and sarcasm until he fell in love with my best friend the same time his best friend was in love with her) introduced me to B1A4. They just debuted with their first single, O.K and it was so cute and upbeat and I really liked it! I took note of them but when he told me they just debuted and that was the only song they had, I was disappointed. I thought I could listen to more of their songs, but since it was their first release, that was it.
So they were pretty much filed away again.
AND THEN NEWS STRUCK THAT YAMAPI AND RYO WERE LEAVING NEWS AND I WAS SO HEARTBROKEN THAT I COULDN'T EVEN
Times passed and I went through an Utattemita stage and it kept me busy for a whole fucking time because there were just so many of them and they uploaded like 24/7 and it was hard to keep up and my OCD kept challenging me and stupid me kept accepting the challenges. But anyway...
Last year, 2013, my HS friend who became my co-worker (I actually intended to ask her to spread the opening, but she applied instead. ;;;;) re-introduced me to B1A4. Two years have passed since then and they've released new singles. This friend of mine just came back from a Korea trip earlier that year and she was able to watch a promotion performance of their latest single, What's Going On?.
I can't say I loved their latest single that time, but they did catch my interest again. B1A4 was quite a memorable name back in 2011, so when she said their name, I already knew who they were. But they looked so different when they first debuted. I asked and searched for their entire discography and fell in love. Particularly Junghwan/Sandeul's Immortal Song 2 performances. He became my ichiban/bias by then.
And it helped that they had two shows that were complete: Sesame Player and Hello Baby. Out of the two, I was entertained by Sesame Player the most. Like, I had a ship by the second episode (chandeul 4everrr!!11!!). They were funny and entertaining and OH MY GOD. That was it. I began aggressively listening to and searching for B1A4. I watched their music and promotional videos, learned KPOP lingo and what it meant to be in the KPOP fandom.
And then the more inevitable happened.
She introduced me to Super Junior.
I'm not saying I hated them. I just didn't understand them much because their most famous songs in the Philippines were Sorry, Sorry and Bonamana and they were so weird and I really didn't like it.
But she knew me well enough to give me a ballad. First, she linked me the newly released Donghae and Hyukjae promotional video, Still You. I liked it. It was smooth and the cinematography was nice. Which piqued my interest quite a bit. She also told me to search for Super Junior - KRY. Which I did.
So I searched their entire discography. And little did I know I was already descending to the unavoidable fandom. With her help, I got myself caught up to 8 years of fandom. But it wasn't until I watched their Super Show 4 and Exploration of the Human Body.
It was my complete and utter downfall.
I learned everything I could about them. It helped a lot that I still had this LJ account and I could access communities. I found helpful links because tons of lovely people posted pimp posts and character metas. After a week, I knew who was which and it was just downhill from there.
I listened to their other songs that weren't their promotional singles and I loved every single bit of it. It's sad that those weren't the songs they released, I would have been a fangirl from the start. Though I guess, I'm a fangirl (ELF omg I am one) now, it doesn't matter.
The sort of worst was trying to find out the history of the group. I missed Hankyung and Kibum and I just barely missed Jongwoon/Yesung. He became my ichiban/bias because his voice is lovely and he is very awkward and just his cheeks and he makes me worry because he's quite clumsy and just ALKSJKAGL;ASKF I'm a sucker for big brother types. Unfortunately for me, he just signed up for military service a few months prior. It is very weird to miss someone without watching them in real time.
But since I had 8 years to catch up on, it was fine. He gave me a neck fetish like fuck! My ship in the group was a weird one. I randomly searched who he was mostly paired up with. It was Ryeowook and it felt off to me. It didn't feel right in my opinion. So I just shrugged it off. Then came curiosity and I searched for Kyusung. There. That was it. The two people I've never quite seen interact unless they were singing became my ship.
It helped that there were very convincing fans who posted metas and pimp posts. And the Asian Fanfics website. And the official tumblr/livejournal. It was immediately heaven.
And I know I've gone far down when I wrote and posted my first fanfiction...
So here I am. But let's move on...
Let me go back, though.
NEWS
It was a horrifying for the past five years as a fan. They dwindled in releasing singles and albums. Tegomass was present, Koyama was doing Shokura, Ryo was doing Kanjani8 and Yamapi went on solos. At first it didn't bother me. But I think, in retrospect, there was this niggling feeling at the back of my mind. Especially after the April Fool's joke they sent Koyama and he admitted, "Without Yamapi, we'll be nothing!"
I was watching my nightmare come true.
In 2011, right after fangirling about their newly released LIVE album which had one of the best songs they've ever released by far (I'm biased, I loved the track LIVE and I wish they performed it in concerts more) and their LIVE!LIVE!LIVE! Concert, I found out that Yamapi and Ryo were leaving.
It hurt that I couldn't even begrudge them for it. I was sad as a fan, but I wished them the best. Granted that neither of them were even my most favorite members, but I liked them. I know they were never all "MEMBER AI" like Arashi or as funny as Kanjani8. But it pushed my buttons.
It felt like it was Ya-ya-yah all over again. (7 years, screw you, I still miss them like fuck)
Then there was the anxiety about the future of NEWS. I mean, they were never the active group, as evidenced by the hiatuses. And THAT TOO!! They already went on hiatus once when 2 members left and now this! THIS!
But I logically and rationally knew that it might have been for the best. There were no announcements of a comeback as a 4-member group yet and it worried me endlessly. I told myself that maybe because everyone was so busy. That Yamapi wanted to do more activities, but Shige was still studying and writing a book, Koyama was doing Shokura, Tego and Massu had Tegomass and Ryo was with Kanjani8. It made sense. But it didn't make it hurt less.
I reasoned that the good that would come out of this would be that Koyama and Shige would finally have more singing lines and exposure time. That this will be their time to shine and that I would be even prouder than I already am.
Chankanpaana was a weird comeback song, let me tell you, but it was a good comeback song because it was weird, upbeat, jolly. As if they really did start as a 4-member group since the beginning. I was deliriously happy that Tego and Massu really wanted to stay with NEWS instead of going the "better career" road and just kept Tegomass. I was also unbelievably happy when Tego voiced out his fears that that would happen (more later, on their 10th Anniversary concert).
Utsukushii Koi ni Suru yo Concert was a heart and mental breakdown for me as a NEWS fan. I saw the relief in their eyes that the fans were still there. I saw the happiness in their performances and energy and singing. They were giving it their all, even more after they've given everything.
I could have never been prouder. (shit I'm crying as I'm writing this)
They've been through so much and I'm depressed that I couldn't be there to watch them come back. (stupid JE restrictions) But I was deliriously happy. Ecstatic. And all other synonyms. They were back and I'm endlessly praying, back for good.
I think I'm not the only one traumatized by the experience. When they don't release anything, there's always this dark, tiny whisper in the back of my mind that something was going to happen. They each had their own activities still, but I hope that nothing would break them.
But then there was the Utsukushii Koi ni Suru yo Concert.
I was crying when they sang the first song. I was sobbing when Massu broke down during Share. I was bawling my eyes out and running out of tears when they sang Full Swing. It was the first time I listened to the song. When I heard Tego's voice crack, it sunk in that this was them. This was NEWS. It was grace and beauty, fun and smiles, resolve and perseverance.
I'm still crying.
Now before I bawl my eyes out at work (yes, I'm typing this at the office... I'm a very good employee, yes I am.), I'm moving onto their 10th anniversary concert.
I was wrong when I said that I could never have been prouder.
This. I felt a rush of pride and hope and happiness when I saw their 10th anniversary concert. I tucked them at the back of my mind again when they released WORLD QUEST because it wasn't my cup of tea. They released an album about a year ago, but I was too busy getting worried about my job and being introduced to KPOP (see first LJ cut) that I didn't go through listening to the entire song.
But then I watched the concert.
I couldn't have felt more irritated towards my mom who would bother me every thirty seconds while I was watching. (I'm a horrible daughter, but I was favored against. STFU I will not go there today.)
They mixed their 4-member songs and placed the songs they sang since 2003. It showed me that they've been through a lot. And I mean a whole fucking lot.
Nagisa no onee SUMMER caught my interest because the melody was cute and fun and I wanted to dance and their voices were amazing and I just could and if I didn't have zero to negative self esteem, I would've been dancing along to it. The arrangement was wonderful and the dance choreography was just!!! BUT MASSU WAS JUST THE CUTEST BECAUSE HE HAD THIS HUGE SMILE WHILE HE WAS SINGING THE CHORUS AND HE WAS HAVING SO MUCH FUN AND I WANTED TO SQUEEZE THE LIFE OUT OF HIM AND I'VE NEVER WANTED A MASSU PLUSHIE MORE IN MY ENTIRE LIFE!!!!
(this also made me realize that my ichibans/biases had big smiles, a healthy appetite, exercise freaks and bed hair... it was evident in both JPOP and KPOP)
Koyama and Shige have more singing time and I'm so happy for them. I can hear their voices singularly now, instead of just have them rapping or singing on top of the other or during choruses. Shige improved so much, especially regarding his vocal range. Koyama improved as well, though I have issues with his falsettos during his Beautiful Rain concert. Also, Shige and Tego's dancing have improved so much. Shige's not as stiff and Tego's not as sharp. Massu improved on his harmonizing skills, too, even after and during Tegomass.
I can't believe how much they've grown in 10 years.
I can't even believe it's been 10 years.
Tego said so himself during his talk near the encore that they had hiatuses so it didn't feel like they had a complete 10 years unlike other groups. But he said that they've grown so much since then and that it'll spur them on to be the NEWS they wish to be. I was pleasantly surprised that he had this fear that the company would just leave NEWS and keep Tegomass. For someone competitive and talented, it made me happy that he cared about the group this much.
Massu. Massu broke down again during his part of the talk, making a joke out of it by saying that he brought a towel because he knew he would cry. It broke my heart that someone who could smile so wonderfully was able to cry his heart out. But that made his smile so much more amazing.
Shige was still formal. Though he didn't break down this time, I think he could have relaxed a bit more.
I didn't see the MC parts yet, but I think Koyama's a very good leader. He was teased a lot during Utsu-con and I'd like to think this is a way for the younger ones (I mean, 2 year difference may not seem much, but the three were only months apart) to get him to relax. To let him know that they wouldn't leave now. That this was them. That they are NEWS.
So as you can see, many things have happened since I last announced my hiatus. I doubt any of my LJ friends are still reading and using their LJs, and I don't think I have time and energy to continue using this daily like before.
But this is still a journal, and I like getting back to it from time to time.
So throughout the years I haven't posted here that wasn't about my life, my friend introduced me to the inevitable: K-POP.
I have been a quiet fan, liking a few BOA and DBSK songs here and there, but not aggressively looking for updates and releases. Then when the JE phase died down a bit, I stumbled upon SS501 through their Snow Prince MV. I don't quite remember how I did, but I fell in love with Jungmin's belting and that was that.
I tried liking them the way I loved NEWS JE, but it was difficult. I tried to memorize their names and faces, but I only had a handful of songs that I liked. And I didn't really look for their concerts and appearances and TV shows, so that died down pretty quick. I did continue listening to some of their songs, but they weren't on my top list.
I was still adamantly ignoring Super Junior because of the fans in my country. (The "OMG N00BS LIEK U R KEWL LUV ME"... *flips table*)
2009, I ventured out there again, a bit to DBSK (whose acapella was still the greatest) and then tuween started fangirling SHINee. I tried to listen to them too, but nothing quite caught my attention.
Then, back in 2011, my friend (who was my friend that time because it was all jokes and sarcasm until he fell in love with my best friend the same time his best friend was in love with her) introduced me to B1A4. They just debuted with their first single, O.K and it was so cute and upbeat and I really liked it! I took note of them but when he told me they just debuted and that was the only song they had, I was disappointed. I thought I could listen to more of their songs, but since it was their first release, that was it.
So they were pretty much filed away again.
AND THEN NEWS STRUCK THAT YAMAPI AND RYO WERE LEAVING NEWS AND I WAS SO HEARTBROKEN THAT I COULDN'T EVEN
Times passed and I went through an Utattemita stage and it kept me busy for a whole fucking time because there were just so many of them and they uploaded like 24/7 and it was hard to keep up and my OCD kept challenging me and stupid me kept accepting the challenges. But anyway...
Last year, 2013, my HS friend who became my co-worker (I actually intended to ask her to spread the opening, but she applied instead. ;;;;) re-introduced me to B1A4. Two years have passed since then and they've released new singles. This friend of mine just came back from a Korea trip earlier that year and she was able to watch a promotion performance of their latest single, What's Going On?.
I can't say I loved their latest single that time, but they did catch my interest again. B1A4 was quite a memorable name back in 2011, so when she said their name, I already knew who they were. But they looked so different when they first debuted. I asked and searched for their entire discography and fell in love. Particularly Junghwan/Sandeul's Immortal Song 2 performances. He became my ichiban/bias by then.
And it helped that they had two shows that were complete: Sesame Player and Hello Baby. Out of the two, I was entertained by Sesame Player the most. Like, I had a ship by the second episode (chandeul 4everrr!!11!!). They were funny and entertaining and OH MY GOD. That was it. I began aggressively listening to and searching for B1A4. I watched their music and promotional videos, learned KPOP lingo and what it meant to be in the KPOP fandom.
And then the more inevitable happened.
She introduced me to Super Junior.
I'm not saying I hated them. I just didn't understand them much because their most famous songs in the Philippines were Sorry, Sorry and Bonamana and they were so weird and I really didn't like it.
But she knew me well enough to give me a ballad. First, she linked me the newly released Donghae and Hyukjae promotional video, Still You. I liked it. It was smooth and the cinematography was nice. Which piqued my interest quite a bit. She also told me to search for Super Junior - KRY. Which I did.
So I searched their entire discography. And little did I know I was already descending to the unavoidable fandom. With her help, I got myself caught up to 8 years of fandom. But it wasn't until I watched their Super Show 4 and Exploration of the Human Body.
It was my complete and utter downfall.
I learned everything I could about them. It helped a lot that I still had this LJ account and I could access communities. I found helpful links because tons of lovely people posted pimp posts and character metas. After a week, I knew who was which and it was just downhill from there.
I listened to their other songs that weren't their promotional singles and I loved every single bit of it. It's sad that those weren't the songs they released, I would have been a fangirl from the start. Though I guess, I'm a fangirl (ELF omg I am one) now, it doesn't matter.
The sort of worst was trying to find out the history of the group. I missed Hankyung and Kibum and I just barely missed Jongwoon/Yesung. He became my ichiban/bias because his voice is lovely and he is very awkward and just his cheeks and he makes me worry because he's quite clumsy and just ALKSJKAGL;ASKF I'm a sucker for big brother types. Unfortunately for me, he just signed up for military service a few months prior. It is very weird to miss someone without watching them in real time.
But since I had 8 years to catch up on, it was fine. He gave me a neck fetish like fuck! My ship in the group was a weird one. I randomly searched who he was mostly paired up with. It was Ryeowook and it felt off to me. It didn't feel right in my opinion. So I just shrugged it off. Then came curiosity and I searched for Kyusung. There. That was it. The two people I've never quite seen interact unless they were singing became my ship.
It helped that there were very convincing fans who posted metas and pimp posts. And the Asian Fanfics website. And the official tumblr/livejournal. It was immediately heaven.
And I know I've gone far down when I wrote and posted my first fanfiction...
So here I am. But let's move on...
Let me go back, though.
NEWS
It was a horrifying for the past five years as a fan. They dwindled in releasing singles and albums. Tegomass was present, Koyama was doing Shokura, Ryo was doing Kanjani8 and Yamapi went on solos. At first it didn't bother me. But I think, in retrospect, there was this niggling feeling at the back of my mind. Especially after the April Fool's joke they sent Koyama and he admitted, "Without Yamapi, we'll be nothing!"
I was watching my nightmare come true.
In 2011, right after fangirling about their newly released LIVE album which had one of the best songs they've ever released by far (I'm biased, I loved the track LIVE and I wish they performed it in concerts more) and their LIVE!LIVE!LIVE! Concert, I found out that Yamapi and Ryo were leaving.
It hurt that I couldn't even begrudge them for it. I was sad as a fan, but I wished them the best. Granted that neither of them were even my most favorite members, but I liked them. I know they were never all "MEMBER AI" like Arashi or as funny as Kanjani8. But it pushed my buttons.
It felt like it was Ya-ya-yah all over again. (7 years, screw you, I still miss them like fuck)
Then there was the anxiety about the future of NEWS. I mean, they were never the active group, as evidenced by the hiatuses. And THAT TOO!! They already went on hiatus once when 2 members left and now this! THIS!
But I logically and rationally knew that it might have been for the best. There were no announcements of a comeback as a 4-member group yet and it worried me endlessly. I told myself that maybe because everyone was so busy. That Yamapi wanted to do more activities, but Shige was still studying and writing a book, Koyama was doing Shokura, Tego and Massu had Tegomass and Ryo was with Kanjani8. It made sense. But it didn't make it hurt less.
I reasoned that the good that would come out of this would be that Koyama and Shige would finally have more singing lines and exposure time. That this will be their time to shine and that I would be even prouder than I already am.
Chankanpaana was a weird comeback song, let me tell you, but it was a good comeback song because it was weird, upbeat, jolly. As if they really did start as a 4-member group since the beginning. I was deliriously happy that Tego and Massu really wanted to stay with NEWS instead of going the "better career" road and just kept Tegomass. I was also unbelievably happy when Tego voiced out his fears that that would happen (more later, on their 10th Anniversary concert).
Utsukushii Koi ni Suru yo Concert was a heart and mental breakdown for me as a NEWS fan. I saw the relief in their eyes that the fans were still there. I saw the happiness in their performances and energy and singing. They were giving it their all, even more after they've given everything.
I could have never been prouder. (shit I'm crying as I'm writing this)
They've been through so much and I'm depressed that I couldn't be there to watch them come back. (stupid JE restrictions) But I was deliriously happy. Ecstatic. And all other synonyms. They were back and I'm endlessly praying, back for good.
I think I'm not the only one traumatized by the experience. When they don't release anything, there's always this dark, tiny whisper in the back of my mind that something was going to happen. They each had their own activities still, but I hope that nothing would break them.
But then there was the Utsukushii Koi ni Suru yo Concert.
I was crying when they sang the first song. I was sobbing when Massu broke down during Share. I was bawling my eyes out and running out of tears when they sang Full Swing. It was the first time I listened to the song. When I heard Tego's voice crack, it sunk in that this was them. This was NEWS. It was grace and beauty, fun and smiles, resolve and perseverance.
I'm still crying.
Now before I bawl my eyes out at work (yes, I'm typing this at the office... I'm a very good employee, yes I am.), I'm moving onto their 10th anniversary concert.
I was wrong when I said that I could never have been prouder.
This. I felt a rush of pride and hope and happiness when I saw their 10th anniversary concert. I tucked them at the back of my mind again when they released WORLD QUEST because it wasn't my cup of tea. They released an album about a year ago, but I was too busy getting worried about my job and being introduced to KPOP (see first LJ cut) that I didn't go through listening to the entire song.
But then I watched the concert.
I couldn't have felt more irritated towards my mom who would bother me every thirty seconds while I was watching. (I'm a horrible daughter, but I was favored against. STFU I will not go there today.)
They mixed their 4-member songs and placed the songs they sang since 2003. It showed me that they've been through a lot. And I mean a whole fucking lot.
Nagisa no onee SUMMER caught my interest because the melody was cute and fun and I wanted to dance and their voices were amazing and I just could and if I didn't have zero to negative self esteem, I would've been dancing along to it. The arrangement was wonderful and the dance choreography was just!!! BUT MASSU WAS JUST THE CUTEST BECAUSE HE HAD THIS HUGE SMILE WHILE HE WAS SINGING THE CHORUS AND HE WAS HAVING SO MUCH FUN AND I WANTED TO SQUEEZE THE LIFE OUT OF HIM AND I'VE NEVER WANTED A MASSU PLUSHIE MORE IN MY ENTIRE LIFE!!!!
(this also made me realize that my ichibans/biases had big smiles, a healthy appetite, exercise freaks and bed hair... it was evident in both JPOP and KPOP)
Koyama and Shige have more singing time and I'm so happy for them. I can hear their voices singularly now, instead of just have them rapping or singing on top of the other or during choruses. Shige improved so much, especially regarding his vocal range. Koyama improved as well, though I have issues with his falsettos during his Beautiful Rain concert. Also, Shige and Tego's dancing have improved so much. Shige's not as stiff and Tego's not as sharp. Massu improved on his harmonizing skills, too, even after and during Tegomass.
I can't believe how much they've grown in 10 years.
I can't even believe it's been 10 years.
Tego said so himself during his talk near the encore that they had hiatuses so it didn't feel like they had a complete 10 years unlike other groups. But he said that they've grown so much since then and that it'll spur them on to be the NEWS they wish to be. I was pleasantly surprised that he had this fear that the company would just leave NEWS and keep Tegomass. For someone competitive and talented, it made me happy that he cared about the group this much.
Massu. Massu broke down again during his part of the talk, making a joke out of it by saying that he brought a towel because he knew he would cry. It broke my heart that someone who could smile so wonderfully was able to cry his heart out. But that made his smile so much more amazing.
Shige was still formal. Though he didn't break down this time, I think he could have relaxed a bit more.
I didn't see the MC parts yet, but I think Koyama's a very good leader. He was teased a lot during Utsu-con and I'd like to think this is a way for the younger ones (I mean, 2 year difference may not seem much, but the three were only months apart) to get him to relax. To let him know that they wouldn't leave now. That this was them. That they are NEWS.
So as you can see, many things have happened since I last announced my hiatus. I doubt any of my LJ friends are still reading and using their LJs, and I don't think I have time and energy to continue using this daily like before.
But this is still a journal, and I like getting back to it from time to time.