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The Riot
Volume: 2 Issue: 6
" 'Tis The Season " 12/25/05
By Michael Lemme
Christmas never seems to lose it's edge. As a child you dreamed of Christmas with mounds of presents and Santa. As a teenager you can not wait for Christmas time to come because of vacation, presents, spending time with loved ones, and wondering if the mall Santa is really a random homeless person found on the street. Maybe that last one was just part of my holiday tradition.
People have random tradition during the holiday season. Every year on Christmas, I wake up really early and watch A Christmas Story. Larry The Cable Guy likes to wake up everyday, cut his wrists, and write some new horrible jokes. On New Year's Day, George W. Bush likes to wake up and say, "What country can I destroy and make the people miserable this year?" This year, due to Mr. Bush's lack of intelligence, he will say America, because he believes that Dick Cheney really is a baby eating terrorist.
Mr. Cheney if you or any of your representatives read this I was just kidding about that last joke. I do not think you're a baby eating terrorist. I think you're a nice guy, who really sucks at his job. I heard that Osama Bin Laden used to work at McDonalds. Then his manager told him that he really sucked at his job, and then little Osama turned into a terrorist. So by now Dick might be at a nursery.
Back to Christmas...
I hate people who are not grateful for the gifts they get. I especially hate rich kids who complain. If you have wealthy parents and you only get $200 instead of the promised $400 please shut up. They obviously only gave you half, because your dad had to pay off Bubba before going to prison for not paying his taxes.
As I write this Christmas is nearly over. I hope everyone can say that they had a great Christmas. My Christmas was very good, then it started to suck, and finally it is good again. It became good again from the help of a great friend.
Christmas is not all about gifts (although a nice plasma screen television never hurt anyone) it's about being happy with what you have. If you have a lot of friends, celebrate. If you have only a few really good friends, celebrate. If you're Osama Bin Laden, kill yourself, because you really suck at your job.