Answering another question
Answering another question from an application (with a MUCH better answer, I hope, than what I gave on the actual application):
Q: What do you look for in a friend?
A:
To be honest, I think the word "friend" is overused these days, especially both in the US and online. For example, LiveJournal will tell me that I have nearly 300 friends (and Facebook says more than 700) but I'm not sure that's the right word AT ALL. Many European languages/cultures make a distinction between casual friends and really close friends (think "Freund" vs "Bekannter" in German, or "ystävä" vs "kaveri" in Finnish, and you'll get the idea)... and I totally get the point of that. In fact, I will often think of someone as a "close acquaintance" when what most others would say would be "friend, but not best friend".
So let me answer this question two ways, one for each type of 'friend'.
ACQUAINTANCES: Generally, anyone who seems interesting, intriguing, or fun to talk to or hang around is someone I'll want to reach out to start a friendship with. Obviously I don't want to be friends with douchebags or assholes even at the casual level, but - other than that, I don't have particularly high standards for people I want to get to know. I am always excited to get to know new people, especially if I end up developing closer relationships with them than a mere casual friendship.
CLOSE FRIEND: I don't expect my closest friends to share any specific opinion or issue with me; after all, I can always talk about those with one of my other friends and acquaintances. I don't even need them to be geographically near me (after all, with the amount I move, no one remains geographically near me for long!) But what makes my closest friends my closest friends then?
These are the people whom I let see me as I really am instead of an image I try to maintain for the sake of others. When I am at my worst, I can let them know... and even if they don't fully understand the reasons, they will find ways to reassure me through words or a glance or a hug (real or virtual) so that I end up feeling better. Even if I'm in a state where I can't even make words come out of my mouth, they will be there for me. Likewise, they can come to me at their worst and I will do what is in my power to let them know they are loved... and that they are awesome and deserve the absolute best. Even if we don't exactly understand what each other is going through, we can support each other as best as we can.
I rarely have more than a few (three, maybe five at absolute max) friends at this level... and there is no specific rule for how I met them. Sometimes I knew they were awesome and worth getting to know the moment I met them; other times they decided the same about me; still others, the relationship grew gradually closer and closer until I suddenly realized that I had a close friend. There even was a time or two when a close friendship developed over a common adversary!
The one rule that IS hard and fast, though, is that whenever I lose a friend at or near this level (most likely due to us drifting apart due to where our lives take us)... it always hurts me SO MUCH, like a part of me has been thrown away. Friends at this level are really important to me - and cliche as it might be, I have a feeling I would take a bullet for them if need be.
Q: What do you look for in a friend?
A:
To be honest, I think the word "friend" is overused these days, especially both in the US and online. For example, LiveJournal will tell me that I have nearly 300 friends (and Facebook says more than 700) but I'm not sure that's the right word AT ALL. Many European languages/cultures make a distinction between casual friends and really close friends (think "Freund" vs "Bekannter" in German, or "ystävä" vs "kaveri" in Finnish, and you'll get the idea)... and I totally get the point of that. In fact, I will often think of someone as a "close acquaintance" when what most others would say would be "friend, but not best friend".
So let me answer this question two ways, one for each type of 'friend'.
ACQUAINTANCES: Generally, anyone who seems interesting, intriguing, or fun to talk to or hang around is someone I'll want to reach out to start a friendship with. Obviously I don't want to be friends with douchebags or assholes even at the casual level, but - other than that, I don't have particularly high standards for people I want to get to know. I am always excited to get to know new people, especially if I end up developing closer relationships with them than a mere casual friendship.
CLOSE FRIEND: I don't expect my closest friends to share any specific opinion or issue with me; after all, I can always talk about those with one of my other friends and acquaintances. I don't even need them to be geographically near me (after all, with the amount I move, no one remains geographically near me for long!) But what makes my closest friends my closest friends then?
These are the people whom I let see me as I really am instead of an image I try to maintain for the sake of others. When I am at my worst, I can let them know... and even if they don't fully understand the reasons, they will find ways to reassure me through words or a glance or a hug (real or virtual) so that I end up feeling better. Even if I'm in a state where I can't even make words come out of my mouth, they will be there for me. Likewise, they can come to me at their worst and I will do what is in my power to let them know they are loved... and that they are awesome and deserve the absolute best. Even if we don't exactly understand what each other is going through, we can support each other as best as we can.
I rarely have more than a few (three, maybe five at absolute max) friends at this level... and there is no specific rule for how I met them. Sometimes I knew they were awesome and worth getting to know the moment I met them; other times they decided the same about me; still others, the relationship grew gradually closer and closer until I suddenly realized that I had a close friend. There even was a time or two when a close friendship developed over a common adversary!
The one rule that IS hard and fast, though, is that whenever I lose a friend at or near this level (most likely due to us drifting apart due to where our lives take us)... it always hurts me SO MUCH, like a part of me has been thrown away. Friends at this level are really important to me - and cliche as it might be, I have a feeling I would take a bullet for them if need be.