anthony walsh stone
i am so mean to tony. all the time. he is the only person i am outwardly mean to that i can think of. he blew up at me tonight and called me a "damn bitch." i deserved it at that point because among other things i had told him that i would never ever be his roommate just because he is tony. we've been through so much. for some reason he is the only person i am really forward with. i tell him how it is. straight up. i let out any aggression i've got on him. i think i slapped him before. i turn into someone else around him. maybe it's the real me. i dont know! i always tell him how much he annoys me and i point out dumb things that he does. it's awful. i vow that from now on i will be a better person toward tony stone. if he died tomorrow and i had been mean to him like i always am and had made him feel stupid like i always do... i dont know what i would do. probably kill myself.
i feel like this past week has been really weird. i can't remember it.
it looks like i am a good person on the outside but then deep down really i dont think i am. i wish i could "find myself." whatever that means. i've been trying to for such a long time and it's getting old. i don't ever know what's going on or what i am doing. i feel like i am a different person around different people. i don't try to do this. it just happens and then when i realize it's happening i get mad at myself. i am deceitful. is that the right usage of the word deceitful?
fuck. this. shit.
this is what leemah wrote in a card to me when i left:
L-Boogie,
well chickadee, i can't believe that the day for you to leave is finally here. while i hope that your time away helps you personally and spiritually, i just want you to know that leemah will always be here as a sister and friend. i love you so much lauren that words can not ever express but ultimately i want you to know that you have become a major part of me and that this relationship that you and i have built is so very dear to my heart. while the rest of my stay will surely be tough without you it's what we share when we're together that will keep me going. so day to day lauren, think of me because i'll surely be thinking of you.
i love you with all of my heart,
leemah aka roommate
i love this card and that girl.
i feel like this past week has been really weird. i can't remember it.
it looks like i am a good person on the outside but then deep down really i dont think i am. i wish i could "find myself." whatever that means. i've been trying to for such a long time and it's getting old. i don't ever know what's going on or what i am doing. i feel like i am a different person around different people. i don't try to do this. it just happens and then when i realize it's happening i get mad at myself. i am deceitful. is that the right usage of the word deceitful?
fuck. this. shit.
this is what leemah wrote in a card to me when i left:
L-Boogie,
well chickadee, i can't believe that the day for you to leave is finally here. while i hope that your time away helps you personally and spiritually, i just want you to know that leemah will always be here as a sister and friend. i love you so much lauren that words can not ever express but ultimately i want you to know that you have become a major part of me and that this relationship that you and i have built is so very dear to my heart. while the rest of my stay will surely be tough without you it's what we share when we're together that will keep me going. so day to day lauren, think of me because i'll surely be thinking of you.
i love you with all of my heart,
leemah aka roommate
i love this card and that girl.