I'm not cool enough to call marijuana anything except marijuana.
Same deal with Jay-Z. Some people can get away with just calling him Jay, but I feel like I have to call him Shawn Carter.
Just because I feel like I should have them written down somewhere, these are some of the most awkward moments of my life.
It was my first week at a new school. We were covering The Outsiders in seventh grade English class and taking turns reading out loud from the book. At this point, I think most of the class hadn't even heard my voice before. When the teacher chose me to read next, I was so nervous I wasn't even thinking of the words as I read them. I just wanted to make it to the bottom of the page. When I finally finished, I looked up and everyone was staring at me. The room had gone dead quiet. Even the air conditioner had shut off. Not knowing what else to do, I started reading again, but the teacher cleared her throat and said, "Thank you, but will the next person please read." I had no idea what had just happened until a girl sitting next to me leaned across the aisle and whispered into my ear, "When you read out loud, your teeth make really loud clacking noises." I'm glad she told me, otherwise I would have spent my entire life wondering if maybe I had imagined the whole thing. You know how in movies they say that someone looks like they've just seen a ghost? Well, now I know how the ghost feels in that situation.
When a girl passed me a note in eighth grade art class, I corrected her grammar and spelling and sent the note back. Written out plainly like that, it almost sounds badass, but I can promise you it wasn't. I only did it because I had no idea what to write in reply. After the note made it all the way back to her, she gave me this look from across the room. Unfortunately, I wasn't. There's not really much to say about this one except that I am the Grand Marshal of my own Parade of Humiliation. The title is way more than honorary.
Back in high school I went to a Christian youth group on Wednesday nights. (Let me just say that everyone there was psychotically nice, to the point where you think they're hitting on you. They were really nice people.) Once everyone arrived, but before the meeting formally started, the youth pastor gave everyone ten minutes to socialize and welcome new people and make friends. During this time, I hid in the bathroom. I spent the ten minutes constantly washing my hands so if anyone walked in, I could pretend I was just about to leave. One day I got kicked out of the bathroom really early and had to go out and meet people (ew, meat people). I tried to find the spot in the room where the highest number of backs would be turned to me, but eventually I was spotted by a youth leader, his eyes scanned red, and he zeroed in on me. We made miniscule small talk, but before he left he took two quick steps forward and hugged me. I was so shocked my arms hung limp at my side. He must've noticed because that's when he grabbed one of my arms and placed it around his back. My eyes bugged out, like a cat being held underwater. Then the guy let go, gave a small polite nod, and walked away. The embarrassed moment right after lasted a lot longer that I would have wished.
When I took my dad to the doctor's office the other week, there was a Monet print in the waiting room that was pretty much just of water lilies. My dad was sitting across from it and, not recognizing it for what it was and having nowhere else to look, he began examining it critically. Finally, he said, "They could have at least put some ducks in it or something."
Just because I feel like I should have them written down somewhere, these are some of the most awkward moments of my life.
It was my first week at a new school. We were covering The Outsiders in seventh grade English class and taking turns reading out loud from the book. At this point, I think most of the class hadn't even heard my voice before. When the teacher chose me to read next, I was so nervous I wasn't even thinking of the words as I read them. I just wanted to make it to the bottom of the page. When I finally finished, I looked up and everyone was staring at me. The room had gone dead quiet. Even the air conditioner had shut off. Not knowing what else to do, I started reading again, but the teacher cleared her throat and said, "Thank you, but will the next person please read." I had no idea what had just happened until a girl sitting next to me leaned across the aisle and whispered into my ear, "When you read out loud, your teeth make really loud clacking noises." I'm glad she told me, otherwise I would have spent my entire life wondering if maybe I had imagined the whole thing. You know how in movies they say that someone looks like they've just seen a ghost? Well, now I know how the ghost feels in that situation.
When a girl passed me a note in eighth grade art class, I corrected her grammar and spelling and sent the note back. Written out plainly like that, it almost sounds badass, but I can promise you it wasn't. I only did it because I had no idea what to write in reply. After the note made it all the way back to her, she gave me this look from across the room. Unfortunately, I wasn't. There's not really much to say about this one except that I am the Grand Marshal of my own Parade of Humiliation. The title is way more than honorary.
Back in high school I went to a Christian youth group on Wednesday nights. (Let me just say that everyone there was psychotically nice, to the point where you think they're hitting on you. They were really nice people.) Once everyone arrived, but before the meeting formally started, the youth pastor gave everyone ten minutes to socialize and welcome new people and make friends. During this time, I hid in the bathroom. I spent the ten minutes constantly washing my hands so if anyone walked in, I could pretend I was just about to leave. One day I got kicked out of the bathroom really early and had to go out and meet people (ew, meat people). I tried to find the spot in the room where the highest number of backs would be turned to me, but eventually I was spotted by a youth leader, his eyes scanned red, and he zeroed in on me. We made miniscule small talk, but before he left he took two quick steps forward and hugged me. I was so shocked my arms hung limp at my side. He must've noticed because that's when he grabbed one of my arms and placed it around his back. My eyes bugged out, like a cat being held underwater. Then the guy let go, gave a small polite nod, and walked away. The embarrassed moment right after lasted a lot longer that I would have wished.
When I took my dad to the doctor's office the other week, there was a Monet print in the waiting room that was pretty much just of water lilies. My dad was sitting across from it and, not recognizing it for what it was and having nowhere else to look, he began examining it critically. Finally, he said, "They could have at least put some ducks in it or something."