Autumn's Lullaby - Hawaii 5-0 BB part 1
Title: Autumns Lullaby
Author: mneme2434
Artist: Beeej
Artist: Tomosia
Word Count: 17,710
Rating: PG-13/low R
Characters/Pairings: Steve/Danny, Grace, Rachel, Chin, Kono
Warnings (sexual context, non-con, violence, strong language, characters death, etc) n/a unless you include slash
Summary:
Steve thought he was pretty content with the way his life was heading, until Catherine showed up on his doorstep with a surprise he never expected. The surprise leads to unexpected revelations between him and Danny, and the future starts to look even more promising. That is, until one person decides a little revenge against Steve is in order and causes Steve to question whether he made the right choices.
Link to fic master post: http://mneme2434.livejournal.com/11060.html
Link to art master post: http://tomosia.livejournal.com/9507.html
Link to art master post: http://beeej.livejournal.com/613001.html#cutid1
~~
Notes: This story goes a/u right before the season finale, meaning, the season finale didn't happen. Big thanks to lillyg for writing a few scenes in here as well as doing an awesome beta job. Thanks as well to beeej and tomosia for the amazing artwork!
~~
Steve unlocked the front door and nearly fell into the house from the exhaustion that was slowly engulfing him. The case he and the team had been working had been long, tedious, and at times nightmare inducing but they had finally solved it that afternoon. Usually, solving such a big case would lead to drinks out to celebrate the wrap up, but this one had been too long and too rough. All four of them agreed unanimously to go their separate ways to unwind.
He knew, of course, where each of his team members had ended up. Steve smiled slightly to himself as he made his way into the kitchen. Chin went home to his bike and a long, solitary, ride up in the mountains. Kono was off to the beach to take her anguish out on the waves, and Danny…Danny went home to spend an hour on the phone with Grace.
Steve pulled a beer from the fridge and popped the top, glancing at the clock as he did so. It was nearing Grace’s bedtime and he had to admit, he really wanted to hear Danny’s voice just one more time before he succumbed to the sleep that was slowly tugging at him. If he waited another ten minutes, Danny would no longer be talking to his daughter.
He sighed and took a swig of the rapidly warming beer in his hands before turning and heading out back, bypassing the phone completely. He dropped onto a lounge chair and stared out at the ocean, wondering how his life had gotten to this point. The point being, that is, that he needed to hear a familiar jersey accent to help him calm down and relax.
It’s not like he often hit the point where he needed Danny to blather on about something in order to unwind. In fact, Steve felt fairly content with the way his life was right now and he rarely let himself get that high strung on principle. He loved his place with five-o, loved that he could still get the adrenalin rushes that had been common place during his time as a SEAL but without the worry of where he was going next or which of his comrades was going to drop next to him from either enemy or friendly fire. Sure, he still had teammates to worry about, but it seemed easier when it was just the four of them and they always had a vague idea about the situation they were heading into.
He also loved his teammates. The four of them had quickly become as close as family, once the rough edges of their personalities smoothed to fit each other. Chin was no longer so protective of Kono, Danny was opening up to them more without all the yelling and Kono was fast becoming a very good officer and someone they could all trust to watch their backs without worry.
There were downsides, of course. His dad’s murder, his mom’s case…Hesse, the fucker. Those were all still there at the back of his mind, waiting to push out at the most inopportune time. He still felt an overwhelming sense of guilt at times about Mary and having to force her back off the island to keep her safe.
The good always seemed to outweigh the bad, though, even when cases like the one they just finished cropped up. Too many kids dead because of an asshole with a problem, too many parents grieving over what their child had become. Steve tossed back the rest of the beer and tried to force his thoughts towards more pleasant things.
He glanced over his shoulder at the backdoor. He still would have liked to hear Danny’s voice, but now….he was too damned comfortable to get up, even if he was feeling a little whimsical. He snorted to himself. Whimsical. That would be one of Danny’s words, one of the big ones he liked to throw around just to get a reaction out of the rest of them.
Steve grinned and went to take another drink of his beer. He had it halfway up to his mouth before he remembered that he had finished it off. Sadly, that’s what thinking about Danny did to him. It made him forget things. Steve wasn’t an idiot. He knew it for what it was. He had fallen in love with his irascible partner. The thing that always got Steve was that he could never recall just when he had fallen.
He remembered with perfect clarity when he first realized and admitted to himself about his feelings, but the fall had been so gradual that it had literally snuck up on him. The realization, however, had come just after the president had signed the repeal for DADT and he had felt free enough to realize just what it was that he was feeling. Since he was never one to hide from himself, the admittance came at the same time. That was also when he had finally broken things off with Catherine.
The last time he had slept with her, at the end of January, he had felt like he was cheating on Danny or something. It probably would have led to an awkward morning after if they hadn’t had the fake tsunami warning. They had then had a long talk after the case had been solved and thankfully Catherine had understood.
He just couldn’t bring himself to tell Danny. He didn’t consider himself a coward in the least, but even the thought of putting his feelings out there left an ache in his chest at the vulnerability of it. It didn’t help either that Danny was not only his best friend but also more than likely straight. He knew, thanks to some past cases, that Danny was in no way homophobic but that didn’t help the worry that his admission would strain their current relationship in some way. The strain would most likely be due from the heartache on Steve’s end and the guilt on Danny’s. And Danny would feel guilt over not being able to return Steve’s feelings. That’s just the way Danny was.
So, Steve was okay with the status quo for the moment. That could change if Danny started actively seeing someone instead of the normal flirting with no follow through, but until that happened, Steve could handle the unrequited aspect of his feelings.
Steve hadn’t a clue as to how long he had been sitting out on the lanai, but the grandfather clock that only chimed in the late hours of the night told him with deep clangs that he had brooded long enough. He stood up and stretched before heading inside. After throwing away the beer bottle, he locked up the house and went upstairs.
He didn’t bother to set his alarm clock and decided that for once, he was going to push off his morning swim and just sleep in. He used the bathroom and changed before all but dropping onto the bed. He was asleep within minutes.
~~
Steve groaned as the doorbell buzzed through the house. He pushed himself up onto his elbows and peered at the clock through sleep blurred eyes. Six a.m. It figured that the one morning he decided to sleep in, someone would decide to show up at his normal wake up time anyway. With a sigh, he rolled out of bed and grabbed the t-shirt at the end of the bed, pulling it on as he went down the stairs.
He reached the bottom of the stairs and the door just as the doorbell rang again, “Okay, okay all ready,” He turned off the alarm and flipped the lock before pulling open the door. The person on the other side caused a small smile to cross his face before it fell into a frown when he saw what she was carrying, “Catherine?”
Catherine gave him a rueful smile, “Hi sailor.”
Steve just stared at her, unable to comprehend what he was seeing, “I…you?”
Catherine managed a laugh at his expression, “Can I come in or are you going to have me stand on the porch for this discussion?”
“Yeah, right…sorry,” Steve stepped back and pulled the door open the rest of the way.
Catherine stepped in and, after adjusting the bundle she was carrying, patted him on the chest as she passed, “Go make some coffee, McGarrett. Both you and I are going to need it.”
Steve shut the door and did as bid. Fifteen minutes later, he was carrying two mugs into the living room and he handed one of them over to Catherine, who accepted it with her free hand.
Steve sat down on the chair across from her, which caused Catherine to sigh, “Really Steve?” She set her mug on the coffee table and stood up. She stepped around the table and took Steve’s mug before setting that down as well. Then she straightened and held out the bundle, “Go on.”
Steve eyed her wearily, before reaching out. He took the bundle with extreme care and pulled it slowly into his body. He looked down and felt his heart melt in his chest. Blue eyes blinked sleepily up at him as a small, bow shaped mouth puckered, “I don’t understand,” he whispered, reaching out and tracing gentle fingers through dark, nearly black, wispy hair and down along a rounded cheek.
Catherine had the grace to look abashed, “He’s yours. The only thing I can think of that happened is that I forgot to take my birth control pills, or he was just a lucky strike which with my family history is entirely possible. My sister got pregnant twice while on the pill and using condoms so…” She trailed off with a shrug, “The last time we were together back in January, when we decided to call it quits? I had a physical after getting back on board because I had been getting sick at the oddest times and was told then. I couldn’t stay on the ship and while I could have taken a desk job I just...took maternity leave immediately instead because I never knew when I was going to get sick. So, I went home.”
Steve couldn’t seem to take his eyes off the baby, a boy he was assuming from the light blue blanket, who was now suckling lightly on Steve’s finger while staring up at him through half lidded eyes, “Why didn’t you say anything before now? That would mean you’ve known for, what? Five months? Not to mention the time since he’s been born.”
Catherine shrugged and sat down on the coffee table, reaching behind her for her mug. She cradled it in her hands, tapping her fingers against the ceramic, “I tried. I tried so many times. I swear I picked up that phone at least three times a day, but it was a hard pregnancy and my emotions were all over the place because of it. Every time I tried to dial, I managed to talk myself out of it with some stupid reason. My sister was going to adopt him, you know me and kids, but as soon as I held him the first time I knew I had to tell you…show you. Give you the choice.”
Steve looked up at this, “Choice?”
She shrugged, “If you want to keep him…or let my sister adopt him. I’m career military, Steve. I don’t want to be a mom. A favorite aunt, sure, but…” she trailed off before biting her lip. She sighed after a few seconds, “My sister is okay with whatever you choose.”
Steve looked down at the little boy in his arms. How the hell did he make that kind of choice? Could he even make it? His job didn’t have set hours and it was highly dangerous. His house had already been shot up once and broken into another time. He had enemies everywhere in the world, ones that would not hesitate to use an innocent child as leverage. His subconscious tried to rebel against that, using Danny and Grace as an example, but Danny didn’t have full custody of Grace though either. It was like comparing a rocket launcher to a grenade thrower. Could he consciously raise a child in that kind of environment?
He couldn’t. He remembered how hard his father had pushed him and Mary out of his own life to protect them, and he had just been a cop. Not part of a task force that went after the worst scum bags on the island while on call at all times. He opened his mouth to tell Catherine just that, but what came out instead was, “I want to keep him.”
If Catherine was shocked, she didn’t show it. Instead she simply nodded and stood up, “I have the papers in the car as well as a small amount of essentials. You’ll need to go shopping of course, set up a room for him. Also…he doesn’t really have a name. I wanted to leave that up to whoever took him.”
Steve, surprisingly, didn’t even have to think on that one, “Jonathan Jeffrey McGarrett.” He murmured.
Catherine laughed softly, for reasons Steve couldn’t fathom, but when he opened his mouth to ask she just waved her hand, “Jonathan is for your dad but who’s the Jeffrey after? I like to think I know you fairly well Steve, so I know the name means something to you.”
Steve shrugged, “Danny’s dad. I met him once and he was…something else. Treated me like another son. He was a firefighter up in Hoboken.”
Catherine smiled but didn’t comment. Instead, she reached out and gently poked his nose, “I’ll get the paperwork from the car. His birth certificate will need his name changed then. The reason I laughed when you named him is because I put JJ down for his name. A baby cannot legally leave the hospital without a name and that was the first thing to pop into my head,” she added at his confused look, most likely due to her earlier statement of the infant not having a name, “I’ve got the documents for the name change petition, which I’m going to pay for. I’ve also got the custody papers.”
“JJ…I like that,” It was then that the rest of Catherine’s words filtered through, “Did you know I was going to take him?”
“No, how could I? But I was hoping.”
~~
Steve could not take his eyes off of his son. His son. The thought was mindboggling. He was a father. It looked like Danny would no longer be the only one playing the single father card. Steve then let out a groan. Danny. He was going to have to tell Danny.
Well, to be honest he was going to need Danny’s help. There was no way around that. He knew next to nothing about babies and Catherine hadn’t been able to supply much information either beyond the basics of changing a diaper, feeding him, and burping him. And even though JJ was just about six weeks old, Catherine had still been sloppy and uncoordinated in her efforts and the burping had left both her and their son red in the face. It had been fairly obvious after spending three hours together why Catherine was certain she was not cut out for motherhood. She had had no patience in dealing with the baby at all. Steve wouldn’t have been surprised if most of the caretaking had fallen to Catherine’s sister.
Steve reached out to the side and grabbed the cordless phone off the charger, hitting Danny’s speed dial without even looking.
“lo?”
Steve huffed out a quiet laugh, “Did I wake you?”
“As a matter of fact, yes. The neighbors had a wild party last night and I only managed to get to bed at five so this had better be damned important.”
“Wild partying until five? I thought you were getting a little old for that.”
Steve grinned when he heard a muffled snarl. He loved getting that response out of the acerbic man, “Not me you goof. I was the annoying old guy with the broom pounding at the ceiling every time they dropped what I swear was a sixteen pound bowling ball on the floor. Now what is so important that you called to wake me up after four peaceful hours of sleep? And if you say you just called to chat, I swear I’ll hang up so fast that a hurricane will look like a calm breeze.”
“Danny, compared to you a hurricane is calm.”
“Ha ha, that’s funny. Seriously, Stephen, my thumb is hovering over the hang up button.”
Steve sucked in a breath, “I need your help.”
“Well, it can’t be that bad if you can spend five minutes teasing me about partying. Can’t it wait?”
“Ah, well, no, not really. I have an issue and need your expertise and like I said, it can’t really wait.”
There was a long pause, “Are you not going to tell me?”
“Not over the phone, no,” Steve heard a pounding noise start up in the background and grinned. Another favored response, “Stop hitting your head on the counter Danno. You’re going to leave a dent.”
“Man, you are just filled with the jokes today, aren’t you? Give me thirty minutes.”
Steve heard the click of Danny hanging up before hitting the power button on his end. He was still grinning when he looked down at his son, “That was Uncle Danny. He seems grouchy, I know, but he’s actually really funny.”
JJ stared up at him a moment before his face screwed up in a grimace and his cheeks and forehead turned a ruddy red. Steve’s grin dropped along with his jaw in panic. Catherine was gone and he had seen that look before, “Again?!”
~~
Danny pulled to a stop next to Steve’s truck and shut off the Camaro. He dropped his forehead onto the steering wheel before pinching the bridge of his nose. He was tired, dammit. He wished he could find a way to explain to Steve that he was not Steve’s personal ‘gofer,’ even if he did enjoy spending time with the man.
Danny let out a snort before getting out of the car. Steve needed his expertise. Right. On what, Danny had no idea. Steve was a full blown ninja-SEAL that could fix cars and do home repair, two areas that Danny had only the vaguest of knowledge, as well as who knew what else. Danny could wall paper and carpet like a pro, but actually tearing into a wall and replacing studs? Not happening.
So, unless Steve got it into his head to sand down the hardwood floors and re-varnish them, Danny couldn’t think of a thing he’d really be needed for on a Saturday. Especially since everything he could think of could, in fact, wait until he had gotten a proper amount of sleep.
Danny was up on the porch and pulling out his key when he heard the unmistakable sound of a baby cry. Knowing that there was no way it was coming from Steve’s house, Danny leaned back and glanced at the two neighbors. One belonged to a young couple that, last Danny knew, wasn’t planning on adding to their family any time soon. The other was a church that didn’t normally have services on Saturday mornings. On the other hand, Danny supposed there could be some function going on where a baby would be present and crying loud enough to make his inner dad cringe in empathy.
Shaking his head, he unlocked the front door and pushed it open, only to stagger back in shock. The wailing was indeed coming from inside Steve’s house. That thought made Danny freeze and begin to wonder if he was dreaming all of this. There was no way there would be a baby in Steve’s house.
Frowning, Danny walked in and shut the door before his eyes fell on the source of the wailing. Steve was holding a baby, an infant from the looks of it, and was pacing the floor like a man possessed. Steve noticed him on the return trip from the kitchen and the look of pure relief that flooded his face was what clinched that Danny wasn’t dreaming. If he was, Steve would definitely not look as frazzled as he did nor be as relieved as he was at the sight of Danny.
Danny cocked his head and held out his arms, motioning towards the baby. He saw Steve open his mouth and Danny shook his head. There was no point trying to talk with that noise going on. Instead, he walked up to Steve and carefully manhandled the red faced infant out of tense arms. Considering what he had seen, Danny carefully pulled the blanket off and handed that to Steve before he turned the baby over to rest on his forearm, head nestled in the crook of his elbow and resting against his body. The crying dropped to whimpering in less than a minute.
Steve’s awed and confused look said it all, “Football carry. Rachel used it with Grace to feed her and I found that if she was uncomfortable, it was the best position to calm her down in. Puts pressure on the belly,” Danny answered to the unspoken question, motioning to the belly on his forearm and the legs dangling on each side of his hand.
“He’s been crying since I got off the phone with you,” Steve said, his voice tinged with relief, “I was minutes from calling all of the pediatricians in the phonebook.”
Danny shrugged, “Babies cry and knowing you? You did everything you could think of to check what could be wrong.”
Steve nodded, “Diaper, feeding, burping, temperature…” He trailed off and looked a bit sheepish, a look Danny never thought he would see on Steve’s face, “I suppose you’re wondering…”
“Oh, only a little,” Danny said, not bothering to hold back the sarcasm.
“Well, he’s mine.”
Danny nodded, “Makes sense. I doubt Mary would have just shown up with a baby to drop on you before taking off. She has more sense than that given how you are with kids.”
“Hey!” Steve said, affronted, “I’m getting better.”
Danny hummed a little in agreement, “I suppose so. I‘m assuming Catherine is his mother.”
Steve sighed and glanced at the kitchen, “Yeah. You want coffee? I could really use some.”
“Well, I want answers, but coffee’s good too,” Danny shifted the baby slightly and followed Steve into the kitchen, “The squirt have a name?”
“JJ,” Steve said, head buried in the cabinet he kept the coffee in.
“Which I’m guessing is a nickname,” When Steve hesitated, Danny narrowed his eyes slightly, “Let’s see, one of the J’s probably stands for John or some variation after your father. The other J,” he trailed off before his eyebrows shot upwards in shock, “…really? Really Stephen? Because if you did, I am two seconds away from calling him up and telling him the good news.”
Steve practically growled, “Jonathan Jeffrey.”
Danny laughed and began patting his pockets down, only to realize he had left his phone at home, “Well, there went that plan. Trust me, he’ll be thrilled. None of his daughters named their sons after him and I have five nephews. If I could have found a way to turn Jeffrey into a girl’s name, Grace would have a different middle name.”
“What is Gracie’s middle name anyway?”
Danny watched Steve place the filter in the pot and add the ground beans, “Amelia after Rachel’s grandmother. Back to the subject at hand, please. Why do you have him?”
Steve sighed and leaned against the counter, rubbing his hands along his face, “Catherine snow-balled me.”
“Meaning?” Danny drawled out.
“Meaning that she came here and told me she wanted me to meet him, that she wasn’t keeping him, and that I had to make the choice between myself and her sister. Somehow, it came out being me even though I’m not sure where the faulty wire was between my brain and mouth.”
Danny smiled, “In your son’s hands no doubt. I bet you took one look at him and was gone,” Danny lifted up his arm slightly, “Is he out? I can’t see his face.”
Steve looked down at JJ and nodded, “Like a light. His carrier is on the dining room table if you want to put him down.”
“You don’t have a crib?”
“I don’t have anything!”
Danny was momentarily stunned. Not over the fact that Steve didn’t have anything for the baby other than what Catherine most likely brought with her, but more that Stephen James McGarrett could actually whine, “Okay, so…we have coffee, eat breakfast, feed JJ when he wakes up and then go shopping. No big deal.”
“Good. Lists. I like lists. I can do lists. Coffee is just about done so breakfast. Pancakes?”
Danny shrugged. He wasn’t particularly hungry, his significant lack of sleep playing on his body like a nap would which meant sinus’ drainage something major. This made food wholly unappealing, but he wasn’t going to say no. Steve’s pancakes were a work of art, “How old is he?”
Steve poured out a cup of coffee before turning to Danny, “Six weeks. He was born on May 23rd and Catherine said he was a couple of weeks early.”
Danny raised an eyebrow and accepted the mug he was being given, “Six weeks and she only told you today? Really? Are you sure he’s even yours?”
“I don’t think Catherine is the type of person to lie about that, especially since her sister was planning to adopt him,” Steve said, glaring at Danny, “Would it make you feel better if I went and got a paternity test done? Besides, I already signed his birth certificate. He is legally mine.”
Danny would have held up his hands in a surrendering gesture, if he wasn’t still cradling JJ on one arm and had the coffee in the other hand, “Sorry, sorry. It was just a simple question.”
Steve nodded, “As for her telling me, well, she wanted to tell me in person and JJ was just cleared to fly a few days ago.”
“Ahh, yeah. That makes sense if he was early.”
~~
“I don’t think we can fit anything else in the back of this truck,” Danny watched on, amused, as Steve fought with bungee cords and the truck cover, “I don’t see why you just didn’t take off the cover before we left the house.”
Steve grunted and bent over to place the bungee hook under the bumper. Danny shifted the carrier holding JJ as he held back a chuckle, “Seriously, Steve, who pissed in your cheerios? You’ve been getting crankier with every passing second.”
“It’s nothing.”
“C’mon Steve, I know you better than that. You were having a blast at Toys ‘R’ Us. This started after we got to the mall.”
Steve sighed and took JJ’s carrier from Danny. He looked down at the baby and couldn’t help but shake his head. Still asleep, even after the hustle and bustle of the mall. He opened the truck door and placed the carrier on the car seat adapter before turning to Danny, “It’s nothing. I’m just being paranoid,” He turned to check that the carrier was secure before putting the seat back and walking around to the driver’s side.
Danny climbed in and shut the truck door, “Well, if you would just tell me already, I could actually tell you if you were being paranoid or not. Sometimes it’s like pulling teeth with you.”
“Since we left Baby Gap, I’ve had the feeling that someone’s been following us.”
Danny hummed as he buckled up, “That was the first store we were in. It’s the mall on a Saturday. Maybe you are just being paranoid.”
“Well, the feeling hasn’t actually dissipated,” Steve said. He started the truck and pulled out.
Danny watched the scenery go by as they pulled out of the lot. He knew not to dismiss Steve’s feelings, they had gotten them out of would be tight spots before, but it was the mall. People went in and out of the same stores all the time, seemingly like they were following other people. The mall was one of the places where people generally ignored the feeling of being followed.
“All right, go for a drive instead of straight home. I’ll keep an eye out and see if we have a tail, if it will make you feel any better,” Danny said, turning in his seat to do just that. He frowned, however, when his eyes fell on the cover that was obscuring most of the vehicles behind them, “Okay, so I use the side mirror. Change the angle would you? All I can see is half the truck and the car behind us.”
Steve adjusted the mirror and then did the same to his own. Neither of the men said anything as Steve took a drive around downtown Honolulu. There were a few cars that had left the mall at the same time as them and all had turned off at some point. They weren’t being followed.
“I think we’re good,” Danny said, turning his attention back to Steve, “No suspicious activity.”
“Yeah and the feeling is gone,” Steve moved over a few lanes and started towards the house.
“Uh, actually…” Danny glanced at the clock with a wince, “We need to head to Rachel’s first.”
“Pick up Grace?”
“In twenty minutes, yeah,” Danny pulled out his phone, grateful they had swung past his apartment before they had started their shopping. He sent a quick text to Rachel, letting her know they were on their way.
~~
next
~~
Author: mneme2434
Artist: Beeej
Artist: Tomosia
Word Count: 17,710
Rating: PG-13/low R
Characters/Pairings: Steve/Danny, Grace, Rachel, Chin, Kono
Warnings (sexual context, non-con, violence, strong language, characters death, etc) n/a unless you include slash
Summary:
Steve thought he was pretty content with the way his life was heading, until Catherine showed up on his doorstep with a surprise he never expected. The surprise leads to unexpected revelations between him and Danny, and the future starts to look even more promising. That is, until one person decides a little revenge against Steve is in order and causes Steve to question whether he made the right choices.
Link to fic master post: http://mneme2434.livejournal.com/11060.html
Link to art master post: http://tomosia.livejournal.com/9507.html
Link to art master post: http://beeej.livejournal.com/613001.html#cutid1
~~
Notes: This story goes a/u right before the season finale, meaning, the season finale didn't happen. Big thanks to lillyg for writing a few scenes in here as well as doing an awesome beta job. Thanks as well to beeej and tomosia for the amazing artwork!
~~
Steve unlocked the front door and nearly fell into the house from the exhaustion that was slowly engulfing him. The case he and the team had been working had been long, tedious, and at times nightmare inducing but they had finally solved it that afternoon. Usually, solving such a big case would lead to drinks out to celebrate the wrap up, but this one had been too long and too rough. All four of them agreed unanimously to go their separate ways to unwind.
He knew, of course, where each of his team members had ended up. Steve smiled slightly to himself as he made his way into the kitchen. Chin went home to his bike and a long, solitary, ride up in the mountains. Kono was off to the beach to take her anguish out on the waves, and Danny…Danny went home to spend an hour on the phone with Grace.
Steve pulled a beer from the fridge and popped the top, glancing at the clock as he did so. It was nearing Grace’s bedtime and he had to admit, he really wanted to hear Danny’s voice just one more time before he succumbed to the sleep that was slowly tugging at him. If he waited another ten minutes, Danny would no longer be talking to his daughter.
He sighed and took a swig of the rapidly warming beer in his hands before turning and heading out back, bypassing the phone completely. He dropped onto a lounge chair and stared out at the ocean, wondering how his life had gotten to this point. The point being, that is, that he needed to hear a familiar jersey accent to help him calm down and relax.
It’s not like he often hit the point where he needed Danny to blather on about something in order to unwind. In fact, Steve felt fairly content with the way his life was right now and he rarely let himself get that high strung on principle. He loved his place with five-o, loved that he could still get the adrenalin rushes that had been common place during his time as a SEAL but without the worry of where he was going next or which of his comrades was going to drop next to him from either enemy or friendly fire. Sure, he still had teammates to worry about, but it seemed easier when it was just the four of them and they always had a vague idea about the situation they were heading into.
He also loved his teammates. The four of them had quickly become as close as family, once the rough edges of their personalities smoothed to fit each other. Chin was no longer so protective of Kono, Danny was opening up to them more without all the yelling and Kono was fast becoming a very good officer and someone they could all trust to watch their backs without worry.
There were downsides, of course. His dad’s murder, his mom’s case…Hesse, the fucker. Those were all still there at the back of his mind, waiting to push out at the most inopportune time. He still felt an overwhelming sense of guilt at times about Mary and having to force her back off the island to keep her safe.
The good always seemed to outweigh the bad, though, even when cases like the one they just finished cropped up. Too many kids dead because of an asshole with a problem, too many parents grieving over what their child had become. Steve tossed back the rest of the beer and tried to force his thoughts towards more pleasant things.
He glanced over his shoulder at the backdoor. He still would have liked to hear Danny’s voice, but now….he was too damned comfortable to get up, even if he was feeling a little whimsical. He snorted to himself. Whimsical. That would be one of Danny’s words, one of the big ones he liked to throw around just to get a reaction out of the rest of them.
Steve grinned and went to take another drink of his beer. He had it halfway up to his mouth before he remembered that he had finished it off. Sadly, that’s what thinking about Danny did to him. It made him forget things. Steve wasn’t an idiot. He knew it for what it was. He had fallen in love with his irascible partner. The thing that always got Steve was that he could never recall just when he had fallen.
He remembered with perfect clarity when he first realized and admitted to himself about his feelings, but the fall had been so gradual that it had literally snuck up on him. The realization, however, had come just after the president had signed the repeal for DADT and he had felt free enough to realize just what it was that he was feeling. Since he was never one to hide from himself, the admittance came at the same time. That was also when he had finally broken things off with Catherine.
The last time he had slept with her, at the end of January, he had felt like he was cheating on Danny or something. It probably would have led to an awkward morning after if they hadn’t had the fake tsunami warning. They had then had a long talk after the case had been solved and thankfully Catherine had understood.
He just couldn’t bring himself to tell Danny. He didn’t consider himself a coward in the least, but even the thought of putting his feelings out there left an ache in his chest at the vulnerability of it. It didn’t help either that Danny was not only his best friend but also more than likely straight. He knew, thanks to some past cases, that Danny was in no way homophobic but that didn’t help the worry that his admission would strain their current relationship in some way. The strain would most likely be due from the heartache on Steve’s end and the guilt on Danny’s. And Danny would feel guilt over not being able to return Steve’s feelings. That’s just the way Danny was.
So, Steve was okay with the status quo for the moment. That could change if Danny started actively seeing someone instead of the normal flirting with no follow through, but until that happened, Steve could handle the unrequited aspect of his feelings.
Steve hadn’t a clue as to how long he had been sitting out on the lanai, but the grandfather clock that only chimed in the late hours of the night told him with deep clangs that he had brooded long enough. He stood up and stretched before heading inside. After throwing away the beer bottle, he locked up the house and went upstairs.
He didn’t bother to set his alarm clock and decided that for once, he was going to push off his morning swim and just sleep in. He used the bathroom and changed before all but dropping onto the bed. He was asleep within minutes.
~~
Steve groaned as the doorbell buzzed through the house. He pushed himself up onto his elbows and peered at the clock through sleep blurred eyes. Six a.m. It figured that the one morning he decided to sleep in, someone would decide to show up at his normal wake up time anyway. With a sigh, he rolled out of bed and grabbed the t-shirt at the end of the bed, pulling it on as he went down the stairs.
He reached the bottom of the stairs and the door just as the doorbell rang again, “Okay, okay all ready,” He turned off the alarm and flipped the lock before pulling open the door. The person on the other side caused a small smile to cross his face before it fell into a frown when he saw what she was carrying, “Catherine?”
Catherine gave him a rueful smile, “Hi sailor.”
Steve just stared at her, unable to comprehend what he was seeing, “I…you?”
Catherine managed a laugh at his expression, “Can I come in or are you going to have me stand on the porch for this discussion?”
“Yeah, right…sorry,” Steve stepped back and pulled the door open the rest of the way.
Catherine stepped in and, after adjusting the bundle she was carrying, patted him on the chest as she passed, “Go make some coffee, McGarrett. Both you and I are going to need it.”
Steve shut the door and did as bid. Fifteen minutes later, he was carrying two mugs into the living room and he handed one of them over to Catherine, who accepted it with her free hand.
Steve sat down on the chair across from her, which caused Catherine to sigh, “Really Steve?” She set her mug on the coffee table and stood up. She stepped around the table and took Steve’s mug before setting that down as well. Then she straightened and held out the bundle, “Go on.”
Steve eyed her wearily, before reaching out. He took the bundle with extreme care and pulled it slowly into his body. He looked down and felt his heart melt in his chest. Blue eyes blinked sleepily up at him as a small, bow shaped mouth puckered, “I don’t understand,” he whispered, reaching out and tracing gentle fingers through dark, nearly black, wispy hair and down along a rounded cheek.
Catherine had the grace to look abashed, “He’s yours. The only thing I can think of that happened is that I forgot to take my birth control pills, or he was just a lucky strike which with my family history is entirely possible. My sister got pregnant twice while on the pill and using condoms so…” She trailed off with a shrug, “The last time we were together back in January, when we decided to call it quits? I had a physical after getting back on board because I had been getting sick at the oddest times and was told then. I couldn’t stay on the ship and while I could have taken a desk job I just...took maternity leave immediately instead because I never knew when I was going to get sick. So, I went home.”
Steve couldn’t seem to take his eyes off the baby, a boy he was assuming from the light blue blanket, who was now suckling lightly on Steve’s finger while staring up at him through half lidded eyes, “Why didn’t you say anything before now? That would mean you’ve known for, what? Five months? Not to mention the time since he’s been born.”
Catherine shrugged and sat down on the coffee table, reaching behind her for her mug. She cradled it in her hands, tapping her fingers against the ceramic, “I tried. I tried so many times. I swear I picked up that phone at least three times a day, but it was a hard pregnancy and my emotions were all over the place because of it. Every time I tried to dial, I managed to talk myself out of it with some stupid reason. My sister was going to adopt him, you know me and kids, but as soon as I held him the first time I knew I had to tell you…show you. Give you the choice.”
Steve looked up at this, “Choice?”
She shrugged, “If you want to keep him…or let my sister adopt him. I’m career military, Steve. I don’t want to be a mom. A favorite aunt, sure, but…” she trailed off before biting her lip. She sighed after a few seconds, “My sister is okay with whatever you choose.”
Steve looked down at the little boy in his arms. How the hell did he make that kind of choice? Could he even make it? His job didn’t have set hours and it was highly dangerous. His house had already been shot up once and broken into another time. He had enemies everywhere in the world, ones that would not hesitate to use an innocent child as leverage. His subconscious tried to rebel against that, using Danny and Grace as an example, but Danny didn’t have full custody of Grace though either. It was like comparing a rocket launcher to a grenade thrower. Could he consciously raise a child in that kind of environment?
He couldn’t. He remembered how hard his father had pushed him and Mary out of his own life to protect them, and he had just been a cop. Not part of a task force that went after the worst scum bags on the island while on call at all times. He opened his mouth to tell Catherine just that, but what came out instead was, “I want to keep him.”
If Catherine was shocked, she didn’t show it. Instead she simply nodded and stood up, “I have the papers in the car as well as a small amount of essentials. You’ll need to go shopping of course, set up a room for him. Also…he doesn’t really have a name. I wanted to leave that up to whoever took him.”
Steve, surprisingly, didn’t even have to think on that one, “Jonathan Jeffrey McGarrett.” He murmured.
Catherine laughed softly, for reasons Steve couldn’t fathom, but when he opened his mouth to ask she just waved her hand, “Jonathan is for your dad but who’s the Jeffrey after? I like to think I know you fairly well Steve, so I know the name means something to you.”
Steve shrugged, “Danny’s dad. I met him once and he was…something else. Treated me like another son. He was a firefighter up in Hoboken.”
Catherine smiled but didn’t comment. Instead, she reached out and gently poked his nose, “I’ll get the paperwork from the car. His birth certificate will need his name changed then. The reason I laughed when you named him is because I put JJ down for his name. A baby cannot legally leave the hospital without a name and that was the first thing to pop into my head,” she added at his confused look, most likely due to her earlier statement of the infant not having a name, “I’ve got the documents for the name change petition, which I’m going to pay for. I’ve also got the custody papers.”
“JJ…I like that,” It was then that the rest of Catherine’s words filtered through, “Did you know I was going to take him?”
“No, how could I? But I was hoping.”
~~
Steve could not take his eyes off of his son. His son. The thought was mindboggling. He was a father. It looked like Danny would no longer be the only one playing the single father card. Steve then let out a groan. Danny. He was going to have to tell Danny.
Well, to be honest he was going to need Danny’s help. There was no way around that. He knew next to nothing about babies and Catherine hadn’t been able to supply much information either beyond the basics of changing a diaper, feeding him, and burping him. And even though JJ was just about six weeks old, Catherine had still been sloppy and uncoordinated in her efforts and the burping had left both her and their son red in the face. It had been fairly obvious after spending three hours together why Catherine was certain she was not cut out for motherhood. She had had no patience in dealing with the baby at all. Steve wouldn’t have been surprised if most of the caretaking had fallen to Catherine’s sister.
Steve reached out to the side and grabbed the cordless phone off the charger, hitting Danny’s speed dial without even looking.
“lo?”
Steve huffed out a quiet laugh, “Did I wake you?”
“As a matter of fact, yes. The neighbors had a wild party last night and I only managed to get to bed at five so this had better be damned important.”
“Wild partying until five? I thought you were getting a little old for that.”
Steve grinned when he heard a muffled snarl. He loved getting that response out of the acerbic man, “Not me you goof. I was the annoying old guy with the broom pounding at the ceiling every time they dropped what I swear was a sixteen pound bowling ball on the floor. Now what is so important that you called to wake me up after four peaceful hours of sleep? And if you say you just called to chat, I swear I’ll hang up so fast that a hurricane will look like a calm breeze.”
“Danny, compared to you a hurricane is calm.”
“Ha ha, that’s funny. Seriously, Stephen, my thumb is hovering over the hang up button.”
Steve sucked in a breath, “I need your help.”
“Well, it can’t be that bad if you can spend five minutes teasing me about partying. Can’t it wait?”
“Ah, well, no, not really. I have an issue and need your expertise and like I said, it can’t really wait.”
There was a long pause, “Are you not going to tell me?”
“Not over the phone, no,” Steve heard a pounding noise start up in the background and grinned. Another favored response, “Stop hitting your head on the counter Danno. You’re going to leave a dent.”
“Man, you are just filled with the jokes today, aren’t you? Give me thirty minutes.”
Steve heard the click of Danny hanging up before hitting the power button on his end. He was still grinning when he looked down at his son, “That was Uncle Danny. He seems grouchy, I know, but he’s actually really funny.”
JJ stared up at him a moment before his face screwed up in a grimace and his cheeks and forehead turned a ruddy red. Steve’s grin dropped along with his jaw in panic. Catherine was gone and he had seen that look before, “Again?!”
~~
Danny pulled to a stop next to Steve’s truck and shut off the Camaro. He dropped his forehead onto the steering wheel before pinching the bridge of his nose. He was tired, dammit. He wished he could find a way to explain to Steve that he was not Steve’s personal ‘gofer,’ even if he did enjoy spending time with the man.
Danny let out a snort before getting out of the car. Steve needed his expertise. Right. On what, Danny had no idea. Steve was a full blown ninja-SEAL that could fix cars and do home repair, two areas that Danny had only the vaguest of knowledge, as well as who knew what else. Danny could wall paper and carpet like a pro, but actually tearing into a wall and replacing studs? Not happening.
So, unless Steve got it into his head to sand down the hardwood floors and re-varnish them, Danny couldn’t think of a thing he’d really be needed for on a Saturday. Especially since everything he could think of could, in fact, wait until he had gotten a proper amount of sleep.
Danny was up on the porch and pulling out his key when he heard the unmistakable sound of a baby cry. Knowing that there was no way it was coming from Steve’s house, Danny leaned back and glanced at the two neighbors. One belonged to a young couple that, last Danny knew, wasn’t planning on adding to their family any time soon. The other was a church that didn’t normally have services on Saturday mornings. On the other hand, Danny supposed there could be some function going on where a baby would be present and crying loud enough to make his inner dad cringe in empathy.
Shaking his head, he unlocked the front door and pushed it open, only to stagger back in shock. The wailing was indeed coming from inside Steve’s house. That thought made Danny freeze and begin to wonder if he was dreaming all of this. There was no way there would be a baby in Steve’s house.
Frowning, Danny walked in and shut the door before his eyes fell on the source of the wailing. Steve was holding a baby, an infant from the looks of it, and was pacing the floor like a man possessed. Steve noticed him on the return trip from the kitchen and the look of pure relief that flooded his face was what clinched that Danny wasn’t dreaming. If he was, Steve would definitely not look as frazzled as he did nor be as relieved as he was at the sight of Danny.
Danny cocked his head and held out his arms, motioning towards the baby. He saw Steve open his mouth and Danny shook his head. There was no point trying to talk with that noise going on. Instead, he walked up to Steve and carefully manhandled the red faced infant out of tense arms. Considering what he had seen, Danny carefully pulled the blanket off and handed that to Steve before he turned the baby over to rest on his forearm, head nestled in the crook of his elbow and resting against his body. The crying dropped to whimpering in less than a minute.
Steve’s awed and confused look said it all, “Football carry. Rachel used it with Grace to feed her and I found that if she was uncomfortable, it was the best position to calm her down in. Puts pressure on the belly,” Danny answered to the unspoken question, motioning to the belly on his forearm and the legs dangling on each side of his hand.
“He’s been crying since I got off the phone with you,” Steve said, his voice tinged with relief, “I was minutes from calling all of the pediatricians in the phonebook.”
Danny shrugged, “Babies cry and knowing you? You did everything you could think of to check what could be wrong.”
Steve nodded, “Diaper, feeding, burping, temperature…” He trailed off and looked a bit sheepish, a look Danny never thought he would see on Steve’s face, “I suppose you’re wondering…”
“Oh, only a little,” Danny said, not bothering to hold back the sarcasm.
“Well, he’s mine.”
Danny nodded, “Makes sense. I doubt Mary would have just shown up with a baby to drop on you before taking off. She has more sense than that given how you are with kids.”
“Hey!” Steve said, affronted, “I’m getting better.”
Danny hummed a little in agreement, “I suppose so. I‘m assuming Catherine is his mother.”
Steve sighed and glanced at the kitchen, “Yeah. You want coffee? I could really use some.”
“Well, I want answers, but coffee’s good too,” Danny shifted the baby slightly and followed Steve into the kitchen, “The squirt have a name?”
“JJ,” Steve said, head buried in the cabinet he kept the coffee in.
“Which I’m guessing is a nickname,” When Steve hesitated, Danny narrowed his eyes slightly, “Let’s see, one of the J’s probably stands for John or some variation after your father. The other J,” he trailed off before his eyebrows shot upwards in shock, “…really? Really Stephen? Because if you did, I am two seconds away from calling him up and telling him the good news.”
Steve practically growled, “Jonathan Jeffrey.”
Danny laughed and began patting his pockets down, only to realize he had left his phone at home, “Well, there went that plan. Trust me, he’ll be thrilled. None of his daughters named their sons after him and I have five nephews. If I could have found a way to turn Jeffrey into a girl’s name, Grace would have a different middle name.”
“What is Gracie’s middle name anyway?”
Danny watched Steve place the filter in the pot and add the ground beans, “Amelia after Rachel’s grandmother. Back to the subject at hand, please. Why do you have him?”
Steve sighed and leaned against the counter, rubbing his hands along his face, “Catherine snow-balled me.”
“Meaning?” Danny drawled out.
“Meaning that she came here and told me she wanted me to meet him, that she wasn’t keeping him, and that I had to make the choice between myself and her sister. Somehow, it came out being me even though I’m not sure where the faulty wire was between my brain and mouth.”
Danny smiled, “In your son’s hands no doubt. I bet you took one look at him and was gone,” Danny lifted up his arm slightly, “Is he out? I can’t see his face.”
Steve looked down at JJ and nodded, “Like a light. His carrier is on the dining room table if you want to put him down.”
“You don’t have a crib?”
“I don’t have anything!”
Danny was momentarily stunned. Not over the fact that Steve didn’t have anything for the baby other than what Catherine most likely brought with her, but more that Stephen James McGarrett could actually whine, “Okay, so…we have coffee, eat breakfast, feed JJ when he wakes up and then go shopping. No big deal.”
“Good. Lists. I like lists. I can do lists. Coffee is just about done so breakfast. Pancakes?”
Danny shrugged. He wasn’t particularly hungry, his significant lack of sleep playing on his body like a nap would which meant sinus’ drainage something major. This made food wholly unappealing, but he wasn’t going to say no. Steve’s pancakes were a work of art, “How old is he?”
Steve poured out a cup of coffee before turning to Danny, “Six weeks. He was born on May 23rd and Catherine said he was a couple of weeks early.”
Danny raised an eyebrow and accepted the mug he was being given, “Six weeks and she only told you today? Really? Are you sure he’s even yours?”
“I don’t think Catherine is the type of person to lie about that, especially since her sister was planning to adopt him,” Steve said, glaring at Danny, “Would it make you feel better if I went and got a paternity test done? Besides, I already signed his birth certificate. He is legally mine.”
Danny would have held up his hands in a surrendering gesture, if he wasn’t still cradling JJ on one arm and had the coffee in the other hand, “Sorry, sorry. It was just a simple question.”
Steve nodded, “As for her telling me, well, she wanted to tell me in person and JJ was just cleared to fly a few days ago.”
“Ahh, yeah. That makes sense if he was early.”
~~
“I don’t think we can fit anything else in the back of this truck,” Danny watched on, amused, as Steve fought with bungee cords and the truck cover, “I don’t see why you just didn’t take off the cover before we left the house.”
Steve grunted and bent over to place the bungee hook under the bumper. Danny shifted the carrier holding JJ as he held back a chuckle, “Seriously, Steve, who pissed in your cheerios? You’ve been getting crankier with every passing second.”
“It’s nothing.”
“C’mon Steve, I know you better than that. You were having a blast at Toys ‘R’ Us. This started after we got to the mall.”
Steve sighed and took JJ’s carrier from Danny. He looked down at the baby and couldn’t help but shake his head. Still asleep, even after the hustle and bustle of the mall. He opened the truck door and placed the carrier on the car seat adapter before turning to Danny, “It’s nothing. I’m just being paranoid,” He turned to check that the carrier was secure before putting the seat back and walking around to the driver’s side.
Danny climbed in and shut the truck door, “Well, if you would just tell me already, I could actually tell you if you were being paranoid or not. Sometimes it’s like pulling teeth with you.”
“Since we left Baby Gap, I’ve had the feeling that someone’s been following us.”
Danny hummed as he buckled up, “That was the first store we were in. It’s the mall on a Saturday. Maybe you are just being paranoid.”
“Well, the feeling hasn’t actually dissipated,” Steve said. He started the truck and pulled out.
Danny watched the scenery go by as they pulled out of the lot. He knew not to dismiss Steve’s feelings, they had gotten them out of would be tight spots before, but it was the mall. People went in and out of the same stores all the time, seemingly like they were following other people. The mall was one of the places where people generally ignored the feeling of being followed.
“All right, go for a drive instead of straight home. I’ll keep an eye out and see if we have a tail, if it will make you feel any better,” Danny said, turning in his seat to do just that. He frowned, however, when his eyes fell on the cover that was obscuring most of the vehicles behind them, “Okay, so I use the side mirror. Change the angle would you? All I can see is half the truck and the car behind us.”
Steve adjusted the mirror and then did the same to his own. Neither of the men said anything as Steve took a drive around downtown Honolulu. There were a few cars that had left the mall at the same time as them and all had turned off at some point. They weren’t being followed.
“I think we’re good,” Danny said, turning his attention back to Steve, “No suspicious activity.”
“Yeah and the feeling is gone,” Steve moved over a few lanes and started towards the house.
“Uh, actually…” Danny glanced at the clock with a wince, “We need to head to Rachel’s first.”
“Pick up Grace?”
“In twenty minutes, yeah,” Danny pulled out his phone, grateful they had swung past his apartment before they had started their shopping. He sent a quick text to Rachel, letting her know they were on their way.
~~
next
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