Fic: Hidden in the World of Dawn - Chapter 1

[mneme2434]

Title: Hidden in the World of Dawn
Author:

Comments

[jmcaptein]

ahh i see why he'll be so happy, welcome back to a big city jersey boy! =^^=

[mneme2434]

Actually, from what I gathered from my research, Hilo is considerably smaller than Honolulu. So, his reason for being happy is....a whole different reason.

[mittaines]

I liked the story, update soon pretty please

[jackvelvet]

Ooh! Random lucky click! You made my night. I TOTALLY commend you for using such active sentence structure (for instance, "Danny looked at Steve" vs. "Danny was looking at Steve"/"Danny had been looking at Steve"). It just made your writing have more impact, and it kept me interested. Not many author's understand the art, but you have it down. Great job!

[mneme2434]

Ten days later (give or take a day) and I'm finally responding to your comment. Thank you for the wonderful review and truthfully? I write that way because I have an overactive imagination and am usually watching this play out like a movie in my head as I'm writing...not to mention people are always moving in some way or another (Danny more so than others, granted.) I was always taught to write from life. I guess I took it literally.

[purple_spock]

I am so looking forward to reading chapter two! (Which I am going to do right now) I really like that Steve is the one pining after Danny, and I loved, like LOVED Danny on the phone at the beginning, and how he was worried Kono would kill him for hurting the plant. : P Perfect.