We sure can dream (3/3)
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x
[14.10]
The fans are still screaming, and they will probably keep wasting their voices for a long time, for as long as they can. Taecyeon finds it funny and thrilling that he can hear them even as he moves to grab at Junho's arm and press him against the nearest wall. He knows the other will protest and probably yell at him for what seems like a careless move but this was actually deliberate. Taecyeon has been scheming and anticipating this since they went back for their encore stage. That he and Junho were the last ones to leave was no accident or coincidence. He also knew exactly when and where he could do this without anyone seeing.
"Taec," Junho tries to push him off, but Taecyeon knows he enjoys the risk as much as he avoids it. He could escape Taecyeon easily, and the taller one might let him go, holding back for later. But there's a glint to Junho's mouth that's not the sweat, a curve to his fingers which seem to be about to grab at his shirt and pull instead of pushing him again. He shakes his head then, as if wondering at how silly they are, but his smile surfaces through their kiss. Taecyeon grins back at Junho and presses him back against the wall to further shield them from any passersby. And also because he wants to feel Junho’s hipbones, caress his skin under the shirt, move a leg between his. Junho grips almost viciously at his arms in warning of lines he shouldn’t cross here but he doesn’t push Taecyeon away anymore. He just breaks the kiss and shakes his head, biting back a complaint. His face tells Taecyeon enough that he knows that’s what's making him curl his lips down, jaw to the side. Taecyeon still caresses his belly, teasing him just over the loop of his jeans. Try as he might Junho can’t hide how it affects him, the light shiver he tries to suppress as his body betrays him and he moves even closer to Taecyeon. “I shouldn’t even let you near me after what you did on stage.”
He racks his brain trying to remember what that could be about, but then it hits him. The way Junho crosses his arms, looks to the side, bites back an amused smile that’s fighting its way to his mouth. “Do you mean the very cute heart we managed to do together? We all do that all the time, and the fans--”
“I mean,” Junho puffs his chest as he keeps looking at the piled boxes that surround them instead of Taecyeon. “How you made me look like a fool by trying to reach up to you and failing. You bend your legs for other people but not for me. That’s not fair.”
“Oh but I do bend my legs for you, babe,” Taecyeon does it then, albeit slightly, just so he can move one thigh in between Junho’s legs and press up. Junho fights all the reactions in the attempt to keep still and not cave, but Taecyeon sees how he’s struggling to keep the laughter in check. It’s too easy for Taecyeon to take the other’s wrists and pull until he surrenders, relaxing, letting his bigger hands be guided until they’re resting on Taecyeon’s chest, one right above his heart. Taecyeon recalls how the both of them sat on the floor of Junho’s hotel room several weeks back, and it had been his hands held over Junho’s chest then.
“I hope for your sake that this is not some Heartbeat joke,” Junho says, voice flat so Taecyeon will know he means it.
“Please don’t ruin the moment,” Taecyeon counters, his own voice soft. Junho frowns as he catches on, for Taecyeon also means what he’s saying, what he’s about to say, no matter how cheesy it is, no matter if Junho laughs at him later. “Y’know how the left side of the heart is slightly bigger than the right one?”
Junho blinks, taking the words in, and nods slowly.
Taecyeon takes a deep breath. He chuckles, shakes his head, but then furrows his brow and looks down at their hands before meeting Junho’s incisive stare. “I was standing to your left when we did that.”
Junho’s blinking again, more slowly this time. His lips barely move but no words come out, his eyes go to where he’s touching Taecyeon as if searching for an explanation. “How did you manage to turn this on me,” he mutters, not really a question. He doesn’t sound so surprised either, just speechless. Taecyeon wonders if that’s only because he’s quenched Junho’s pettiness with a not-so-veiled confession of his own, or if it is the latter alone that makes it difficult for Junho to react the usual way.
“You do understand I mean we’re not each other’s mirror, but that we depend on each other, that I’m the one pumping blood through your veins and--”
“Shut up, Taec. Shut the hell up. You’re ruining it.” But Junho’s smile is as bright as the sun and worth a thousand times that. Taecyeon can’t help kissing him, just like he can’t help sneaking a hand underneath Junho’s shirt, pressing at his sternum.
“Maybe we should check if your heart’s different, if it has equal sizes.”
“Taecyeon--”
“Y’know, just in case you still need me to bend or open my legs for you.”
Junho covers his ears, his face all scrunched up in what might be fake disgust with a bit of real despair. Taecyeon’s wicked grin doesn’t win him over this time, but when Junho pushes him towards their dressing room and then keeps his hands on Taecyeon’s back as they walk there, the taller one can hear his laughter-filled breath.
x
It’s a rare occasion for all three occupants of the dorm to be there together. Taecyeon feels almost overwhelmed when he steps in and sees Chansung lounging on the couch, frowning at some book whose title he cannot see from the front door. Nichkhun is sitting on the floor, leaning against the couch, swatting at Chansung’s feet whenever the maknae seems to forget he’s there. The ghost of a smile with which Chansung greets him tells Taecyeon he might not be so unmindful of the other sitting near him.
“Hey there, Taecyeonie,” he says, waving distractedly before gripping at his book again and apparently focusing on its content.
“Hey,” he answers, and nods at Nichkhun. The Thai looks up from a bundle of sheets that might be a script, and seems to be analyzing his every detail as he nods back at Taecyeon.
“Date night?” he asks, which makes Chansung peek at him before turning his head back to get a good look at Taecyeon too. The latter’s wearing black slacks, a white shirt rolled up to the elbows, and a dark blue jacket he hung by the door.
“Cut it out,” Taecyeon says, but he’s amused. A little annoyed at the others’ prying, but also content at what seems to be a general acceptance of what he and Junho are doing. Their decision. Their relationship. Their friends’ blessings. He feels overwhelmed in different ways then, especially when Junho emerges and-- stops to look at him. To smile at him. Taecyeon can feel himself smiling too, but it’s not something he actually does, it just-- happens. He can’t help the grin that takes over his features when Junho looks at him like that.
He can hear Chansung and Nichkhun whispering and snickering and laughing from the couch, but he doesn’t care. Much. Why should he when Junho just rolls his eyes at the other two and motions for Taecyeon to follow him back the way he came? As soon as Junho turns around, though, Taecyeon makes the best threatening face he can and makes a cutting gesture at his throat. Nichkhun and Chansung only laugh at him, though the latter also ushers him to go after the ever impatient, almighty emperor. So he goes.
“You forgot this here the other day,” Junho says, handing him the dark green shirt Taecyeon had brought along the other night, just in case. He could have left it in the car. He had enjoyed seeing Junho put it on to walk around the house while Nichkhun and Chansung were not around-- which lasted longer than they had expected. Not that Nichkhun had spared them messages telling them not to do anything out of Junho’s room, or asking whether they’d like to have breakfast together. He soon sent yet another text to say they had changed their minds and would be back home only after lunch. Taecyeon was not sure if ‘they’ were only Nichkhun and Chansung anymore, but back then he had been distracted by other things.
“You can keep it,” Taecyeon says, but Junho shakes his head and presses the shirt onto his hands.
“It’s too big for me,” he says, his smile keeping Taecyeon from a second try. “I’m organizing all this stuff for the move, I really don’t need anything else.”
Taecyeon shrugs slightly, throws the shirt over one of Junho’s pillows and sits down on the bed. There are some cardboard boxes on the floor but they’re mostly empty. “Doesn’t the contract last for a few more months, though?”
Junho surprises him by coming to sit on his lap instead of next to him or even just standing up. It’s a good surprise, great even, that he’s straddling Taecyeon and looking into his eyes instead of putting some distance between them. “I’ve found a place,” he says casually, running his hands through Taecyeon’s hair. He stops with elbows on shoulders, fingers on scalp, eye to eye. “My own place.”
Taecyeon’s eyebrows rise for a second as his lips ease into a smile. “Really?” He’s curious, and if Junho’s really found an apartment, then he’ll feel happy for him too. The anticipation alone makes his smile widen. “But did you-- Did you check it out yet?” Junho nods, and keeps doing it as Taecyeon asks the next questions. “Somewhere in the city? Where they accept cats? That you can rebuild to make a proofsound room? With lots of sunlight in the winter? And the veranda you wanted?”
Junho seems diverted while Taecyeon beams at him. He’s gripping at Junho’s hips, filled with the will to kiss him and touch him and make him smile twice as much. Junho leans in, presses their mouths together for a moment. He sighs and seems to loosen up as the air leaves him, his limbs now heavy around Taecyeon’s shoulders. “I figured I’d take some things there, little by little. Buy some new stuff.” He lowers his voice. “See what you think.”
Taecyeon knows his grin is almost greasy, but he can’t help boosting at the words. “You want my opinion?”
Junho looks as if he knew he shouldn’t have said that, but now it’s too late. He laughs briefly though, fingers playing with the collar of Taecyeon’s shirt. “Yeah. You understand more about saving money and being practical than I do. I’d rather trust Wooyoungie for other details, though.”
“Is that really why you’d like me to come over?” Taecyeon asks, knowing what may lie beneath Junho’s sudden looking at his own hands on Taecyeon’s shirt and skin instead of up, into his eyes. Junho’s ears turn the color Taecyeon adores as he’s caught fighting something good but that Junho might still consider embarrassing, or against what he strives for being. They’re both independent and like it that way, but it doesn’t mean they can’t work this out or admit they want to be together. However, Taecyeon understands his reticence. In a way, they’re still learning each other again. They might also be learning about themselves.
Despite Junho’s struggle with the words and the implied question in them, he sounds determined. “Well, I suppose you’ll be around a lot.”
Taecyeon nods, both at the assumption and as a way to prompt him. He doesn’t think Junho’s finished yet, so he just touches the other’s face, silently asking him to stare back into his eyes. There’s a fleeting grimace, but Junho acquiesces.
“I’m not-- inviting you to move in with me, okay. I don’t think we should do that. I don’t think it’s necessary.” He frowns, looks down for a second, his thumb pulling at the shirt as if trying to open the second button; the first one was already undone. “But I want...” Junho looks up again, features softening, his eyes resolute. “I want you to want to be there. To feel comfortable. It’ll be just us, then. I guess it’ll be easier than this, but also harder?”
Taecyeon nods, hoping his smile remains one of understanding and encouragement, because that’s what he wants to show Junho right now, that’s what he feels. It’s important for him to know Junho wants all that, to hear him say that. When Junho frowns in thought, Taecyeon soothes the lines between his eyes, rakes his fingers through the short black hair. Junho’s smile is barely there, but worth it. Taecyeon rubs circles up his back until he’s sighing again. “Do you want to go out or stay in tonight?”
Junho shrugs. “You said you were picking me up for dinner, but if you’re tired...”
“I’m not. And I did book a nice place.” He smiles, aware of his own charming look, and Junho’s lips curve up.
“I guess I need to change clothes, then.”
Taecyeon runs his hands up his cotton-clad thighs and pulls at the hem of the sweatpants. They make a sound as he lets them go to snap at Junho’s lower back, but the other barely shakes his head, biting at his lower lip. “Need help with that?”
“Not really. I wouldn’t mind, though.”
x
[14.11]
Junho’s pacing his room, thinking whether he should just call things off again. The last couple of times were because of the bad weather, but it’s an exceptional beautiful day, Taecyeon has already confirmed all plans via SMS, and they’ve both been planning this for weeks now. Junho wants to do it, he’s actually looking forward to it, but he’s also afraid. Scared shitless of things going wrong no matter how many times they’ve gone through every step while preparing for this day. He knows Taecyeon shares his apprehension, not only because Junho’s seen it on his lover’s face but also because they’ve been open about this with each other.
He nearly jumps when the door opens, but it’s only Chansung. Junho sighs, tells himself to calm down and halts to look at the maknae with what he hopes is a collected face. “Is he here yet?” he asks, because Chansung knows what they’re doing, so he knows why Junho’s nervous. That also means Junho’s façade is useless because Chansung reads most people easily, especially the ones he holds to heart.
“Khun hyung just buzzed him in,” Chansung says, his smile warm. “You should just give him the keys already, but I guess that’s kinda late now. I mean, unless it’s the keys to your new apartment? But I don’t know if you’re thinking of doing that either.”
Junho laughs only because Chansung sounds as fidgety as he feels, which is kind of uncanny for the maknae. “I probably will, if I survive this.”
Chansung frowns. “You shouldn’t joke about that.”
“Either I joke or I won’t have the guts to do it.” Junho fists at his own hair and then damns himself for ruining half an hour of effort into taming it. “I mean, I want to do it, we both want to do it, but it’s kind of insane, don’t you think?”
“Yeah,” Chansung says, leaning his arm on the door handle as if to support his weight there. “I felt like that when I went bungee jumping.”
Junho smiles despite how edgy he probably looks. “It really isn’t the same thing. I should have listened to you.”
Chansung chuckles softly. “You’re finally admitting that?”
Junho hits him on the chest. Chansung blocks his next hit with a remaining smile, his eyes still clear with understanding.
“Good luck, Nuneo,” he says, stepping aside as Taecyeon shows up behind him. “You too, oppa,” he says, moving too fast for the older one to give him a lesson.
Junho has to laugh at that, so Taecyeon turns to him with a challenging look. “Ready?”
“I’M NOT READY!” Taecyeon screams later into the day, though Junho can’t really tell how loud he is. There’s an effing lot of wind that seems to be fighting the plane engine to be the noisiest, and the safety gear they’re both wearing doesn’t help them hear each other. The approximately 12,000 feet of altitude doesn’t make it any easier, either.
“IT WAS YOUR IDEA!”
“BUT IT WAS A TERRIBLE ONE! You can yell at me later but at least we’ll still be ALIVE!”
Junho heaves a long sigh. He puts his hands on Taecyeon’s face, careful not to get the special goggles out of place. He’s faintly surprised at how steady his fingers are, but maybe he’s gone numb with dread. “We’ve done the tandem jump three times already. Last time you even said it was getting boring, remember?”
“I was obviously LYING!”
Junho laughs even though he also wants to punch him a little. He knows Taecyeon is exaggerating, he can’t miss the excessive drama in his high-pitched voice and how his lips tug up despite how scared he’s trying to look. Still, Junho holds Taecyeon’s face to his own, spilling words that probably both of them need to hear. “LISTEN. We’re doing this. I didn’t come here for nothing. We’re gonna do this and it’s gonna be awesome and you’re gonna boast about how brave you are even if we’re literally scared shitless, because nobody else needs to know about that.”
Taecyeon grins at him, but he still shouts crazily, maybe drawing some energy from that. Junho will accept anything as long as they don’t turn around now. “YEAH! We’re doing this!”
“WE ARE!”
Taecyeon laughs through what might be a sob and hugs him tight.
“WE’RE READY!” Junho screams at the pilot, unwilling to give the other half a second in case he decides to change his mind again, fake drama or not. He holds Taecyeon with all the strength he has. They will have to face about a minute of freefall before opening their parachutes. He feels a little dizzy, but also alive, so much it’s like he’s about to burst with excitement. He looks at Taecyeon, mumbling the words they’ve said the previous times, though now there’s no instructor to help them. They’re on their own, but they’re also together in this. “When I jump, you jump.”
Taecyeon nods, squeezing his hand. “When I jump, you jump.”
The fall is not endless, but the thrill of it is.
x