Ummm...hold on just one sec. I think you're (mostly) right that asking someone why you are their friend is (mostly) a sign of a deficient self-image and a request for self-image (except in the case that they had SIGNIFICANT reason to doubt that you actually are their friend - if you need an example, I'll make one up). However...don't we all have times when something shakes us to the foundation and we find ourselves totering on our sense of self? In those cases, when ultimately everyone is on their own, friends can help to reassure and to provide landmarks for a reinstatement of self. However, when this gets excessive, it's probably just fishing for compliments. (I know this was all rhetorical and you didn't expect a response, but it just felt like a devil's advocate might prove useful at some point.)
And, when you need friends, you turn to them and ask for help. You don't validate their friendship first.
There are many levels of friends. Occasional, casual, intimate, etc. At whatever level I regarded her as a friend, I still regarded her as a friend. I felt that if I needed to, I could contact her and ask for help and she would provide what she could. I would have thought, even as distant as we became, that she had felt that way about me. I don't feel like I have to validate my friendship for it to still be viable.
If she wanted some reassurance, all she had to do was ask, and saying "Why are you my friend?", addressed to no particular person is hardly the way to ask.
I didn't ask are you my friend...blackbrighidJune 11 2005, 19:06:33 UTC
I you read the post carefully, it said,
"Why am I on your friends list?"
Not, "Why are you my friend?"
You see, to me, being on someone's friends list does not make you their friend...and conversely, being friends with someone does not necessarily put you on their friends list.
Silverknight says he's my friend, but I'm not on his friends list. Does that mean I'm not his friend? I can't answer that, but he says I am.
Then again, with some of his Friends Only posts, I don't blame him.
Re: I didn't ask are you my friend...modernwarriorJune 11 2005, 20:43:30 UTC
Still, why even ask the question, and summarily dismiss someone if they don't answer? Whether it got back to you or not, I did inquire about you occasionally. I have always considered you a friend, and I like to see what my friends are up to, intermittent though it may be. (I haven't seen Paul since the wedding, for example).
I still don't see a need to justify why I have you on my friends list, and obviously, I can't control what you do with your list.
Btw, as regarding my ultimate black belt test, don't lose contact completely, I have a few things that I will need to talk to you about. :D
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There are many levels of friends. Occasional, casual, intimate, etc. At whatever level I regarded her as a friend, I still regarded her as a friend. I felt that if I needed to, I could contact her and ask for help and she would provide what she could. I would have thought, even as distant as we became, that she had felt that way about me. I don't feel like I have to validate my friendship for it to still be viable.
If she wanted some reassurance, all she had to do was ask, and saying "Why are you my friend?", addressed to no particular person is hardly the way to ask.
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"Why am I on your friends list?"
Not, "Why are you my friend?"
You see, to me, being on someone's friends list does not make you their friend...and conversely, being friends with someone does not necessarily put you on their friends list.
Silverknight says he's my friend, but I'm not on his friends list. Does that mean I'm not his friend? I can't answer that, but he says I am.
Then again, with some of his Friends Only posts, I don't blame him.
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I still don't see a need to justify why I have you on my friends list, and obviously, I can't control what you do with your list.
Btw, as regarding my ultimate black belt test, don't lose contact completely, I have a few things that I will need to talk to you about. :D
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I'm hoping to start making it to the occasional volleyball game starting this Monday. :D
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"'Cause you're my friend, asshole!"
We love you! Bring it Monday!
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