as i was leaving the mall today, a large gentleman alerted my attention and shook my hand, stating that he had been in prison for 7 years and was looking for a bit of food
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The thing is, though, is that your realization it was unnecessary was in hindsight. Had you simply kept walking, you'd have been beating yourself up still. You stopped instead - and then realized maybe he didn't need it after all. At least you spared yourself that potential guilt, so consider the $4.88 an investment in your sanity. Really, I sometimes turn down people looking for handouts, and beyond the initial pangs, I don't feel too bad. You can give away all of your money until you're homeless too, and you still won't have enough for everyone.
A little generosity is always great but don't feel you're always obligated to give just because you can at every opportunity. Especially when, as you saw, some people are perfectly capable of helping themselves - though its rarely so obvious as in that case. (turning down a drink - you should have bought a diet coke)
yeah, i think what gets me is those initial pangs, too. My mind overblows them and i don't give myself the time to get over them. Though even given the time, i'd probably be beating myself up on the way home
when i visited NYC, i had no trouble turning down/ignoring people asking for handouts, not only due to the sheer number of people asking, but because it was a bit more obvious that a good eighty percent of these people were drug addicts (most would right out ask for drugs before asking for money).
i think in this case, i've seen very little of people asking for handouts that i guess i felt obligated to help? I dunno
and yeah though i still considered that he didn't need it, i figured it was 5 dollars i probably would have used to get an MP3 album or something
I totally understand the guilt thing! I would always feel like so bad if I walked by someone and even avoided eye contact with them.
Eventually though, after spending a lot of time walking through downtown Seattle, there's literally no way to help everyone & that being generous was hurting MY pocket too! A lot of people just put up a wall and characterize every ~homeless person as some sort of antagonist in order to reduce/eliminate the guilt. But personally I think it's more a matter of changing the way you show respect. Like, instead of being like "I'm a jerk if I don't give them money" just be like "I'm a nice guy if I smile and nod" or something. That's how I dealt with it at least!
Although there are still those people you really.... really don't even want to go near on the street. Those are a different story though lmao...
Yeah I struggle with the guilt thing too. I tend to mill over situations where I may have screwed up socially. Right now I keep over-thinking something that happened in March.
You just have to overlook the 4.88. If he needed food, then you helped him out. If he didn't and was just being sleazy, then he was being sleazy and taking advantage of your generosity. None of this is your fault.
After being cornered by a pack of sketchy people and coerced to give them money- I'm just not as trusting as I used to be. Yeah it's rough, and in this economy I'm even starting to see homeless people in the South-center area, which I've never seen in my 15 years in Tukwila.
When I was working my gas station job I knew a homeless person who came in a lot. It was really really stormy one night so I let him sleep on our couch. It was no big thing, and nothing bad came of it. I think I've got enough karma from that event to make up for avoiding the dozens of pan-handlers that I see every day now.
well he wasn't asking for money or drugs, just food. and if he could easily have gotten it for himself he probably wouldn't have been asking you for it
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Comments 9
A little generosity is always great but don't feel you're always obligated to give just because you can at every opportunity. Especially when, as you saw, some people are perfectly capable of helping themselves - though its rarely so obvious as in that case. (turning down a drink - you should have bought a diet coke)
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when i visited NYC, i had no trouble turning down/ignoring people asking for handouts, not only due to the sheer number of people asking, but because it was a bit more obvious that a good eighty percent of these people were drug addicts (most would right out ask for drugs before asking for money).
i think in this case, i've seen very little of people asking for handouts that i guess i felt obligated to help? I dunno
and yeah though i still considered that he didn't need it, i figured it was 5 dollars i probably would have used to get an MP3 album or something
Reply
Eventually though, after spending a lot of time walking through downtown Seattle, there's literally no way to help everyone & that being generous was hurting MY pocket too! A lot of people just put up a wall and characterize every ~homeless person as some sort of antagonist in order to reduce/eliminate the guilt. But personally I think it's more a matter of changing the way you show respect. Like, instead of being like "I'm a jerk if I don't give them money" just be like "I'm a nice guy if I smile and nod" or something. That's how I dealt with it at least!
Although there are still those people you really.... really don't even want to go near on the street. Those are a different story though lmao...
Reply
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You just have to overlook the 4.88. If he needed food, then you helped him out. If he didn't and was just being sleazy, then he was being sleazy and taking advantage of your generosity. None of this is your fault.
After being cornered by a pack of sketchy people and coerced to give them money- I'm just not as trusting as I used to be. Yeah it's rough, and in this economy I'm even starting to see homeless people in the South-center area, which I've never seen in my 15 years in Tukwila.
When I was working my gas station job I knew a homeless person who came in a lot. It was really really stormy one night so I let him sleep on our couch. It was no big thing, and nothing bad came of it. I think I've got enough karma from that event to make up for avoiding the dozens of pan-handlers that I see every day now.
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