Dear Joshua
Dear Josh,
Though of you today like every day. Sunday is Aubrey's 14th birthday. I often wonder how your death is effecting her. I can't imagine what losing a father is like at 12 years old. I saw a funny meme and I wanted to share it with you. That bitch Laurie still has your old phone so I don't even wanna text it anymore. I finally got Aubrey back in therapy for herself. I hope the thearpaist can help her process and learn to cope better than I have. I'm proud of myself for not going back to impatient since Febuary. You know how the holidays normally get to me. I drive into town and was thinking about the last time we were together an got Outback Steakhouse for the fourth of July. I wish that wasn't the last day together. I wish i could go back in time. I wish everything was the way it was then. I miss you and i miss AJ. I can't believe all this has happened in a year. I can't believe I lost you and then my him. I hope you are watching over Isaac too he is so distant from me now I feel like he's just in his own world and I can't believe he will be 17 next month. I hope one day he will come home. I miss him terribly and miss everything about him but he wont even speak to me. You would be proud of me as i'm 9 months sober tomorrow. I wish i knew i could've got you into rehab. I wish I would have picked you up that night. I wished for so long it was me instead of you but it wasn't and I have to do better and go on with my life. I plan on giving Aubrey that voice recording of you singing happy birthday to her for her birthday. At least I know you're not alone up there with your grandma, dad, and our heavenly baby.