Fic: It's Always What You Didn't Say (3/8)
A/N - I've never written something this big before, so I was not aware that Livejournal is such a little bitch about the sizes. I have learned my lesson.
Part 2
---
Mark's plan was simple, don't eat until Eduardo forced him to. It was probably a really stupid plan considering he'd died the last time he'd skipped meals, but he had faith in Eduardo. Eduardo couldn't ignore his motherly instincts forever. He'd tried to once at Harvard but that had ended with him showing up at Kirkland with Chinese food for everyone, and then he'd nagged Mark to bed. He'd missed taking care of them more than they had of him being there to take care of them. Mark wouldn't even have noticed if Chris hadn't said anything.
So Mark ignored his meals in the hopes that the old Eduardo would burst out and force food into him. It didn't even have to be nice food, Mark would take a salad. In fact he'd prefer it. If Eduardo forced healthy food onto him, then he'd be more himself than Mark had seen him in years.
Eduardo didn't say anything when Mark skipped breakfast. That wasn't the most scandalous move, Mark didn't eat breakfast regularly anyway. He rejected snacks during the drive, and ignored the grumbling in his stomach until he didn't notice it anymore. It was a lot more difficult when he didn't have code to distract him.
At lunch he turned down a sandwich from Stella, and took a nap instead. He looked to Eduardo to see if he'd react, but Eduardo didn't seem to register anything wrong. Mark kept up the charade through dinner. He went to bed without eating anything at all that day, and dreamed of Eduardo pulling him away from his chair and down to the cafeteria for some lunch. He looked at Mark with the same look again, always smiling like he never would in reality.
Mark woke up with a start. He spent the rest of the morning sitting on the hood of Stella's car trying to get his laptop to work. It didn't, as always, but he persevered. It wasn't coding, but it was good enough to distract him from his hunger.
Eduardo woke up a couple of hours later. He stepped out of the tent with a yawn and frowned at Mark. "I didn't know they had laptops here," He noted.
"Not any working ones," Mark growled. He probably shouldn't project his mounting frustration onto Wardo when he was trying to make Wardo fun and not depressed again, but it was starting to really piss him off at this point.
Eduardo sat next to him, looking up at the sky. "Another sunny day," He said quietly.
"Alert the media," Mark quipped.
Eduardo looked at Mark with amusement. He hopped down from the hood and started rooting in the back through an open window. "You want any breakfast?"
"Not hungry," Mark said curtly. His stomach protested but Mark shut it out. Wardo was more important. Eduardo still didn't seem to notice though, and leaned himself against the car next to Mark again, with a green apple hanging from his mouth.
Mark typed fiercely, trying not to fall into a rhythm with Eduardo's bites. "I don't think you can fix it," Eduardo said after a long silence.
Mark didn't reply.
"It's like Stella's headlights, or every coffee machine that exists here. People would enjoy it if they were still alive, so it doesn't work."
Mark stopped typing. He hadn't heard that theory before. It seemed kind of cruel. People killed themselves because their lives were shit and instead of an escape they just ended up in a life that was even more shit. How was that fair?
"I thought I was in hell when I first got here," Eduardo said. He was watching the sky again. The sun was already halfway risen, and the sky was almost a solid blue, with a few wisps of pink and orange floating in the horizon.
"It made sense when I thought about it. I wanted to die, and I wake up alive without a working coffee machine."
"Yeah, it doesn't really get any worse than that," Mark teased.
Eduardo kicked at the dusty ground beneath his feet and took another bite of his apple. "Sorry for opening up then," He murmured and walked back to the tent to wake Stella up. Mark watched him go, cursing himself for screwing up this opening.
---
He was beginning to lose hope on the whole fasting for Wardo's attention thing. He doubted people could die in this world, but he didn't want to risk it. Exhaustion wasn't exactly painful, but he'd rather not go through it again. Besides, who knew where he'd end up. It was like that Leo DiCaprio movie but instead of dreams it was the afterlife. Mark did not want to be in an afterlife within an afterlife.
His stomach was becoming increasingly noisy, so much so that he was surprised no one had asked him why he kept growling. This was ridiculous. Eduardo wasn't going to do anything about this. He was past caring for Mark, he didn't even notice.
"Why are we pulling up?" Stella asked from the passenger seat. Mark looked out the window and saw them pulling up to one of those diners that were always on the side of motorways.
"We're getting food," Eduardo answered.
Mark raised his eyebrows.
"We ate, like, an hour ago," Stella whined.
"Mark didn't." Eduardo shrugged.
"I'm not hungry," Mark lied. It was probably a dumb move, but he had to see just how dedicated Eduardo was to the cause. He wouldn't be his Eduardo if he didn't do everything in his power to force food into Mark's stomach.
He turned around to face Mark in the backseat. "I don't know if you can die twice, but I really don't think you should risk it," He said. Then without another word he kicked the door open and walked to the diner, expecting Stella and Mark to follow.
"Ugh, what is he even doing?" Stella groaned.
If Mark could smile, he would. This was it, old Wardo was resurfacing. There was still hope. Maybe Mark could bring him back. Maybe he'd be himself again one day.
He didn't answer Stella's question. Instead he hopped out of the car and shuffled quickly after Wardo.
Eduardo was waiting for him at the door to the diner. He only walked inside once both Mark and Stella had joined him.
The place was pretty empty apart from a family sitting together in a corner booth. The trio got a booth for themselves and were greeted by a waitress with a name-tag that read Liesel.
"Good morning!" She said in a thick German accent. Mark thought if people could smile here this would be one of those places where it was mandatory for all the staff to do it with every customer.
"Hi," Eduardo said. He'd probably be smiling back politely if he could too. "Do you have a coffee machine here?"
Liesel's faced squished up into a complicated expression. "We have a machine but it works bad. We only get half cup of coffee each time and it do not taste so great," She whispered conspiratorially, looking back over her shoulder to check if her boss was there. Liesel would make a very bad salesperson.
Eduardo thought about it for a moment, then shrugged. "Worth a shot," He said. "Stella?"
"Pass. I'm not hungry," She told him. She looked over his shoulder, distractedly, at the family sitting together.
Eduardo turned back to Liesel. "In that case, coffee for me, and a full pancake breakfast for my - for Mark." He avoided looking at Mark, not bothering to check if Mark noticed the almost mistake.
Liesel took the order down on her notepad, and roller-skated away. How had Mark not noticed this was a roller-diner? Maybe Wardo had a point about the hell theory. Only hell would still have roller-diners.
Once Liesel was gone, Stella cocked her head at the family. "I wonder how they did it," She said. Eduardo turned around, then turned back quickly, remembering that it was rude to stare. Not that there was anything wrong with the family, it was just weird that they were a family who were all there.
"They all killed themselves?" Eduardo whispered.
"I don't know if that's sad or creepy," said Mark.
"I think it's sweet," said Stella. They both gave her horrified looks.
"They loved each other so much they wanted to be together even in death," She justified. "It makes sense. Everybody misses their family down here."
"Unless they're here to get away from their family," Eduardo supplied. When Mark gave him a questioning look, Eduardo made an unreadable face. Mark could practically see him adding more defenses to his metaphorical walls. Stop! he wanted to say. You're not like this. Be open again!
Stella finally stopped staring at the family and moved to look at her car instead. "Did you bring the map with you?" She asked Eduardo. He pulled it out of his pocket and handed it to her. She opened it up, and started inspecting it.
"We've gotten pretty far in the last couple of days. There's a gas station a couple of miles from here and then a motel a few miles ahead of that. We might be able to stay there for a night," She said.
"We need to find a store," Wardo added. "We're running out of food."
Stella inspected the map then pointed to a spot. "We'll get some at the gas station."
Eduardo nodded just as Liesel returned with his coffee and Mark's food. "Eat up," Eduardo urged him. He took a sip of his coffee, promptly spitting it back in the cup. His face contorting in disgust.
"I miss good coffee," He said.
Mark took a small bit of his pancake. "I miss coding."
Eduardo gave him an I'm not surprised look. "I miss the weather too."
Stella looked up from the map in confusion. "The weather?"
"Eduardo's a meteorology nerd," Mark explained.
"Says the classic computer geek," Eduardo shot back at him, in a tone that was bordering on playful. Mark counted that as a breakthrough. Bringing back the old Wardo might not be as hard as he thought.
"I didn't make $300,000 betting on the weather."
"No, you just created Facebook," Eduardo said. There was only a hint of bitterness in his tone. He took a subconscious sip of coffee before remembering he hated it and spitting it out again. "This is really disgusting." He grimaced, pushing it away.
Mark nodded and took another large bite of his pancakes. Thank God Eduardo finally fed him, he was seriously starving.
"You know what I miss?" Stella asked. She was frowning down at the map again. "All those lame landmark stuff you always saw on road-trips across the country. Like America's biggest chair and stuff like that. They don't have any of those here, it's so boring."
Mark and Eduardo shared an amused look, and turned back to Stella.
"It's a shame you're dead. Dustin would love you," Eduardo said nostalgically.
Stella shrugged. "Why because I love lame roadside attractions? Maybe you guys are just really boring people who don't appreciate a good all American milestone."
"I saw America's biggest doughnut once when my family drove up to the badlands," Mark offered.
Stella shook her head at him in disappointment, like the doughnut thing would never be good enough.
Eduardo's eyes looked like they were laughing on the inside. That was new. Mark rather liked it.
---
"Remember that time we drove through Boston all night long because Dustin couldn't remember the address of the party he wanted to go to?" Eduardo asked. "I think we made the record for most raccoons run over in one night." He munched on a packet of Cheetos. "It wasn't even dark, I think the raccoons were just sneaky."
"Or that time when the gearshift jammed in Chris' car, and we were in the middle of the snow, and even though the car was only sliding by an inch a minute we all thought we were gonna die," Mark said back.
"We were nearly in a collision that night," Eduardo said, pointing a cheesy finger at Mark.
"That 'collision' had less impact than a collision between a turtle and an old woman would," Mark countered.
"Well if the old woman tripped, things could get ugly."
"I think we're getting away from the point."
"You're right. Hey remember that time when that crazy lady ran a stop sign, and when you hit the breaks, Chis hit his nose off the dashboard so hard he got a nosebleed?"
Stella was back behind the wheel again, and Mark and Eduardo had made some form of silent agreement to freak her out as much as possible. It wasn't hard considering how paranoid she got when she was driving. The only reason they wanted to do it was so they could take over and get to their destination faster, but it was starting to backfire on them, making Stella drive slower than her already snail-like pace.
It was still amusing, though. Eduardo's eyes kept that earlier sparkle from the diner, and Mark was in no hurry to make it go away. Stella probably would appreciate it if she wasn't on the brink of a nervous breakdown.
"Remember that time we nearly crashed because of an apple on the street?" Mark asked.
"Yeah, that was one of the safer nights," Eduardo lied. He gave Stella a pat on the back that made her flinch. He shared a giddy look with Mark through the mirror.
"Dear God, Boston sounds like a death trap," Stella muttered.
"Only if you don't know how to drive," Eduardo said. "Like Mark."
"I was a better driver than you," Mark shot at him.
"If you two keep doing this I'm never letting either of you anywhere near the steering wheel again," Stella warned.
"Aw, we're just kidding, Stella," Eduardo said.
"Yeah," Mark agreed. "We promise, we only ever hit one raccoon."
Eduardo choked on a Cheeto and started violently coughing like he was trying to disguise a laugh, which was ridiculous considering he couldn't laugh, so he just looked like he'd swallowed it down the wrong pipe.
"I hate you both," Stella whispered through pursed lips.
Eduardo coughed some more, cleared his throat, and sat forward so he was right between the two front seats. "Wait till we tell you about the disastrous road-trip of '04."
There was no road-trip of '04, Mark played along anyway. "The one where Dustin threw up seven times?"
There was a ghost of a smirk on Eduardo's face. "No, the disastrous one."
"Oh right," Mark nodded. "The one where you fainted and Chris caught the mumps."
Eduardo clicked his fingers and pointed at Mark in false recognition, his face brightening. "Yes, that one!"
Stella groaned from beside them. "I liked it better when you weren't talking."
"I don't think so, the one where we lost our voices was kind of an uneventful car ride," Mark said.
Eduardo fell into a coughing-as-a-replacement-for-laughing fit again. Mark had no idea the sound of somebody trying to prevent themselves from choking could make him so happy.
---
He wasn't an idiot. He knew there was too much history for them to act like everything was fine. They had a hundred issues to sort out, and then some, but right now things were easy, and happy, if happy was a thing that this world could be. Mark wasn't gonna ruin that with conversations, and feelings, and general healthy communication. He wasn't good with words, so clearly talking about things with Wardo wasn't going to get him anywhere. Unless, of course, that place was filled with awkward silences and distant expressions.
They were in a safe zone where they both focused most of their attention on Stella. She made a great buffer. She had enough personality to engage them both in individual, interesting conversations, as well as having enough confidence to let them tease her and her driving for an hour just so they could avoid everything else they obviously needed to talk about.
The problem was, this little system was a bubble. And all bubbles burst eventually. Mark just didn't expect theirs to go so quickly.
And he certainly didn't expect Wardo's ex-girlfriend to set it off.
---
When they arrived at the gas station Stella ran for the restroom so fast Mark genuinely believed he would have missed it if he'd blinked. He got out to stretch his legs, and started to fill the tank, but spotted Eduardo already in the store with his arms full of stuff. Only he would be able to spend less than a minute out of a car and already have all the essentials ready to go. Mark rolled his eyes fondly, and headed inside to help him out.
Eduardo was standing at the closest aisle, holding bags of food in his shirt like a kid with candy. He was trying to reach for some M&Ms but his hands were too full. It was simultaneously ridiculous and hilarious to watch him struggle.
Mark picked up a basket and handed it to him. "Y'know, usually I'm the incompetent one and you're the one showing me how to do things like a normal person."
Eduardo poured the pouch of essentials into the basket. "Not always," He said, regaining his breath. "You just don't consider people the same way as everybody else. It's not a bad thing." He began walking and picked some shaving cream from a shelf. "I hope we reach the motel soon. I really want to shower."
"Showering's worse here than it was at home. It's never warm," Mark said, walking alongside him.
"I don't think any appliance works properly here, to be honest. I wouldn't even mind that much except I haven't had a good cup of coffee in months." They began to turn a corner but Eduardo backed up quickly. He'd gone white as a sheet. Mark's heart started to race, wondering if something was wrong, because last time Eduardo had looked that pale was the last night Mark had seen him alive.
"What? What's wrong?" Mark asked.
Eduardo frantically shushed him, and waved for Mark to join him. Mark was about to, then he heard a familiar voice calling his name from up ahead. When he looked around he understood why Eduardo was behaving like a crazy person. Standing in front of him was none other than Christy Lee. Mark hadn't seen her in years. She was still beautiful, except now she wore a giant burn on the left side of her face. She still managed to make it look like it was mean to be there.
"Mark Zuckerberg?" She asked, taking a step closer to him. From the corner of his eye, Mark could see Eduardo taking tentative steps back, hoping he wouldn't be noticed.
"Oh my God!" Christy continued. She seemed really excited for some one who Mark had barely talked to even when they knew each other. The only reason Mark even put up with her was because of Eduardo, so the look she was giving him felt kind of silly. Then again, it was probably exciting running into people you used to know.
"I can't believe I'm seeing you here of all people!"
Mark just blinked at her.
"I always thought you loved yourself way too much to ever do something like this," She continued. Mark vaguely remembered Eduardo mentioning how she could keep conversations up with herself even if he didn't answer her for hours. Mark had always thought that was an exaggeration, but it made sense now.
"So what happened? Facebook get a little too hard to handle so you popped a few pills?"
"Yes," Mark lied, because a) he didn't want to explain himself to her, and b) Eduardo was making over-the-top gestures for Mark to wrap it up and get out of there, now!
"So how long have you been here?" She asked.
"Couple of weeks."
"Aw, you're only a newbie!" She said. Mark failed to see how that was worthy of an aw. "I've been here for a couple of years now. Don't worry, you get used to the dreariness," She winked at him.
"I wans't worried," Mark told her.
Eduardo facepalmed in frustration.
"So are you living around here?"
"Just making a pit-stop," Mark said. "I have to get snacks, so... "
"Right, well it was great seeing you," She said. Mark highly doubted that, but whatever. He honestly did not care enough to think about it.
Christy headed off in the direction of the aisle where Eduardo was hiding. Mark was about to stall her but realized Eduardo had vanished so let her go. When he turned he nearly jumped with fright. Eduardo was standing over his shoulder, watching Christy like she was the boogyman.
"Jesus Christ," He breathed on Mark's shoulder.
"I forgot how much she talked," Mark admitted.
"I can't believe you actually kept up a conversation with her. Chris taught you too well," Eduardo remarked.
"That was hardly a conversation." Mark looked up at Eduardo's face. His expression was cautious, and he looked more jumpy than Mark had ever seen him, dead or alive. "I take it it didn't end well between you two."
Eduardo's expression vanished, and was replaced by a slight frown. "Didn't end well? She set fire to my bed! Weren't you listening when- wait. Never mind. That was a dumb question. Let's just pay." He pushed past Mark towards the counter.
Mark followed him with a scowl. "How was that a stupid question?"
Eduardo narrowed his eyes. And there it was. Everything was coming to the surface now. Anger and annoyance hidden under layers of do not want to be uncomfortable started to slip through, and neither of them knew for sure how to make it stop. The problem was they were both too passionate about this to just let it go. Passionate and stubborn.
"I listen to you," Mark insisted. Eduardo looked like he was holding back a scoff. "I'll admit, sometimes you talk about trivial things and I don't really take it in, but I've always done that. I do that with everybody. I thought you got that about me."
Eduardo payed for the snacks and picked the bags off the counter. "You're right, I'm sorry," He said half-heartedly.
"No, you're not," Mark told him.
Eduardo sighed with aggravation. "You're right, I'm not. Can we go?" He stuffed the bags into the back and got in the driver's seat.
"What took you guys so long? I painted half my nails while you were in there," Stella griped from the back, blowing on her left hand.
"You brought nail varnish with you?" Eduardo asked.
Stella shrugged carelessly.
Mark glowered at Eduardo. "So is this the sort of thing I should be paying attention to then?" He muttered bitterly.
Stella looked between them in confusion. Eduardo's jaw set.
"Don't be difficult." His tone was dangerous, but Mark never was one to back down when it came to him.
"Then explain it to me."
Eduardo breathed out a heavy sigh. "The thing is, you can't just pick what's important and what's not. When you care about some one you listen to what they have to say, even if it's dumb, or trivial. You think I actually knew what you were saying all those times I let you talk code at me? You went on for hours, and to this day I still have no idea what the hell you were talking about half the time, but I payed attention because I cared." He started up the car angrily. Mark wondered how long Eduardo had been holding this in, because the speech seemed way too thought out to be a spur of the moment thing.
"And that's always been your problem," Eduardo continued. "Because you? The only thing you cared about enough to pay attention to was yourself and Facebook."
Stella raised her eyebrows. Her eyes darted back and forth between them, looking lost.
"And Sean fucking Parker," Eduardo added, dryly.
He drove forward, and Mark was about to start his counter-argument but then a loud thumping noise came from outside.
"What the hell was that?" Eduardo asked, hitting the breaks.
"Oh my God, we've hit a raccoon!" Stella cried out frantically.
Eduardo looked out the window and turned back to Mark. "Did you fill up the tank?"
Mark nodded. Then he realized why Eduardo was asking. He'd forgotten to put the pump back.
"You're paying for that," Eduardo said. Mark pretended not to hear the harsh satisfaction in his voice.
---
(Before)
---
Sean came in next, which Mark found more than a little surprising. Why on earth Chris thought it'd be a good idea to send in Sean Parker, was a mystery to him. Especially since both Holly and Dustin had failed so far, it was very unlikely that Sean would have any luck. He and Mark still spoke regularly, but they weren't close friends anymore. The most they ever did together was go out every now and again for a drink, and sometimes Sean stopped by the Facebook offices, or Mark's house to hang out.
"How's it going Marky Mark?" Sean asked a little obnoxiously, and Mark wondered briefly if maybe Chris hadn't gotten around to telling Sean what happened.
"I'm coding, Sean," Mark said, in a tone that was supposed to convey leave me alone but for some reason didn't. Or Sean ignored it. It was a fifty-fifty chance.
"Yeah ... about that. People are kinda worried about you out there. Don't you think maybe you should hit the breaks for a little while?" Sean sat on the corner of Mark's desk, and looked at him with that I'm about to sell you an idea look. "Come on, I'll take you out for a drink. We can get shitfaced and play Halo all night. You'll like it."
"I don't want to play Halo," Mark said stubbornly.
Sean rolled his eyes, and leaned even closer deciding to cut through the bullshit. "Alright look, you've been wired in for hours without food or sleep. I'm not gonna lie to you, it's freaking everybody out. Not to mention Chris and Dustin already lost a friend, they don't need to lose another. So I'm getting you out of his office."
"How thoughtful of you," Mark shot at him with disdain.
"Dude, I know your heart's all broken up inside from losing Eduardo - "
"My heart's not broken up inside," Mark interrupted. "I've barely spoken to Wardo in the last couple of months. We're not even friends anymore. I'm not upset, I'm surprised, and I'm not coding because of him, I have work to do. Why doesn't anyone believe me?"
"Maybe it's because if you didn't care you probably wouldn't still call him Wardo."
Mark paused. "Force of habit."
"Uh huh," Sean said skeptically. "Mark, get off the computer; You need some rest."
"I'm fine."
"Yeah, if you could see yourself right now you wouldn't agree. You look like shit. Get off the computer."
"Why don't you leave, Sean? You don't actually work here, and I don't have time to keep up an unnecessary conversation with you."
"Being an asshole's not gonna get rid of me, man."
Mark opted for the silent treatment instead. Sean was kind of an attention seeker, eventually he'd get annoyed and go flirt with some intern.
Sean stayed for another two hours, Mark was actually rather impressed, not that he'd admit it. He realized quickly what Mark was doing, so he filled the silence with random ramblings about what he'd been up to lately. There were a few stories about chicks he'd banged and assholes he'd made a fool of, and Mark was positive Sean made half of them up just to see if it would get Mark to stop. Eventually, he stopped yapping and took a half hour nap on the couch in Mark's office. He sighed when he woke up again and Mark was still coding.
"Mark," He said solemnly, rubbing the sleep out of his eyes. "You have to stop doing this to yourself. Eduardo's gone, and I know that's hard for you but you can't just code for the rest of your life."
Mark ignored him.
"He wouldn't have wanted you to do this to yourself."
Mark stopped typing for the first time in hours. He felt more calluses forming on his fingertips, but he ignored that and gave Sean the hardest glare he could muster in his current tired state.
"You don't know anything about him, Sean. You don't get to tell me what he would and wouldn't have wanted."
Sean gave him the same sympathetic look that Chris had earlier, only on Sean it made Mark feel even more powerless.
"You know he wouldn't want you to do this."
"I know he also wouldn't purposely end his life, but he did."
Sean's shoulders dropped, and Mark went back to his code. Sean had distracted him too much, now he was lost and had to go back a few lines to start up again.
"Okay, Mark," Sean said softly. "You can keep coding."
Mark nodded. "I will."
Sean shook his head and walked out of Mark's office. Mark put on his headphones and shut out the world again for a couple more hours.
---
(After)
---
The clerk at the gas station told Mark that that people forgot the pumps all the time. He was the third one that week, apparently. It was probably another one of those Other World things.
"You just have to fill this out." He handed Mark a binder full of forms filled out by people who had broken the pumps. It was all basic stuff, address, car registration, contact number. It wasn't until Mark reached the end of the form that things got weird.
"Um. I don't understand this question," Mark said, pointing at the form with the end of his pen.
The clerk walked over and read it.
What were you thinking when the incident occured?
"It's exactly what it says on the tin," He told Mark. "Write what you thought."
Mark didn't know what he thought. He flicked back over the pages to read other peoples' answers. They were all varied. Some were sad thoughts. Some talked about missing their family and friends. Some were one sentence long and others were full paragraphs of emotions and personal feelings. The weirdest part was nobody held back. People just said what they were outright feeling to a random book at a random gas station.
"Just put your pen down and start writing. It'll come out naturally," The clerk instructed.
Mark did as he was told. He wrote a few lines, and read over them curiously when he was done.
I miss Wardo's smile. He used to smile at everything. He had an idiotic grin, but it was sort of comforting. He smiles with his eyes now, but it's not the same.
And Sean Parker doesn't have anything to do with anything, so that was just a stupid point to make.
"Tyra calls that smizing," Stella's voice said from over his shoulder. Mark jumped and backed away from her a little.
She mistook his frightened expression for confusion. "Tyra Banks. She used to always tell the top models to smile with their eyes. She called it smizing as if that was an actual thing. I always thought it was kinda stupid, but it makes sense on Wardo, somehow," She explained.
Mark blinked at her. He wasn't gonna lie, there was little about those sentences that he actually understood.
"He sent me in here to check if you needed any help." She winced as soon as the words left her mouth. "And that was the part I was supposed to leave out," She said to herself. Mark was pretty sure she never meant to leave out anything and was just playing the part so Mark wouldn't tell Eduardo.
He put the pen down and closed the book. "I'm done," He said, and the two walked back to the car.
---
A torturous silence filled the space between the three of them, the way it had on the first few hours of their trip. It was worse now. At least before all of Mark and Eduardo's past issues were still buried deep in denial. Now they were all bubbling up. Even if they weren't fighting about it, they were still thinking about it. The longer the thoughts sat in their minds, festering, the more they grew into ugly contempt towards one another. Neither of them wanted that, but it was inevitable. They just couldn't help themselves at this point.
Stella had dozed off into a light sleep, with her head propped against the window behind Mark. It felt wrong somehow, that she could rest while he felt so helpless. This would be a time when coding would have been wonderful.
Eduardo kept his eyes on the road with his hands perfectly on the ten and two positions. He ignored Mark like Mark was a disease. Mark watched him carefully.
"What?" Eduardo spat out, sharply.
"You listened to me ramble on about dumb, trivial things, but you never payed attention to what I was saying when it actually mattered. If you did you would have come out to California."
He heard Eduardo exhale tiredly beside him.
"Mark, can we just - leave the past in the past? I don't want - You're leaving anyway, as soon as we find the PIC. You'll go back, and I'll still be here, and none of it will matter, so can we please forget everything?"
Mark wanted to point out that Eduardo had brought it up, but Eduardo wasn't expecting an answer from Mark. He was going with the plan regardless of what Mark thought from the way he was ignoring Mark's presence again.
Mark leaned back and let himself nap for a while. "Whatever," He murmured before letting his eyes drift shut and sleep take over.
---
The unpleasantness of their trip only continued after that. They didn't fight anymore, but they were on the brink of it, both waiting for one of them to start so they could shoot off the anger that was on the tip of their tongues. The weird thing was they both wanted to. Neither of them wanted to be the one to actually start it, but both would jump at the chance.
Mark knew he wanted to because he was right. God only knew why Eduardo did. He'd gotten his money, his name was on the masthead, and he didn't have to be Mark's friend anymore. Mark didn't have anything Eduardo left for Eduardo to take. He had everything he wanted, so why was he still mad?
(There was that thought niggling at the back of Mark's mind. The thought that knew why Eduardo was mad. It knew that feeling that Eduardo had felt. But didn't want to say it because then Mark was the idiot, and the perspective completely changed).
Mark's dreams continued too. They were always little mundane things. Sometimes they were at Harvard, sometimes they were at the Facebook offices. There was one that was in Mark's apartment once, which was just inaccurate since Eduardo had never been there. The entire dream was just them hanging around Mark's pool. The only constant in the dreams was Eduardo. Always Eduardo, always smiling. Always looking at Mark like it would be a crime not to.
Always so blissfully happy, and never like he was in the waking world.
What hurt the most was Mark knew that Eduardo existed. He'd seen him before in the past. He just didn't exist for Mark anymore. Or maybe for anyone, but that thought was scary.
---
Part 4
Part 2
---
Mark's plan was simple, don't eat until Eduardo forced him to. It was probably a really stupid plan considering he'd died the last time he'd skipped meals, but he had faith in Eduardo. Eduardo couldn't ignore his motherly instincts forever. He'd tried to once at Harvard but that had ended with him showing up at Kirkland with Chinese food for everyone, and then he'd nagged Mark to bed. He'd missed taking care of them more than they had of him being there to take care of them. Mark wouldn't even have noticed if Chris hadn't said anything.
So Mark ignored his meals in the hopes that the old Eduardo would burst out and force food into him. It didn't even have to be nice food, Mark would take a salad. In fact he'd prefer it. If Eduardo forced healthy food onto him, then he'd be more himself than Mark had seen him in years.
Eduardo didn't say anything when Mark skipped breakfast. That wasn't the most scandalous move, Mark didn't eat breakfast regularly anyway. He rejected snacks during the drive, and ignored the grumbling in his stomach until he didn't notice it anymore. It was a lot more difficult when he didn't have code to distract him.
At lunch he turned down a sandwich from Stella, and took a nap instead. He looked to Eduardo to see if he'd react, but Eduardo didn't seem to register anything wrong. Mark kept up the charade through dinner. He went to bed without eating anything at all that day, and dreamed of Eduardo pulling him away from his chair and down to the cafeteria for some lunch. He looked at Mark with the same look again, always smiling like he never would in reality.
Mark woke up with a start. He spent the rest of the morning sitting on the hood of Stella's car trying to get his laptop to work. It didn't, as always, but he persevered. It wasn't coding, but it was good enough to distract him from his hunger.
Eduardo woke up a couple of hours later. He stepped out of the tent with a yawn and frowned at Mark. "I didn't know they had laptops here," He noted.
"Not any working ones," Mark growled. He probably shouldn't project his mounting frustration onto Wardo when he was trying to make Wardo fun and not depressed again, but it was starting to really piss him off at this point.
Eduardo sat next to him, looking up at the sky. "Another sunny day," He said quietly.
"Alert the media," Mark quipped.
Eduardo looked at Mark with amusement. He hopped down from the hood and started rooting in the back through an open window. "You want any breakfast?"
"Not hungry," Mark said curtly. His stomach protested but Mark shut it out. Wardo was more important. Eduardo still didn't seem to notice though, and leaned himself against the car next to Mark again, with a green apple hanging from his mouth.
Mark typed fiercely, trying not to fall into a rhythm with Eduardo's bites. "I don't think you can fix it," Eduardo said after a long silence.
Mark didn't reply.
"It's like Stella's headlights, or every coffee machine that exists here. People would enjoy it if they were still alive, so it doesn't work."
Mark stopped typing. He hadn't heard that theory before. It seemed kind of cruel. People killed themselves because their lives were shit and instead of an escape they just ended up in a life that was even more shit. How was that fair?
"I thought I was in hell when I first got here," Eduardo said. He was watching the sky again. The sun was already halfway risen, and the sky was almost a solid blue, with a few wisps of pink and orange floating in the horizon.
"It made sense when I thought about it. I wanted to die, and I wake up alive without a working coffee machine."
"Yeah, it doesn't really get any worse than that," Mark teased.
Eduardo kicked at the dusty ground beneath his feet and took another bite of his apple. "Sorry for opening up then," He murmured and walked back to the tent to wake Stella up. Mark watched him go, cursing himself for screwing up this opening.
---
He was beginning to lose hope on the whole fasting for Wardo's attention thing. He doubted people could die in this world, but he didn't want to risk it. Exhaustion wasn't exactly painful, but he'd rather not go through it again. Besides, who knew where he'd end up. It was like that Leo DiCaprio movie but instead of dreams it was the afterlife. Mark did not want to be in an afterlife within an afterlife.
His stomach was becoming increasingly noisy, so much so that he was surprised no one had asked him why he kept growling. This was ridiculous. Eduardo wasn't going to do anything about this. He was past caring for Mark, he didn't even notice.
"Why are we pulling up?" Stella asked from the passenger seat. Mark looked out the window and saw them pulling up to one of those diners that were always on the side of motorways.
"We're getting food," Eduardo answered.
Mark raised his eyebrows.
"We ate, like, an hour ago," Stella whined.
"Mark didn't." Eduardo shrugged.
"I'm not hungry," Mark lied. It was probably a dumb move, but he had to see just how dedicated Eduardo was to the cause. He wouldn't be his Eduardo if he didn't do everything in his power to force food into Mark's stomach.
He turned around to face Mark in the backseat. "I don't know if you can die twice, but I really don't think you should risk it," He said. Then without another word he kicked the door open and walked to the diner, expecting Stella and Mark to follow.
"Ugh, what is he even doing?" Stella groaned.
If Mark could smile, he would. This was it, old Wardo was resurfacing. There was still hope. Maybe Mark could bring him back. Maybe he'd be himself again one day.
He didn't answer Stella's question. Instead he hopped out of the car and shuffled quickly after Wardo.
Eduardo was waiting for him at the door to the diner. He only walked inside once both Mark and Stella had joined him.
The place was pretty empty apart from a family sitting together in a corner booth. The trio got a booth for themselves and were greeted by a waitress with a name-tag that read Liesel.
"Good morning!" She said in a thick German accent. Mark thought if people could smile here this would be one of those places where it was mandatory for all the staff to do it with every customer.
"Hi," Eduardo said. He'd probably be smiling back politely if he could too. "Do you have a coffee machine here?"
Liesel's faced squished up into a complicated expression. "We have a machine but it works bad. We only get half cup of coffee each time and it do not taste so great," She whispered conspiratorially, looking back over her shoulder to check if her boss was there. Liesel would make a very bad salesperson.
Eduardo thought about it for a moment, then shrugged. "Worth a shot," He said. "Stella?"
"Pass. I'm not hungry," She told him. She looked over his shoulder, distractedly, at the family sitting together.
Eduardo turned back to Liesel. "In that case, coffee for me, and a full pancake breakfast for my - for Mark." He avoided looking at Mark, not bothering to check if Mark noticed the almost mistake.
Liesel took the order down on her notepad, and roller-skated away. How had Mark not noticed this was a roller-diner? Maybe Wardo had a point about the hell theory. Only hell would still have roller-diners.
Once Liesel was gone, Stella cocked her head at the family. "I wonder how they did it," She said. Eduardo turned around, then turned back quickly, remembering that it was rude to stare. Not that there was anything wrong with the family, it was just weird that they were a family who were all there.
"They all killed themselves?" Eduardo whispered.
"I don't know if that's sad or creepy," said Mark.
"I think it's sweet," said Stella. They both gave her horrified looks.
"They loved each other so much they wanted to be together even in death," She justified. "It makes sense. Everybody misses their family down here."
"Unless they're here to get away from their family," Eduardo supplied. When Mark gave him a questioning look, Eduardo made an unreadable face. Mark could practically see him adding more defenses to his metaphorical walls. Stop! he wanted to say. You're not like this. Be open again!
Stella finally stopped staring at the family and moved to look at her car instead. "Did you bring the map with you?" She asked Eduardo. He pulled it out of his pocket and handed it to her. She opened it up, and started inspecting it.
"We've gotten pretty far in the last couple of days. There's a gas station a couple of miles from here and then a motel a few miles ahead of that. We might be able to stay there for a night," She said.
"We need to find a store," Wardo added. "We're running out of food."
Stella inspected the map then pointed to a spot. "We'll get some at the gas station."
Eduardo nodded just as Liesel returned with his coffee and Mark's food. "Eat up," Eduardo urged him. He took a sip of his coffee, promptly spitting it back in the cup. His face contorting in disgust.
"I miss good coffee," He said.
Mark took a small bit of his pancake. "I miss coding."
Eduardo gave him an I'm not surprised look. "I miss the weather too."
Stella looked up from the map in confusion. "The weather?"
"Eduardo's a meteorology nerd," Mark explained.
"Says the classic computer geek," Eduardo shot back at him, in a tone that was bordering on playful. Mark counted that as a breakthrough. Bringing back the old Wardo might not be as hard as he thought.
"I didn't make $300,000 betting on the weather."
"No, you just created Facebook," Eduardo said. There was only a hint of bitterness in his tone. He took a subconscious sip of coffee before remembering he hated it and spitting it out again. "This is really disgusting." He grimaced, pushing it away.
Mark nodded and took another large bite of his pancakes. Thank God Eduardo finally fed him, he was seriously starving.
"You know what I miss?" Stella asked. She was frowning down at the map again. "All those lame landmark stuff you always saw on road-trips across the country. Like America's biggest chair and stuff like that. They don't have any of those here, it's so boring."
Mark and Eduardo shared an amused look, and turned back to Stella.
"It's a shame you're dead. Dustin would love you," Eduardo said nostalgically.
Stella shrugged. "Why because I love lame roadside attractions? Maybe you guys are just really boring people who don't appreciate a good all American milestone."
"I saw America's biggest doughnut once when my family drove up to the badlands," Mark offered.
Stella shook her head at him in disappointment, like the doughnut thing would never be good enough.
Eduardo's eyes looked like they were laughing on the inside. That was new. Mark rather liked it.
---
"Remember that time we drove through Boston all night long because Dustin couldn't remember the address of the party he wanted to go to?" Eduardo asked. "I think we made the record for most raccoons run over in one night." He munched on a packet of Cheetos. "It wasn't even dark, I think the raccoons were just sneaky."
"Or that time when the gearshift jammed in Chris' car, and we were in the middle of the snow, and even though the car was only sliding by an inch a minute we all thought we were gonna die," Mark said back.
"We were nearly in a collision that night," Eduardo said, pointing a cheesy finger at Mark.
"That 'collision' had less impact than a collision between a turtle and an old woman would," Mark countered.
"Well if the old woman tripped, things could get ugly."
"I think we're getting away from the point."
"You're right. Hey remember that time when that crazy lady ran a stop sign, and when you hit the breaks, Chis hit his nose off the dashboard so hard he got a nosebleed?"
Stella was back behind the wheel again, and Mark and Eduardo had made some form of silent agreement to freak her out as much as possible. It wasn't hard considering how paranoid she got when she was driving. The only reason they wanted to do it was so they could take over and get to their destination faster, but it was starting to backfire on them, making Stella drive slower than her already snail-like pace.
It was still amusing, though. Eduardo's eyes kept that earlier sparkle from the diner, and Mark was in no hurry to make it go away. Stella probably would appreciate it if she wasn't on the brink of a nervous breakdown.
"Remember that time we nearly crashed because of an apple on the street?" Mark asked.
"Yeah, that was one of the safer nights," Eduardo lied. He gave Stella a pat on the back that made her flinch. He shared a giddy look with Mark through the mirror.
"Dear God, Boston sounds like a death trap," Stella muttered.
"Only if you don't know how to drive," Eduardo said. "Like Mark."
"I was a better driver than you," Mark shot at him.
"If you two keep doing this I'm never letting either of you anywhere near the steering wheel again," Stella warned.
"Aw, we're just kidding, Stella," Eduardo said.
"Yeah," Mark agreed. "We promise, we only ever hit one raccoon."
Eduardo choked on a Cheeto and started violently coughing like he was trying to disguise a laugh, which was ridiculous considering he couldn't laugh, so he just looked like he'd swallowed it down the wrong pipe.
"I hate you both," Stella whispered through pursed lips.
Eduardo coughed some more, cleared his throat, and sat forward so he was right between the two front seats. "Wait till we tell you about the disastrous road-trip of '04."
There was no road-trip of '04, Mark played along anyway. "The one where Dustin threw up seven times?"
There was a ghost of a smirk on Eduardo's face. "No, the disastrous one."
"Oh right," Mark nodded. "The one where you fainted and Chris caught the mumps."
Eduardo clicked his fingers and pointed at Mark in false recognition, his face brightening. "Yes, that one!"
Stella groaned from beside them. "I liked it better when you weren't talking."
"I don't think so, the one where we lost our voices was kind of an uneventful car ride," Mark said.
Eduardo fell into a coughing-as-a-replacement-for-laughing fit again. Mark had no idea the sound of somebody trying to prevent themselves from choking could make him so happy.
---
He wasn't an idiot. He knew there was too much history for them to act like everything was fine. They had a hundred issues to sort out, and then some, but right now things were easy, and happy, if happy was a thing that this world could be. Mark wasn't gonna ruin that with conversations, and feelings, and general healthy communication. He wasn't good with words, so clearly talking about things with Wardo wasn't going to get him anywhere. Unless, of course, that place was filled with awkward silences and distant expressions.
They were in a safe zone where they both focused most of their attention on Stella. She made a great buffer. She had enough personality to engage them both in individual, interesting conversations, as well as having enough confidence to let them tease her and her driving for an hour just so they could avoid everything else they obviously needed to talk about.
The problem was, this little system was a bubble. And all bubbles burst eventually. Mark just didn't expect theirs to go so quickly.
And he certainly didn't expect Wardo's ex-girlfriend to set it off.
---
When they arrived at the gas station Stella ran for the restroom so fast Mark genuinely believed he would have missed it if he'd blinked. He got out to stretch his legs, and started to fill the tank, but spotted Eduardo already in the store with his arms full of stuff. Only he would be able to spend less than a minute out of a car and already have all the essentials ready to go. Mark rolled his eyes fondly, and headed inside to help him out.
Eduardo was standing at the closest aisle, holding bags of food in his shirt like a kid with candy. He was trying to reach for some M&Ms but his hands were too full. It was simultaneously ridiculous and hilarious to watch him struggle.
Mark picked up a basket and handed it to him. "Y'know, usually I'm the incompetent one and you're the one showing me how to do things like a normal person."
Eduardo poured the pouch of essentials into the basket. "Not always," He said, regaining his breath. "You just don't consider people the same way as everybody else. It's not a bad thing." He began walking and picked some shaving cream from a shelf. "I hope we reach the motel soon. I really want to shower."
"Showering's worse here than it was at home. It's never warm," Mark said, walking alongside him.
"I don't think any appliance works properly here, to be honest. I wouldn't even mind that much except I haven't had a good cup of coffee in months." They began to turn a corner but Eduardo backed up quickly. He'd gone white as a sheet. Mark's heart started to race, wondering if something was wrong, because last time Eduardo had looked that pale was the last night Mark had seen him alive.
"What? What's wrong?" Mark asked.
Eduardo frantically shushed him, and waved for Mark to join him. Mark was about to, then he heard a familiar voice calling his name from up ahead. When he looked around he understood why Eduardo was behaving like a crazy person. Standing in front of him was none other than Christy Lee. Mark hadn't seen her in years. She was still beautiful, except now she wore a giant burn on the left side of her face. She still managed to make it look like it was mean to be there.
"Mark Zuckerberg?" She asked, taking a step closer to him. From the corner of his eye, Mark could see Eduardo taking tentative steps back, hoping he wouldn't be noticed.
"Oh my God!" Christy continued. She seemed really excited for some one who Mark had barely talked to even when they knew each other. The only reason Mark even put up with her was because of Eduardo, so the look she was giving him felt kind of silly. Then again, it was probably exciting running into people you used to know.
"I can't believe I'm seeing you here of all people!"
Mark just blinked at her.
"I always thought you loved yourself way too much to ever do something like this," She continued. Mark vaguely remembered Eduardo mentioning how she could keep conversations up with herself even if he didn't answer her for hours. Mark had always thought that was an exaggeration, but it made sense now.
"So what happened? Facebook get a little too hard to handle so you popped a few pills?"
"Yes," Mark lied, because a) he didn't want to explain himself to her, and b) Eduardo was making over-the-top gestures for Mark to wrap it up and get out of there, now!
"So how long have you been here?" She asked.
"Couple of weeks."
"Aw, you're only a newbie!" She said. Mark failed to see how that was worthy of an aw. "I've been here for a couple of years now. Don't worry, you get used to the dreariness," She winked at him.
"I wans't worried," Mark told her.
Eduardo facepalmed in frustration.
"So are you living around here?"
"Just making a pit-stop," Mark said. "I have to get snacks, so... "
"Right, well it was great seeing you," She said. Mark highly doubted that, but whatever. He honestly did not care enough to think about it.
Christy headed off in the direction of the aisle where Eduardo was hiding. Mark was about to stall her but realized Eduardo had vanished so let her go. When he turned he nearly jumped with fright. Eduardo was standing over his shoulder, watching Christy like she was the boogyman.
"Jesus Christ," He breathed on Mark's shoulder.
"I forgot how much she talked," Mark admitted.
"I can't believe you actually kept up a conversation with her. Chris taught you too well," Eduardo remarked.
"That was hardly a conversation." Mark looked up at Eduardo's face. His expression was cautious, and he looked more jumpy than Mark had ever seen him, dead or alive. "I take it it didn't end well between you two."
Eduardo's expression vanished, and was replaced by a slight frown. "Didn't end well? She set fire to my bed! Weren't you listening when- wait. Never mind. That was a dumb question. Let's just pay." He pushed past Mark towards the counter.
Mark followed him with a scowl. "How was that a stupid question?"
Eduardo narrowed his eyes. And there it was. Everything was coming to the surface now. Anger and annoyance hidden under layers of do not want to be uncomfortable started to slip through, and neither of them knew for sure how to make it stop. The problem was they were both too passionate about this to just let it go. Passionate and stubborn.
"I listen to you," Mark insisted. Eduardo looked like he was holding back a scoff. "I'll admit, sometimes you talk about trivial things and I don't really take it in, but I've always done that. I do that with everybody. I thought you got that about me."
Eduardo payed for the snacks and picked the bags off the counter. "You're right, I'm sorry," He said half-heartedly.
"No, you're not," Mark told him.
Eduardo sighed with aggravation. "You're right, I'm not. Can we go?" He stuffed the bags into the back and got in the driver's seat.
"What took you guys so long? I painted half my nails while you were in there," Stella griped from the back, blowing on her left hand.
"You brought nail varnish with you?" Eduardo asked.
Stella shrugged carelessly.
Mark glowered at Eduardo. "So is this the sort of thing I should be paying attention to then?" He muttered bitterly.
Stella looked between them in confusion. Eduardo's jaw set.
"Don't be difficult." His tone was dangerous, but Mark never was one to back down when it came to him.
"Then explain it to me."
Eduardo breathed out a heavy sigh. "The thing is, you can't just pick what's important and what's not. When you care about some one you listen to what they have to say, even if it's dumb, or trivial. You think I actually knew what you were saying all those times I let you talk code at me? You went on for hours, and to this day I still have no idea what the hell you were talking about half the time, but I payed attention because I cared." He started up the car angrily. Mark wondered how long Eduardo had been holding this in, because the speech seemed way too thought out to be a spur of the moment thing.
"And that's always been your problem," Eduardo continued. "Because you? The only thing you cared about enough to pay attention to was yourself and Facebook."
Stella raised her eyebrows. Her eyes darted back and forth between them, looking lost.
"And Sean fucking Parker," Eduardo added, dryly.
He drove forward, and Mark was about to start his counter-argument but then a loud thumping noise came from outside.
"What the hell was that?" Eduardo asked, hitting the breaks.
"Oh my God, we've hit a raccoon!" Stella cried out frantically.
Eduardo looked out the window and turned back to Mark. "Did you fill up the tank?"
Mark nodded. Then he realized why Eduardo was asking. He'd forgotten to put the pump back.
"You're paying for that," Eduardo said. Mark pretended not to hear the harsh satisfaction in his voice.
---
(Before)
---
Sean came in next, which Mark found more than a little surprising. Why on earth Chris thought it'd be a good idea to send in Sean Parker, was a mystery to him. Especially since both Holly and Dustin had failed so far, it was very unlikely that Sean would have any luck. He and Mark still spoke regularly, but they weren't close friends anymore. The most they ever did together was go out every now and again for a drink, and sometimes Sean stopped by the Facebook offices, or Mark's house to hang out.
"How's it going Marky Mark?" Sean asked a little obnoxiously, and Mark wondered briefly if maybe Chris hadn't gotten around to telling Sean what happened.
"I'm coding, Sean," Mark said, in a tone that was supposed to convey leave me alone but for some reason didn't. Or Sean ignored it. It was a fifty-fifty chance.
"Yeah ... about that. People are kinda worried about you out there. Don't you think maybe you should hit the breaks for a little while?" Sean sat on the corner of Mark's desk, and looked at him with that I'm about to sell you an idea look. "Come on, I'll take you out for a drink. We can get shitfaced and play Halo all night. You'll like it."
"I don't want to play Halo," Mark said stubbornly.
Sean rolled his eyes, and leaned even closer deciding to cut through the bullshit. "Alright look, you've been wired in for hours without food or sleep. I'm not gonna lie to you, it's freaking everybody out. Not to mention Chris and Dustin already lost a friend, they don't need to lose another. So I'm getting you out of his office."
"How thoughtful of you," Mark shot at him with disdain.
"Dude, I know your heart's all broken up inside from losing Eduardo - "
"My heart's not broken up inside," Mark interrupted. "I've barely spoken to Wardo in the last couple of months. We're not even friends anymore. I'm not upset, I'm surprised, and I'm not coding because of him, I have work to do. Why doesn't anyone believe me?"
"Maybe it's because if you didn't care you probably wouldn't still call him Wardo."
Mark paused. "Force of habit."
"Uh huh," Sean said skeptically. "Mark, get off the computer; You need some rest."
"I'm fine."
"Yeah, if you could see yourself right now you wouldn't agree. You look like shit. Get off the computer."
"Why don't you leave, Sean? You don't actually work here, and I don't have time to keep up an unnecessary conversation with you."
"Being an asshole's not gonna get rid of me, man."
Mark opted for the silent treatment instead. Sean was kind of an attention seeker, eventually he'd get annoyed and go flirt with some intern.
Sean stayed for another two hours, Mark was actually rather impressed, not that he'd admit it. He realized quickly what Mark was doing, so he filled the silence with random ramblings about what he'd been up to lately. There were a few stories about chicks he'd banged and assholes he'd made a fool of, and Mark was positive Sean made half of them up just to see if it would get Mark to stop. Eventually, he stopped yapping and took a half hour nap on the couch in Mark's office. He sighed when he woke up again and Mark was still coding.
"Mark," He said solemnly, rubbing the sleep out of his eyes. "You have to stop doing this to yourself. Eduardo's gone, and I know that's hard for you but you can't just code for the rest of your life."
Mark ignored him.
"He wouldn't have wanted you to do this to yourself."
Mark stopped typing for the first time in hours. He felt more calluses forming on his fingertips, but he ignored that and gave Sean the hardest glare he could muster in his current tired state.
"You don't know anything about him, Sean. You don't get to tell me what he would and wouldn't have wanted."
Sean gave him the same sympathetic look that Chris had earlier, only on Sean it made Mark feel even more powerless.
"You know he wouldn't want you to do this."
"I know he also wouldn't purposely end his life, but he did."
Sean's shoulders dropped, and Mark went back to his code. Sean had distracted him too much, now he was lost and had to go back a few lines to start up again.
"Okay, Mark," Sean said softly. "You can keep coding."
Mark nodded. "I will."
Sean shook his head and walked out of Mark's office. Mark put on his headphones and shut out the world again for a couple more hours.
---
(After)
---
The clerk at the gas station told Mark that that people forgot the pumps all the time. He was the third one that week, apparently. It was probably another one of those Other World things.
"You just have to fill this out." He handed Mark a binder full of forms filled out by people who had broken the pumps. It was all basic stuff, address, car registration, contact number. It wasn't until Mark reached the end of the form that things got weird.
"Um. I don't understand this question," Mark said, pointing at the form with the end of his pen.
The clerk walked over and read it.
What were you thinking when the incident occured?
"It's exactly what it says on the tin," He told Mark. "Write what you thought."
Mark didn't know what he thought. He flicked back over the pages to read other peoples' answers. They were all varied. Some were sad thoughts. Some talked about missing their family and friends. Some were one sentence long and others were full paragraphs of emotions and personal feelings. The weirdest part was nobody held back. People just said what they were outright feeling to a random book at a random gas station.
"Just put your pen down and start writing. It'll come out naturally," The clerk instructed.
Mark did as he was told. He wrote a few lines, and read over them curiously when he was done.
I miss Wardo's smile. He used to smile at everything. He had an idiotic grin, but it was sort of comforting. He smiles with his eyes now, but it's not the same.
And Sean Parker doesn't have anything to do with anything, so that was just a stupid point to make.
"Tyra calls that smizing," Stella's voice said from over his shoulder. Mark jumped and backed away from her a little.
She mistook his frightened expression for confusion. "Tyra Banks. She used to always tell the top models to smile with their eyes. She called it smizing as if that was an actual thing. I always thought it was kinda stupid, but it makes sense on Wardo, somehow," She explained.
Mark blinked at her. He wasn't gonna lie, there was little about those sentences that he actually understood.
"He sent me in here to check if you needed any help." She winced as soon as the words left her mouth. "And that was the part I was supposed to leave out," She said to herself. Mark was pretty sure she never meant to leave out anything and was just playing the part so Mark wouldn't tell Eduardo.
He put the pen down and closed the book. "I'm done," He said, and the two walked back to the car.
---
A torturous silence filled the space between the three of them, the way it had on the first few hours of their trip. It was worse now. At least before all of Mark and Eduardo's past issues were still buried deep in denial. Now they were all bubbling up. Even if they weren't fighting about it, they were still thinking about it. The longer the thoughts sat in their minds, festering, the more they grew into ugly contempt towards one another. Neither of them wanted that, but it was inevitable. They just couldn't help themselves at this point.
Stella had dozed off into a light sleep, with her head propped against the window behind Mark. It felt wrong somehow, that she could rest while he felt so helpless. This would be a time when coding would have been wonderful.
Eduardo kept his eyes on the road with his hands perfectly on the ten and two positions. He ignored Mark like Mark was a disease. Mark watched him carefully.
"What?" Eduardo spat out, sharply.
"You listened to me ramble on about dumb, trivial things, but you never payed attention to what I was saying when it actually mattered. If you did you would have come out to California."
He heard Eduardo exhale tiredly beside him.
"Mark, can we just - leave the past in the past? I don't want - You're leaving anyway, as soon as we find the PIC. You'll go back, and I'll still be here, and none of it will matter, so can we please forget everything?"
Mark wanted to point out that Eduardo had brought it up, but Eduardo wasn't expecting an answer from Mark. He was going with the plan regardless of what Mark thought from the way he was ignoring Mark's presence again.
Mark leaned back and let himself nap for a while. "Whatever," He murmured before letting his eyes drift shut and sleep take over.
---
The unpleasantness of their trip only continued after that. They didn't fight anymore, but they were on the brink of it, both waiting for one of them to start so they could shoot off the anger that was on the tip of their tongues. The weird thing was they both wanted to. Neither of them wanted to be the one to actually start it, but both would jump at the chance.
Mark knew he wanted to because he was right. God only knew why Eduardo did. He'd gotten his money, his name was on the masthead, and he didn't have to be Mark's friend anymore. Mark didn't have anything Eduardo left for Eduardo to take. He had everything he wanted, so why was he still mad?
(There was that thought niggling at the back of Mark's mind. The thought that knew why Eduardo was mad. It knew that feeling that Eduardo had felt. But didn't want to say it because then Mark was the idiot, and the perspective completely changed).
Mark's dreams continued too. They were always little mundane things. Sometimes they were at Harvard, sometimes they were at the Facebook offices. There was one that was in Mark's apartment once, which was just inaccurate since Eduardo had never been there. The entire dream was just them hanging around Mark's pool. The only constant in the dreams was Eduardo. Always Eduardo, always smiling. Always looking at Mark like it would be a crime not to.
Always so blissfully happy, and never like he was in the waking world.
What hurt the most was Mark knew that Eduardo existed. He'd seen him before in the past. He just didn't exist for Mark anymore. Or maybe for anyone, but that thought was scary.
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Part 4