Mechanical Michelangelo part 35
THIRTY FIVE Breaking Walls
“Cam?” Brian pulled his hand away from Justin’s limp fingers as if he’d been burned. He stumbled backwards and tried to shut down his aching heart as Justin called another name.
It didn’t matter, he was awake.
“I’ll get him.” Brian’s mouth felt dry, and his heart was beating painfully fast. If Justin needed Cam right now, he would get Cam and be happy about it.
“Brian?” his voice was husky and slurred, his eyes wincing as he tried to focus. The nurses seemed to appear out of nowhere and he let himself get steered away from the bed, his body numb.
He thought it was a figment of his imagination when he heard a voice asking him to stay.
The clinical whiteness of the corridors made Brian blink, for once the hard plastic chairs were empty of tattoo artists, of hustlers and of his fucked up family.
He was glad, he didn’t want them to see him like this, see him without his defences, feeling lost and completely out of his depth. His friends had never seen him without the façade firmly in place, and he didn’t want them too, didn’t want the feelings that would come with being so open with them.
He should grab a nurse, ask what was happening, if he was OK, but he couldn’t seem to get his mouth to work. He kept replaying the worst night of his life over and over. He saw the smoothed wood strike, could hear the crack of skull and thud as Justin’s body hit the cement.
Justin was awake now though, and he’d spoken, knew who Cam was at least. He must be alright. Brian walked out of the hospital, turning on his cell phone and calling the loft. Cameron picked up and Brian closed his eyes tightly, fighting back the burning tears as he heard the other man’s voice.
“Hello? Hello? Brian Kinney’s residence.”
Brian swallowed repeatedly, licking his lips and clearing his throat before he was able to speak. “He woke up.”
“Justin woke up?” Cameron didn’t need to ask who was on the other line.
“Yeah, the doctors are with him now. Get here quickly, he asked for you.” Brian ended the call and walked back inside, feeling like a ghost, like he wasn’t quite there, just watching his body move around from above.
He sat in the corridor, the crack of skull, thud of body and Justin’s husky voice asking for his best friend racing through his mind. This should be a happy time, yet he’d never felt so nervous, so conflicted.
Brian was leaning forward, elbows resting on knees and head stooped forward as Cam arrived. “Brian,” he called as he saw him, jogging the distance between them until he was in front of the other man.
“You look like shit, what’s wrong, is he OK?”
“He called your name.” Cam frowned, puzzled. Brian looked up and leaned back in the chair. “I held his hand and it was your name he called.” It suddenly seemed the most important thing in the world, Justin calling for Cam and not him. And why would he? He’d left Justin in New York, not bothered to find him and Cam had been there for him, held him through the harsh times, why would Justin want him?
“What the hell does it matter, did you speak to the doctor yet?”
Brian shook his head. “I’m not his emergency contact.” The barb flew from his mouth before he had time to think, he knew this wasn’t the time for this conversation. Justin had woken up, actually woken up and spoken after two weeks of nothing and all he could think about was, he wasn’t the first thought in Justin’s mind.
“Don’t do this Brian, don’t be a fucking asshole when he needs you. Now, I’m going to find a doctor, don’t you dare leave the hospital, you got it.” Cam pushed his shoulders, trying to shake an answer from him. “You got it? If you hurt Justin with your attitude you have me to deal with. We have about fifteen minutes before the guys get here, pull yourself together.”
Cam walked away, stilling slightly as Brian called after him, “Did you sleep with him?” With a shake of the head he carried on walking.
Brian let out a deep breathe and thought of all the ways he didn’t know Justin anymore. Maybe it was a mistake getting so close again, he erected walls for a reason, so no one could hurt him, because the moment you let someone get close, someone will take a bat to it and ruin it.
The hustlers arrived first, sitting down around him without acknowledgement, he was glad of that, he didn’t want to be involved in their idle chatter and nervous movements. They couldn’t seem to keep still, fidgeting and pacing as they waited for news of Justin.
“How close are Justin and Cam?” Brian asked, breaking his silence, deciding to get information from those closest to the two best friends before anyone else interrupted.
“They’re pretty tight,” Leon answered.
“How tight?”
“Closer than brothers, man,” Paul added.
“Right,” Brian drawled out, he could imagine how close that could be. “Do they fuck?”
Leon looked surprised and a laugh bubbled up from the back of his throat. “Not anymore.”
“So they did?” Brian knew how completely pathetic he sounded, but the usual barriers he had with his friends weren’t there, and for some reason, he needed to know.
“If a buck or two was involved, yeah.” Leon shrugged, not understanding why this was important to the other man.
Bren arrived with Jennifer, Molly and Daphne, and Brian bit his tongue, annoyed at being interrupted. He needed to know about Justin’s past, he needed to know what he was letting himself in for and if he was strong enough for it, or if he should walk away now, let Cameron deal with it, he seemed good at doing that.
Brian was angry at himself, he rarely let himself fall to pieces, the last time he recalled was after his father told him he was dying. He didn’t know why he’d let Cam talk him into coming back that night at Babylon, Justin didn’t need him and he wasn’t nurse material. He wouldn’t know how to help Justin through this.
He wanted a drink desperately.
Instead, he leaned back in his chair, closing his eyes to the people around him. In the deep, dark and disturbing caverns of his brain he heard Justin’s laughter, the whoosh of wind as the bat sailed through it, the crack as wood connected with skull and the bang as body crumpled to the floor.
He didn’t think he would ever stop hearing that.
“Cam?” Brian pulled his hand away from Justin’s limp fingers as if he’d been burned. He stumbled backwards and tried to shut down his aching heart as Justin called another name.
It didn’t matter, he was awake.
“I’ll get him.” Brian’s mouth felt dry, and his heart was beating painfully fast. If Justin needed Cam right now, he would get Cam and be happy about it.
“Brian?” his voice was husky and slurred, his eyes wincing as he tried to focus. The nurses seemed to appear out of nowhere and he let himself get steered away from the bed, his body numb.
He thought it was a figment of his imagination when he heard a voice asking him to stay.
The clinical whiteness of the corridors made Brian blink, for once the hard plastic chairs were empty of tattoo artists, of hustlers and of his fucked up family.
He was glad, he didn’t want them to see him like this, see him without his defences, feeling lost and completely out of his depth. His friends had never seen him without the façade firmly in place, and he didn’t want them too, didn’t want the feelings that would come with being so open with them.
He should grab a nurse, ask what was happening, if he was OK, but he couldn’t seem to get his mouth to work. He kept replaying the worst night of his life over and over. He saw the smoothed wood strike, could hear the crack of skull and thud as Justin’s body hit the cement.
Justin was awake now though, and he’d spoken, knew who Cam was at least. He must be alright. Brian walked out of the hospital, turning on his cell phone and calling the loft. Cameron picked up and Brian closed his eyes tightly, fighting back the burning tears as he heard the other man’s voice.
“Hello? Hello? Brian Kinney’s residence.”
Brian swallowed repeatedly, licking his lips and clearing his throat before he was able to speak. “He woke up.”
“Justin woke up?” Cameron didn’t need to ask who was on the other line.
“Yeah, the doctors are with him now. Get here quickly, he asked for you.” Brian ended the call and walked back inside, feeling like a ghost, like he wasn’t quite there, just watching his body move around from above.
He sat in the corridor, the crack of skull, thud of body and Justin’s husky voice asking for his best friend racing through his mind. This should be a happy time, yet he’d never felt so nervous, so conflicted.
Brian was leaning forward, elbows resting on knees and head stooped forward as Cam arrived. “Brian,” he called as he saw him, jogging the distance between them until he was in front of the other man.
“You look like shit, what’s wrong, is he OK?”
“He called your name.” Cam frowned, puzzled. Brian looked up and leaned back in the chair. “I held his hand and it was your name he called.” It suddenly seemed the most important thing in the world, Justin calling for Cam and not him. And why would he? He’d left Justin in New York, not bothered to find him and Cam had been there for him, held him through the harsh times, why would Justin want him?
“What the hell does it matter, did you speak to the doctor yet?”
Brian shook his head. “I’m not his emergency contact.” The barb flew from his mouth before he had time to think, he knew this wasn’t the time for this conversation. Justin had woken up, actually woken up and spoken after two weeks of nothing and all he could think about was, he wasn’t the first thought in Justin’s mind.
“Don’t do this Brian, don’t be a fucking asshole when he needs you. Now, I’m going to find a doctor, don’t you dare leave the hospital, you got it.” Cam pushed his shoulders, trying to shake an answer from him. “You got it? If you hurt Justin with your attitude you have me to deal with. We have about fifteen minutes before the guys get here, pull yourself together.”
Cam walked away, stilling slightly as Brian called after him, “Did you sleep with him?” With a shake of the head he carried on walking.
Brian let out a deep breathe and thought of all the ways he didn’t know Justin anymore. Maybe it was a mistake getting so close again, he erected walls for a reason, so no one could hurt him, because the moment you let someone get close, someone will take a bat to it and ruin it.
The hustlers arrived first, sitting down around him without acknowledgement, he was glad of that, he didn’t want to be involved in their idle chatter and nervous movements. They couldn’t seem to keep still, fidgeting and pacing as they waited for news of Justin.
“How close are Justin and Cam?” Brian asked, breaking his silence, deciding to get information from those closest to the two best friends before anyone else interrupted.
“They’re pretty tight,” Leon answered.
“How tight?”
“Closer than brothers, man,” Paul added.
“Right,” Brian drawled out, he could imagine how close that could be. “Do they fuck?”
Leon looked surprised and a laugh bubbled up from the back of his throat. “Not anymore.”
“So they did?” Brian knew how completely pathetic he sounded, but the usual barriers he had with his friends weren’t there, and for some reason, he needed to know.
“If a buck or two was involved, yeah.” Leon shrugged, not understanding why this was important to the other man.
Bren arrived with Jennifer, Molly and Daphne, and Brian bit his tongue, annoyed at being interrupted. He needed to know about Justin’s past, he needed to know what he was letting himself in for and if he was strong enough for it, or if he should walk away now, let Cameron deal with it, he seemed good at doing that.
Brian was angry at himself, he rarely let himself fall to pieces, the last time he recalled was after his father told him he was dying. He didn’t know why he’d let Cam talk him into coming back that night at Babylon, Justin didn’t need him and he wasn’t nurse material. He wouldn’t know how to help Justin through this.
He wanted a drink desperately.
Instead, he leaned back in his chair, closing his eyes to the people around him. In the deep, dark and disturbing caverns of his brain he heard Justin’s laughter, the whoosh of wind as the bat sailed through it, the crack as wood connected with skull and the bang as body crumpled to the floor.
He didn’t think he would ever stop hearing that.