Mechanical Michelangelo part 40
FORTY Stunt Cock
Brian wheeled the TV into the bedroom, taking his time setting it up and leaving the two men to talk together in the relative privacy of the living room. He heard faint murmurs and only strength of will stopped him straining his ears to hear what they were saying.
To hear the magic words Cameron had to comfort Justin, hear them and learn them until he knew them off by heart and Justin didn’t need the comfort of a man who was closer than a friend and more than a brother.
It wasn’t so long ago he had the magic words, that’s what Mikey used to say, but it seemed his words only worked with tricks wanting to fuck in a come-spattered back room of a dingy nightclub. When it came to emotions, to consoling someone who meant more to him that he was comfortable with, he didn’t know jack shit.
It was irrational thinking, and he just was glad someone was able to help Justin when it was clear he wasn’t doing a good job of it, he wished he knew what to say, how to touch him, but most of all he wished he’d stopped that bat before it even connected with Justin’s skull.
He’d let Justin down so many times. When he threw him out of the loft, when he never took the time to search for him in New York and when he didn’t stop Chris Hobbs attacking him. He wasn’t good when it came to friendship, he was worse when it came to relationships, he’d fuck it up sooner or later, so why try?
He’d lived by those silent thoughts for years, putting on an act that kept his heart and head safe, but somehow Justin had seen through it and no matter how much Brian didn’t want it to happen, how much he told himself, Justin and others that he didn’t care, the blond didn’t buy it.
He couldn’t stop what his heart felt, deep beneath the surface, beneath skin and bone, masks and lies he wished he was the one who was able to comfort Justin and take his pain away,
Quietly he walked into the kitchen and grabbed a bag of popcorn; placing it in the microwave and watching it go round intently, refusing to look over at them.
Justin and Cameron were acutely aware of Brian as he walked softly around the loft, but that didn’t stop them holding each other like they used to; when the streets got too much, the tricks got too rough and no one understood the fear, the loneliness or the pain like each other did, they would hold onto each other until the sunlight beat away the night.
Justin shuddered in Cam’s arms, the panic slowly relenting with each twitch. Cam’s touch was harmless, asexual and safe. He expected nothing from that simple touch, in fact, wanted nothing. Justin knew how his friend hated to be touched, but it was different with them, always had been. Even when they fucked there was no sexual chemistry there, it was safe, they were safe together.
“You OK?” Cam murmured against the shell of Justin’s ear.
Justin nodded into Cam’s neck, sighing peacefully and closing his eyes. “Yeah. I couldn’t do it though.”
“Do what?”
“Let him fuck me.”
Cam tightened his arms around Justin. “I know how that is.”
“You don’t. I want it, fuck, I made a career out of it, why am I freaking out now? A bat to the head has nothing to do with sex.”
“It’s about touch. It’s all connected, Chris Hobbs violated you, touched you against your will, it doesn’t matter if it was sexual or not, you need to heal from that, emotionally as well as physically.”
“What if I never heal from that?” Justin sat back against the sofa, worrying his bottom lip.
“You’ll heal.”
“How can you be so certain?”
“You’re stronger than me, you didn’t let the streets break you, you won’t let this break you.”
“You didn’t let the streets break you either.”
“No, I was already broken.”
Cam looked over at Brian, then back at Justin. “Brian will help you through it.” He stood and walked over to the fridge, pulling three bottles of water and handing one to Brian. “You’re doing good, don’t worry so much,” Cam said, unscrewing the cap off his water.
“Yeah, doing so well, you’re here.”
Cam rolled his eyes at the older man. “It shows you care at least, he knows that.”
The microwave pinged and Brian took out the freshly popped corn. “So, are we watching movies or what?”
“You ready, Jus?” Cam called, walking into the bedroom and making himself comfortable on Brian’s large bed. Justin waited for Brian to pour the popcorn into a large bowl, and walked in with him.
It was a small gesture but Brian couldn’t help but feel pleased by it.
Brian saw Cam, grinning wickedly and waving two DVDs at them. Brian shook his head, adamant he would not watch either of them.
“No, oh so, no.”
“Come on, Bri, this is a him-flick night. Beer, toilet humour, semi pretty men, and the creators of South Park.”
“They’ll make my eyes bleed,” Brian said dryly, piling cushions against the strip lighting at the head of his bed and getting comfortable.
Justin lay next to him, sharing his pillows, feeling brave now that Cam was here. “They are our favourite movies.”
Cam nodded his agreement. “We have all night, we can watch both.” Cam slipped one DVD into the player and pressed play.
The movie became bearable the closer Justin moved towards Brian. They started by brushing shoulders and soon Justin lay his head on Brian’s shoulder, happily crunching popcorn every now and then.
Justin’s eyes started to droop as he watched the TV and he let the familiar movie and familiar people wash over him, caress him with a tender hand and create a safe haven he felt comfortable snoozing within.
Justin moved down the bed, his head resting on the feathered cushion, his face close to Brian’s waist.
“This is terrible,” Brian complained, Justin smiled silently and moved closer to Brian.
Brian ate the popcorn, needing to do something with his hands so he didn’t scare Justin into moving, he willed his body to stay relaxed, pretending not to notice as Justin moved closer and closer.
“I love this part.” Cam grabbed a handful of popcorn and lay on his stomach, eyes as close to the TV as he could humanly get and still see the picture. His lower legs waved in the air marring Brian’s view every so often, but he didn’t care, he’d watch any crap if it meant having the young blond touching him.
Justin lay with his head resting against Brian’s thigh, his eyes were heavy and he could barely see the TV from his position, but he didn’t mind, a kind of peace had fallen over him, he felt safe, wrapped in cotton wool.
The TV men chanted ‘Beers, Beers’, making Cam laugh out loud, Justin smiled softly and closed his eyes, listening as the movie he and Cam had watched so often, threw out cheap joke after cheap joke.
“Do you want us to turn it off?” Brian asked looking down, seeing Justin drifting off.
Justin opened one eye, looking up into Brian’s concerned eyes. “No, I’m listening.” He closed his eyes again and turned his face into Brian’s taut stomach.
The tension from earlier had disappeared with the appearance of Cameron and an arm full of cheesy DVDs. Justin was content to snooze in and out of consciousness, happy in the knowledge Brian and Cameron were within touching distance.
“You’re listening?” Humour gave Brian’s voice a lyrical lilt Justin wished he heard more of.
He nodded, his nose rubbing against the soft material of Brian’s jumper. “I’ve watched it so many times before I can see the picture on the back of my eyelids.”
“You can watch your show and we could watch the other DVD.”
“Which one?” Cam asked, looking away from the screen long enough to see Justin resting against Brian’s stomach.
Brian smirked over at Cam. “Orgazmo.”
“Stunt cock!” Justin and Cameron shouted at the same time, laughing like carefree children.
“Baseketball is my favourite.” Justin said, eyes still closed. “It shows you anything is possible.”
Brian wheeled the TV into the bedroom, taking his time setting it up and leaving the two men to talk together in the relative privacy of the living room. He heard faint murmurs and only strength of will stopped him straining his ears to hear what they were saying.
To hear the magic words Cameron had to comfort Justin, hear them and learn them until he knew them off by heart and Justin didn’t need the comfort of a man who was closer than a friend and more than a brother.
It wasn’t so long ago he had the magic words, that’s what Mikey used to say, but it seemed his words only worked with tricks wanting to fuck in a come-spattered back room of a dingy nightclub. When it came to emotions, to consoling someone who meant more to him that he was comfortable with, he didn’t know jack shit.
It was irrational thinking, and he just was glad someone was able to help Justin when it was clear he wasn’t doing a good job of it, he wished he knew what to say, how to touch him, but most of all he wished he’d stopped that bat before it even connected with Justin’s skull.
He’d let Justin down so many times. When he threw him out of the loft, when he never took the time to search for him in New York and when he didn’t stop Chris Hobbs attacking him. He wasn’t good when it came to friendship, he was worse when it came to relationships, he’d fuck it up sooner or later, so why try?
He’d lived by those silent thoughts for years, putting on an act that kept his heart and head safe, but somehow Justin had seen through it and no matter how much Brian didn’t want it to happen, how much he told himself, Justin and others that he didn’t care, the blond didn’t buy it.
He couldn’t stop what his heart felt, deep beneath the surface, beneath skin and bone, masks and lies he wished he was the one who was able to comfort Justin and take his pain away,
Quietly he walked into the kitchen and grabbed a bag of popcorn; placing it in the microwave and watching it go round intently, refusing to look over at them.
Justin and Cameron were acutely aware of Brian as he walked softly around the loft, but that didn’t stop them holding each other like they used to; when the streets got too much, the tricks got too rough and no one understood the fear, the loneliness or the pain like each other did, they would hold onto each other until the sunlight beat away the night.
Justin shuddered in Cam’s arms, the panic slowly relenting with each twitch. Cam’s touch was harmless, asexual and safe. He expected nothing from that simple touch, in fact, wanted nothing. Justin knew how his friend hated to be touched, but it was different with them, always had been. Even when they fucked there was no sexual chemistry there, it was safe, they were safe together.
“You OK?” Cam murmured against the shell of Justin’s ear.
Justin nodded into Cam’s neck, sighing peacefully and closing his eyes. “Yeah. I couldn’t do it though.”
“Do what?”
“Let him fuck me.”
Cam tightened his arms around Justin. “I know how that is.”
“You don’t. I want it, fuck, I made a career out of it, why am I freaking out now? A bat to the head has nothing to do with sex.”
“It’s about touch. It’s all connected, Chris Hobbs violated you, touched you against your will, it doesn’t matter if it was sexual or not, you need to heal from that, emotionally as well as physically.”
“What if I never heal from that?” Justin sat back against the sofa, worrying his bottom lip.
“You’ll heal.”
“How can you be so certain?”
“You’re stronger than me, you didn’t let the streets break you, you won’t let this break you.”
“You didn’t let the streets break you either.”
“No, I was already broken.”
Cam looked over at Brian, then back at Justin. “Brian will help you through it.” He stood and walked over to the fridge, pulling three bottles of water and handing one to Brian. “You’re doing good, don’t worry so much,” Cam said, unscrewing the cap off his water.
“Yeah, doing so well, you’re here.”
Cam rolled his eyes at the older man. “It shows you care at least, he knows that.”
The microwave pinged and Brian took out the freshly popped corn. “So, are we watching movies or what?”
“You ready, Jus?” Cam called, walking into the bedroom and making himself comfortable on Brian’s large bed. Justin waited for Brian to pour the popcorn into a large bowl, and walked in with him.
It was a small gesture but Brian couldn’t help but feel pleased by it.
Brian saw Cam, grinning wickedly and waving two DVDs at them. Brian shook his head, adamant he would not watch either of them.
“No, oh so, no.”
“Come on, Bri, this is a him-flick night. Beer, toilet humour, semi pretty men, and the creators of South Park.”
“They’ll make my eyes bleed,” Brian said dryly, piling cushions against the strip lighting at the head of his bed and getting comfortable.
Justin lay next to him, sharing his pillows, feeling brave now that Cam was here. “They are our favourite movies.”
Cam nodded his agreement. “We have all night, we can watch both.” Cam slipped one DVD into the player and pressed play.
The movie became bearable the closer Justin moved towards Brian. They started by brushing shoulders and soon Justin lay his head on Brian’s shoulder, happily crunching popcorn every now and then.
Justin’s eyes started to droop as he watched the TV and he let the familiar movie and familiar people wash over him, caress him with a tender hand and create a safe haven he felt comfortable snoozing within.
Justin moved down the bed, his head resting on the feathered cushion, his face close to Brian’s waist.
“This is terrible,” Brian complained, Justin smiled silently and moved closer to Brian.
Brian ate the popcorn, needing to do something with his hands so he didn’t scare Justin into moving, he willed his body to stay relaxed, pretending not to notice as Justin moved closer and closer.
“I love this part.” Cam grabbed a handful of popcorn and lay on his stomach, eyes as close to the TV as he could humanly get and still see the picture. His lower legs waved in the air marring Brian’s view every so often, but he didn’t care, he’d watch any crap if it meant having the young blond touching him.
Justin lay with his head resting against Brian’s thigh, his eyes were heavy and he could barely see the TV from his position, but he didn’t mind, a kind of peace had fallen over him, he felt safe, wrapped in cotton wool.
The TV men chanted ‘Beers, Beers’, making Cam laugh out loud, Justin smiled softly and closed his eyes, listening as the movie he and Cam had watched so often, threw out cheap joke after cheap joke.
“Do you want us to turn it off?” Brian asked looking down, seeing Justin drifting off.
Justin opened one eye, looking up into Brian’s concerned eyes. “No, I’m listening.” He closed his eyes again and turned his face into Brian’s taut stomach.
The tension from earlier had disappeared with the appearance of Cameron and an arm full of cheesy DVDs. Justin was content to snooze in and out of consciousness, happy in the knowledge Brian and Cameron were within touching distance.
“You’re listening?” Humour gave Brian’s voice a lyrical lilt Justin wished he heard more of.
He nodded, his nose rubbing against the soft material of Brian’s jumper. “I’ve watched it so many times before I can see the picture on the back of my eyelids.”
“You can watch your show and we could watch the other DVD.”
“Which one?” Cam asked, looking away from the screen long enough to see Justin resting against Brian’s stomach.
Brian smirked over at Cam. “Orgazmo.”
“Stunt cock!” Justin and Cameron shouted at the same time, laughing like carefree children.
“Baseketball is my favourite.” Justin said, eyes still closed. “It shows you anything is possible.”