This chapter was great. I love the whole Emmett/Cam relationship. It's cute. And Hunter is wonderful too. Five eyerolls between the door and the booth. I'm impressed.
There's two tiny spots jumped out at me that I wanted to point out. Please don't be offended. :)
--“Those are old hurts, we over came them sometime in the last month, right?”
Overcame is one word.
--Hunter snorted and looked over at Mikey. “What’s to understand? Brian’s been in having it away in New York instead of meeting with clients.” Hunter said plainly, waiting for Michael to get a clue.
Should read something like this:
Hunter snorted and looked over at Mikey. “What’s to understand? Brian’s been in New York instead of meeting with clients.” Hunter said plainly, waiting for Michael to get a clue.
Pure nit (feel free to ignore)--it is possible that Brian was in New York to meet with clients only so you might want to make it read:
Hunter snorted and looked over at Mikey. “What’s to understand? Brian’s been in New York visiting Justin instead of meeting with clients.” Hunter said plainly, waiting for Michael to get a clue.
you're version is righy princesskirsty, having it away=getting some, I never thought it was a britishism, to me it means exactly what it says:-) but maybe it is, any other american's have trouble with the term?
the 'correct' versions of the term just don't sit well with me, not when it's hunter who's meant to be saying them, he's a street boy too, and i saw him say that in my head really clearly!
The diner....where you're sure to run into some old friends who will tell more friends, etc. This was a great way for Brian to let all his "concerned" buddies know that he and Justin have reunited and are going to try to make a life....together.
WTF is Michael's problem??? He has a husband, a teenager and a store to keep him busy....why does he always have to act so damned shocked that Brian wants and needs a relationship, too. If he brings up the forgotten alarm and the burglary one more time, I hope Deb comes over and smacks him....really, really hard.
thanks for the fb:) i don't know what michael's problem is...i didn't intend him to bitch so much when i started writing MM...but once he started i just couldn't stop him!;)
Amazing isn't it? Evem when you try to shut that annoying guy up....you can't. LOL
By the way...I really like the relationship between Justin and Cam. So protective of each other even now when they are off the street and someplace safe.
Your attention to detail makes this story such a treat to read.
i'm glad you're enjoying the justin/cam relationship, i worry that oc's can ruin or stunt a story, so it's nice to know what people think of the newbies i bring in!
I've just heard about this series and have spent time lately catching up with you. AU's are sometimes hard to imagine and marring Justin's lovely skin with any mark is just something I couldn't fathom until I read your series. I really enjoy how you have strengthened Justin without weakening Brian. I love their dialogue and their voices sound very much like canon. They are both strong men and I love to see that reflected in the way they deal with life and with each other.
Mikey is probably getting a little more bashing than I think is necessary but he's not the one I'm interested in anyway so I just skim over those parts.
Your pacing is good and I like the way the story is moving along without the plot getting overly complicated. I find the characters compelling just by the nature of the time they spent apart and how they are working to reconnect with one another.
I'm looking forward to the rest of the series. Really excellent storytelling.
glad you're enjoying MM! Marring Justin's skin was pure joy for me ::g:: well, apart from the hands! but thinking up his tattoos was fun:)
And I actually like Mikey--really;p when he's not near Brian on the show, he's a great guy! and he did get Brian to go looking for Justin in season one, so he gets a shiny star for that:)
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There's two tiny spots jumped out at me that I wanted to point out. Please don't be offended. :)
--“Those are old hurts, we over came them sometime in the last month, right?”
Overcame is one word.
--Hunter snorted and looked over at Mikey. “What’s to understand? Brian’s been in having it away in New York instead of meeting with clients.” Hunter said plainly, waiting for Michael to get a clue.
Should read something like this:
Hunter snorted and looked over at Mikey. “What’s to understand? Brian’s been in New York instead of meeting with clients.” Hunter said plainly, waiting for Michael to get a clue.
Pure nit (feel free to ignore)--it is possible that Brian was in New York to meet with clients only so you might want to make it read:
Hunter snorted and looked over at Mikey. “What’s to understand? Brian’s been in New York visiting Justin instead of meeting with clients.” Hunter said plainly, waiting for Michael to get a clue.
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the 'correct' versions of the term just don't sit well with me, not when it's hunter who's meant to be saying them, he's a street boy too, and i saw him say that in my head really clearly!
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WTF is Michael's problem??? He has a husband, a teenager and a store to keep him busy....why does he always have to act so damned shocked that Brian wants and needs a relationship, too. If he brings up the forgotten alarm and the burglary one more time, I hope Deb comes over and smacks him....really, really hard.
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By the way...I really like the relationship between Justin and Cam. So protective of each other even now when they are off the street and someplace safe.
Your attention to detail makes this story such a treat to read.
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Mikey is probably getting a little more bashing than I think is necessary but he's not the one I'm interested in anyway so I just skim over those parts.
Your pacing is good and I like the way the story is moving along without the plot getting overly complicated. I find the characters compelling just by the nature of the time they spent apart and how they are working to reconnect with one another.
I'm looking forward to the rest of the series. Really excellent storytelling.
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And I actually like Mikey--really;p when he's not near Brian on the show, he's a great guy! and he did get Brian to go looking for Justin in season one, so he gets a shiny star for that:)
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