(no subject)
"its so scary to not be able to run away from yourself. in the dream you can run away from teh monster but i can't run away from myself. i can't get out of my own head.
it just keeps repeating over and over: you are not her/you do not sound like her/you are fake/you are a liar.
i don't know what to do to make it stop.
HOW DO YOU STOP BEING SOMEONE ELSE
HOW DO YOU START BEING YOURSELF
HOW DID THIS HAPPEN TO ME
i hate every song i listen to. i hate every word i write. i'm not this girl. i'm not anyone. i'm not anyone. i'm not anyone/ i'm not even me anymore. i'm not even me. this sounds like the side effects of paxil or ritalin but i'm not even on any medication at all this is just everything that keeps going around and around and around in my head and IT DOESN'T STOP.
every time i even thinking about writing it starts again. i think about every person who's going to read it.
just stop, they say. just don't think about it.
HOW DO I NOT THINK ABOUT IT? PLEASE TELL ME HOW NOT TO THINK ABOUT IT AND I'LL DO IT BECAUSE I DON'T KNOW HOW TO NOT THINK ABOUT IT.
how do i make them stop? who do i write to? write to me, he says. i don't know how to write to you. i can' write to just you."
-'please don't kill the freshman'